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General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: archaeo42 on May 30, 2019, 01:30:59 PM

Title: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on May 30, 2019, 01:30:59 PM
As originally started by mountainguy

Title is pretty self-explanatory. Use this thread to say things that you wish you could say in real life, but know well enough to keep to yourself:

"Yeah, what are you going to do about it?? Fire me??"

"That might have been trendy . . . in 1975."


What I Wish I Could Say (WIWICS): you don't get jokes, do you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on May 30, 2019, 01:54:09 PM
Your attention is always divided between these two jobs and the one I'm working at seems to keep going mostly because I'm working at it and paying attention, and notifying you of things when needed.

Wish I could ask for both a raise and a title change; might at least start thinking about the latter; I know the former isn't likely since I also do the books...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on May 31, 2019, 01:53:04 AM
Dear boss,

You are a dickhead.

Sincerely, SE
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 31, 2019, 05:46:50 AM
*laughter*

Oh, no.  Ah, no.  No.  NO!  NO!!!!

*laughter*
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sprout on May 31, 2019, 09:44:39 AM
I do not think your definition of need and my definition of need are the same.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: turing_complete on June 01, 2019, 04:33:52 PM
There are four authors on your paper.  Choosing the student who's about to graduate (and lose their email address before the camera-ready is submitted) as the only contact author was perhaps not the most foresightful option.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 01, 2019, 06:30:28 PM
We need someone who can collect and organize basic data for administrative reports. That doesn't require a master's in data science or anything else. Just sign it!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on June 01, 2019, 07:02:48 PM
To teen patron: you have too much time on your hands!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on June 01, 2019, 08:50:44 PM
When you let me reserve that classroom, you might have mentioned that you would be out that day and couldn't unlock it for me.  Now I don't feel as sorry about the stack of paperwork I'm about to dump on your desk Monday.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on June 02, 2019, 10:28:40 AM
To student emailer seeking new advisor:

Oh, my colleague told you to email me, eh? He's the one who recommended you contact me with this request? Hm. That's interesting.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 02, 2019, 03:56:13 PM
Why are you trying to tell us you didn't say it?  We all know you said it.

If that isn't what you meant, just say that.  We can understand that.  Now you just look ridiculous.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on June 03, 2019, 03:19:40 AM
Dear boss,

I was so right in my earlier description of you.

Best regards, SE
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Scotia on June 03, 2019, 06:22:15 AM
Dear boss,

I was so right in my earlier description of you.

Best regards, SE

You are so rarely wrong! I should know better by now, but I continue to be amazed at how the incompetent, the poisonous and, most dangerously, those who combine both traits, continue to rise up the career ladder while patently competent and good human beings are overlooked. It doesn't just happen in academia (see current government in UK and POTUS).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on June 03, 2019, 08:05:47 AM
Was there ever a moment during the week and a half between the task assignment and the deadline when you could have told me you were unable to complete the task?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on June 03, 2019, 08:41:15 AM
Can we please plan ahead and schedule meetings in advance?  You know, so we can get them on the books before we are all super busy?  Maybe have some time so if things go sideways it's not always a last minute crisis?
It's hard enough to get 6+ folks to find a day and time we can all meet, let alone if the organizer declares that we suddenly all have to meet with less than a week's notice.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on June 03, 2019, 02:45:46 PM
If only you had testicular/ovarian fortitude.

Or a spine.

Anything, really, that would enable you to stick to your guns and refuse to be steamrollered.

If only.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on June 03, 2019, 03:41:07 PM
Dear boss,

I was so right in my earlier description of you.

Best regards, SE

You are so rarely wrong! I should know better by now, but I continue to be amazed at how the incompetent, the poisonous and, most dangerously, those who combine both traits, continue to rise up the career ladder while patently competent and good human beings are overlooked. It doesn't just happen in academia (see current government in UK and POTUS).

Agreed. And it’s so depressing!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 03, 2019, 09:12:41 PM
Was there ever a moment during the week and a half between the task assignment and the deadline when you could have told me you were unable to complete the task?

If I'd had that much spare time, then I probably could have completed the task!

Sorry, I couldn't resist since I've been in that boat too much in the past few months as people assign new tasks and then accelerate the deadlines with almost no notice.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 04, 2019, 05:03:12 PM
You do know that the major in X was eliminated last year because no one had completed it in 7 years? And that no one had declared a major in X for 4 years? What makes you think I'd support a new program proposal for a major in X?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on June 06, 2019, 10:47:25 AM
I know what you did. You know what you did. We all know what you did.

(It was so obvious that a person with only two brain cells to rub together in his or her head would be able to figure it out.)

So let's not pretend the process was fair/transparent or the results legitimate.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on June 13, 2019, 01:51:02 PM
Go ahead and bluster all you like. It's not going to change the answer.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sprout on June 13, 2019, 04:00:14 PM
Were you seriously expecting full credit for that?  Did you think I wouldn't even glance at the extra credit submissions?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on June 13, 2019, 05:29:53 PM
Of course you were the only baby snowflake who could not provide feedback on a 1.5-page document in a week and a half despite pushing to be part of the "review" team AND being on my ass to get it sent out as early as possible (when I have had a few other things to do!).  I even gave you an extra couple days over the initial week you "suggested".   I guess you were just so much busier than all the others who took the time to respond.  Well, when I said the comment period has closed, that is what I meant!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on June 14, 2019, 12:06:17 AM
It was non-trivial to pick out the raisins from my meusli, add in the dried cherries, and chop up the apple, but I did it all and I left it to soak in milk knowing that it would be delicious. The fact that you didn't do any of these things to your muesli was entirely your choice. It's early, you need to get going, and you don't have the time to prepare your breakfast as carefully as I do.

But then you ate mine, and all I have to eat is your muesli, with no dried cherries, full of yucky raisins, and no chopped apple. WTF, man?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on June 14, 2019, 08:50:47 AM
Sure, I'll get all 120 student papers graded and entered within 72 hours. No problem
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 14, 2019, 05:36:06 PM
It was non-trivial to pick out the raisins from my meusli, add in the dried cherries, and chop up the apple, but I did it all and I left it to soak in milk knowing that it would be delicious. The fact that you didn't do any of these things to your muesli was entirely your choice. It's early, you need to get going, and you don't have the time to prepare your breakfast as carefully as I do.

But then you ate mine, and all I have to eat is your muesli, with no dried cherries, full of yucky raisins, and no chopped apple. WTF, man?

That's just mean!!!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on June 15, 2019, 08:32:29 AM
That's some Kool-Aid you are drinking...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 15, 2019, 11:07:20 AM
Expertise in predictive analytics, machine learning, artificial intelligence, plus intermediate proficiency in Microsoft Excel? Are you trying to hire computer science faculty or an administrative assistant?

(I'm so glad we're not in the same college!)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 15, 2019, 06:04:18 PM
Have you hear the phrase: there's having N years of experience and then there's having one year of experience N times?

One problem we have is many of the remaining people have one year of experience N>20 times and a whole lot of new people who only have one year of professional experience once.

It'd be good if we were doing more to get folks who have about 10 years of experience in various combinations of X>3 years of experience Y>3 times to add up 10 years of something.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 16, 2019, 07:11:10 AM
The current system works and nobody is complaining. Find something else to improve!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 16, 2019, 07:32:48 AM
The current system works and nobody is complaining. Find something else to improve!

^Like.

Similar to the adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 17, 2019, 03:43:42 AM
Sending me something on Saturday night and telling me it MUST be done on Sunday (a holiday Sunday! when I am no longer on contract) is neither a way to get work done nor to endear yourself to any of us.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on June 18, 2019, 01:08:13 PM
Your grade isn't acceptable to me, either. But here we are.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on June 19, 2019, 11:08:54 AM
Hey, guess what?  If your system doesn't work, that is actually YOURS to fix.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: miss jane marple on June 19, 2019, 11:23:22 AM
I have asked you three times, in various ways I think will be clear and to the point, what you want me to do exactly. Telling me "the Armadillo sails at midnight" the first time, "the pen of my aunt is in the forehead of my uncle" the second time, and "very social science!" the third time is not getting us closer to a resolution.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on June 19, 2019, 12:59:58 PM
That meanspiritedness and petty behavior doesn't look good on you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 20, 2019, 05:57:25 AM
The instructions indicated this was a three-hour tour (a three-hour tour).  Having an unexpected six-hour tour means I have a big list of suggestions for things to cut from the next iteration since the stated goal is to bring us new folks up to speed.  I'm not sure I am up to speed because

(a) we only got to the stuff on which I actually work in hour 5, long after my back was explaining at great volume the problem with 5 hours standing on concrete.

(b) you had two posters on the thing I work on whereas we had beautiful, colored, full-scale models of everything else including things from decades ago that were a  dead-end after three months and things proposed before the mid-20th century that never made it out of the prototype phase.

(c) you spent a total of 5 minutes on the thing I work on, less time than you spent explaining where the ladies room was for the mid-tour potty break and even then we couldn't find the ladies room and had to come back for more instructions.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 20, 2019, 06:43:38 AM
Echoes of the theme from "Gilligan's Island," perhaps?

My tours always run pretty much as scheduled, unless interest is shown or I'm asked to go longer.

I also release anyone who needs to leave at the time they request, and try to address their interests first.

Just to let you know it can he done......

Sorry your back had to put up with all that.

A tour guide's inability/unwillingness to adhere to the discipline of timing the tour is a sign of egoisme.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 20, 2019, 07:09:01 AM
A tour guide's inability/unwillingness to adhere to the discipline of timing the tour is a sign of egoisme.

My bet is a key problem is our tour leader was not a professional tour guide.  Instead, we took a field trip to a museum where you provide your own tour guide so we had a working scientist in the knowledge area leading us along with two retired scientists who had spent their whole careers in the very specialized area contributing stories along the way.  As I told my husband, he would have loved this combination of The History Channel, Nova, Popular Science, and Old Guys Telling Stories.  We had an incredible and unique experience that was definitely worth the day spent.

My frustration really is the 6 hours* when I was planning for 3 and yet we skimped on the one area that has direct relevance for my work and that's true for about half the other people on the tour.  We have a running joke among my cohort of colleagues (all hired about the same time with different backgrounds and yet no one is an expert in this field) that we always start at the same date in history, go until someone runs out of breath, and yet we seldom even get up to things that happened in our lifetimes and we're over 40.  Some bringing-up-to-speed discussions don't even get us up to the transistor being in wide use, which is problematic since we're doing high-tech machinery along with high performance computing and a lot has changed since before the time of the transistor.

* and no lunch! On top of my no breakfast because we left here at 0-dawn-30 to make the lengthy drive and then a late supper because of the lengthy drive back.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: drbrt on June 21, 2019, 08:19:34 AM
Will you just TELL ME ALREADY if my class is cancelled?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 21, 2019, 10:17:55 AM
Please don't threaten to quit unless you get your way....unless you mean it.

Don't get my hopes up.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 21, 2019, 11:26:54 AM
OK, I've given you all the info you asked for, in spreadsheet form--and now you say you knew it all along.

This is starting to make it sound like I'm going to become the fall person.

I'm starting to look elsewhere--starting now.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: histchick on June 23, 2019, 04:22:47 PM
In the past couple of months, I have seen multiple job postings at our place change from external to "Internal Only" positions.  I doubt there's anything nefarious going on, but someone in HR clearly needs to up their game. 

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 24, 2019, 06:05:27 AM
Receiving criticism is hard.  However, staying in the bubble where no one ever criticizes means you're missing vital information that you could use to head off disaster.  Not knowing what people think means you are fixing the wrong problem.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on June 24, 2019, 07:46:52 AM
Keep your dog on a leash.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on June 27, 2019, 04:14:18 PM
Sorry I didn't get a decision on your paper out today.  There was a bunch of little squirrels hanging out right outside my office window all afternoon, and, you see, my husband really likes squirrels for some reason because they are apparently rare here (or at least compared to the billion squirrels I am used to).  So, I had to keep taking pictures from this window or that all afternoon, whenever I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.  He could use some cheering up.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on June 27, 2019, 07:07:43 PM
To library patron: Do whatever you want--I'm just the background dancer in your show!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wellfleet on June 28, 2019, 02:37:34 PM
Please don't tell me the score for today's quarterfinal match, especially if you waltzed out of work to watch the whole thing at a sports bar while I held down the fort.

What I did say: (I*#$#! I recorded it to watch when I get home.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 29, 2019, 07:51:40 AM
We're all in sales every day.  The fact that you don't want to accept that reality and want somehow for the magic of the universe to reward you means you probably need another read of the excellent Cracked article: https://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/ (contains profanity and a NSFW video):

Quote
Because that's the step that gets skipped -- it's always "How can I get a job?" and not "How can I become the type of person employers want?" It's "How can I get pretty girls to like me?" instead of "How can I become the type of person that pretty girls like?" See, because that second one could very well require giving up many of your favorite hobbies and paying more attention to your appearance, and God knows what else. You might even have to change your personality.

"But why can't I find someone who just likes me for me?" you ask. The answer is because humans need things. The victim is bleeding, and all you can do is look down and complain that there aren't more gunshot wounds that just fix themselves?

and

Quote
"But the whole system is corrupt and on the verge of collapse, what difference does any of this make?" Friend, if the system falls apart, take everything I've said above and multiply it times a thousand. The person without skill and drive will not be given food. The new masters may fly the banner of equality, but you'll slowly notice that the talented and charismatic are still getting the best stuff. That won't change in your lifetime, or in the lifetimes of your great-grandchildren.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Scotia on June 29, 2019, 04:33:00 PM
Dear people in the neighborhood holding a loud party

It is past midnight. It is much too warm to sleep with the window closed. Please take the celebrations indoors. I'd even settle for you ceasing to sing loudly and very untunefully to the music you are blasting out.

I have to get up early tomorrow and have a long drive. My evil twin has already hatched a plan to ring your doorbell at 6 am tomorrow and run away.

Ta.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 30, 2019, 05:55:00 PM
Example NNNNNN of why I am not surprised your life isn't going as you would wish.  Have you considered perhaps learning from experience and advice from people who have succeeded instead of tripling down on the way things "should" be?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on July 01, 2019, 10:19:57 AM
What you are asking is both unethical and impossible, so no.  I'm not gonna.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on July 01, 2019, 10:31:50 AM
You suddenly realizing that you need DATA for your report, which is already past due, means you should politely ask your colleagues for the needed information, not demand a written summary.  And mentioning that it is late because "you were traveling" does not make me feel less grouchy at you.

AKA "Your failure to plan is not my emergency"
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on July 01, 2019, 01:31:26 PM
I wish you had asked me if the survey help desk was available until midnight in person. That way I could judge if you knew this question was as asinine as it is.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on July 01, 2019, 05:31:26 PM
Really. You really want to take over signing BS forms? Okay.

No, I don't feel like I lost any power. I gained a lot of free time. Have fun!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on July 23, 2019, 11:14:49 AM
Screaming at your toddler for being loud is . . . hypocritical, don't you think?

<smiling, showing all my teeth at the neighbor in the mother-in-law suite literally next door>
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on July 23, 2019, 12:02:13 PM
Ugggghhhhhh. And no, I do not want to review your book manuscript draft when you finish it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on July 23, 2019, 12:37:13 PM
Yes, we can ask each of the article authors to respond to that question within their pieces, but it's too limited and too limiting to make a whole issue about.

The content of the texts is certainly worth analyzing, but if that's all we do, it will leave out how the music functions, how it is different in different settings, how it speaks differently to different individuals, and how it draws people into the issue you want to get them to think about.

You can keep chopping at that one particular tree, sure.

But you'll lose the forest, for certain, if you do.

Because all the rest of the trees will tiptoe silently away and start singing someplace else....

M.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Antiphon1 on July 24, 2019, 03:57:50 PM
Stepped in troll crap I did.  (Probably)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: DoohickeyTech on July 24, 2019, 09:06:17 PM
Long post detailing my last few months as I left academia. Ctrl+A and Backspace is all I have to say.

