Author Topic: Caring for Elderly Parents  (Read 5344 times)

Hegemony

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #105 on: March 26, 2020, 09:40:23 PM »
Kay, if your aunt is hospitalized, they will not let you into the hospital to visit her anyway.

I read a nice analogy. If you were told, "Here are a hundred skittles, three of them are poisoned and will kill you," would you go ahead and eat some skittles, because only three of them would kill you?  Or offer them to your aunt? Except in her case, 15 of them are poisoned, and even one of those 15 will kill her.  "But she really likes skittles!  She'd feel sad if she couldn't eat any!" 

I think you're really thinking of all this as unnecessary precautions — like, you won't really transmit the coronavirus to your aunt, so why all this distancing?  Many thousands of people will make that same calculation, and decide to go ahead.  A certain percentage of them will be tragically wrong.

apostrophe

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #106 on: March 27, 2020, 02:01:44 AM »
If your loved ones have iPhones, I think Facetime is the easiest tech option. If they don't, then I chime in with the chorus recommending the phone. Daily calls can do wonders.

mamselle

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #107 on: March 27, 2020, 04:25:33 AM »
It just struck me: what we're really saying is-- as a minister said in a chapel service last year--

Love is nimble.

Defining "being close, present, face-to-face" as loving may sometimes be true: it might be a sign of love, sometimes.

But while there are surely underlying structures that feed and nurture love, they are always to be considered in terms of the people involved, their needs, whatever will give them life.

Hate wants the death of someone or something, and we may not hate any part of the well-created cosmos-- we may only--and must--hate evil.

But love wants the life of the other, and whatever is life-giving, in the best senses of that term, is loving.

Those things are fluid, because life is fluid, and so must love be.

So, it's not about defining rules or describing specific actions as inherently loving, it's about always having your head tilted, listening for context as well as content, doing ones spiritual plies every day so as to be as flexible as possible when the ballet calls for a jump here, a turn there.

Love is nimble.

M.
Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding.

Reprove not a scorner, lest they hate thee: rebuke the wise, and they will love thee.

Give instruction to the wise, and they will be yet wiser: teach the just, and they will increase in learning.

nebo113

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #108 on: March 27, 2020, 05:15:25 AM »
I get the germ part, have already made it clear to anyone who's not being deliberately obtuse.  But human contact is also important for the elderly.  I will stay away for now, but what would you suggest I do if she did become sick?  Obviously I would not go see her and then head out into the world, but I couldn't leave her alone, now could I?

It probably also ought to go undisputed that most elderly folks aren't really equipped for Skype and other such technical options..

If she becomes sick enough to be hospitalized, you won't be allowed to visit.  And I do very much hope that does not happen. 

spork

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #109 on: March 27, 2020, 08:15:47 AM »
I mailed my mother -- who lives in a retirement home that is not allowing visitors -- a box of fruit and other snacks. She was very appreciative.

The box was wiped with disinfectant before it was delivered to her room.

notmycircus

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #110 on: March 27, 2020, 08:35:46 AM »
My mom’s nursing home staff FaceTimes with me three times a week.  It’s wonderful to see her and also hear from staff how she is doing.  She’s 102 and has Alzheimer’s.  I’m grateful that she’s not aware of what’s going on.  Peace to all.

nebo113

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #111 on: March 28, 2020, 05:48:11 AM »
I mailed my mother a box of "cozies".....light mysteries.  They have a library but are no longer allowed to leave books in it.  They are also starting limited visitation, outside, with appropriate distancing.  And regular updates to next-of-kin.  I think they are being quite prudent, in a southern Republican state where the governor refuses to shut things down.

kaysixteen

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #112 on: March 28, 2020, 08:50:56 PM »
Sure, she'll be quarantined if she's in the hospital, but what if she becomes sick but not sick enough to go there and indeed is told by doc she is to stay at home?  Obviously I will have to help her and go inside her house if need be, self quarantining myself thereby.  Even though Aunt Rand loving libertarians would of course disapprove.

nebo113

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Re: Caring for Elderly Parents
« Reply #113 on: March 30, 2020, 07:30:41 AM »
Sure, she'll be quarantined if she's in the hospital, but what if she becomes sick but not sick enough to go there and indeed is told by doc she is to stay at home?  Obviously I will have to help her and go inside her house if need be, self quarantining myself thereby.  Even though Aunt Rand loving libertarians would of course disapprove.

I absolutely get this.