Author Topic: Share your hypochondria here  (Read 3627 times)

Tenured_Feminist

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2019, 07:39:05 AM »
I dragged eldest to a dermatologist before I released him to go to college. To his complete disgust, they insisted on biopsying a different mole than the one I distrusted.

All skin tags are clearly cancer precursors.

polly_mer

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2019, 05:55:27 PM »
All skin tags are clearly cancer precursors.

Well, it's been nice knowing you folks!  I wear a lanyard every day around my neck and I can see skin tags marking where it rubs.  I've switched too late to turtlenecks and I'm doomed to neck cancer.
Do whatever you want--I'm just the background dancer in your show!

Thursday's_Child

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2019, 07:56:12 AM »
All skin tags are clearly cancer precursors.

Well, it's been nice knowing you folks!  I wear a lanyard every day around my neck and I can see skin tags marking where it rubs.  I've switched too late to turtlenecks and I'm doomed to neck cancer.

At least the turtlenecks will hide the inevitable unsightly views from your coworkers while you're still well enough to continue working.  Your untimely demise will then catch them completely by surprise and they will spend the rest of their lives wishing they had been kinder and more attentive. This angst will make them better people.

aside

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2019, 08:23:09 AM »
I've just learned of the health hazards of the large magnet holding paperclips on my desk.  This perhaps explains my strong attraction to certain metals and the hand tremors I thought were either hyperthyroidism or too much caffeine.

backatit

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2019, 07:37:15 PM »
Turtlenecks are also awesome for hiding the inevitable goiter from the thyroid cancer I'm going to get from all the dental x-rays this year...

polly_mer

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #20 on: June 12, 2019, 07:43:24 PM »
What helps with the parasite that must be living in my ear?  I thought it was maybe just a very slight cold that was filling up the one ear, but it's clearly going to end up being one of those stories where the unsuspecting victim (me) ends up with a full grown insect that breaks out from the eardrum in the middle of an important meeting.
Do whatever you want--I'm just the background dancer in your show!

ergative

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2019, 03:07:22 AM »
What helps with the parasite that must be living in my ear?  I thought it was maybe just a very slight cold that was filling up the one ear, but it's clearly going to end up being one of those stories where the unsuspecting victim (me) ends up with a full grown insect that breaks out from the eardrum in the middle of an important meeting.

You might be patient 0, but you've already spread the parasite's larvae to my ear. I thought at first that it was earwax getting compacted due to my constant use of earplugs against the construction outside my office (and my overly virile upstairs neighbor), but clearly something more sinister was at play. Make sure the meeting is full of people you don't like, because you don't want to go all Wrath of Khan on friends. I've already selected my companions for the day my larvae reach maturity.

mamselle

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #22 on: June 13, 2019, 12:00:01 PM »
Sounds like a variant on the "Alien" films.

Do you suppose Sigourney Weaver has survived?

M.
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Give instruction to the wise, and they will be yet wiser: teach the just, and they will increase in learning.

polly_mer

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #23 on: June 14, 2019, 02:05:46 PM »
What helps with the parasite that must be living in my ear?  I thought it was maybe just a very slight cold that was filling up the one ear, but it's clearly going to end up being one of those stories where the unsuspecting victim (me) ends up with a full grown insect that breaks out from the eardrum in the middle of an important meeting.

You might be patient 0, but you've already spread the parasite's larvae to my ear. I thought at first that it was earwax getting compacted due to my constant use of earplugs against the construction outside my office (and my overly virile upstairs neighbor), but clearly something more sinister was at play. Make sure the meeting is full of people you don't like, because you don't want to go all Wrath of Khan on friends. I've already selected my companions for the day my larvae reach maturity.

I've got several meetings planned for next week in that category.

Today, I had to call in sick because the parasite was extruding some kind of sleepy chemical and is making it hard for me to think.  It could just be a regular fever, but I know better.  I'm not going to be around long enough for the neck cancer to get me.
Do whatever you want--I'm just the background dancer in your show!

aside

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #24 on: June 19, 2019, 07:36:52 PM »
Okay, I have a pimple-looking thingie on my wrist.  It must be a brown recluse bite, and my hand will be falling off before I know it.

mamselle

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #25 on: June 21, 2019, 07:35:47 AM »
Did it happen while you were watching the mega-spider eat the possum?

It would be easy to be distracted by something like that....

M.
Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding.

Reprove not a scorner, lest they hate thee: rebuke the wise, and they will love thee.

Give instruction to the wise, and they will be yet wiser: teach the just, and they will increase in learning.

aside

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #26 on: June 21, 2019, 08:46:25 AM »
Thanks for the imagery.  Now they're everywhere.  AAAARRRGGGHHH.....

polly_mer

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #27 on: June 26, 2019, 06:06:38 AM »
My neck aches a little from a new pillow and my back is still feeling that extra-long tour from last week.  I just know I'll end up in traction for months to solve the problem.
Do whatever you want--I'm just the background dancer in your show!

irhack

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #28 on: June 26, 2019, 06:39:45 AM »
IRgirl visited a friend last week who, it turns out, had head lice. My scalp has been itchy ever since.

aside

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Re: Share your hypochondria here
« Reply #29 on: June 26, 2019, 08:44:01 AM »
AAARRRGGGHHH!!!