Favorite student emails

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

For historic reasons, my lab class has the final exam on the last Friday of classes.  Why? I don't know, but it's a logistics nightmare for in-person since they only give a 50-minute time slot in a room that would barely fit all of the students.
Instead, I've made the exam online & give the students 8:00am-11:59pm to choose when to take it.

This is the 3rd email from students who apparently cannot tell time.

My name is [student] and I am enrolled in [Basketweaving]. I wanted to ask if the final requires the whole 3 hours. I am worried because the final is on [day] from 8-AM -12PM. I have [other class] lecture at 9 AM and a [yet another class] discussion at 11 AM. Will there be a time conflict and if so, what should I do about it? Thank you,

Dear [student],
Thank you for your email. The [Basketweaving] exam is available from 8:00am-11:59pm (one minute until midnight).  Your choice of when during those 16 hours to take the exam.  Once you start, you have 3 hours before the exam automatically submits.

Good Lord!

I just got one asking about stu's overall grade in the course. It is posted in numerical and text form. I told stu that the Midterm grade was already up. Apparently, stu didn't realize that the Midterm grade (not Midterm exam grade) is stu's overall grade.

[the_geneticist]

I got one from a student asking:
1) what is their grade [check the online grade book!]
2) what do they need to earn to get an A? [see the syllabus]
3) can they get an A? [do the math!!]

[research_prof]

Got an email from a student blaming me for not setting up the assignment due date correctly on canvas and that's why he did not remember to submit his assignment. I suppose publishing a course schedule from day 1 of the semester, which includes all due dates and also sending messages to all students to remind them of due dates did not work for this student. Next time, I will go knock on his door to remind him to submit his assignment. Jesus Christ... this student will be a young professional in a year from now... I feel sorry for whoever will try to hire him.

[marshwiggle]

Got an email from a student blaming me for not setting up the assignment due date correctly on canvas and that's why he did not remember to submit his assignment. I suppose publishing a course schedule from day 1 of the semester, which includes all due dates and also sending messages to all students to remind them of due dates did not work for this student. Next time, I will go knock on his door to remind him to submit his assignment. Jesus Christ... this student will be a young professional in a year from now... I feel sorry for whoever will try to hire him.

What are the odds he remembers the date of his employment interview?

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Got an email from a student who is surprised to be failing the course. Stu had C-D grades on labs and got a 20% on the Midterm Exam.

[research_prof]

Got an email from a student blaming me for not setting up the assignment due date correctly on canvas and that's why he did not remember to submit his assignment. I suppose publishing a course schedule from day 1 of the semester, which includes all due dates and also sending messages to all students to remind them of due dates did not work for this student. Next time, I will go knock on his door to remind him to submit his assignment. Jesus Christ... this student will be a young professional in a year from now... I feel sorry for whoever will try to hire him.

What are the odds he remembers the date of his employment interview?

I have no clue, but such sort of BS excuses will not take him very far in the tech industry.

[Langue_doc]

Email from Stu who couldn't afford to fail the course:

OMG MY GOSH PROFESSOR I THOUGHT I SUBMITTED IT CAN I SUBMIT MY [assignment] OMG IM GOING TO CRY ITS LITERALLY DONE SITTING IN MY GOOGLE DOCS. i just woke up in a panic it's 6:56 am. i'm sorry professor i'm letting you down. i really want to do [professional major] and if I fail this class i won't be able to continue. i understand i haven't been the best student. i'm so sorry.

I'll probably let Stu upload hu's assignment as Stu did submit the required draft and also completed the peer-review. It's too early in the morning for any decisions on my part.

[sinenomine]

Email from Stu who couldn't afford to fail the course:

OMG MY GOSH PROFESSOR I THOUGHT I SUBMITTED IT CAN I SUBMIT MY [assignment] OMG IM GOING TO CRY ITS LITERALLY DONE SITTING IN MY GOOGLE DOCS. i just woke up in a panic it's 6:56 am. i'm sorry professor i'm letting you down. i really want to do [professional major] and if I fail this class i won't be able to continue. i understand i haven't been the best student. i'm so sorry.

I'll probably let Stu upload hu's assignment as Stu did submit the required draft and also completed the peer-review. It's too early in the morning for any decisions on my part.

I'd also point out to the student that they're letting themselves down, not you...

