Favorite student emails

[EdnaMode]

I tend to ignore such emails. I get them less frequently then calls on my office phone. Often parents complain that they've been transferred to my extension. Often their questions boil down to "can you get my kid into Basketweaving when that's not even my department. Sometimes they're miffed that I don't know anything, but more often they're as confused as I am.

I am going to ignore it and will send a follow-up once I'm officially back on campus in the hopes that someone in the advising office took care of whatever requests there were in the meantime. I have had ridiculous requests in the past including making sure that Stu gets a wakeup call for their 8 AM class because they don't like mornings, weekly reports on Stu's grades, arranging tutoring for Stu, etc. as if I worked for Stu and/or the parents as a personal assistant. Sorry people, I'm a professor and researcher, not a nanny. Guess I'm just getting increasingly cranky (get off my lawn!) in my old age and any patience I ever had with overly concerned parents and too-attached kids has gone far by the wayside.

[Thursday's_Child]

This is not a student email, but a mommy email, cc'd to Stu (whose name in mommy's email address book is listed as something nauseatingly similar to "sweetie" or "baby"). Thankfully I have my email on autoreply and say for any advising issues to contact the advising office, for everything else contact the engineering office, and I'll be back the week before classes start. I only opened Outlook to download an attachment sent by a colleague that I needed for some consulting we're doing.

Note that she uses MY first name, not Dr. Mode, or Prof Mode, or even Ms./Mrs. Mode but signs her name as Mrs. Stu's Lastname. I have no idea who Stu is, perhaps an incoming freshpeep and I've somehow been assigned as his advisor (but normally freshpeeps are advised by our advising office, faculty only get declared majors to advise). And if she can find enough info to get my email address, she can also find my office phone number because goodness knows she's not getting my personal number. **sigh** If she doesn't get what she needs from the advising office I'll have to dust off my FERPA speech and tell her [as politely as I can muster] that Stu needs to fend for himself, especially if he's not a freshpeep.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi Edna,

I'm Stu's mom and wanted to know if we could schedule a time that we could talk to you about his schedule and a couple other things. Can you let us know what days/times you might be available? Also a good number to call you.

Thanks!

Mrs. Stu's Lastname

Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It's good that you sent an informative auto-reply, because this sort of reads like the opening salvo from a skilled and determined helicopter parent.  I hope I'm wrong!

[EdnaMode]

It's good that you sent an informative auto-reply, because this sort of reads like the opening salvo from a skilled and determined helicopter parent.  I hope I'm wrong!

That's what I'm afraid of, an Apache Attack Helicopter parent. I'm crossing my fingers she finds someone else to answer her questions before I'm officially back on campus and send her a reply. Time will tell, but at least my dept chair is very firm in defending us faculty against such parents and says (almost gleefully) just send the cranky parents on to him if things get dicey.

[Thursday's_Child]

It's good that you sent an informative auto-reply, because this sort of reads like the opening salvo from a skilled and determined helicopter parent.  I hope I'm wrong!

That's what I'm afraid of, an Apache Attack Helicopter parent. I'm crossing my fingers she finds someone else to answer her questions before I'm officially back on campus and send her a reply. Time will tell, but at least my dept chair is very firm in defending us faculty against such parents and says (almost gleefully) just send the cranky parents on to him if things get dicey.

Skilled & supportive chairs (& other admins) can be worth their weight in gold in these situations for sure!

[Puget]

Confused stu: I tested positive for covid so I can't come to class today or Monday.
Me (also confused): Sorry you're sick! However, we don't have class today as this is a M/W class, and we don't have class next Monday because it is Labor Day.
Confused stu: Sorry for the confusion! I meant I missed class yesterday, how do I make it up?
Me: Given your last name you are in the Monday section* so you also didn't have class yesterday. Did you miss class Monday?
Really confused stu: Sorry for the mix up and confusion! I was in class Monday.**

* This is a flipped course, so they are only in person one day a week. About which there have been course announcements, it is highlighted in bold at the top of the LMS and in the syllabus, and we went over it in class Monday.
**Which I haven now verified, so how did you miss that she is in the Monday section??

I mean, I'm sorry she's sick (if she actually is) but this is some serious lack of organization and comprehension. Not a good start to the semester Stu!

[the_geneticist]

Confused stu: I tested positive for covid so I can't come to class today or Monday.
Me (also confused): Sorry you're sick! However, we don't have class today as this is a M/W class, and we don't have class next Monday because it is Labor Day.
Confused stu: Sorry for the confusion! I meant I missed class yesterday, how do I make it up?
Me: Given your last name you are in the Monday section* so you also didn't have class yesterday. Did you miss class Monday?
Really confused stu: Sorry for the mix up and confusion! I was in class Monday.**

* This is a flipped course, so they are only in person one day a week. About which there have been course announcements, it is highlighted in bold at the top of the LMS and in the syllabus, and we went over it in class Monday.
**Which I haven now verified, so how did you miss that she is in the Monday section??

I mean, I'm sorry she's sick (if she actually is) but this is some serious lack of organization and comprehension. Not a good start to the semester Stu!