Peace.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on July 25, 2019, 02:33:24 AM
My dude, there is no happier indication of your recent tenure promotion than the fact that you waited until 9:00 AM Monday morning to respond to my email. Rock on, champ.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on July 25, 2019, 07:30:44 AM
Dear Dean,
After observing the screaming match in the hall today with a faculty member, it is clear that you have no limits and we can get away with, well, anything.  Thanks for making that clear.
All the other faculty members.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on July 27, 2019, 09:33:39 AM
Screaming at your toddler for being loud is . . . hypocritical, don't you think?

<smiling, showing all my teeth at the neighbor in the mother-in-law suite literally next door>

My teenagers pointed this out to me the other day in a moment of parental exasperation. I told them it's kind of like the way the police race at break-neck speeds to catch up to you and give you a ticket to let you know that speeding is wrong.

Then I gave them a thiry minute lecture on existentialist absurdism.

They said would prefer my hypocritical yelling.

I said it doesn't work that way. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on July 27, 2019, 06:45:57 PM
To patron: It's the same scenario when you come.  Can't remember how to do send things to print (or a simple task) on the computer, ask how to do it, apologize for not remembering, repeat. I've wasted more than enough time on simple tutorials with you!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on July 28, 2019, 09:41:49 AM
To patron: It's the same scenario when you come.  Can't remember how to do send things to print (or a simple task) on the computer, ask how to do it, apologize for not remembering, repeat. I've wasted more than enough time on simple tutorials with you!

Have you considered making up cheat sheets for common tasks and having them available for reference? 

My life got immensely better when I started having those for students and others who needed step-by-step instructions for basic things.  Just knowing I could hand over the proper sheet lowered my stress levels with those who refused to pay attention and take their own notes.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on July 29, 2019, 05:01:37 AM
Dude, you may be the world expert on this topic, but you're a terrible teacher.  Pro-tip: do not spend the whole morning of a two-day workshop showing stuff that is not even the topic of this workshop, but instead an advertisement for your next workshop.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: scamp on July 29, 2019, 07:18:09 AM
Screaming at your toddler for being loud is . . . hypocritical, don't you think?

<smiling, showing all my teeth at the neighbor in the mother-in-law suite literally next door>

My teenagers pointed this out to me the other day in a moment of parental exasperation. I told them it's kind of like the way the police race at break-neck speeds to catch up to you and give you a ticket to let you know that speeding is wrong.

Then I gave them a thiry minute lecture on existentialist absurdism.

They said would prefer my hypocritical yelling.

I said it doesn't work that way.

Ha!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Porcupine on July 29, 2019, 09:22:25 AM
No, sister-in-law, the extended debate you initiated on "what I am" in relation to your toddler since I'm not a blood relative, and whether "aunt-in-law" is the right term to differentiate me from your toddler's "proper" uncles, didn't make me feel excluded. After all, I've known you since you became a teenager! <cheeks aching from smiling>
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on July 29, 2019, 10:48:48 AM
Nice, useful little town library, WHY did you have to replace a remote printing system that worked decently with the clunky, unresponsive nonsense you have now??????????

I can't choose page numbers, can't choose to print multiple pages, can't even define B/W or color.

The other system did all those things.

This one doesn't.

New, Improved!

Right.

GRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on July 29, 2019, 12:06:55 PM
No, sister-in-law, the extended debate you initiated on "what I am" in relation to your toddler since I'm not a blood relative, and whether "aunt-in-law" is the right term to differentiate me from your toddler's "proper" uncles, didn't make me feel excluded. After all, I've known you since you became a teenager! <cheeks aching from smiling>

I'm baffled by this. An aunt is a relation through blood or marriage. That is a bizarre distinction to make (says the anthropologist).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on July 30, 2019, 05:01:48 PM
Dear graduate student, I appreciate your attention to detail.  You are truly amazing at catching the smallest of grammar inconsistencies.  But until you learn the skill of giving feedback without being so blunt-yet-agonizing-over-every-tiny-typo, you are going to seriously P___ Off a lot of people.  You know, like your collaborators, committee members, other graduate students, your advisor, etc. etc. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on July 30, 2019, 06:31:22 PM
Yes, Fearless Leader, I did include your favorite word.  I'm well aware that you wouldn't approve a lunch menu that didn't include "technical."

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: bio-nonymous on July 31, 2019, 06:45:49 AM
It seems that your nefarious plan has been executed and you got your way. Do not patronize us by "apologizing" for how it all went down and wishing that things had worked out for the rest of us. Evil!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 01, 2019, 07:25:33 AM
A student came to challenge the grade you assigned in your course. I spent a couple hours documenting the issue.

I came to you about the grade challenge and you assured me the calculations were correct. 

So I denied the challenge.

Then the Dean proposed to overturn my denial.  And I protested strongly, basing my protest on the clarity and completeness of your calculations.

Then you found a major error in the calculation. And changed the grade.

The Dean looks effective (got the grade changed), you look beneficent (found and admitted an error), and I look like a [pick your pejorative].

So, thanks for that.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Porcupine on August 01, 2019, 01:26:00 PM
No, sister-in-law, the extended debate you initiated on "what I am" in relation to your toddler since I'm not a blood relative, and whether "aunt-in-law" is the right term to differentiate me from your toddler's "proper" uncles, didn't make me feel excluded. After all, I've known you since you became a teenager! <cheeks aching from smiling>

I'm baffled by this. An aunt is a relation through blood or marriage. That is a bizarre distinction to make (says the anthropologist).

I find it weird too. As best as I can understand, it's not really about any supposed distinction. My sister-in-law likes to start these sorts of discussions/make such remarks to ensure that I am publicly reminded of the (lowly) place in the family pecking order that she thinks I deserve. I do my best to grin and bear it, so that Mr. Porcupine doesn't have to referee any arguments, which would make him exceedingly unhappy.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on August 02, 2019, 05:05:26 AM
No, sister-in-law, the extended debate you initiated on "what I am" in relation to your toddler since I'm not a blood relative, and whether "aunt-in-law" is the right term to differentiate me from your toddler's "proper" uncles, didn't make me feel excluded. After all, I've known you since you became a teenager! <cheeks aching from smiling>

I'm baffled by this. An aunt is a relation through blood or marriage. That is a bizarre distinction to make (says the anthropologist).

I find it weird too. As best as I can understand, it's not really about any supposed distinction. My sister-in-law likes to start these sorts of discussions/make such remarks to ensure that I am publicly reminded of the (lowly) place in the family pecking order that she thinks I deserve. I do my best to grin and bear it, so that Mr. Porcupine doesn't have to referee any arguments, which would make him exceedingly unhappy.

Ooof. Family dynamics are so much fun.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on August 02, 2019, 10:36:16 AM
Dear Car Dealership:

Thank you for the nice letter telling me that you would like to help me upgrade my ride to (something that sounds spiffy and fishy at that same time).

Your calculations are interesting to me:  first, you value my current vehicle at about 60% of what the state does (according to my registration information); second, you are confident that I will save $600 on fuel costs over the next five years with this upgrade; third, you are sure that the minimum $21,000 I'll have to spend will be completely worthwhile since, after all, new vehicles have WARRANTIES!

I do have an idea about how you came to perceive me as a potential cash-cow.  I do not have any idea how you came to think me completely stupid.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. T. Child
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 02, 2019, 11:14:35 AM
Because you are an a$$hole . . . to everyone . . . all the damn time. That's why.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 02, 2019, 12:06:36 PM
One presumes the above note by fishbrains is not related to the antepenultimate note bu Thursday's Child....correct?

;--}

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on August 02, 2019, 12:13:38 PM
I certainly presume so - without the slightest hesitation, in fact, because the post does not accurately describe me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 02, 2019, 12:44:36 PM
I thought not.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 03, 2019, 09:38:46 AM
One presumes the above note by fishbrains is not related to the antepenultimate note bu Thursday's Child....correct?

;--}

M.

Not at all. I'm sorry if my post sounded that way.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 04, 2019, 10:39:10 AM
It was an interesting juxtaposition.

Glad to know that's all it was....

;--]

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on August 05, 2019, 08:14:50 AM
Colleagues, I appreciate that all these emails are an indication that this particular administrative role that I've made my own will revert to me after my research leave is done. I do, I truly do appreciate it. But, colleagues, I'm on research leave. My replacement can take care of it! I don't care! It's her job! Leave me out of it! Don't send me the emails!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 05, 2019, 12:06:23 PM
There.

That room's clean...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Juvenal on August 05, 2019, 12:18:09 PM
Cool, dry weather is just around the corner.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sprout on August 05, 2019, 12:44:27 PM
There.

That room's clean...

M.

*laughing*  I so wish I could say that!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 11, 2019, 03:38:13 PM
Hey Alpha Wolfcub and Gynosaurus Rex: Neither one of you are "winning." And you two toxic a-holes aren't going to have a seat at the table much longer if you both don't turn the attitudes down a couple of notches. Maybe consider turning all those insecurities into something a little more positive.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 12, 2019, 07:24:54 AM
You saw the Job Posting online, which specified that you apply ONLINE, and you thought it best to email me you CV to see if I am interested? 

No, I'm not interested, now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on August 13, 2019, 05:10:20 PM
How about now?

If I add sprinkles???

<runs laughing demonically>
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on August 14, 2019, 05:51:46 AM
If you wanted a cleaner copy than you should have asked for that. Using 'soft copy' in your initial email was not clear at all.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 14, 2019, 06:18:53 AM
I really did tell you so.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on August 14, 2019, 10:16:27 AM
To library patron: Not interested in talking to you.  Go back to the teen section and entertain your fellow teens.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: miss jane marple on August 14, 2019, 11:31:42 AM
Don't ask me a "how do you get the software to do this?" question and then growl at me when I give you the answer.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on August 14, 2019, 11:46:05 AM
If I sent you a gift-wrapped GCF would you get the hint and leave?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on August 15, 2019, 01:28:37 PM
Dear colleague,

[redacted infinite scream].

This is the most poorly run and adversarial organization that I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with, to put it lightly.  Maybe you should try reading for understanding rather than skimming and replying hastily from your smarter-than-you phone.  Well, at least it's 5 o'clock somewhere.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on August 16, 2019, 02:48:10 PM
There is no way you can finish that project in a month.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on August 16, 2019, 09:59:36 PM
I got a job offer!

(just wishin')
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 17, 2019, 04:52:28 AM
I got a job offer!

(just wishin')

That's a great wish!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on August 21, 2019, 05:00:23 AM
1. You are chewing gum. I can smell it from here.

2. You are drinking instant coffee.

3. Simultaneously. I mean--I can't . . . what--how even--is that-- . ..

. . .

?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 21, 2019, 09:40:50 AM
Looky here: I'm on a serious sobriety binge right now, and I'm not dealing with stupid $hit very well. And you have decided, for some reason, to turn yourself into a walking, talking piece of stupid $hit. My patience wears thin . . .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Anselm on August 21, 2019, 03:03:23 PM
Notice to all short people: 
If you use my car then put the seat back to where it was.

Ouch!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on August 28, 2019, 08:03:53 AM
What part of, "I will update you when I know more," is unclear to you? It hasn't even been a full 24 hours and you're asking for an update? (This is also information that I can't provide and I'm relying on a technical person to address the question).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 28, 2019, 09:28:04 AM
For a software firm meant to serve mostly accountants, your customer service sites, practices, and serious glitches are nearly unfathomable....unaccountably, unacceptably so, in fact.

I'd change firms if it were up to me, but it's not.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on August 28, 2019, 09:35:27 AM
Notice to all short people daughter who is the same height as me, if not maybe an inch taller: 

If you use my car then put the seat back to where it was.

Ouch!

(And WHY do you find it necessary to put the seat way up under the blessed steering wheel?  And HOW can you even drive like that?!)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on August 28, 2019, 09:42:48 AM
Notice to all short people daughter who is the same height as me, if not maybe an inch taller: 

If you use my car then put the seat back to where it was.

Ouch!

(And WHY do you find it necessary to put the seat way up under the blessed steering wheel?  And HOW can you even drive like that?!)

And, if the airbag goes off when you're that close, it'll really do you harm!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on August 28, 2019, 04:54:03 PM
And this is why we can't have nice things.

(Multiple recipients)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 28, 2019, 04:59:27 PM
If you are going to write thank you notes for interviews, please proofread. It's better not to send them than to send them with multiple spelling errors, the wrong position title, and the wrong institution name.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: onehappyunicorn on August 29, 2019, 10:23:55 AM
When your dire predictions on how events will affect our department fail to materialize, repeatedly, it is difficult for me to muster the amount of panic you feel I should exhibit. I honestly don't know what to say when you tell me that you are concerned that I don't understand how bad every situation is.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Dismal on August 29, 2019, 12:22:04 PM
When you hire a well-known retired government official and pay them $100K for a half-time, nine-month job at a state U, this person actually has to work.  Teaching, research, service and outreach - any combo of these.   And our nine month contracts don't include fall vacations of a week or more.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 29, 2019, 04:34:01 PM
"Do more with less" is so last century. Today, the phrase is "be flexible and adapt to changing needs."

Yes, we heard about tight budgets. Again.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Professor Autumn on August 30, 2019, 06:49:06 PM
collaboration means that....working together.... hopefully to make things better...to learn, from each other

i said similar, in a more grumpy way coz i'm tired and ill

what i wish i could say is, i don't want to do this anymore if we can't at least talk about things
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 31, 2019, 01:20:14 PM
To two different people:

1. Making the students print everything at their own cost isn't "going paperless" you smug little f*ck.

2. I've made my thoughts clearly known concerning the area this committee covers, and my opinions are at odds with, and far more informed than, the other "stakeholders" on the committee (and, yes, it's very very unusual for me to know more than others on any given committee). Also, this isn't an area I compromise on. I don't know if you are f*cking with me or if someone is f*cking with you by putting me on this committee, but the College will regret this assignment.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Antiphon1 on September 01, 2019, 08:42:54 AM
Bloviated, grandstanded, misrepresented lack of recall about your 30 year old social justice work doesn't give you any credibility.  As a matter of fact, using your position for self enrichment at the expense of the people you represent....... well, I'll let you figure it out.  Just shut up. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Bede the Vulnerable on September 01, 2019, 10:31:21 PM
This institution will never be known for STEM, so stop pretending that it's our strength.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 02, 2019, 03:26:16 AM
You say you "really want to take this particular course because it will be the perfect compliment to my major and this is my last semester'.

I say, go blow butterflies up someone else's butt.  As a senior, you had first crack at registration, and this class filled up less than a week ago.  You are as bad a planner as you are a liar.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on September 02, 2019, 06:47:30 PM
To library patron: Early afternoon and you're already drunk.  No wonder you're being barred again--this time it's for a good while.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on September 02, 2019, 06:52:38 PM
LOL did you just "well actually" my twitter joke?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on September 04, 2019, 07:31:04 PM
No, mom, we didn't nuke the hurricane, and that is not why it missed Alabama.

(sorry for the double post... but I really needed to type that somewhere).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 05, 2019, 04:33:42 AM
Not everything is about you.

Not getting your way doesn't mean "no one listens to me".

You said you didn't want to participate, so why are you angry that you aren't being included?

I quit.

(The above are not in rank order)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on September 05, 2019, 06:16:35 AM
HR, ignoring my repeated requests for a meeting to discuss how I can start an ADA file for several serious health problems is NOT going to make me go away.  I first contacted you July 19 and sent three emails since giving dates I could meet; you ignored those and a voice mail I left.  I'm going to get the info rolling with my doctors and am getting the union (and hopefully, their lawyer) involved. You'll soon find it would have been much easier to just work with me than to try to wait me out in hopes I'd give up.

(Actually, once I have the paperwork in hand, I'm going to say this, or more likely, have my union do so.)

Side note:  if I'd unwittingly look crossways at an ADA/Access student who hadn't disclosed to me as such, and I'd be crucified and THEN fired.  I'm just a faculty member, though, so I guess that's supposed to make HR's treatment of me OK?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on September 06, 2019, 04:10:13 PM
If you want to discount my professional experience and expertise to make some [redacted] happy, be my guest.  My concerns are laid out explicitly in numerous, shareable emails.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 07, 2019, 11:33:55 AM
If you want to discount my professional experience and expertise to make some [redacted] happy, be my guest.  My concerns are laid out explicitly in numerous, shareable emails.