[Langue_doc]

Email from Stu who couldn't afford to fail the course:

OMG MY GOSH PROFESSOR I THOUGHT I SUBMITTED IT CAN I SUBMIT MY [assignment] OMG IM GOING TO CRY ITS LITERALLY DONE SITTING IN MY GOOGLE DOCS. i just woke up in a panic it's 6:56 am. i'm sorry professor i'm letting you down. i really want to do [professional major] and if I fail this class i won't be able to continue. i understand i haven't been the best student. i'm so sorry.

I'll probably let Stu upload hu's assignment as Stu did submit the required draft and also completed the peer-review. It's too early in the morning for any decisions on my part.

I'd also point out to the student that they're letting themselves down, not you...

Stu has a history of missing deadlines because Stu "has a lot going on". Stu sent the assignment later this morning as an email attachment despite repeated announcements in the syllabus and course modules.  Stu appears not to be aware of deadlines or even read my responses to previous emails with attachments.

Stu has already been given an early warning; time to send a second alert. Stu should not be in this particular major.

[the_geneticist]

Students,
It is NORMAL to feel a bit nervous/sweaty/icky before giving a presentation.  The best way to make that feeling be less awful is to give presentations (e.g. practice & exposure).  Your in-class presentation has been in the syllabus since Day 1.  The guidelines are thorough.  The rubric is detailed.  We want you to succeed!  This is a non-competitive presentation to your peers about the thing you have been working on for weeks.
Stop round up any bit of discomfort/nerves to "trauma". 

And, student who keeps begging for an "alternate assignment", no.  You are repeating this class.  You knew about the presentation when you failed the class last time.  Your choice to not present last time is one of the reasons you failed the class, but not the only reason.  The late assignments, missing assignments, & low exam scores also contributed.  Giving the presentation was the only chance you had left to earn a passing grade. 

[the_geneticist]

It has begun.  The quarterly "what can I do to make up for all of the stuff I didn't do" emails.

I hope this email finds you well. I am not doing so well in this class and it isn't because I don't know the material but because after every lab I failed to submit the online submission portion of the worksheet. I overlooked them completely and it is my fault for slacking on this portion. Consequently this has caused my grade to fall apart completely. Is there anything at all that can be done to bring my grade up even by just a little bit? Please, [Dr. Geneticist], I appreciate your kindest consideration. Please advise.

Respectfully,
[Forgetful student]

You forgot to mention that you also earned a shockingly low F on your midterm.  In fact, I'm pretty sure you actually don't understand the material at all.

[the_geneticist]

First, the good news!  Nervous student decided to give their presentation and did very well.

The not-so-great news.  More than 2/3 of the class hasn't started their final exam yet.  I told them I would be available to answer their questions until X:00.  It's now just past X:00.  I've given them reminders in the exam study guide, over email, as an announcement in the LMS, and as a direct email to anyone who hadn't started 30 minutes before X:00.
Their exam is due by midnight.  I am anticipating a lot of "But I have a question!  Please Help Me!" emails arriving late tonight.  I'm guessing they don't think I'm serious.  As my Dad told me when I was a kid "getting home from work on Friday means it's the weekend!".
Happy weekend!

[Parasaurolophus]

Student: Does 110 count for science and technology credit in the core curriculum?
Me: Yes (it says so right in the course description).
Student: I just asked two friends and Academic Advising told them 'no'. Here are the screenshots.

(So why'd you ask me?)

Me: *checks screenshots* Academic advising is telling your friends that 110 doesn't count as satisfying the requirement for the filmmaking program. I imagine they know what they're talking about (they definitely don't), but unless you're in that program, what they told your friends isn't relevant to you. Also, I'm not teaching the filmmaking-specific section of 110 (they buy a section of 110 every year, which runs for just two weeks in the summer--in other words, it does satisfy their requirement, but whatevs).


I also got another email from another student asking if 110 was really two weeks long, or if it ran from May-June, and whether it was 4.5 hours a day or 3 hours twice a week. In other words, they're confused about the filmmaking-specific section vs the general core curriculum section. And again, I don't teach the two-week course. What is going on?

[mythbuster]

They want to know if the summer 2 week version is less work than the regular version.

[ciao_yall]

Sounds like my college.

We have a Business Math class (which doesn't transfer) and a Math for Business class (which does transfer).

We have a Social Media class which applies to our Broadcast Media Degree/Certificate, and a Social Media Marketing class which applies to our Marketing Degree/Certificate.

Students are always winding up in the wrong classes.

I think we should get rid of the Business Math class because it's pointless on many levels.

And the Marketing and Broadcast folks should loosen up and take either class because they are similar enough that both departments argued bitterly over who "owned" the topic and thus should get the FTES. This was their uneasy truce.