Yikes.  And this is why I insist that any student who says they have COVID fill out the campus survey that tells them IF they need to isolate and for how long. 
I hope the extreme disorganization is not a normal thing for this student, but it's not a good start.

[Puget]

Confused stu: I tested positive for covid so I can't come to class today or Monday.
Me (also confused): Sorry you're sick! However, we don't have class today as this is a M/W class, and we don't have class next Monday because it is Labor Day.
Confused stu: Sorry for the confusion! I meant I missed class yesterday, how do I make it up?
Me: Given your last name you are in the Monday section* so you also didn't have class yesterday. Did you miss class Monday?
Really confused stu: Sorry for the mix up and confusion! I was in class Monday.**

* This is a flipped course, so they are only in person one day a week. About which there have been course announcements, it is highlighted in bold at the top of the LMS and in the syllabus, and we went over it in class Monday.
**Which I haven now verified, so how did you miss that she is in the Monday section??

I mean, I'm sorry she's sick (if she actually is) but this is some serious lack of organization and comprehension. Not a good start to the semester Stu!

Yikes.  And this is why I insist that any student who says they have COVID fill out the campus survey that tells them IF they need to isolate and for how long. 
I hope the extreme disorganization is not a normal thing for this student, but it's not a good start.

I hope not too, but geez.

Starting next they are supposed to get a letter from the health center with their excused dates to send to faculty, but they didn't get it in place for the start of the semester. I'm very glad they are doing that I certainly don't want them coming to class infectious, but "I tested positive" has become a go-to get out of class for an indefinite period card. 

[jerseyjay]

My university (like most others) posts a calendar online. I also sent out a syllabus (with dates) two weeks ago.

However, today I got two emails from students. The first, enrolled in a M/W class, asked if the first day of class was today. No, today is Labor Day and the school is shut down.

The second, from a student in a Tuesday class, asked if the first day of class was next Tuesday. No, it's tomorrow, because the day after Labor Day is not a holiday.

I could understand some student confusion, since we do not take off all holidays (for reason's I've never understood). Nonetheless, this information is easily available.

[onehappyunicorn]

I teach a studio art class and our school's policy is to drop students who miss four classes in a row without contact. I have a student who has not shown up for the past two classes so I sent him an email to check in, and to remind him about the policy. Student responds with some righteous indignation that he had contacted me twice and I never responded, student includes screenshot of emails. Turns out student was emailing another student who has the same last name as me.

Instructor emails are formatted differently from student ones here, specifically to prevent these kind of mixups. My email is also in the blackboard shell multiple times and I have emailed all of the students in the class several times since the class started. This is also the student's third semester here so it's not like they are brand new. I gently pointed all of this out and have received crickets back, we'll see if they show to class on Thursday...

[Parasaurolophus]

My university (like most others) posts a calendar online. I also sent out a syllabus (with dates) two weeks ago.

However, today I got two emails from students. The first, enrolled in a M/W class, asked if the first day of class was today. No, today is Labor Day and the school is shut down.

The second, from a student in a Tuesday class, asked if the first day of class was next Tuesday. No, it's tomorrow, because the day after Labor Day is not a holiday.

I could understand some student confusion, since we do not take off all holidays (for reason's I've never understood). Nonetheless, this information is easily available.

We start today, but I've already had three emails from students who don't know whether they signed up for an in-person, online synchronous, or online asynchronous course (they also don't know what those words mean), who "read" the syllabus but don't know when the course is being held (see the first paragraph!) or how many credits it's worth (3, like every other course; this information is on the syllabus, too. What made you think it was 4 credits?), etc.

Ugh.

[secundem_artem]

It's not really an email but it kinda fits here.

Artem college has several health related professional doctorates.  As students matriculate from their undergrad to their doctoral studies, we hold a white coat ceremony in which students are formally given a white lab coat to demonstrate their entry into the professional curriculum.  Faculty are asked to donate to a fund to purchase said coats - ~ $50 each.  I paid for 3.

Here's the part that gets me.  As each student puts on their white coat and puts their hands in the pockets, they find a pre-addressed envelope (to me) and a card they can use to express their thanks for the coat and their professional opportunities.  I've always thought it was a bit infantilizing to give them a pre-prepared thank you card.  Professional students should know enough to send one without being prompted.  But hey, whatever.

This year I got 3 cards in the mail.  Two of them addressing me by my first name and the usual thank yous on the card.  The third card was completely blank.  Kid just stuffed it back in the envelope and stuck it in the mail.  I guess I should count myself lucky they even bothered to mail it.

[mahagonny]

Hi (my first name). I am so sorry. I'm in your 8am and I over slept. Did I miss anything important?

[FishProf]

Did I Miss Anything

[marshwiggle]

Hi (my first name). I am so sorry. I'm in your 8am and I over slept. Did I miss anything important?

I dunno. How important is it to you that you learn the material in this course?

[apl68]

Hi (my first name). I am so sorry. I'm in your 8am and I over slept. Did I miss anything important?

You'll find out come the final.  Until then, best regards!