Favorite student emails

[onthefringe]

I keep getting repetitious requests from a student to meet with me concerning his grade.

But he never responds to any of the meeting times that I give him.

Instead, he just ignore those messages and keeps making more meeting requests. I feel like I am talking to a computer program and not an actual person.

Bet those requests are dictated by his coach or his parents and he doesn't actually want to meet.

Not impossible. I respond to all requests for meetings outside of regularly scheduled office hours with a cut and paste request to "per the syllabus, please send a list of four or five times during normal working hours that would work for you and I will check my calendar"

That way I haven't wasted time looking at my calendar and typing up a list, and the ball in in their court.

[research_prof]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

LOL

[Langue_doc]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

LOL

I've had variations of the above including a couple this semester.

This week's gem, subject line "Wifi connection":
I am just letting you know as of now, I am out of the country for two weeks. [Two reasons, one of which is something most everyone schedules during long breaks, not during the semester.] I am just letting you know just in case for anything that might happen.

Translation: I'm not going to be submitting assignments or even logging on to Canvas.

[Charlotte]

Not impossible. I respond to all requests for meetings outside of regularly scheduled office hours with a cut and paste request to "per the syllabus, please send a list of four or five times during normal working hours that would work for you and I will check my calendar"

That way I haven't wasted time looking at my calendar and typing up a list, and the ball in in their court.

I like this but I imagine my students would send times for weekends and evenings with the argument that for some those are normal working hours.

[Caracal]

Not impossible. I respond to all requests for meetings outside of regularly scheduled office hours with a cut and paste request to "per the syllabus, please send a list of four or five times during normal working hours that would work for you and I will check my calendar"

That way I haven't wasted time looking at my calendar and typing up a list, and the ball in in their court.

I like this but I imagine my students would send times for weekends and evenings with the argument that for some those are normal working hours.

I use youcanbookme. It syncs to my calendar, so I can block off times when I can't/don't want to meet students. They can then just sign up for a spot, I get an email, they get an email and it goes straight into my calendar.

[Juvenal]

I keep getting repetitious requests from a student to meet with me concerning his grade.

But he never responds to any of the meeting times that I give him.

Instead, he just ignore those messages and keeps making more meeting requests. I feel like I am talking to a computer program and not an actual person.

Bet those requests are dictated by his coach or his parents and he doesn't actually want to meet.

Be generous with suggested meeting times, but make them all for the day before you send the reply.  I'd expect some kind of response then...  Or not.

[the_geneticist]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

LOL

I've had variations of the above including a couple this semester.

This week's gem, subject line "Wifi connection":
I am just letting you know as of now, I am out of the country for two weeks. [Two reasons, one of which is something most everyone schedules during long breaks, not during the semester.] I am just letting you know just in case for anything that might happen.

Translation: I'm not going to be submitting assignments or even logging on to Canvas.

I'd kick that one up the chain of command and tell the student to talk with their advisor ASAP.  Is one of the reasons a medical procedure?  They might not have had much/any choice in the timing. 
Missing 2 weeks in ALL of their classes is going to make it very challenging to impossible to get caught up.

[Langue_doc]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

LOL

I've had variations of the above including a couple this semester.

This week's gem, subject line "Wifi connection":
I am just letting you know as of now, I am out of the country for two weeks. [Two reasons, one of which is something most everyone schedules during long breaks, not during the semester.] I am just letting you know just in case for anything that might happen.

Translation: I'm not going to be submitting assignments or even logging on to Canvas.

I'd kick that one up the chain of command and tell the student to talk with their advisor ASAP.  Is one of the reasons a medical procedure?  They might not have had much/any choice in the timing. 
Missing 2 weeks in ALL of their classes is going to make it very challenging to impossible to get caught up.

Good idea to bump this up the chain of command. Stu is visiting family, according to the email, and also has an emergency. Stu is in one of the professional majors, so Stu cannot afford to miss almost two weeks of class--we're closed for the holiday on Friday.

ETA: Stu is probably taking an unofficial spring break, hence the subject line about the WiFi.

[Chemystery]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

LOL

I've had variations of the above including a couple this semester.

This week's gem, subject line "Wifi connection":
I am just letting you know as of now, I am out of the country for two weeks. [Two reasons, one of which is something most everyone schedules during long breaks, not during the semester.] I am just letting you know just in case for anything that might happen.

Translation: I'm not going to be submitting assignments or even logging on to Canvas.

I got a variation of this the week after Spring Break.  It came two hours before the homework assignment which, since nothing was officially due during Spring Break had been posted for two weeks. 
"I'm taking my Spring Break this week instead of last week.  Unfortunately, the Wifi in my hotel just crashed, so I don't think I will be able to get my homework done.  Is it possible to get an extension?"

I replied reminding her of the policies for late homework.  I really want them to do the homework, so penalties are actually very small if they do it within 24 hours.  I had to hold back from my fantasy reply which was "I'm confused.  If you didn't take your Spring Break last week, then you must have completed the homework assignment last week."

