I've noticed someone I talk to somewhat frequently ending almost all sentences with "Don't you think?" or "Right?," sometimes beginning or ending with "Wouldn't you say?" or "Wouldn't you agree?" I don't think the person is doing something that's an objective "wrong" like interrupting or something that's more of a black and white rude behavior, but I've gotta say this is starting to annoy the heck out of me, to the point I no longer want to deal with the person. I've tried simply stating my opinion rather than any response to the question, but this hasn't stopped it. I'm debating just significantly limiting my interaction entirely or addressing the issue. Thoughts? Would you bring this up or let it be?
This moronic stuff is getting so widespread, it's best to just leave it. Say nothing in response.
Right? :-)
For annoying, how about they guy who agrees with a FB post by posting 'Amen.'
I agree it's annoying for an adult to do this.
I give you permission to limit interactions with this person to the bare minimum required to do your job or keep family peace.
I blame social media for this obsession; the whole emphasis on "liking" posts, pictures, etc. has created a generation desperate for approval of everything they think, say, and do.
Sadly, MYOB has become completely foreign not only as a statement, but as a concept.
I hate it when people include the phrase "Think about it" in their dialog. It implies that they have thought about the issue and I have not. But most of the time it is just a way for them to justify trying to advocate for some half-baked theory they have.
Quote from: financeguy on July 23, 2020, 08:03:57 PM
I've noticed someone I talk to somewhat frequently ending almost all sentences with "Don't you think?" or "Right?," sometimes beginning or ending with "Wouldn't you say?" or "Wouldn't you agree?" I don't think the person is doing something that's an objective "wrong" like interrupting or something that's more of a black and white rude behavior, but I've gotta say this is starting to annoy the heck out of me, to the point I no longer want to deal with the person. I've tried simply stating my opinion rather than any response to the question, but this hasn't stopped it. I'm debating just significantly limiting my interaction entirely or addressing the issue. Thoughts? Would you bring this up or let it be?
Is this person annoying in other ways? I can't imagine this would annoy you so much if other things about them weren't driving you crazy.
Quote from: Caracal on July 24, 2020, 06:01:24 AM
Quote from: financeguy on July 23, 2020, 08:03:57 PM
I've noticed someone I talk to somewhat frequently ending almost all sentences with "Don't you think?" or "Right?," sometimes beginning or ending with "Wouldn't you say?" or "Wouldn't you agree?" I don't think the person is doing something that's an objective "wrong" like interrupting or something that's more of a black and white rude behavior, but I've gotta say this is starting to annoy the heck out of me, to the point I no longer want to deal with the person. I've tried simply stating my opinion rather than any response to the question, but this hasn't stopped it. I'm debating just significantly limiting my interaction entirely or addressing the issue. Thoughts? Would you bring this up or let it be?
Is this person annoying in other ways? I can't imagine this would annoy you so much if other things about them weren't driving you crazy.
This kind of behaviour makes
every statement a potential argument. There are only three options:
It's wearisome to deal with someone who operates this way. (And someone who operates this way basically has an
opinion on everything, so every interaction requires the other person to either explicitly or implicitly agree, or else have to defend their own position.)
The very idea that people essentially have to agree on everything to be friends is tiresome and oppressive.
So that, by itself, could drive a person crazy.
Quote from: Caracal on July 24, 2020, 06:01:24 AM
Quote from: financeguy on July 23, 2020, 08:03:57 PM
I've noticed someone I talk to somewhat frequently ending almost all sentences with "Don't you think?" or "Right?," sometimes beginning or ending with "Wouldn't you say?" or "Wouldn't you agree?" I don't think the person is doing something that's an objective "wrong" like interrupting or something that's more of a black and white rude behavior, but I've gotta say this is starting to annoy the heck out of me, to the point I no longer want to deal with the person. I've tried simply stating my opinion rather than any response to the question, but this hasn't stopped it. I'm debating just significantly limiting my interaction entirely or addressing the issue. Thoughts? Would you bring this up or let it be?
Is this person annoying in other ways? I can't imagine this would annoy you so much if other things about them weren't driving you crazy.
I think I know the answer to that one.
Quote from: marshwiggle on July 24, 2020, 05:21:26 AM
I blame social media for this obsession; the whole emphasis on "liking" posts, pictures, etc. has created a generation desperate for approval of everything they think, say, and do.
Sadly, MYOB has become completely foreign not only as a statement, but as a concept.