I could have written the same post.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 07, 2019, 11:39:56 AM
And, again, that's why kids should wear bicycle helmets . . . all the time, but especially on a downhill gravel biking trails. Sorry, but even when the bleeding is impressive, it's hard to feel bad for really stupid people.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on September 07, 2019, 10:07:54 PM
And, again, that's why kids should wear bicycle helmets . . . all the time, but especially on a downhill gravel biking trails. Sorry, but even when the bleeding is impressive, it's hard to feel bad for really stupid people.

But couldn’t you feel sorry for the kid, if not the parents?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 08, 2019, 06:03:03 PM
And, again, that's why kids should wear bicycle helmets . . . all the time, but especially on a downhill gravel biking trails. Sorry, but even when the bleeding is impressive, it's hard to feel bad for really stupid people.

But couldn’t you feel sorry for the kid, if not the parents?

Yeah, maybe a little.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: reener06 on September 09, 2019, 08:28:40 AM
Wow, your collective attempts to silence us and/or control our message is truly elaborate and I suppose time-consuming. Look, I know you'll win in the end--you run the joint--but I'm not going down without a fight. I thought y'all knew me better than that.

Also, I'm a bit tired of getting repeatedly screwed over by you all, then having you blame me for what you did. I'm out of here on the first train out of the station that I can be on. I do hope you've figured that much out.

And you all are lousy managers.  Silence and hoping it all goes away is not a good management style. Neither is your other MO--talking it to death until everyone is exhausted and agrees with you, or you think they do.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: present_mirth on September 11, 2019, 06:11:31 AM
Dude, you're retired. Before you were retired, you were a science professor. Please shut up about how faculty in the humanities and social sciences are not teaching the history and politics of your country to your liking, especially since "your liking" involves telling students in every class, regardless of its relevance to the course material, how That Other Country is evil and an existential threat to all that is good and democratic in the world. (I say this as someone who happens to agree that the current government of That Other Country is imperialist and anti-democratic and does horrible things, but you seem to make no distinction between the government and the people and culture, which makes you ... no better than them. Besides, I'm pretty sure you would have a problem with it if the history and government faculty went over to your building and started telling science faculty how to teach YOUR subject, so what makes you qualified to tell them how to teach theirs?)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: statsgeek on September 13, 2019, 06:17:45 AM
To the lady in the giant white thing:  We all know this parking lot is a mess.  I'm not going to take your space.  But seriously, what did you expect me to do - wait in the middle of the street?  Honking and gesturing at me were not necessary. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on September 13, 2019, 04:26:11 PM
I guess we're now going to have to anticipate "Flip a f'ng fit Fridays." How the f did you ever get to that position level?!

[Sorry, I am too tired to find an f word that means throw to make an alliterative phrase, so I just looked it up a chose one for now.  Feel free to make suggestions. On the other hand, I think I have used an impression number of variations of the f word today, privately. That lends itself to creativity.]

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: al_wallace on September 16, 2019, 12:48:07 PM
Yes, if you refer to the email I sent three years ago, you'll discover that I gave exactly the same advice to you as the consultant you just paid 150K to tell you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 16, 2019, 01:30:44 PM
[Unrelated]

The way you handled this crisis (of your own making) reminds me of the question I asked when you were hired.

"How in the hell did you get this job"?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Anselm on September 16, 2019, 01:49:26 PM
Yes, if you refer to the email I sent three years ago, you'll discover that I gave exactly the same advice to you as the consultant you just paid 150K to tell you.

How can the rest of us get in on that racket?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on September 16, 2019, 01:54:26 PM
I've been wondering the same thing for years.

I'm betting Al_Wallace's uni and mine hired the same group.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on September 17, 2019, 06:25:57 AM
What I wished I could say:

"Look, dude, your research proposal was incomprehensible, stacked so full of jargony flowery language and so lacking in any actual content, research, ideas, or substance, that I don't want anything to do with you. When I rejected your request to be my student, I simply grabbed the first semi-lucid term you mentioned that I lack expertise in, and used that as an excuse, because it seemed kinder than to tell you that your writing and ideas suck. The correct response is not to send me another email mansplaining my own research interests to me and telling me to read your research proposal more closely. I don't want to read it more closely. It was bad. And even if it weren't, if this is how you respond to rejection, I don't want to work with you. Go away."

But deleting your email was reasonably satisfying too.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 17, 2019, 08:53:34 AM
That "extra work" you wanted "extra compensation" for is just part of your job.  You look like a fool demanding more pay for that.   I just hope you didn't tar all of us.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on September 27, 2019, 05:40:28 AM
That was really ugly.

I hope that wasn't you who did it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 03, 2019, 10:41:16 AM
You have been awful to Faculty X.  Why are you hurt she didn't choose you as her rep for her tenure case? 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 05, 2019, 08:53:51 AM
1. I reject your teary-eyed assertion that we should be committed to the success of every student. That's a bit wacky. I'm committed to providing the opportunity and the means to success, but not the outcome. That's up to the students. At some point, they are required to do something.

2. The reason African-American students don't succeed at the same rate as their "white" counterparts at our community college is because we bring the same racism endemic to our community, region, and state (and beyond) into our institutional processes--including the classroom. Suggesting that an internal "revenue-neutral" "self-revitalization" of the college will address the "problem" is, well, f*cking wacky. I don't have the answers, but I'm thinking that WE are the problem, and we need outside help to identify our shortcomings and guide us into addressing OUR failures as an institution.

3. And none of this $hit is "revenue neutral." The money is out there. It's just that professional consultants/grifters are receiving the bulk of the grant money or it's being spent by senior administrators, and what trickles down to us isn't sufficient enough to address whatever the problem of the moment might be.

4. I have no desire to participate in the process of working hard for no gain just so consultants and adminstrators can congratute each other on their forward-thinking visions and transformational leadership. Print your little certificates, give them to each other, and leave me alone. I already have a full-time job.

5. I'm actually having a really good teaching year so far. Don't tread on my buzz, bro.       
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on October 05, 2019, 09:49:57 AM
Me, too, Fishbrains. Our admins must all be on the same mailing list.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on October 21, 2019, 10:25:51 AM
[sarcasm ON] No, I didn't get that done.  I know it's part of my job.  I know that lots of people will be variously annoyed or seriously P.O.'d if I don't do the required planning & coordination to pull this off.  But, for a change, after all these years, I didn't feel like doing it, so I didn't.  But thanks for asking - yet again - if I did get it all done.  [sarcasm OFF] 
<wanders off looking for a nice solid object to bang my head on>
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 21, 2019, 09:07:14 PM
Here..have a pillow...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on October 22, 2019, 07:07:10 AM
You all are getting very tiring. I just...move on. Please. This isn't productive.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on November 01, 2019, 09:42:01 PM
Wait. Mignonette?! Is that bougie for tabasco sauce?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on November 05, 2019, 04:15:56 AM
Dear body,

I appreciate not having to use an alarm clock to get up in the morning.  0500 is OK.  0300 is not.  Let's adjust and get back to being bright eyed and bushy tailed at a reasonable time that doesn't leave me dragging for all those afternoon meetings.

Thanks,

Polly
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on November 05, 2019, 03:52:49 PM
To library patron: I've explained this as clearly as I can. I don't want to have this exact same conversation next week because you couldn't be bothered to listen to some important information the first time.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on November 05, 2019, 04:27:35 PM
Dear Registrar
You have ignored every email I have sent you.
I will keep a trail of evidence and at some point I will demonstrate your inaction is causing problems for students.
I'd be happy to see you move on to greener pastures.
Love and kisses,
Downer.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on November 06, 2019, 09:51:26 AM
Dear Colleague,

We all know you don’t actually have a conflict at 8 AM, you’re demanding the meeting be moved to another day and time because you can’t be arsed to do anything before noon on any given day. We know this because we've heard you say so before. We’re not going to inconvenience everyone else, including students, and move the meeting to after 6 PM because you're "not a morning person."

All the best (or not),

EM
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: traductio on November 06, 2019, 10:26:29 AM
Dear students,

When the instructions say "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3.," what I really mean is "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3."

That's all. Not 250 words. Not different questions.

Yes, I know it's short. Yes, I know it's work. But seriously, the instructions tell you what to write. Just, well, write that!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: traductio on November 06, 2019, 10:35:50 AM
Dear students,

When the instructions say "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3.," what I really mean is "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3."

That's all. Not 250 words. Not different questions.

Yes, I know it's short. Yes, I know it's work. But seriously, the instructions tell you what to write. Just, well, write that!

Also ; I;m not entirely- sure you "grasp how punctuation work's ..

(Maybe I should finish grading before I post here. Ugh. And these are master's-level papers.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on November 07, 2019, 12:24:03 PM
To quote The Princess Bride (with a slight alteration), "You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 07, 2019, 02:00:23 PM
"Yes, I know there is a form that will allow me to waive the prerequisite for you.  I'm not gonna.

Go away."

Oh, wait, I did say everything but the last bit.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on November 07, 2019, 06:17:06 PM
"Attached please find my totally finished, polished paper for next week's presentation. I thought ahead and had this ready for sharing in advance, because I am no slouch and I certainly haven't been procrastinating and/or stress-baking for the last two weeks.
Best,
nescafe"
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on November 07, 2019, 08:46:11 PM
This week's meeting on ideas to generate more revenue sucked up $10K worth of man hours.  (It was surprisingly well attended.)  I hope you're keeping track, since any extra revenue you generate will need to compensate for such meetings.  Right now you're running a net loss.

Also, if you can't describe New Interdisciplinary Course Requirement without using jargon from your subfield, that suggests the topic isn't really that broad and you shouldn't expect my department to offer any courses on the topic.  If we can't understand your description of the topic, we sure as heck aren't qualified to teach a whole course on it.

(It's been a bad week for meetings.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 10, 2019, 01:19:51 PM
Any initiative the College isn't going to fully fund and hire personnel for isn't an initiative that I will participate in. That's right! If the College isn't really invested in the project and is just asking us to chase our tails with busywork, then I'm not going to do it!

So there! Take that! Hah!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sitehound on November 11, 2019, 04:27:17 AM
Please, please retire. You are lazy, uncooperative, rigid, and manipulative.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Porcupine on November 11, 2019, 06:51:45 AM
Interdisciplinarity is predicated on disciplines existing. Interdisciplinarity does not and should not mean "liberal education hash".
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on November 11, 2019, 08:26:41 AM
Gee, I never did hear from you again on this subject. Perhaps you finally dropped it, like every other sane person on the planet?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on November 11, 2019, 09:18:39 AM
Please, please retire. You are lazy, uncooperative, rigid, and manipulative.

A rhetorical question - do you work in my department?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on November 11, 2019, 11:19:34 AM
[watching tech do a remote install of software on my computer]

Argh!!! Please for the love of all that is holy, just let me do it! How hard is it?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on November 12, 2019, 04:37:05 AM
[watching tech do a remote install of software on my computer]

Argh!!! Please for the love of all that is holy, just let me do it! How hard is it?

Oh, I felt this so very much this past month. I hope it's all done with.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on November 12, 2019, 08:38:11 AM
[watching tech do a remote install of software on my computer]

Argh!!! Please for the love of all that is holy, just let me do it! How hard is it?

Oh, I felt this so very much this past month. I hope it's all done with.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have had to deal with it too.  So frustrating.  This is the second time they've attempted the installation, the first being an utter failure that took some of my other software with it.  No success on this attempt so far, but today's another day (and tomorrow, and tomorrow...).  It's like watching some randomly selected ghost meander through the file structure trying to figure out what to do.  What might launch the install? So many files.  I'm sure setup.exe is not relevant.  At times I have jumped into the chat to point out that they needed to open or close particular files, look in a different directory, etc.  Now I just go read a book or something and cross my fingers.   Hope you don't have to deal with it again any time soon, and thanks for the support!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 12, 2019, 10:31:15 AM
Rule to live by:

Before ever letting IT near your computer, back everything up.

Twice.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on November 12, 2019, 12:49:33 PM
Several, all unrelated:

(1) Don't. Just . . . . don't. 

(2) Yes, you do in fact need someone to come in to cook and clean. No, you cannot handle it yourselves. How do I know? Look at your house.

(3) You've already screwed things up royally multiple times before this. What makes you think this qualifies you to fix those same things?

(4) Driving 20 mph down a busy road marked with a 45 mph speed limit isn't being safe--at least, not for those of us who have to dodge around you like circus employees on unicycles.

(5) [from a vacation home in the Blue Ridge mountains] "Sorry, but I won't be back in the office until at least 2023."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 13, 2019, 04:19:27 AM
Hey, f*ckface: When working with a significant number of kids you know are adopted or in foster care, don't do a project that requires a baby photo. It's far less harmful to just beat them with an axe handle instead.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on November 13, 2019, 06:10:17 AM
Dear Dean

For a couple of years you had some sub-dean evaluating my online courses. They always found fault with them, for reasons that I found absurd, and said so. I never got to the level of "satisfactory" even.

I've noticed that my online courses have stopped being evaluated by this sub-dean, but you keep on hiring me.

Just wondering, have you come to your senses and done away with those bullshit evaluations? Or did someone just forget to evaluate me?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on November 13, 2019, 06:15:45 AM
[watching tech do a remote install of software on my computer]

Argh!!! Please for the love of all that is holy, just let me do it! How hard is it?

Oh, I felt this so very much this past month. I hope it's all done with.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have had to deal with it too.  So frustrating.  This is the second time they've attempted the installation, the first being an utter failure that took some of my other software with it.  No success on this attempt so far, but today's another day (and tomorrow, and tomorrow...).  It's like watching some randomly selected ghost meander through the file structure trying to figure out what to do.  What might launch the install? So many files.  I'm sure setup.exe is not relevant.  At times I have jumped into the chat to point out that they needed to open or close particular files, look in a different directory, etc.  Now I just go read a book or something and cross my fingers.   Hope you don't have to deal with it again any time soon, and thanks for the support!

Work gave me a new computer. We have a process for specialized software install (e.g. they won't give you the new one with it already loaded) and to get SPSS loaded, when I just needed an admin ID and password, meant the IT person thinking something else was the install package. I also jumped on the chat to tell them that wasn't the install setup and finally just navigated to it myself.

The more frustrating part, and at this point funny, is that the new laptop was sent to me (twice! because of VPN issues that required me to send it back to them) with missing software for critical things like updates being pushed and allowing IT to remote in (rather than sharing my desktop via our internal messaging system). I think it finally all got resolved yesterday.

And this has been going on since the end of September. *headdesk*
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on November 13, 2019, 08:33:49 AM
Colleague, you are brilliant, hard-working, and your skills are vital to the success of this project. I'm very excited about our collaboration, and I think we work well and effectively together. What is more, beyond your core skills in our research context, you also have really good soft skills, and have already done some wonderful networking to gain us an important research relationship and potential future partnership in an area that is far more my domain than yours. But I choked at that conference, and you were outgoing and made friends, and now we've got Professor Awesome on our team. I respect you and value our partnership.

However, you are a terrible writer. Yikes. Good grief. Ouch.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on November 13, 2019, 03:41:33 PM
[watching tech do a remote install of software on my computer]

Argh!!! Please for the love of all that is holy, just let me do it! How hard is it?

Oh, I felt this so very much this past month. I hope it's all done with.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have had to deal with it too.  So frustrating.  This is the second time they've attempted the installation, the first being an utter failure that took some of my other software with it.  No success on this attempt so far, but today's another day (and tomorrow, and tomorrow...).  It's like watching some randomly selected ghost meander through the file structure trying to figure out what to do.  What might launch the install? So many files.  I'm sure setup.exe is not relevant.  At times I have jumped into the chat to point out that they needed to open or close particular files, look in a different directory, etc.  Now I just go read a book or something and cross my fingers.   Hope you don't have to deal with it again any time soon, and thanks for the support!

Work gave me a new computer. We have a process for specialized software install (e.g. they won't give you the new one with it already loaded) and to get SPSS loaded, when I just needed an admin ID and password, meant the IT person thinking something else was the install package. I also jumped on the chat to tell them that wasn't the install setup and finally just navigated to it myself.