[Puget]

Me (CCing our admin team): Dear student, in your circumstances I recommend you do [X]. I've CCed our admin team, who can help you with the logistics of [X].

Student (replying to me alone): Dear ergative, I don't understand, how do I get in touch with the admin team?

LOL

I've had variations of the above including a couple this semester.

This week's gem, subject line "Wifi connection":
I am just letting you know as of now, I am out of the country for two weeks. [Two reasons, one of which is something most everyone schedules during long breaks, not during the semester.] I am just letting you know just in case for anything that might happen.

Translation: I'm not going to be submitting assignments or even logging on to Canvas.

I'd kick that one up the chain of command and tell the student to talk with their advisor ASAP.  Is one of the reasons a medical procedure?  They might not have had much/any choice in the timing. 
Missing 2 weeks in ALL of their classes is going to make it very challenging to impossible to get caught up.

Good idea to bump this up the chain of command. Stu is visiting family, according to the email, and also has an emergency. Stu is in one of the professional majors, so Stu cannot afford to miss almost two weeks of class--we're closed for the holiday on Friday.

ETA: Stu is probably taking an unofficial spring break, hence the subject line about the WiFi.

My response to reported "emergencies" is always to say "I'm so sorry you have an emergency situation-- I'm CC'ing your advisor here so he/she can help coordinate any supports you may need." If it is a genuine emergency, the student is grateful (they often forget that their staff advisor is the fastest path to mobilizing a whole team). If it isn't, the advisor is looped in and the student is usually evasive.

[the_geneticist]

Hi [firstname],
I was unable to attend the first lab section due to not being able to be at home and having access to the internet. Is there any way I can make up the attendance I apologize as I know it was mandatory.

I'm assuming that the student meant they were not at home and did not have access to the internet. 

Fantasy reply:

Dear student,
You are going to have a really rough time with your entirely online classes without reliable access to the internet.  You've missed at least 2 days of material in all of your courses.  This is not a good way to start your Spring.
Dr. Geneticist

[Langue_doc]

Hi [firstname],
I was unable to attend the first lab section due to not being able to be at home and having access to the internet. Is there any way I can make up the attendance I apologize as I know it was mandatory.

I'm assuming that the student meant they were not at home and did not have access to the internet. 

Fantasy reply:

Dear student,
You are going to have a really rough time with your entirely online classes without reliable access to the internet.  You've missed at least 2 days of material in all of your courses.  This is not a good way to start your Spring.
Dr. Geneticist

Stu wants to make up the attendance, but not what was covered during that session? Stu's going to have a hard time catching up.

[the_geneticist]

Hi [firstname],
I was unable to attend the first lab section due to not being able to be at home and having access to the internet. Is there any way I can make up the attendance I apologize as I know it was mandatory.

I'm assuming that the student meant they were not at home and did not have access to the internet. 

Fantasy reply:

Dear student,
You are going to have a really rough time with your entirely online classes without reliable access to the internet.  You've missed at least 2 days of material in all of your courses.  This is not a good way to start your Spring.
Dr. Geneticist

Stu wants to make up the attendance, but not what was covered during that session? Stu's going to have a hard time catching up.

Well, in Stu's defense, attendance in week 1 is mandatory to keep their seat or they get dropped so we can add someone from the waitlist. 
But you are right that it's a bit telling that they are not worried about the missed assignments.  They already missed a quiz and a worksheet and if they don't hurry up, they will miss the assignment due tomorrow too.

[Liquidambar]

I need some help with email wording.  A student has asked me to record tomorrow's class.  I've told them in the past that I'll record if someone is out sick, and I've occasionally had to do this.  However, my classroom isn't well set up for it.

Now a student, who also happens to be my undergrad research student, has asked me to record tomorrow's class because he's away on personal travel.  I'll do the recording since I suspect he's not the only one traveling for Easter weekend, but I want him to understand that I'm doing this as a favor and it's not something he should feel comfortable asking me to do a lot in the future.  I drafted the text below, but Liquidspouse thinks it sounds too snippy so I haven't sent it yet.  Thoughts?

The point of recording is to accommodate people who are out sick, not to facilitate personal travel.  I'll record it if I remember, but please try not to abuse this.  Every time we have a class recorded, I'm limited to using only half the whiteboard, which hampers the experience of students who are there in person.

[Nightshade]

Hmm. Maybe class-wide, including research student, email? "Because it seems there are a number of individuals that will not be joining us for _____ session for a number of important reasons (or insert religious observance here), I have made the decision to record this class. I hope this will be helpful to you all in the moment, and unless other stars should cross in this exact manner again, it is a rare event." Ok, I got snarky in the end, but surely there is a way to convey that this accommodation has been made for a reason you deem is important in the moment, and not repeatable unless requested/granted for an equally good reason?