Yes, and the polarized (or maybe tribal) lay of the land nowadays means people are beating the bushes for allies. And I think news outlets are focussing on what types of news irritate a particular group so they will get energized and keep coming back, adding to the polarization.
Quote from: financeguy on July 23, 2020, 08:03:57 PM
I don't think the person is doing something that's an objective "wrong" like interrupting or something that's more of a black and white rude behavior.
Speed-reading this, I thought for a horrible moment that you were making this about race. Thank you for not doing so.
It may simply be one of those verbal habits that people slip into without realizing it. This person could use somebody to point it out in a friendly and constructive manner. I've benefited from that sort of intervention before. However, the OP may not be close enough to the one with the habit to do this. In which case there may not be much to do but grin and bear it, and hope that somebody the "don't you think" person trusts can intervene.
Quote from: writingprof on July 24, 2020, 06:57:07 AM
Quote from: financeguy on July 23, 2020, 08:03:57 PM
I don't think the person is doing something that's an objective "wrong" like interrupting or something that's more of a black and white rude behavior.
Speed-reading this, I thought for a horrible moment that you were making this about race. Thank you for not doing so.
You'll know it's about race when Black is capitalized and white is not.
I'd like to hear from Mamselle on this, but I suspect it is of longer standing, and comes from other languages. The French use "n'est-ce pas" and "d'accord" at the ends of sentences, and the Italians do too. Doesn't bother me at all.
1. First, if its someone from a culture that has this more or less in their language anyway, then forget about it.
2. If its someone who grew up in US to non-immigrant parents, I still wouldn't make a hug deal about it. I think maybe some here are being too harsh. Depending on who it is, and how much you want to express disagreement, if you disagree, then just say so.
Quote from: fourhats on July 24, 2020, 08:28:39 AM
I'd like to hear from Mamselle on this, but I suspect it is of longer standing, and comes from other languages. The French use "n'est-ce pas" and "d'accord" at the ends of sentences, and the Italians do too. Doesn't bother me at all.
It's not common to use 'n'est-ce pas' or 'd'accord'
incessantly, though. Just like Canadians don't commonly add 'eh?' to
every sentence, or even most sentences. But I think you're right: it sounds like they're just tag questions, and probably derived from tag question use in another language. No biggie.
Quote from: Parasaurolophus on July 24, 2020, 10:06:37 AM
Quote from: fourhats on July 24, 2020, 08:28:39 AM
I'd like to hear from Mamselle on this, but I suspect it is of longer standing, and comes from other languages. The French use "n'est-ce pas" and "d'accord" at the ends of sentences, and the Italians do too. Doesn't bother me at all.
It's not common to use 'n'est-ce pas' or 'd'accord' incessantly, though. Just like Canadians don't commonly add 'eh?' to every sentence, or even most sentences. But I think you're right: it sounds like they're just tag questions, and probably derived from tag question use in another language. No biggie.
It could be a regional thing, like 'Dontcha know?'
https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/07/14/10-minnesota-words-phrases-asg-visitors-should-know/ (https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/07/14/10-minnesota-words-phrases-asg-visitors-should-know/)
I suppose it also depends on context, inflection, intent... is there unspoken emotional context, etc.
Quote from: evil_physics_witchcraft on July 24, 2020, 10:38:54 AM
Quote from: Parasaurolophus on July 24, 2020, 10:06:37 AM
Quote from: fourhats on July 24, 2020, 08:28:39 AM
I'd like to hear from Mamselle on this, but I suspect it is of longer standing, and comes from other languages. The French use "n'est-ce pas" and "d'accord" at the ends of sentences, and the Italians do too. Doesn't bother me at all.
It's not common to use 'n'est-ce pas' or 'd'accord' incessantly, though. Just like Canadians don't commonly add 'eh?' to every sentence, or even most sentences. But I think you're right: it sounds like they're just tag questions, and probably derived from tag question use in another language. No biggie.
It could be a regional thing, like 'Dontcha know?'
https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/07/14/10-minnesota-words-phrases-asg-visitors-should-know/ (https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/07/14/10-minnesota-words-phrases-asg-visitors-should-know/)
I suppose it also depends on context, inflection, intent... is there unspoken emotional context, etc.
I'm not a linguist, but it were a regional pattern of speech wouldn't it likely use pretty consistent phrasing and sentence placement?