The more frustrating part, and at this point funny, is that the new laptop was sent to me (twice! because of VPN issues that required me to send it back to them) with missing software for critical things like updates being pushed and allowing IT to remote in (rather than sharing my desktop via our internal messaging system). I think it finally all got resolved yesterday.

And this has been going on since the end of September. *headdesk*

I am so sorry to hear about all that! I swear we are computer issue twins.  Good of you to take the reins and do the navigating yourself.  We have a somewhat similar process now, too.  We used to get laptops with our custom software already installed, whatever we had licenses for individually and the common stuff.  Now we can just "easily" go "download" it ourselves, which basically means choosing the software from a site and "ordering" it and then waiting for a ton of approvals and someone to pop in to chat at a random time wanting to install the software.  For my part, I have had this software for years.  I needed to have an extra component added to access a particular data source, and that apparently required a full reinstall.  It took months to get the folks to understand what software specs I needed (though that setup is used by many of my colleagues).  Then it took days and days to download the files through VPN.  And, the install didn't work, so I lost my just fine and dandy version of the software.  Then I was told well, you are getting a new computer soon, so just wait and then you can "download" it from the software site. 

The timeline is frustrating.  I initially requested the additional component in December.  Got my version killed in March.  New computer in June.  Software finally installed and working today.  Why? My longtime friend who works in a different tech area heard about the issue and found a workaround and crunched through it with me all yesterday afternoon.   And then he also solved an issue with a driver that a lot of us have been having with the new computers and that none of the usual tech peeps could help with.  So! Guardian angels are apparently what is needed.  I wish I were still close enough to buy him a couple beers!

Sorry for the long rant, and I am so glad it finally got resolved for you, too.  Here's to not having to deal with this kind of thing again, for a little while at least.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on November 14, 2019, 05:42:34 AM
[watching tech do a remote install of software on my computer]

Argh!!! Please for the love of all that is holy, just let me do it! How hard is it?

Oh, I felt this so very much this past month. I hope it's all done with.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have had to deal with it too.  So frustrating.  This is the second time they've attempted the installation, the first being an utter failure that took some of my other software with it.  No success on this attempt so far, but today's another day (and tomorrow, and tomorrow...).  It's like watching some randomly selected ghost meander through the file structure trying to figure out what to do.  What might launch the install? So many files.  I'm sure setup.exe is not relevant.  At times I have jumped into the chat to point out that they needed to open or close particular files, look in a different directory, etc.  Now I just go read a book or something and cross my fingers.   Hope you don't have to deal with it again any time soon, and thanks for the support!

Work gave me a new computer. We have a process for specialized software install (e.g. they won't give you the new one with it already loaded) and to get SPSS loaded, when I just needed an admin ID and password, meant the IT person thinking something else was the install package. I also jumped on the chat to tell them that wasn't the install setup and finally just navigated to it myself.

The more frustrating part, and at this point funny, is that the new laptop was sent to me (twice! because of VPN issues that required me to send it back to them) with missing software for critical things like updates being pushed and allowing IT to remote in (rather than sharing my desktop via our internal messaging system). I think it finally all got resolved yesterday.

And this has been going on since the end of September. *headdesk*

I am so sorry to hear about all that! I swear we are computer issue twins.  Good of you to take the reins and do the navigating yourself.  We have a somewhat similar process now, too.  We used to get laptops with our custom software already installed, whatever we had licenses for individually and the common stuff.  Now we can just "easily" go "download" it ourselves, which basically means choosing the software from a site and "ordering" it and then waiting for a ton of approvals and someone to pop in to chat at a random time wanting to install the software.  For my part, I have had this software for years.  I needed to have an extra component added to access a particular data source, and that apparently required a full reinstall.  It took months to get the folks to understand what software specs I needed (though that setup is used by many of my colleagues).  Then it took days and days to download the files through VPN.  And, the install didn't work, so I lost my just fine and dandy version of the software.  Then I was told well, you are getting a new computer soon, so just wait and then you can "download" it from the software site. 

The timeline is frustrating.  I initially requested the additional component in December.  Got my version killed in March.  New computer in June.  Software finally installed and working today.  Why? My longtime friend who works in a different tech area heard about the issue and found a workaround and crunched through it with me all yesterday afternoon.   And then he also solved an issue with a driver that a lot of us have been having with the new computers and that none of the usual tech peeps could help with.  So! Guardian angels are apparently what is needed.  I wish I were still close enough to buy him a couple beers!

Sorry for the long rant, and I am so glad it finally got resolved for you, too.  Here's to not having to deal with this kind of thing again, for a little while at least.

That took the better part of a year?! And I thought approaching 2 months was bad. Yikes. Luckily the missing software was pushed and seems to be installed now. My issue was elevated to a Tier 3 tech which I didn't even know we had.

I outlined the timeline of problems and asked my boss to whom it should be elevated. Having tech shipped out with missing standard software is just bad business - I've probably spent at least 50 hours total dealing with this when I should have been working. I've also included the timeline in all of my recent communication with IT, including a note with my old computer when I finally sent it back to them. I was super tempted to CC our OCIO at one point too.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 14, 2019, 06:56:03 AM
MY IT team responded to my help request for a test-bank manager program (that they purchase and provide) with "Yeah, we heard about that.  Here's the cludgy work-around. We hope it will be fixed when the new version gets installed in February".

This was a hassle.  So I took the time to research, solve, and test the solution.  And when I told IT, they said "Glad it worked for you".

There has NEVER been a campus wide announcement of the problem, the workaround, nor the solution.

What I wish I could say:  "Hey IT, shouldn't I get all the money you budgeted for the support for that software.  Neither you nor the company has earned any of it."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on November 14, 2019, 10:23:49 AM
[snipping the long quote]

That took the better part of a year?! And I thought approaching 2 months was bad. Yikes. Luckily the missing software was pushed and seems to be installed now. My issue was elevated to a Tier 3 tech which I didn't even know we had.

I outlined the timeline of problems and asked my boss to whom it should be elevated. Having tech shipped out with missing standard software is just bad business - I've probably spent at least 50 hours total dealing with this when I should have been working. I've also included the timeline in all of my recent communication with IT, including a note with my old computer when I finally sent it back to them. I was super tempted to CC our OCIO at one point too.

Yes, luckily I could use other software to do some things, even if it took much longer than it should have.  I'm glad your issue got elevated.  We have a similar tier system.  I have had the same experience, spending many, many, many hours on this stuff.  It's pretty ridiculous.  I think remote workers should have a bit more autonomy given everything else we have to do for ourselves. 

When I got to my computer today, I had a Skype message from one of the tech consultants.  "Hi.." So I just left it until I felt like responding and said "Hi?" He replied "hii how are you".  So, I said "Doing ok, you?" And he eventually replied "i am fine".  That's where we are, currently.   I would think it were spam or some predatory journal invite, but it is our internal Skype, so who knows.  Kind of surreal.  I'll see how this plays out, I guess. "are you there?" I don't know, am I?

FishProf also has my sympathies.  That's another too-common scenario.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 15, 2019, 10:12:38 AM
FishProf also has my sympathies.  That's another too-common scenario.

Thanks.  Just another example of the stuff I do for my academic job that is not "what I went to school to do".
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 15, 2019, 06:43:26 PM
Yeah, well, it got a little hateful. But only dead fish go with the flow.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on November 16, 2019, 09:49:18 AM
So let me get this straight. You unsubscribed from our listserv, disconnected from Facebook, ignored the emails from our invitations committee, and now you're upset that you didn't learn about our event until it was too late?

Okay.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 17, 2019, 08:07:31 AM
You, madam, are an idiot.

Some people in this semi-rural neighborhood use an "electric fence" where an underground wire triggers a shock collar on the dog's neck to keep the dog within its own yard. A little cruel at first, but it works; and it's probably better than chaining the dog or letting it run off after every silly deer or possum. These dogs are not "unleashed."

That German Shepherd in the ugly blue house has a family with four little kids it protects. Protects them from what, I don't know. But the dog doesn't f*ck around and clearly articulates, every chance it gets, that it doesn't want anyone or anything within the clearly marked perimeter of its yard. And, by the way, even the local kids know that dogs are here to keep things away, and they don't approach them without asking. Even the little dogs around here know they have a job. 

Now, you like to leave your Labradoodle outside and unleashed to wander what we loosely call a neighborhood. When you told the police officer that your dog was just "a friendly neighborhood dog" and the German Shepherd was vicious and out-of-control, the county police officer just blinked at you. Plus, we other neighbors pointed out the many unpleasant encounters we have had with your dog because our "unfriendly" dogs and their "unfriendly" owners aren't comfortable being confronted by your large, unleashed (although admittedly friendly) animal.

Anyway, that was bloody and ugly, but your dog was lucky to make it to the perimeter and stay alive. In fact, it's surprising the German Shepherd stopped at the edge of its flagged area (I'm not sure those shock collars usually work for a dog in fight mode). And, hell-no, there wasn't anyone who was going into that yard to help rescue your dog. And, no, the cops aren't going to do anything to the German Shepherd or its owner.

Your dog ain't too bright, but you, madam, are a f*cking idiot.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: zuzu_ on November 18, 2019, 12:17:44 PM
I get it. I am not a vegetarian. I eat meat. I am not opposed to ethical meat production or ethical hunting of deer.

However I will never understand the need to pose with the bloody and deceased animal and share the picture far and wide.

And I get it--it is your social media, you want express yourself. This is the culture of region in which I have chosen to reside. It's OK--I will unfollow you or snooze you for hunting season.

But to the high-up admincritter who included these photos, of your smiling children grasping the antlers of their bloody deceased animals, at the bottom of your super-important email newsletter that we all must read: srsly?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on November 18, 2019, 12:29:25 PM
High up admincritter needs a lesson in sensitivity and inclusivity.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Antiphon1 on November 18, 2019, 07:59:45 PM
Dean dude obviously skipped the training on appropriate use of university communication channels. Srsly indeed.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on November 19, 2019, 04:26:27 PM
Please please PLEASE email your classes when you are not going to show up for your office hours. Because guess where they go when they show up at your door, find it is closed, and my door is right across the hall.

(note: I will say something like this to the offending party when they return).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 20, 2019, 08:50:41 AM
No, we don't "all agree" that your [pet program] is where the university should be investing its limited resources.

No, that doesn't mean I want your [pet program] to fail.

No, that doesn't mean I hate [group served by pet program].

No, that doesn't mean I don't value the humanities.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 22, 2019, 01:06:38 PM
No, adminicritter: That the student consistently sent bi-weekly emails throughout the semester stating why she wasn't going to attend my class does not mean she was "participating" in the course. But submitting any of the four essays might have shown she was trying to participate in the course.

I don't have to email her "what she missed." The assignments have been in D2L since day one. Unfortunately, I am not able to email her an understanding of all the assignments and discussions she missed.

What the f*ck is your problem?

[My chair handled this more politely for me.]

 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on November 26, 2019, 01:32:27 PM
Are you too stupid to realize those are rounded numbers? And that if you click on a cell in the excel file it shows you the percentage out to 5 decimal places? And that not all numbers divide into each other evenly which is why, for example, we get things like the average number of people in a U.S. household is 2.5?

I will have to say some version of this - only nicely. And I will do it tomorrow because the people from this particular group have been inundating my email with inane questions all day and I will definitely not be nice if I respond right now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on November 27, 2019, 09:45:32 AM
Are you too stupid to realize those are rounded numbers? And that if you click on a cell in the excel file it shows you the percentage out to 5 decimal places? And that not all numbers divide into each other evenly which is why, for example, we get things like the average number of people in a U.S. household is 2.5?

I will have to say some version of this - only nicely. And I will do it tomorrow because the people from this particular group have been inundating my email with inane questions all day and I will definitely not be nice if I respond right now.

Adding to the above, if you come back to me with questions about the validity of weighting data, it's going to be very hard for me to not tell you that you have a problem with the entire field of statistics and I don't know what to do for you anymore.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on December 01, 2019, 04:53:38 PM
You've been here enough times to know how it works. In our family, when the cook says "Dinner in 10 minutes!" we stop what we are doing, get our drinks, hit the potty (if needed), and we are at the table in 10 minutes. We appreciate the well-prepared hot food someone else has made for us.

So, yes, when you hear the 10-minute-call, ignore the action around you, wait until the food is on the table to begin to end your important Facebook interactions, then go mix your "special tea," and then go to your car to get something, we assume you aren't participating with us and we start eating without you. And we wonder what the f*ck your problem might be--while we eat.

So pout all you want. Or don't come back. Whatever you want to do.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on December 05, 2019, 10:15:39 AM
So pout all you want. Or don't come back. Whatever you want to do.

Amen to this. Our family had some similar drama this year (an aunt yelled at the cook because the turkey was done 30 minutes early). I started to post something here and... just ran outta gas.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on December 06, 2019, 06:14:06 AM
Please remove me from this email thread.

(It's work related...I am tangentially involved but the current discussion is not relevant to me)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on December 06, 2019, 11:15:12 AM
Butt-out mom.  It isn't even your kid.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on December 07, 2019, 04:15:18 PM
How would like to trade being ignored for these "fabulous" parts of working in an office listed by Cracked.com: https://www.cracked.com/blog/5-wasteful-things-employers-do-instead-paying-us-more/?

Remember, I get paid way more than you while I'm wearing my branded lanyard and helping plan the holiday party that will have zero food I can eat.

I did do the math once and realized it cost me $200 in productive time to get a quarter of the wellness points needed to save $50 every year.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on December 07, 2019, 07:57:19 PM
Wow, you're really drinking up tonight!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on December 08, 2019, 03:51:30 PM
Nod and smile, smile and nod.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on December 09, 2019, 12:00:21 AM
SHUT UP ABOUT THE DAMN BANANA!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on December 09, 2019, 06:49:49 AM
I hate it when economists do history.

Actually, I guess I only hate it when *some* economists try to do history, and really much it up.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on December 19, 2019, 09:48:22 AM
I miss our old admin person. Things take twice as long dealing with you [current admin person].
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on December 19, 2019, 07:28:15 PM
Does this place really look like it's ready for it to reopen to the public?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Myword on December 21, 2019, 07:48:43 AM
I am more qualified for my job than you are qualified for yours.

No I don't want more work. The pay is so low I feel like a volunteer as it is.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on January 09, 2020, 11:51:14 PM
I am so sick of brand new junior faculty doing things like reading their emails and following instructions and asking for clarification if they need to, while senior faculty just carry on carrying on the way they've always done, and then when I call them on it and make them do the thing the right way, they're all 'Oh, I'm sO sOrRy, I dIdN't kNow'. If you had read your freaking email you would have known, fartnozzle!

Once I might have been all nice about it, but not this time. Once I might have considered letting it slide because you're about fourteen orders of magnitude more senior than me, but not anymore. I am in charge of this task, and you didn't do it right. Too bad that you're travelling and it's inconvenient to fix. If you'd done it right the first time you wouldn't be having this problem, would you? Here, I'll forward you that email that I sent back in early December where I told you how to do everything that you didn't do. The only concession I'll make to your ego is refraining from highlighting in honking read ink the bit where I laid out exactly what you said you didn't know.

You're a super famous big-shot, sure, but I just don't care. Do your job.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on January 10, 2020, 04:57:17 AM
The departmental listserv serves a number of specific functions, but your cutesy MFA-creative-writer-Tumblr messages about your love of cats or your distaste for onions is unprofessional. If only the director of your program would tell you what an idiot you're being.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on January 10, 2020, 06:09:51 AM
I am so sick of brand new junior faculty doing things like reading their emails and following instructions and asking for clarification if they need to, while senior faculty just carry on carrying on the way they've always done, and then when I call them on it and make them do the thing the right way, they're all 'Oh, I'm sO sOrRy, I dIdN't kNow'. If you had read your freaking email you would have known, fartnozzle!

Once I might have been all nice about it, but not this time. Once I might have considered letting it slide because you're about fourteen orders of magnitude more senior than me, but not anymore. I am in charge of this task, and you didn't do it right. Too bad that you're travelling and it's inconvenient to fix. If you'd done it right the first time you wouldn't be having this problem, would you? Here, I'll forward you that email that I sent back in early December where I told you how to do everything that you didn't do. The only concession I'll make to your ego is refraining from highlighting in honking read ink the bit where I laid out exactly what you said you didn't know.

