the "things you wish you could say" thread

[kaysixteen]

Hmmmm... an actual hitchhiker?   When was the last time most folks around here actually saw one of those?

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Unrelated.

No, family member, the 'miracle drug' video touted by the POTUS is BS.

BS.

[ergative]

Yes, these disagreements are why I wanted to have a meeting in the first place. Isn't it excruciating having these discussions over email?

[apl68]

I know you're frightened and unhappy because we didn't shut down for two weeks as soon as we learned that our fellow staff member tested positive.  But we all agreed that nobody else on the staff had close contact with her in the days before she went home sick.  The state Department of Health member that we consulted with did not recommend that we shut down.  We haven't heard from a contact tracer ordering a shutdown.  In the absence of either of these, neither I nor the Board of Trustees can shut down a public institution that people still depend on.

For the past week I've been dealing with concerns that we'll catch it for not shutting down, about catching it for shutting down if we have to do so, and about you all being mad at me for not shutting down to relieve your fears.  Plus the clock is ticking on making preparations for a very important Board of Trustees meeting in two weeks to deal with some federal requirements.  No, I don't deal directly with the patrons as much as you all do, but it's still a lot to deal with.

[fishbrains]

When I apologize to you, this is what I'll have in my mind: https://youtu.be/BF_sahvR4mw.

You suck.

[apl68]

For crying out loud, people, stop making your shopping trips and beer runs across the state line!  Our neighbors to the south of us have the worst rate of COVID-19 infection in the entire nation.  They've let the epidemic run completely out of control ever since it hit this country, starting with their decision in the spring that holding their giant annual state wide booze-up Carnival was more important than preventing a pandemic.  This is what happens when a pandemic strikes an anything-goes, screw-the-other-guy culture.

We can't fix things across the line, but we could have at least limited our exposure to the disaster down there.  But I guess that was just too much to ask?  Now our county has about the worst per-capita infection rate in the state.  We ought to be doing better than this.

[the_geneticist]

Two unrelated posts.

1. Why do we need to have a meeting?  With only one task and 4 folks who have already given you their data, I think the next step is that YOU write your report.  Note to self: schedule a commitment that starts 30 min into the meeting to have an excuse to leave if needed.

2. It is not safe to fly.  No, I will not commit to visiting for Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years.  Why?  Because I'm a horrible, selfish person who doesn't want to risk death to eat turkey together as a family.  No, you can't come visit me instead.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Unrelated.

What in the absolute @#$%^&^%$# is taking so long? Does it really take you a month to answer an email (despite frequent reminders)? SMDH.

[Vkw10]

Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

[OneMoreYear]

Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

[San Joaquin]

And miss all that nice administrative blathering?? No way!  I've been practicing for months...

In other things I wish I could say:

"When you say something is 'done', that usually means that someone, i.e., you, has completed it with full and mostly accurate information.  This item was neither full nor accurate.  I had to spend DAYS fixing behind you."

[Vkw10]

Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.

(Correction to original post, “were” not “we’re”. Apologies for careless posting.)

[polly_mer]

All your justifications come to nothing because reality doesn't care the reasons.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/05/opinion/coronavirus-exposure-contact-tracing.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage shows the problem with justifications. 

How is 2 h of unmasked contact close enough to have a nice talk with an out-of-state visitor social distancing?  Why was the out-of-state person talking to anyone F2F without the 14 day isolation period?

How is multiple visits in a week with people from outside your bubble social distancing, especially when you had an out-of-state visitor who was clearly visiting lots of people?

How is coming in contact with anyone while waiting for the results of a test, let alone 17 people, an option for anyone who knows the pandemic is a thing?

What part of stay home in your bubble as someone with the privilege to do so was hard to understand?

Yeah, yeah, rules are inconvenient and it's not really your fault for failing to believe the last five months of personal stories just like this on how failing to social distance lead to increased cases.

Your story is the same as everyone else's "Hey, everybody!  It turns out the science is real and I wish I had believed the science instead of rationalizing my behavior as not that risky because I wanted to be mostly normal."

[fishbrains]

Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.

(Correction to original post, “were” not “we’re”. Apologies for careless posting.)

They fired our JimBob, alas. Everyone should have a JimBob.

[dr_codex]

Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.

(Correction to original post, “were” not “we’re”. Apologies for careless posting.)

They fired our JimBob, alas. Everyone should have a JimBob.

We need JimBob!

Our presentations aren't even being distributed, let alone questions answered. I think the parents are doing a fine job roasting the Admin for this, and they have the power to withhold tuition dollars (and, frequently, alumni support), so I'm happy to draft behind them.