Quote from: marshwiggle on July 24, 2020, 11:44:02 AM
Quote from: evil_physics_witchcraft on July 24, 2020, 10:38:54 AM
Quote from: Parasaurolophus on July 24, 2020, 10:06:37 AM
Quote from: fourhats on July 24, 2020, 08:28:39 AM
I'd like to hear from Mamselle on this, but I suspect it is of longer standing, and comes from other languages. The French use "n'est-ce pas" and "d'accord" at the ends of sentences, and the Italians do too. Doesn't bother me at all.
It's not common to use 'n'est-ce pas' or 'd'accord' incessantly, though. Just like Canadians don't commonly add 'eh?' to every sentence, or even most sentences. But I think you're right: it sounds like they're just tag questions, and probably derived from tag question use in another language. No biggie.
It could be a regional thing, like 'Dontcha know?'
https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/07/14/10-minnesota-words-phrases-asg-visitors-should-know/ (https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/07/14/10-minnesota-words-phrases-asg-visitors-should-know/)
I suppose it also depends on context, inflection, intent... is there unspoken emotional context, etc.
I'm not a linguist, but it were a regional pattern of speech wouldn't it likely use pretty consistent phrasing and sentence placement?
*Shrug*
Depends on the size of the region, or locale.
One might try to construct a riposte out of the differential, "Don't you think?" (i.e., "don't you agree with me?) and "Don't you think?" (don't you ever apply brain cells to problems more generally?)
After three online classes today, that's as far as my creative juices will go, someone else might want to try for an actual <<bon mot>> to help the irritating user of the phrase come up with a different way to end their rants....
M.
I had a board member of the Friends of the Library who said "Don't you think?" in such a way that I wanted to cringe, face palm, or put my head down on the reference desk.
When speaking -- and especially lecturing -- I say "right? So..." after most stages of thought. It's become almost a contraction (right-so). I've noticed my wife doing it as well, though I'm sure she picked it up from hearing me use it. I'm sure that there are some students who have turned it into a drinking game. It's my version of "but-um" I guess. So at least in my case, it doesn't carry any implications that the listener needs to agree with me or anything -- it's just part of my speech patterns.
I can see how it'd be annoying regardless. A colleague ends most of her proclamations with a "no?" Departmental meetings are already tiresome, no?
I've tried to think about why this is so annoying to me. There are two components. The first is just the pure repetition of it. Some things we say might be interesting once. The person who did junior year abroad might comment once about how a particular dish varied slightly in the country they visited. The person who begins every statement with "In Europe, they do..." is annoying not just due to the potential perceived judgement in the statement about their present environment, but just due to the monotony of how frequently the statement is employed.
The more important (and annoying aspect) is the implied neediness, which no one really likes. There isn't anyone who enjoys being on the receiving end of "Do I look fat in this?" or "Was it good for you?" People that constantly request validation in whatever form are just tiring. You usually struggle to have an interaction about anything other than that, which again leads to the repetition of the phrase. With this person it's not cultural. He's been in the U.S. his entire life and is not bilingual.
The person could also be nervous, or have confidence issues and wants some kind of reassurance.
I'm not trying to say that it isn't annoying, just trying to find explanations.
Eh. Just cut them off, unless there's a compelling reason for the interaction.
You don't have to keep every acquaintance you've ever had.
You don't have to have a good reason for not keeping up a particular interaction.
If this isn't an actual member of your household (e.g., spouse, kid, elderly parent) or direct report at work, you really can just decline invitations and let the relationship end.
This is not a graded activity.
Quote from: financeguy on July 24, 2020, 02:28:15 PM
I've tried to think about why this is so annoying to me. There are two components. The first is just the pure repetition of it. Some things we say might be interesting once. The person who did junior year abroad might comment once about how a particular dish varied slightly in the country they visited. The person who begins every statement with "In Europe, they do..." is annoying not just due to the potential perceived judgement in the statement about their present environment, but just due to the monotony of how frequently the statement is employed.
The more important (and annoying aspect) is the implied neediness, which no one really likes. There isn't anyone who enjoys being on the receiving end of "Do I look fat in this?" or "Was it good for you?" People that constantly request validation in whatever form are just tiring. You usually struggle to have an interaction about anything other than that, which again leads to the repetition of the phrase. With this person it's not cultural. He's been in the U.S. his entire life and is not bilingual.
Does he actually expect an answer? Like, Ratguy, I sometimes get in the habit in lecture of saying "right?" after I explain something complicated. It is probably a somewhat annoying tic, but I'm not looking for anyone to agree with me.