You're a super famous big-shot, sure, but I just don't care. Do your job.

This month's AARP newsletter has a cover feature on age discrimination at the workplace.

Just sayin'... sometimes it is earned.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on January 10, 2020, 08:18:46 AM
I am so sick of brand new junior faculty doing things like reading their emails and following instructions and asking for clarification if they need to, while senior faculty just carry on carrying on the way they've always done, and then when I call them on it and make them do the thing the right way, they're all 'Oh, I'm sO sOrRy, I dIdN't kNow'. If you had read your freaking email you would have known, fartnozzle!

Once I might have been all nice about it, but not this time. Once I might have considered letting it slide because you're about fourteen orders of magnitude more senior than me, but not anymore. I am in charge of this task, and you didn't do it right. Too bad that you're travelling and it's inconvenient to fix. If you'd done it right the first time you wouldn't be having this problem, would you? Here, I'll forward you that email that I sent back in early December where I told you how to do everything that you didn't do. The only concession I'll make to your ego is refraining from highlighting in honking read ink the bit where I laid out exactly what you said you didn't know.

You're a super famous big-shot, sure, but I just don't care. Do your job.

This month's AARP newsletter has a cover feature on age discrimination at the workplace.

Just sayin'... sometimes it is earned.

If it's earned it's not age discrimination. This one is personal.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 10, 2020, 03:55:17 PM
Dear [Professional Program] Chair,
Stop telling students to come to me to appeal their C- grades up to a C because [Professional Program] doesn't round up but [My Department] does.  No we don't.  The artificial cutoff you impose is YOURS, not ours.  Students in our classes getting a C- didn't "fail", they got a C-.  That YOUR program won't accept that grade is YOUR PROBLEM, not mine.

Just Stop

No Love,

Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on January 10, 2020, 09:09:18 PM
If you'd given me a deadline, I would have sent feedback by then.  Since you told me to take my time, I waited until today.  I am not thrilled to hear that you've already proceeded without my feedback.  At best, you'll still be able to incorporate it but have to waste $50 reprinting what you've already printed.  Otherwise, I just wasted my time reading your stuff and writing a whole page of comments.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on January 11, 2020, 12:10:50 PM
To my grad students: I'm so flattered that so many of you are taking my course despite not actually needing it "for credit." But if too many more of you drop it in favor of auditing, the course will be canceled entirely.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: LibrariAnne on January 13, 2020, 11:49:48 AM
"Wow Annie!!  You are really starting to look good!"

I know they mean this as a compliment, but it makes me want to say "Did I look like a troll before?"

Anne
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on January 13, 2020, 04:13:15 PM
Yeah, some people don't engage their brain before they put their mouth into gear....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on January 14, 2020, 06:34:55 AM
Yes, I AM going to sit in the back of the room and crochet during two service week meetings today, just like the one yesterday. I might as well get something useful out of the time, since I'm forced to be here, and since you (Admin) aren't presenting anything useful of your own.

(I'm working on a baby afghan for one of my health care providers, and also little pouches for joeys, wombats, and sugar gliders in Australia.  At least all of them will appreciate my efforts, unlike Admin.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on January 14, 2020, 05:02:06 PM
Consume fecal matter and perish, you pretentious twerp.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on January 28, 2020, 05:36:01 AM
Dear politician's campaign,

Perhaps you are unaware that any random person can follow anyone on social media.  One does not need to be a supporter to follow a candidate.  One certainly does not have to be a supporter to the point that one would make phone calls on one's own dime for the candidate.

I have posted zero anything on any social media account linked to my legal name that supports your candidate.

Do you read the responses to your politician's posts?  I mean, really read them and count the percentage that are positive, negative, and neutral?  I do and thus have to wonder why you thought sending personal messages to random Twitter followers was anything other than a sign of desperation since clearly you aren't getting enough help from paid staff or actual supporters (you know, the people who actually donated to the campaign or respond enthusiastically to the weekly exhortations to get involved).

So, no, I, good registered Libertarian that I am (you didn't look to see what other accounts I follow, did you?) will not be making any phone calls for your Democratic candidate prior to the Iowa caucus.  You might want to check with my husband, but since he's on record as a registered Republican who has donated regularly to one of your opponents, my husband is also unlikely to be making any calls for you.

Signed,

Can we just vote already and be done with this election cycle?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 28, 2020, 11:40:13 AM
It isn't a ground-up faculty initiative if the President said "We are doing this.  Figure it out".
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: magnemite on January 28, 2020, 12:26:23 PM
It isn't a ground-up faculty initiative if the President said "We are doing this.  Figure it out".

Maybe a recipe: start with some ground-up faculty...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 28, 2020, 12:29:56 PM
It isn't a ground-up faculty initiative if the President said "We are doing this.  Figure it out".

Maybe a recipe: start with some ground-up faculty...

All our faculty here are ground-down.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: bento on January 29, 2020, 10:32:40 AM
No (interim dean), faculty are not excited to spend a week in summer helping what you call "onboarding" of freshmen.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Cheerful on January 29, 2020, 03:37:06 PM
No (interim dean), faculty are not excited to spend a week in summer helping what you call "onboarding" of freshmen.

Hopefully, this summer fun is accompanied by some onboarding of supplemental salary into your paycheck.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on January 30, 2020, 04:57:13 AM
Oh my god what the f*ck did you do?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on January 30, 2020, 05:51:07 AM
Please keep better track of your emails.

I'm getting really tired of sending things multiple times!!!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on January 30, 2020, 05:53:02 AM
Please keep better track of your emails.

I'm getting really tired of sending things multiple times!!!

M.

This is when I just forward the last email I sent requesting that file/information/etc to that person.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on January 30, 2020, 05:54:11 AM
Yeah, I do that. A lot.

Just wish it would get better...!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on January 30, 2020, 06:19:07 AM
No (interim dean), faculty are not excited to spend a week in summer helping what you call "onboarding" of freshmen.

Whenever I hear "onboarding", my mind goes to "waterboarding". I'm not sure how Freudian that is....
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on January 30, 2020, 07:09:49 AM
Yeah, I do that. A lot.

Just wish it would get better...!

M.

And working for (the same) also-conflict-averse person who wants to side-step everything, when the real need is to resolve an issue so we can move along, is also exhausting.

Do your job!!!

(and don't make me set things up so it "just happens"....you're supposed to be in charge, not me!)

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on January 30, 2020, 09:25:09 AM
You're a fossil, a relic, and it is obvious that as a chair, you are a waste of time. You can't keep up and under your direction, the department is clearly just going to lose more full time faculty and probably eventually be merged with another more productive department. Of course, maybe you are not to blame, because you were the one who agreed to be chair when the rest of the department just want to sit at home diddling. So you are all a bunch of has-beens. You should all retire.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on January 30, 2020, 10:03:58 AM
If you think you're going to throw me under the bus successfully, think again.  I've got the receipts, as they say.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on January 30, 2020, 11:54:38 AM
No, student from last semester, I cannot change your grade so that you can continue to receive final aide. Well, I did say this. I wish I could say something else, but it is rather uncouth.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on January 31, 2020, 07:41:37 AM
Student, grow the f--- up and stop talking and giggling through my Comp II class. I called you out on it by name on Day 2 and Day 3. (Everybody was a little rambunctious on Day 1, and that's OK. But I warned everyone to get it out of their systems and come back ready to work. They did.) 

Why are you surprised--and mad as hell--that I both called you out AND took you out in the hall during class yesterday (Day 4)?  I was dead serious when I offered to walk you to my chair and/or the dean so you could complain about me. You had your chance.

Getting your things and stomping out didn't get you anywhere when you did it in my Comp I last semester.  It doesn't work now, either.  As I told you then, I teach in a college, not a junior high, so knock it off.  I'll be damned if I babysit this semester (though I'm mandated to do a good deal of it in Fall Comp I classes).

(For the record, the other 24 in the room are a dream--mature, engaged, bright, etc.  There's generally a huge jump in the civility of our students from Comp I to II.  I was hoping they'd shame this one into settling down but, nope.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on February 02, 2020, 05:11:50 AM
Thanks for our email suggesting how i could make your life easier, dept chair.

Frankly, I don't give a shit.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on February 03, 2020, 02:11:45 PM
The general consensus of our little subcommittee was that our initiative was couched in too much jargon. You replied with, "Yes, we may have to recalibrate those deliverables." Everyone laughed lightly because we thought you were being witty.

When we looked at your face that was all a-flummoxed, we realized you were serious. So we laughed aloud. Then you got all pouty.

My best advice: Go home and start drinking until you see the humor in the situation. 'Cause I don't care who you are, that was funny.


Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on February 04, 2020, 12:02:44 AM
The general consensus of our little subcommittee was that our initiative was couched in too much jargon. You replied with, "Yes, we may have to recalibrate those deliverables." Everyone laughed lightly because we thought you were being witty.

When we looked at your face that was all a-flummoxed, we realized you were serious. So we laughed aloud. Then you got all pouty.

My best advice: Go home and start drinking until you see the humor in the situation. 'Cause I don't care who you are, that was funny.


I was once at a Science! For Kids! type event, describing my research. At one point I was making spectrograms of them saying their names, and was explaining what it was. And I opened my mouth and heard myself say, 'It's a visual representation of the sound waves . . .' and I just knew as I was saying it that I was failing badly, but I had no idea how to fix it. Fortunately my co-presenter popped up and said, 'It's a picture of your voice!' She is much better at that sort of thing than I am.

I deeply sympathize with your jargonizer.  But yes that was funny.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on February 04, 2020, 09:11:40 AM
Dear Registrar:

Why, oh why, do you allow students without the appropriate Math prerequisites to sign up for my Physics courses? It's becoming a pain in the a$$ trying to constantly explain what an integral is to a student who never had Calculus.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on February 11, 2020, 01:05:05 AM
Do you make a special time to meet up and re-teach the same material to every student who emails you to ask what they missed when they were absent? No, I didn't think so. Likewise, I cannot make time to reteach the information in this meeting to you just because you happen to have a schedule conflict. You've known about these regularly scheduled meetings since the beginning of the semester. If you have a schedule conflict, that's not my problem. Take the notes, talk to a colleague, and don't expect me to wipe your nose for you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: onehappyunicorn on February 11, 2020, 12:35:39 PM
When I tell you, oh dear student, that I do not penalize students who miss class due to severe weather situations I don't appreciate you trying to take advantage of that. I was talking about a situation where we had tornado warnings, not just rain. Telling me in your email that you do not feel safe driving in because we might have a few periods of somewhat heavy rain does you no favors, especially when it is sunny most of the day. Unfortunately saying "suck it up, buttercup" would likely be frowned up by my superior...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Antiphon1 on February 11, 2020, 03:33:24 PM
Shame on you.  You've blown past hypocrite, bigot, and misogynist.  I hope your crappy behavior earns you the response you deserve.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on February 12, 2020, 05:05:34 AM
When I tell you, oh dear student, that I do not penalize students who miss class due to severe weather situations I don't appreciate you trying to take advantage of that. I was talking about a situation where we had tornado warnings, not just rain. Telling me in your email that you do not feel safe driving in because we might have a few periods of somewhat heavy rain does you no favors, especially when it is sunny most of the day. Unfortunately saying "suck it up, buttercup" would likely be frowned up by my superior...

When its raining heavily, most of my students will take an Uber.

From their dorms.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on February 12, 2020, 10:00:48 AM
To person 1: I don't know anyone that wants to do that.

To person 2: I'm not a mind reader. Be clear in the questions you ask and don't assume I know what year you're talking about. If you don't specify, I'll assume you mean the most recent one.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: magnemite on February 12, 2020, 11:54:38 AM
Just. Go. Away.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on February 13, 2020, 07:08:56 AM
Man, you Facebook reply guys always predictably repeat whatever the non-male commenter just posted, don't you?

I'd ask "hey is there an echo in here?" but if there's one thing that's more boring than a reply-guy echo, it's the injured not-all-men defensiveness that follows it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on February 13, 2020, 07:15:11 AM
Man, you Facebook reply guys always predictably repeat whatever the non-male commenter just posted, don't you?

I'd ask "hey is there an echo in here?" but if there's one thing that's more boring than a reply-guy echo, it's the injured not-all-men defensiveness that follows it.

In this day and age, nuance is evil.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on February 13, 2020, 07:27:05 AM
If you really want to change things for the better for students--and I do have my doubts there--then you are going to have to get busy changing policy. I'm not doing all this work, so you can just shrug your shoulders later and give me the sea cow look.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on February 13, 2020, 09:28:36 AM
I really, really, really, don't want you on this committee.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 15, 2020, 01:53:41 PM
Grr! We've been asking for website input for years. No one has responded.

Now, with a transition coming up, it's the focus of everyone's "new ideas," "dreams" and "Hopes!" and you can't even say "thanks" when we show you what we did do to update it in accordance with the new project we're working on....you just start in on this issue and that one, and you want stupid big pictures and print instead of an indexed, well-structured site.

My take on it is fast becoming: "When things are in flux, people take it out on the website."

And as a corollary: I'm only going to do minimal changes and cleanup, because it's clear you're going to trash the whole thing anyway.

Grumble....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on February 16, 2020, 10:23:22 AM
Twitter folk (or social media in general): it is 100 percent possible to amplify/"signal boost" someone's message without outwardly saying that is what you're doing. I checked, and I promise it is possible. RT/Share.

The addition of an extra comment that you are "signal boosting" them is annoying. And it's so baldly performative and self-centered that I kind of judge you for doing it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on February 16, 2020, 07:38:40 PM
To patron #1: How stupid can you possibly be? No other patrons are here right now, the public computers show as unavailable, and all the lights are off. And our hours posted in large font on the front door.

To patron #2: Oh, I heard you. But I'm not your personal servant.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on February 17, 2020, 08:56:48 AM
I can't believe I have to tell you this, but my name isn't Andrea.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Parasaurolophus on February 17, 2020, 12:54:08 PM
I can't believe I have to tell you this, but my name isn't Andrea.

Similarly: My name is Parasaurolophus, not Pare a sore ollofuss.

I let it slide one time a year ago because I was caught by surprise, but now... it's too late, I can't correct it now. Sigh.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 17, 2020, 02:57:07 PM
No, Verizon, it is not my fault you've linked my work phone and my home fios accounts!

You fix it and you send me the gift card sign-up again after you do.

I shouldn't have to spend nearly 2 hours trying to sort out something the gremlins in your machines tangled up.

And let me know when it's fixed so I don't waste more time trying to sign up for the gift card until it is! (Oh, I did say that...)

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on February 21, 2020, 03:22:58 PM
To organizers of international document with expert contributors: I do not think you will receive author drafts that use the non-standard Word list format that you have requested.  It is hard enough using standard formats and the auto-"correcting" that occurs.  I have already spent way more time than it's worth to format this way, at least at this stage.  I doubt the folks who are way senior to me are taking the time to figure this out. 

I realize the above is pretty whiny, but (wait! there's more!) I feel like required formatting takes up a more and more disproportionate amount of my time compared to content generation.  Different journals, different clients all want different (and not always, or even usually, standard) formatting.  It makes sense later on in the publication process, maybe, but probably only barebones should be required at the initial submission stage, with the focus on content.  I mean, you probably shouldn't clip out different print fonts from different sources and paste them into some creepy representation of your paper and submit that, but researchers may not be likely to be able to meet weirdly specific formatting requirements in general.  Even less likely for these requests to be heeded when you've asked individuals from all over the place to contribute to an important document that probably falls outside their reward structures. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on February 21, 2020, 05:35:18 PM
I mean, you probably shouldn't clip out different print fonts from different sources and paste them into some creepy representation of your paper and submit that

What?  That's how I write all my papers!

(Your post sent me down a rabbit hole trying to find a LaTeX* package to format a paper that way.  There's nothing official, but I found a version on a forum.  I also found several methods designed to format LaTeX so it looks like the writing of a Cthulhu-worshipping madman, so that was nice.)

* LaTeX = typesetting language used by authors in CS, math, and physics
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on February 21, 2020, 07:33:51 PM
I mean, you probably shouldn't clip out different print fonts from different sources and paste them into some creepy representation of your paper and submit that

What?  That's how I write all my papers!

(Your post sent me down a rabbit hole trying to find a LaTeX* package to format a paper that way.  There's nothing official, but I found a version on a forum.  I also found several methods designed to format LaTeX so it looks like the writing of a Cthulhu-worshipping madman, so that was nice.)

* LaTeX = typesetting language used by authors in CS, math, and physics

I haven't used LaTeX much since grad school because my org does not deal with it, but I am definitely going to take a look for that package! There may come a time in the near future when I will want to make a statement.  That could be useful.  Thanks! Cheered me right up.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on February 21, 2020, 08:32:34 PM
I mean, you probably shouldn't clip out different print fonts from different sources and paste them into some creepy representation of your paper and submit that

What?  That's how I write all my papers!

(Your post sent me down a rabbit hole trying to find a LaTeX* package to format a paper that way.  There's nothing official, but I found a version on a forum.  I also found several methods designed to format LaTeX so it looks like the writing of a Cthulhu-worshipping madman, so that was nice.)

* LaTeX = typesetting language used by authors in CS, math, and physics

I haven't used LaTeX much since grad school because my org does not deal with it, but I am definitely going to take a look for that package! There may come a time in the near future when I will want to make a statement.  That could be useful.  Thanks! Cheered me right up.

For your convenience...
ransom note TeX (https://tex.stackexchange.com/questions/38599/the-effect-of-the-anonymous-letter) (scroll down--first thing is about PostScript)
Cthulhu-worshipping madman TeX (https://tex.stackexchange.com/questions/29402/how-do-i-make-my-document-look-like-it-was-written-by-a-cthulhu-worshipping-madm/29458#29458)
I didn't spend enough time searching, so there could be better approaches out there.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on February 22, 2020, 09:03:46 AM
I mean, you probably shouldn't clip out different print fonts from different sources and paste them into some creepy representation of your paper and submit that

What?  That's how I write all my papers!

(Your post sent me down a rabbit hole trying to find a LaTeX* package to format a paper that way.  There's nothing official, but I found a version on a forum.  I also found several methods designed to format LaTeX so it looks like the writing of a Cthulhu-worshipping madman, so that was nice.)

* LaTeX = typesetting language used by authors in CS, math, and physics

I haven't used LaTeX much since grad school because my org does not deal with it, but I am definitely going to take a look for that package! There may come a time in the near future when I will want to make a statement.  That could be useful.  Thanks! Cheered me right up.

For your convenience...
ransom note TeX (https://tex.stackexchange.com/questions/38599/the-effect-of-the-anonymous-letter) (scroll down--first thing is about PostScript)
Cthulhu-worshipping madman TeX (https://tex.stackexchange.com/questions/29402/how-do-i-make-my-document-look-like-it-was-written-by-a-cthulhu-worshipping-madm/29458#29458)
I didn't spend enough time searching, so there could be better approaches out there.

This is great.  Thanks again.  Playing around with these packages can be considered professional development time to get back up to speed with LaTeX.  Don't want to get too rusty!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on February 22, 2020, 09:25:51 AM
I was right, and you were wrong. Again. I know my being right is eating you up, but I still don't care about the topic any more than when you first asked me about it.

Smooth on and move on, bruh. Or whatever the kids say today.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on February 27, 2020, 11:04:33 AM
Dude, calm down. Your intensity and disbelief that only retirees are interested in volunteering with this group is probably why you're having a hard time finding a backup for the website. That and using 20 year old HTML...when there are systems out there with much more user friendly design and interfaces that just about anyone can use.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on February 27, 2020, 11:48:05 AM
When you asked a dozen people for feedback on something and I sent you a lengthy brain dump, I didn't expect you would use my brain dump almost verbatim as an official departmental document.  Okay, I get that nobody else sent you anything, but you're the chair and it's your job to nag them.  (At least you removed the part where I mentioned names of administrators in a less than complimentary manner.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mahagonny on February 27, 2020, 09:10:25 PM
At faculty meeting:
Chair: I am publishing a book as spokesman for our department, which is our solemn duty, as a world leader of pedagogy. I would like your input before editing.
Professor A: All this was explained definitively in my book several years ago.
Chair: Well and good, but it doesn't count until it appears in my book.
Me: It doesn't count then either.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on February 28, 2020, 05:13:44 AM
Please just shut up.  Your whining is out of control.

1) The professor doesn't have to give you a study guide.  Take notes.
2) The professor doesn't have to give partial credit on lab practicals.  He doesn't.  Arguing with him about it is pointless.  And annoying.   That he only said "You aren't going to change my mind about this" was a sign of restraint, not disrespect, on his part.
3)Nothing you are complaining about is something I can act on, even if I were so inclined.  Which I am not.
4) In a year, you will need a letter of recommendation to get into PA school.  You have now annoyed every professor who teaches the relevant  classes.  This will not go well for you.
5) The grade you are complaining about from last semester was your HIGHEST grade last semester.  Not the one you want to point out as being obviously unfair.
6) I am not the person to complain to about the class expectations being too high.  I set the expectations.  I enforce them.  Your complaints are reinforcing my opinion that the class is being run properly.

I may actually say all of these during our meeting this morning.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 28, 2020, 05:57:29 AM
PA = Physician's Assistant?

Wow.

Hold firm.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mahagonny on February 28, 2020, 06:37:45 AM
Please just shut up.  Your whining is out of control.

1) The professor doesn't have to give you a study guide.  Take notes.
2) The professor doesn't have to give partial credit on lab practicals.  He doesn't.  Arguing with him about it is pointless.  And annoying.   That he only said "You aren't going to change my mind about this" was a sign of restraint, not disrespect, on his part.
3)Nothing you are complaining about is something I can act on, even if I were so inclined.  Which I am not.
4) In a year, you will need a letter of recommendation to get into PA school.  You have now annoyed every professor who teaches the relevant  classes.  This will not go well for you.
5) The grade you are complaining about from last semester was your HIGHEST grade last semester.  Not the one you want to point out as being obviously unfair.
6) I am not the person to complain to about the class expectations being too high.  I set the expectations.  I enforce them.  Your complaints are reinforcing my opinion that the class is being run properly.

I may actually say all of these during our meeting this morning.

I don't anything that you shouldn't be able to say, since you are sure it's accurate.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on February 28, 2020, 07:47:26 AM
PA = Physician's Assistant?

Wow.

Hold firm.

M.

Yep. He sounds like he already decided not to go to Med School because it was too hard to get in.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on February 28, 2020, 10:03:34 AM
Student cancelled the meeting - decided 30 minutes wasn't enough time.  Good luck getting more than that in my schedule.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: smallcleanrat on February 29, 2020, 12:53:07 PM
Can I have a hug?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 29, 2020, 07:04:30 PM
Yes. Anytime!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on March 01, 2020, 08:11:08 AM
Can I have a hug?

<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
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<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
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<<<<HUG>>>>
<<<<HUG>>>>
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on March 03, 2020, 09:27:06 AM
Not related.

Please stop belching loudly from your office with the door wide open. Just stop.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 04, 2020, 05:13:00 AM
That student trip you just canceled over coronavirus pandemic fears?  The place they were going is likely safer than staying here.

You just wasted tens of thousands of dollars and a ton of goodwill.  Good luck ever getting either of those back.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on March 04, 2020, 07:29:57 AM
I wish I could put you on mute.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 04, 2020, 10:37:59 AM
That student trip you just canceled over coronavirus pandemic fears?  The place they were going is likely safer than staying here.

You just wasted tens of thousands of dollars and a ton of goodwill.  Good luck ever getting either of those back.

So sorry to hear of that.

It's not helping with the zenophobia that is already getting in the water and making people dichotomize all the issues...

Be wise, be careful, yes.

But don't be clueless.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on March 04, 2020, 11:16:01 AM
That student trip you just canceled over coronavirus pandemic fears?  The place they were going is likely safer than staying here.

You just wasted tens of thousands of dollars and a ton of goodwill.  Good luck ever getting either of those back.

So sorry to hear of that.

It's not helping with the zenophobia that is already getting in the water and making people dichotomize all the issues...


I realized that this is a case where I'm not really sure what the default "left" and "right positions are in this.

For instance,

Being against imposing quarantine

Being for imposing quarantine

I could see loud voices from both ends of the political spectrum on both sides of this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 06, 2020, 03:07:02 AM
Unrelated to the above....

Right, people.

Re-inventing the wheel is much more exciting than truing the spokes.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on March 11, 2020, 05:55:05 AM
Dear president of Super Dinky,

We've never met and yet I feel obligated to point out some harsh realities based on your recent interviews in the media.

The current budget shortfall is 15% of your operating budget and that's before any effect from the corona virus.  I don't know if you're underinformed or just wishfully thinking, but the natural disaster was several years ago and SD recovered.  The probation with the regional accreditor from a few years ago was related to planning and resources, not anything to do with student learning assessment.  I see no strategic or related plans on your website.  I don't even see the two-page summary of vision that is pretty common for tiny institutions.

All the actions you've listed as ways SD could change in this new higher ed environment have either been tried recently and are in various states of abandoned (online, more transfer-friendly general education, degree-completion programs) or are flat out stupid (premed and nursing are very different curricula and no one majors in English while minoring in nursing).  The new majors you implemented despite my research on how those wouldn't attract new students are not attracting new students based on the course enrollments that are visible to the general public.

I made presentations to the trustees about 4 years ago how dire their situation was and stated it would be about 5 years before SD closed if no changes on the list I provided were made right then.  I see almost no evidence that those changes were made, and yet I have personal correspondence regarding what happened when others continued to work on getting those changes implemented.  Almost all of those folks left or retired instead of continuing to make futile efforts.

Based on the lack of a triumphant announcement that fundraising to fill this year's budget shortfall was successful by the announced deadline (now several weeks in the past and the publicly visible fundraising tracker is still short), my bet is the next public announcement will be the institution is closed at the end of this academic year.

Regretfully,

Cassandra
Polly
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 11, 2020, 10:03:00 AM
Yes, it's sad when what you tried to say went unheard and/or left unenacted.

I'm in a smaller but similar setting where it's not going to be joy, but sorrow, when the whole thing collapses and "I told you so" is the only true response.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 11, 2020, 11:26:34 AM
In a single person election, writing abstain on your ballot is Passive-aggressive (and technically not an abstention).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on March 11, 2020, 02:15:48 PM
Dear president of Super Dinky,

We've never met and yet I feel obligated to point out some harsh realities based on your recent interviews in the media.

The current budget shortfall is 15% of your operating budget and that's before any effect from the corona virus.  I don't know if you're underinformed or just wishfully thinking, but the natural disaster was several years ago and SD recovered.  The probation with the regional accreditor from a few years ago was related to planning and resources, not anything to do with student learning assessment.  I see no strategic or related plans on your website.  I don't even see the two-page summary of vision that is pretty common for tiny institutions.

All the actions you've listed as ways SD could change in this new higher ed environment have either been tried recently and are in various states of abandoned (online, more transfer-friendly general education, degree-completion programs) or are flat out stupid (premed and nursing are very different curricula and no one majors in English while minoring in nursing).  The new majors you implemented despite my research on how those wouldn't attract new students are not attracting new students based on the course enrollments that are visible to the general public.

I made presentations to the trustees about 4 years ago how dire their situation was and stated it would be about 5 years before SD closed if no changes on the list I provided were made right then.  I see almost no evidence that those changes were made, and yet I have personal correspondence regarding what happened when others continued to work on getting those changes implemented.  Almost all of those folks left or retired instead of continuing to make futile efforts.

Based on the lack of a triumphant announcement that fundraising to fill this year's budget shortfall was successful by the announced deadline (now several weeks in the past and the publicly visible fundraising tracker is still short), my bet is the next public announcement will be the institution is closed at the end of this academic year.

Regretfully,

Cassandra
Polly

Wish I had time to go back to the old fora and review the Super Dinky story there.  It was quite the cautionary tale.  I've several times checked up on my own (dinky, but not super-dinky) alma mater to reassure myself that they don't appear to be falling into some of the same kinds of traps.  So far, so okay.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on March 12, 2020, 07:50:10 AM
I wish that I could say wudn't and dudn't. I can say them but I cannot (can't) be thought proper in doing it.  Although these words are used quite commonly in the vicinity in which I reside and frequent, according to those who determine such for my base language, re them, the aforementioned unapproved contractions, I shouldn't. It is time for a change, I say.  And in respects to the arbiters of such, don't dare say that, were it their will, they couldn't!  Whew.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: toothpaste on March 12, 2020, 10:51:52 AM
Started a conversation on school parents' group about possibility of starting spring break prematurely so our kids don't heighten COVID. Very mildly put.

What I'm so far holding back on saying, "So you want your kid to be the bullet that kills your [insert favorite vulnerable loved one here]?"
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: alto_stratus on March 12, 2020, 05:48:01 PM
"Dear, lovely, husband, I TOLD you we should stock up on TP. You said I was being silly. And now, there is no Charmin."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 12, 2020, 06:39:14 PM
Unrelated to the above (I may have said this before, even...)

Inefficiency is multiplicative. The more people you put in charge, the less effective that group will be.

And I'm not feeling very trusting about the folks who are choosing the people to be put in charge.

So...I'm glad it will be put in place after I leave. Just hope the group survives.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on March 12, 2020, 07:21:37 PM
Inefficiency is multiplicative. The more people you put in charge, the less effective that group will be.

Mamselle, I'm sorry... your situation does not sound good.  What you said about more people in charge reminds me of this demotivation poster (I hope the humor will help): "None of us is as dumb as all of us." https://despair.com/products/meetings?variant=2457301507

I really need to figure out the embedded URL tags again but don't have the energy right now given stuff.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 12, 2020, 08:54:38 PM
Thanks, yes, that's about the size of it!

Appreciated.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on March 13, 2020, 09:52:11 AM
Dear Ph.D. candidate,

Writing to another scholar in your field and starting with "I haven't read your book, but" and then proceeding to ask several questions about material from their book is not the way to anyone's heart. This is especially the case if you are emailing an author who has also been your Reviewer 2.

Best,
Get a Clue
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 13, 2020, 10:04:28 AM
To anyone who approaches me with tiny/only matters to them/"not my problem" problems

I have bigger fish to fry!  Go away and bug someone else.

(aka I have to get TWO different lab courses ready to be online for nearly 1000 students in less than three weeks!  How many weeks of online vs in person?  No one knows!  When will we find out?  No one knows!  What is my budget?  No one knows, but I'm guessing $0!)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 13, 2020, 12:55:48 PM
Dear Mom and Dad

You are what is wrong with America.  Or, you would be if you bothered to vote.

Italy didn't close to stick it to Trump.  Covid-19 is real.

Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on March 13, 2020, 12:58:34 PM
Dear Mom and Dad

You are what is wrong with America.  Or, you would be if you bothered to vote.

Italy didn't close to stick it to Trump.  Covid-19 is real.

Fishprof

My parents think this is all some kind of Democratic conspiracy and that travel bans between my state and the rest of the country are a great idea. Not because of public health (because this is all a hoax, right), but because it'll keep us liberals from taking over their Trumpist utopia.

Put another way: OMG I feel you fishprof.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 13, 2020, 01:06:16 PM
I got off the phone with them 10 minutes before their Dear Leader declared a national state of Emergency.

How will they rationalize that?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on March 13, 2020, 01:28:45 PM
I got off the phone with them 10 minutes before their Dear Leader declared a national state of Emergency.

How will they rationalize that?

Well, on the radio, it sounded like Trump wasn't really on top of what he was saying.  Perhaps someone made Trump make the declaration by holding a beloved grandchild hostage.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 13, 2020, 01:50:06 PM
I'm wondering if he's finally taken it onboard that he could have the virus, having been exposed, and is just starting to catch up to the facts because it's happening to him.

Which, sorry to say, seems to be the only way he takes anything on board.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 13, 2020, 02:45:07 PM
I got off the phone with them 10 minutes before their Dear Leader declared a national state of Emergency.

How will they rationalize that?

Well, on the radio, it sounded like Trump wasn't really on top of what he was saying.  Perhaps someone made Trump make the declaration by holding a beloved grandchild hostage.

Which would run counter to his tough-guy, drain the swamp, i have bigger hands persona they so claim to love.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on March 13, 2020, 06:42:01 PM
Am I the only person who's realized that we need to plan for significant drop in summer and fall enrollment? Between a pandemic and economic dislocations caused by reaction, many of our students may take a semester off. I know we have to meet deadlines, but shouldn't you at least be encouraging us to do some contingency planning?!?

I haven't said it, but I now have three budget outlines for next year. One is based on slightly optimistic flat enrollment forecasts of early January. Two is based on missing those projections by 3%, which I considered likely when I saw reviewed the underlying data. Three is disaster scenario, with enrollment decline of 25%.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on March 13, 2020, 07:11:58 PM
I got off the phone with them 10 minutes before their Dear Leader declared a national state of Emergency.

How will they rationalize that?

Well, on the radio, it sounded like Trump wasn't really on top of what he was saying.  Perhaps someone made Trump make the declaration by holding a beloved grandchild hostage.

Which would run counter to his tough-guy, drain the swamp, i have bigger hands persona they so claim to love.

Many people love a tough guy who has a soft spot for the grandbabies.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on March 17, 2020, 07:06:18 AM
You completely missed the point of what I wrote. It's the fact that you are assuming we understand/know what those things mean when we don't. I wasn't saying others had issues this time period. I was pointing out that how you explain things isn't helpful and that if things come up in the future, you should probably reevaluate what you assume people know.

FFS.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on March 18, 2020, 07:17:07 AM
The silence is becoming deafening.  Should I infer that you are annoyed?  If so, you might want to try imagining the full spectrum of reasons for my actions - most of which don't have anything to do with you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on March 18, 2020, 07:56:40 AM
I know you're frightened at the thought of continuing to allow a trickle of patrons to use the facility by appointment during the epidemic.  But we're an essential public service.  We can't shut down totally.  People have things to do online that can't wait for weeks, and our computers are the only ones they have available.  We're going to disinfect the work stations as they are used, and we're not going to let ourselves be overwhelmed by kids who just want to hang out and spread germs, like you think we are.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on March 18, 2020, 08:37:02 AM
To the reply-all in my inbox:

Why in the world are any of you shocked that students use their notes/books during an online exam? Why in the world didn't you write test questions that assumed that? Why in the world is it a bad thing if students are looking at their notes/books under these circumstances?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: uni_cyclist on March 18, 2020, 09:12:35 AM
Please send me my written offer. I am sitting on my hands so that I don't write or call you about it because I know everyone is busy and stressed. I am also busy and stressed, and need to know for sure whether I should be preparing to put my house up for sale, move my family across the country, and inform my current department that I am leaving. I know you're dealing with a whole department of people now needing to teach online -- I can help! Let me help. Can I barter my skills in teaching online, and in exchange get that offer letter pretty please?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 18, 2020, 09:52:55 AM
Stop posting about how this is a time for folks to "enjoy time with their loved ones, bake, paint, exercise, play games, laugh, etc."
That's only possible for the financially secure who don't have young children out of school (or are rich enough to have a giant house and a nanny/au pair/baby sitter).
Most folks are desperate to balance NEEDING to work and/or suddenly trying to get a job, might have suddenly lost their health insurance, with no childcare options, and the expectation that they will "home school" their kids.
It is not possible to work full time, parent full time, and teach full time.  Toss in the financial crisis and/or loss of healthcare and it's a disaster.

[I'm looking at you, my retired female relatives with health insurance and all your kids long grown up and moved out]

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on March 18, 2020, 10:04:42 AM
To another reply-all in my inbox:

I get the team spirit here, but honestly, I'm not about to publicly volunteer to teach the courses most adjacent to my own should the instructor of record fall ill next quarter. If any of us fall sick, honestly then it's time to cancel classes, not ask those of us who are already doing too much to take over someone else's (wholly inadequate, very different) online format.

But I'm untenured, so I will STFU instead and hope no one calls on me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: spork on March 18, 2020, 10:26:51 AM
To the adjunct who has emailed me the same question about Webex four times in the last 24 hours and has received the same reply ("no") each time:

You're fired.


Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on March 18, 2020, 12:07:43 PM
Dear colleague,

I know teaching [engineering topic] remotely is difficult but grow the f*** up and do it. We all have to do the best we can with this less than ideal situation. You can't just not teach your course for the rest of the semester and only assign reading and open book quizzes because the students will be totally screwed next fall when you "pass" them this spring and they don't have anything close to the prerequisite knowledge for the next course. How do I know you're trying to do that? Because I'm the course coordinator and by default in our system (not because I'm spying on you) course coordinators are emailed when an email is sent to "all" in the course. I have offered to help set things up for you since I'm teaching a similar course right now, but you've ignored all the offers from me and my colleagues to help out. Don't screw the students because you're lazy.

All the best,

EM

Well, I did write something similar, but much more polite, after discussing it with my department chair. Ugh. We're all in the same situation, we need to do the best we can for the students even though we might not agree with some of the decisions that have been made by people up the food chain.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: arcturus on March 18, 2020, 10:36:15 PM
Dear incompetent committee member,

Thank you for your efforts on this committee. However, as I have said before, we need both accuracy and speed in creating our documents. When your contributions are filled with inaccuracies, that slows us down because we need to double check your work. And it wastes the committee's very limited time. Further, when providing a revised document, please start with the version that already includes the corrections we have made. Re-doing all these revisions not only wastes my time further, but makes me respect you even less (if that is possible at this point). Finally, I know that you do not respect me, but, while your field is not my area of expertise, when I tell you that something is incorrect, I am right and you are wrong. Really. Trust me. Please resign so that we can replace you with someone who cares enough to do the job well.

Sincerely,
Pissed off committee member who is having to make the same corrections of factual inaccuracies for the nth time
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 18, 2020, 11:21:15 PM
They're hoping you won't notice so they can slip their version of reality past you....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 22, 2020, 01:22:04 PM
A few things to note about your "encouraging" email from on-high:


I'm good at what I do, and I'll make it all work. Just leave me the hell alone so I can do my job.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: alto_stratus on March 22, 2020, 06:13:10 PM
No, it's not a good idea. Now stop patting yourselves on the back and thinking up things I "should" be doing to get it done, because it doesn't matter. It's not a good idea. Thanks for creating 15 mins of extra work responding to all the messages, and 30 mins of annoyance. I will let you know when the higher-ups say it's not a good idea.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 23, 2020, 04:27:42 AM
We have a system for running virtual meetings baked into our CMS.  Students already have access.  Why are you pushing ZOOM?  Could it be because the administrators who run the show here aren't on our CMS, so they never consider the academic side of things here?

Also, Google hangouts.  Why are you pushing Skype or some other tech over what you already made us adopt?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on March 23, 2020, 05:49:47 AM
No, I will not use Skype or Zoom or whatever else to speak to my chair or secretaries* "during this difficult time."  I will email him or them, as I always do when off-campus and needing something; if necessary, I'll pick up the phone and call the secretaries.  But I will not Skype, Zoom, or whatever else.

Yes, I know how to use Skype, Zoom, and similar programs. I've used them for years, particularly when interviewing with other schools, and as part of my "service to the discipline/academe" activities. No, I am not a luddite or a dinosaur; I've been teaching online here since 2005, before 90% of y'all even knew what online ed was.  But I am NOT Skyping etc. with you.

Similarly, no, I am not using Collaborate in Blackboard or recording and uploading audio and/or video lectures for my 2 F2F classes going online. They know what I look like and what I sound like. Hell, most of them spend most of every class period as it is either sleeping, staring out the window, or otherwise ignoring me, and those that don't, will be fine without visual/vocal contact.  Besides, over half of these Comp II students don't have any tech beyond their (expensive) cell phones--no latptop or desktop at home--and at least that many also don't have internet access at home.**  Public libraries have been closed for over a week; our campus is in our second week of extended spring break and is shut down to all but essential personnel; and regardless of what y'all say, our Bb doesn't work worth a damn with phones/tablets.

How have I managed to teach multiple sections every blessed semester, including summers, for 15 years without Skype, Collaborate, etc. and consistently have better grade results from my online classes than from my F2F sections--AND than most of my colleagues F2F's, too? More importantly, College, how about being concerned just a little bit about your employees' privacy and our agency in deciding what electronic/tech tools we will and will not use?  I mean, you already oversaw a breach of 5,000+ personnel records --including DoB's, SSN's, and more--earlier this spring. And you wonder why I don't want to give you any kind of access to anything more? Y'all could screw up a junkyard, as you've proven time and again.

* Secretarial staff is required to work for the duration (despite not being considered "essential" workers in the recent Stay at Home order from the local authorities--the governor is too stupid to have issued one for the entire state).  The chairs, deans, and higher-ups, and faculty, can work at home. Nice message to the secretaries, huh?

**If Admin knew the first damn thing about our students, they'd already know this and wouldn't be pushing us to upload audio/video lectures, conduct classes synchronously via Collaborate, etc.

TL; dr version:  Just get out of the way and let me teach. This "difficult situation" would be a lot less difficult if you'd just trust your faculty to do what you hired us for.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 23, 2020, 06:13:14 PM
No, I will not use Skype or Zoom or whatever else to speak to my chair or secretaries* "during this difficult time."  I will email him or them, as I always do when off-campus and needing something; if necessary, I'll pick up the phone and call the secretaries.  But I will not Skype, Zoom, or whatever else.

Yes, I know how to use Skype, Zoom, and similar programs. I've used them for years, particularly when interviewing with other schools, and as part of my "service to the discipline/academe" activities. No, I am not a luddite or a dinosaur; I've been teaching online here since 2005, before 90% of y'all even knew what online ed was.  But I am NOT Skyping etc. with you.

Similarly, no, I am not using Collaborate in Blackboard or recording and uploading audio and/or video lectures for my 2 F2F classes going online. They know what I look like and what I sound like. Hell, most of them spend most of every class period as it is either sleeping, staring out the window, or otherwise ignoring me, and those that don't, will be fine without visual/vocal contact.  Besides, over half of these Comp II students don't have any tech beyond their (expensive) cell phones--no latptop or desktop at home--and at least that many also don't have internet access at home.**  Public libraries have been closed for over a week; our campus is in our second week of extended spring break and is shut down to all but essential personnel; and regardless of what y'all say, our Bb doesn't work worth a damn with phones/tablets.

How have I managed to teach multiple sections every blessed semester, including summers, for 15 years without Skype, Collaborate, etc. and consistently have better grade results from my online classes than from my F2F sections--AND than most of my colleagues F2F's, too? More importantly, College, how about being concerned just a little bit about your employees' privacy and our agency in deciding what electronic/tech tools we will and will not use?  I mean, you already oversaw a breach of 5,000+ personnel records --including DoB's, SSN's, and more--earlier this spring. And you wonder why I don't want to give you any kind of access to anything more? Y'all could screw up a junkyard, as you've proven time and again.

* Secretarial staff is required to work for the duration (despite not being considered "essential" workers in the recent Stay at Home order from the local authorities--the governor is too stupid to have issued one for the entire state).  The chairs, deans, and higher-ups, and faculty, can work at home. Nice message to the secretaries, huh?

**If Admin knew the first damn thing about our students, they'd already know this and wouldn't be pushing us to upload audio/video lectures, conduct classes synchronously via Collaborate, etc.

TL; dr version:  Just get out of the way and let me teach. This "difficult situation" would be a lot less difficult if you'd just trust your faculty to do what you hired us for.

Amen. It's like administrators have put all their stock into Zoom or something. Or, as usual, they are pushing complicated solutions for problems that don't actually exist.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Antiphon1 on March 23, 2020, 10:02:52 PM
related to the above -

Double Amen. 

I'm not doing Zoom meetings, either.  You didn't want any input from us up until this point.  Why do I need to pretend to give a damn on camera?  Learn to compose a coherent email.  I can read just fine. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on March 24, 2020, 04:45:58 AM
I said in the future you stupid bint. I didn't say right now. IN THE FUTURE...think about how you explain things to people. You're not clear.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on March 24, 2020, 06:34:24 AM
Admin, PLEASE stop sending multiple (i.e, I counted 8 yesterday) daily emails about taking classes online, and let us just DO it.  Those of us who teach online find a lot of your advice to be absurd (the Zoom rant I made earlier is the least annoying suggestion), and those who are struggling to figure it out are not going to be helped by any of your BS. 

Also, instead of bombarding us with this nonsense, how about getting REAL, usable information out to us ASAP.  For instance, the little fact that students can withdraw from any class and retake if for free in the future would be a nice thing for faculty to know, esp. with students who are already on the grade bubble and/or in personal crisis because of the upheaval.  And burying the word about that really good page of resources our librarians made up--which includes information on how anyone in the area can get 60 days' worth of free home internet--at the bottom of the weekly campus newsletter that nobody reads, pretty much encapsulates how Admin is handling this whole situation.

I get it:  unexpected times, figuring it out as you go, etc.  But that doesn't give license to turn this into the sh*tshow it's become.  Of course, at the end, the Chancellor and OE director will likely get contract extensions with healthy raises and a bonus. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Myword on March 24, 2020, 07:08:56 AM
 it is unfair for me to wait years for you to publish my very short book review, nor to wait months without any communication for your readers to critique my articles and do their unnecessary fault-finding and opining that does no one any good.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on March 24, 2020, 09:30:29 AM
Why yes, you can still make appointments to come to the library to fax, use computers, and check out books that we bring to you.  And our recently-modernized web site offers a dazzling array of virtual services as well.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on March 25, 2020, 06:29:26 AM
Just let it go.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sprout on March 25, 2020, 10:50:24 AM
To everyone posting ideas for "what to do when you're stuck at home doing nothing": I hate you all.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on March 26, 2020, 07:46:01 AM
STOP sending all the stupid and repetitive emails about how to do our work, and let us do our work!  You don't get brownie points for micromanaging, especially when you clearly don't have a clue about what you're talking about.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 26, 2020, 11:01:05 AM
STOP sending all the stupid and repetitive emails about how to do our work, and let us do our work!  You don't get brownie points for micromanaging, especially when you clearly don't have a clue about what you're talking about.

This +1000


Our classes start in FOUR DAYS.  While it's nice (I guess?) that the "keep teaching" folks are willing to meet and chat tomorrow about what we are "planning" to do for Basketweaving labs, I had to restrain myself from yelling "We are past planning!  We have been past the planning/brainstorming/looking for resources stage for at least a week.  Right now, if you aren't actively testing our your materials, it's too late!  Leave me alone so I can do my job."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on March 27, 2020, 05:45:24 AM
You chose to post publicly about how you have been traumatized by another person and by your college. It seemed a bid to elicit sympathy from others.

To be honest, I don't feel a lot of sympathy. In my experience you are a hard person to deal with, and it is not surprising that others are worn out by you and do not accept your ideas.

Clearly you have been hurt by others and you have taken it very personally. But I don't see you acknowledging your own role in your life course.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on March 27, 2020, 06:56:00 PM
Please stop telling me what we should be doing, instead of what university has mandated that we do. I don't have any ability to change the mandates, as I've explained multiple times this week. You could have finished the idiotic paperwork in half the time you've spent complaining.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on March 28, 2020, 09:29:28 AM
As Sheldon would say, I informed you thusly.

I'm sad for all the people now actively being hurt because you refused to act years ago when those actions could have led to a different outcome.

It sucks to be right.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on March 31, 2020, 11:17:19 AM
The President talked about it in her daily update on website, so why are you trying to keep budget freeze quiet?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on March 31, 2020, 12:55:04 PM
This is a situation where your buy-in leadership style is really a detriment. We need to make decisions. We aren't going to make everyone happy. Stop thinking we'll have some magical situation where we find a happy medium. It's not going to happen.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on March 31, 2020, 04:15:58 PM
This is a situation where your buy-in leadership style is really a detriment. We need to make decisions. We aren't going to make everyone happy. Stop thinking we'll have some magical situation where we find a happy medium. It's not going to happen.

Related: If you tell us to develop reporting method that works for our unique situations of Thursday, don't require us to all use X's format on Tuesday. I don't care about the report format, but I do care about time I wasted developing format.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on March 31, 2020, 06:33:17 PM
You aren't fooling anyone.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 01, 2020, 06:05:45 PM
Contingency planning means planning for possibilities. If we wait until we have firm budget numbers, it's called panic.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on April 02, 2020, 02:20:56 AM
We're dealing with this in different ways. You want contact and affection and hugs. I want to withdraw into myself and wait it out. Please just let me be alone for a few hours a day and stop touching me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Anselm on April 02, 2020, 08:40:12 PM
Will you admin critters at least admit that some subjects can't be taught in an online format like ceramics and aviation?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on April 03, 2020, 05:12:16 AM
No we do not need a meeting to collectively write a response to those questions. WTF are you thinking.

Also, see the draft of responses I sent last week. That apparently you failed to notice. Read that and comment on it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on April 03, 2020, 07:33:29 AM
Will you admin critters at least admit that some subjects can't be taught in an online format like ceramics and aviation?

So having students play "Flight Simulator" online isn't considered adequate.  Who knew?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on April 03, 2020, 07:36:37 AM
Will you admin critters at least admit that some subjects can't be taught in an online format like ceramics and aviation?

So having students play "Flight Simulator" online isn't considered adequate.  Who knew?

Are you saying Flight of the Navigator lied to us?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Anselm on April 03, 2020, 07:58:40 AM
Will you admin critters at least admit that some subjects can't be taught in an online format like ceramics and aviation?

So having students play "Flight Simulator" online isn't considered adequate.  Who knew?

OK, I was a little careless in my frustration.   Our pilot students use a simulator that is so good that it counts for real flight time with the FAA.   However, that will not work for the aviation maintenance students.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on April 03, 2020, 08:28:42 AM
Will you admin critters at least admit that some subjects can't be taught in an online format like ceramics and aviation?

So having students play "Flight Simulator" online isn't considered adequate.  Who knew?

OK, I was a little careless in my frustration.   Our pilot students use a simulator that is so good that it counts for real flight time with the FAA.   However, that will not work for the aviation maintenance students.

Wait until you get the Tony Stark virtual workshop. Once they've got that at home, no problem.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Stockmann on April 03, 2020, 09:19:56 AM
Higher-ups, get your act together. Re-sit exams had already been delayed and switched to online, why re-schedule them? You've created massive uncertainty because now nobody knows when they'll take place, let alone when next term will take place. What would've made sense would be to formally switch next term to online - courses involving stuff like dissecting corpses would simply not take place next term. Students with no broadband, etc, could be alowed to temporarily withdraw without penalty. Instead, you're delaying everybody's graduation unncessarily and creating massive uncertainty for everyone, not least for those of us on temporary contracts, even more so for new hires. Is it incompetence, is it coddling the dinosaurs who refuse to even consider switching to online even as an emergency, stopgap measure?
Oh, and of course there's no inkling that you're even thinking of what might happen if many instructors become seriously ill, even though our instructors tend to be very experienced. Feckless much?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: histlibrarian on April 03, 2020, 10:32:15 AM
Let us close the library.

Stop giving us nonsense reasons as to why the building should remain open and start listening to all of us with our concerns about what this means for staff and student health. Stop ignoring this and start treating this like a bigger deal and acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, the library should actually close and all your "reasons" can be fulfilled with other sites on campus that do not require the library--which needs to be staffed in order to be open--to be open.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on April 03, 2020, 10:55:09 AM
Did it not dawn on you that I was the one that was going to have to make those changes? You need to tell me when $h!t like this comes in.

And don't go f*cking with my folder system by adding new folders that you think will make things clearer/easier/etc. You're not helping.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 03, 2020, 12:38:37 PM
I spent a couple of hours doing the online demos so people *could* use this software package if they want.  No one is required to do so, but a lot of people are choosing to.

Your incredibly immature tantrum about academic freedom and being forced to go online (you are, not by me) and  having to use THIS software (you don't, but you can) was really pathetic.

What I want to say: "I didn't understand what you just said, but it should have been 'thank you', so 'you're welcome'."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on April 06, 2020, 02:29:39 PM
WIWICS:

"When someone fixes a messy document you sent out to reflect a more professional standard for appearance and brevity (like, a 1-page job description instead of a 3-page mess with lists, half-finished sentences taken from your meeting notes, etc.) you adopt it.

"Don't add more stuff, don't try to cram a bunch of half-formed ideas about directions we might want to take but don't yet exist in there...you'll scare away all the applicants!

"Just say "thanks" and send it out.

"P.S., I'm not re-editing it."

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 06, 2020, 03:04:07 PM
No, flexibility in the face of Covid-19 does NOT mean "throw out all standards and just give out grades like candy", but thanks for putting that in writing so I can notify the Dean.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 07, 2020, 11:32:18 AM
[Double post, different days, OK?)

If you aren't able to calculate the  grade you need in Calculus in order to just barely meet the 2.0 minimum GPA to graduate, you shouldn't graduate.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on April 07, 2020, 11:56:12 AM
[Double post, different days, OK?)

If you aren't able to calculate the  grade you need in Calculus in order to just barely meet the 2.0 minimum GPA to graduate, you shouldn't graduate.

I always think the same thing about my accounting and nursing students.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on April 10, 2020, 10:34:48 AM
Don't post about your weird skin conditions on my Facebook page, okay? No one wants to read that shit.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on April 10, 2020, 03:29:42 PM
Thanks, just thanks! A month of time typing this up I can't get back...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on April 10, 2020, 03:44:31 PM
Thanks, just thanks! A month of time typing this up I can't get back...

Oh, no. Sorry that has happened. I've had a couple of those happen, too.

No fun.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 11, 2020, 12:15:00 PM
If you tell us that the best meal you have ever eaten came from a Cracker Barrel restaurant, you can't--in the same sentence--describe yourself as a "picky eater."

Just sayin'.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on April 13, 2020, 06:31:56 AM
<Re:  IRL situation>

If you're in that bad a shape, remove yourself from the situation (leave of absence, whatever) and either get better and come back, or find something else that you can handle. 

People are not out to get you. You're sucking the life out of everybody around you, so no, we're not particularly invested in wanting to keep trying, especially when no matter how nice we are and how sincerely we try to help, all you can do is bitch about us. If you're feeling like people don't care, you're right, and you've brought it on yourself.

Nearly all of us have been/are going through similar mental, family, and health issues as you--and for some of us, way worse. You just don't know about a lot of them (because you're too busy wallowing).  And when you do know, and continue to make a--hole comments to and about us, why, yes, you absolutely have lost the right to any sympathy and help we've done our best to extend to you.

TL; DR version:

Stop acting like we're all cold-hearted monsters. If you want people to care and help you, try not being such a childish, self-centered jackass when we do. And don't expect us to care and help anymore--we're done.






Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: paultuttle on April 14, 2020, 09:00:56 AM
I am at home working.

This doesn't mean that I somehow magically have more, extra, or additional time. I am merely doing my normal job but from a different location.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on April 14, 2020, 09:25:24 AM
If you tell us that the best meal you have ever eaten came from a Cracker Barrel restaurant, you can't--in the same sentence--describe yourself as a "picky eater."

Just sayin'.

Sure they can!  Picky doesn't mean that they like GOOD food.  They like all of their food to be bland, squishy, and salty. 
I've eaten at a Cracker Barrel once and had a memorably disappointing bowl of chicken soup.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 14, 2020, 01:08:07 PM
Shoot the messenger if you want regarding your poor writing effort. I will note, however, that Grammarly or a competent 4th grader could have pointed out the same problems.

And, hey, I'm a composition instructor: Reading and editing . . .  it's kind of what I do. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 14, 2020, 01:10:27 PM
If you tell us that the best meal you have ever eaten came from a Cracker Barrel restaurant, you can't--in the same sentence--describe yourself as a "picky eater."

Just sayin'.

Sure they can!  Picky doesn't mean that they like GOOD food.  They like all of their food to be bland, squishy, and salty. 
I've eaten at a Cracker Barrel once and had a memorably disappointing bowl of chicken soup.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on April 15, 2020, 02:37:02 PM
I am starting to suspect that some random group of monkeys* designed this study, developed the study instruments, collected the data, and then created the "analysis plan."**  One more example of why it is not so fun to "play in everyone's backyard."  Good freaking grief. 

Note to self: remember to remove some of my comments to myself from the programming code before sharing it with those to whom I would say/shout the above.

*No offense meant to monkeys.
**If I could defenestrate a Word document, I would.  I guess I could print it out and do so, or burn it in effigy, or both, or something.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on April 15, 2020, 04:07:51 PM
I hear your pain...hitting the delete key repeatedly just lacks the same panache.

Mine:  you took ten times longer than anyone ever has to finish that process and now you are going to get all pissy because it took an extra two hours to find a substitution for one item?

(Clearly working form home is not this person's peak environment...)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 15, 2020, 09:10:38 PM
Of course staff productivity is down and morale is abysmal with remote working. Your daily log and daily check-in with supervisor and weekly achivements report are taking 2-4 hours per person each week. Good staff are feeling distrusted and micromanaged, in addition to having at least 5% of their weekly hours consumed with your productivity reporting and supervisory oversight requirements.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on April 16, 2020, 06:47:25 PM
Of course staff productivity is down and morale is abysmal with remote working. Your daily log and daily check-in with supervisor and weekly achivements report are taking 2-4 hours per person each week. Good staff are feeling distrusted and micromanaged, in addition to having at least 5% of their weekly hours consumed with your productivity reporting and supervisory oversight requirements.

Can you elaborate without outing yourself? This sounds insane!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on April 17, 2020, 07:47:22 AM
No, you don't really want me to lay you off, even though the federally-enhanced unemployment payments would be more than you take home each week.  You're not considering how much you receive in insurance benefits and employer contributions to our retirement system.  It's not a good idea in the long term to interrupt those unnecessarily. 

Plus, you're one of the few staff members who can actually work from home, and we need you working.  You'll also be better off in the long run if you impress us with how well you want to do your job, not with how you'd rather draw a check for doing nothing.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 18, 2020, 08:13:07 PM
Of course staff productivity is down and morale is abysmal with remote working. Your daily log and daily check-in with supervisor and weekly achivements report are taking 2-4 hours per person each week. Good staff are feeling distrusted and micromanaged, in addition to having at least 5% of their weekly hours consumed with your productivity reporting and supervisory oversight requirements.

Can you elaborate without outing yourself? This sounds insane!

It is insane. My university has long required presidential approval for any staff member or administrator to work remotely. A proposed staff remote work policy was stalled until March, then passed the day before university announced extended spring break and remote teaching. The policy requires "frequent, documented, communication between supervisor and employee" and "measurable work product" for staff working remotely. The guidelines keep changing, but every version is time consuming.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 21, 2020, 04:10:37 PM
So, if our university  starts furloughing or laying off faculty and staff, you're going on the job market? Really? Good luck!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on April 21, 2020, 05:22:00 PM
Of course staff productivity is down and morale is abysmal with remote working. Your daily log and daily check-in with supervisor and weekly achivements report are taking 2-4 hours per person each week. Good staff are feeling distrusted and micromanaged, in addition to having at least 5% of their weekly hours consumed with your productivity reporting and supervisory oversight requirements.

Can you elaborate without outing yourself? This sounds insane!

It is insane. My university has long required presidential approval for any staff member or administrator to work remotely. A proposed staff remote work policy was stalled until March, then passed the day before university announced extended spring break and remote teaching. The policy requires "frequent, documented, communication between supervisor and employee" and "measurable work product" for staff working remotely. The guidelines keep changing, but every version is time consuming.

Us, too. Us too. And then there are the people who have to compile the reports about the reports.

Your tax dollars at work, folks.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on April 21, 2020, 06:52:51 PM
Of course staff productivity is down and morale is abysmal with remote working. Your daily log and daily check-in with supervisor and weekly achivements report are taking 2-4 hours per person each week. Good staff are feeling distrusted and micromanaged, in addition to having at least 5% of their weekly hours consumed with your productivity reporting and supervisory oversight requirements.

Can you elaborate without outing yourself? This sounds insane!

It is insane. My university has long required presidential approval for any staff member or administrator to work remotely. A proposed staff remote work policy was stalled until March, then passed the day before university announced extended spring break and remote teaching. The policy requires "frequent, documented, communication between supervisor and employee" and "measurable work product" for staff working remotely. The guidelines keep changing, but every version is time consuming.

Us, too. Us too. And then there are the people who have to compile the reports about the reports.

Your tax dollars at work, folks.

Classic lack of trust. The easy way to do this is for each supervisor, or delegate, to have a quick email exchange with their direct reports once a week. For example:

Supervisor: ‘Hi, colleague. Hope you’re doing well. Can you please send me a few bullet points on what you’ve accomplished this week?’.

Colleague: <sends bullet pointed list>

Supervisor follows up by Zoom if necessary.

Any issues are amalgamated at School level and sent up the chain at month’s end, with the default being that everything is fine.

I have 80+ direct reports and reckon this would take me at most 2 hours/week, my delegates 1 hour/week, and individuals without issues 10 minutes/week.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on April 22, 2020, 07:10:26 AM
Of course staff productivity is down and morale is abysmal with remote working. Your daily log and daily check-in with supervisor and weekly achivements report are taking 2-4 hours per person each week. Good staff are feeling distrusted and micromanaged, in addition to having at least 5% of their weekly hours consumed with your productivity reporting and supervisory oversight requirements.

Can you elaborate without outing yourself? This sounds insane!

It is insane. My university has long required presidential approval for any staff member or administrator to work remotely. A proposed staff remote work policy was stalled until March, then passed the day before university announced extended spring break and remote teaching. The policy requires "frequent, documented, communication between supervisor and employee" and "measurable work product" for staff working remotely. The guidelines keep changing, but every version is time consuming.

Us, too. Us too. And then there are the people who have to compile the reports about the reports.

Your tax dollars at work, folks.

Classic lack of trust. The easy way to do this is for each supervisor, or delegate, to have a quick email exchange with their direct reports once a week. For example:

Supervisor: ‘Hi, colleague. Hope you’re doing well. Can you please send me a few bullet points on what you’ve accomplished this week?’.

Colleague: <sends bullet pointed list>

Supervisor follows up by Zoom if necessary.

Any issues are amalgamated at School level and sent up the chain at month’s end, with the default being that everything is fine.

I have 80+ direct reports and reckon this would take me at most 2 hours/week, my delegates 1 hour/week, and individuals without issues 10 minutes/week.

My non-academic employer had huge restrictions on work-from-home until it became about 10k of us doing it all at once.  Now, what constitutes adequate documentation includes showing up for the weekly virtual meeting and saying, "I'm here and it's going fine", when your name is called or a three-to-five-minute phone call with the supervisor saying the same thing when one had to miss the meeting.

We still have deliverables due, but it wasn't our administrative supervisor who ever got the deliverables nor was it our administrative supervisor who had frequent meetings regarding progress on those deliverables.  I'm actually spending more time with my administrative supervisor with the weekly check-ins than previously when it was required twice per year and I saw her a little more frequently because our offices are about 20 feet apart.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 22, 2020, 07:41:07 AM
Hey Student!  It is STILL not all about you.  Professors have lives and kids and health issues and bills just like everyone else.  You want them to cut you some slack, you need to do the same.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on April 23, 2020, 02:58:16 AM
In what world does a paragraph or two explaining why we didn't use method X count as too onerous for 'minor revisions'? Just give me the damn figure showing method X so I can refer to it when explaining why method X doesn't work. In the amount of time you spent arguing that the figure and changes were an unreasonable expectation, I could have made them.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on April 23, 2020, 08:50:43 AM
Your need to try and please everyone is going to really end up screwing us over if we don't get something out soon. It is okay to say, "We're working on it," for some of the questions we know we're going to get that haven't been fully decided. Waiting until we have all the information isn't really possible right now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 24, 2020, 03:23:47 PM
Well, I guess the nice thing about chaos is that the paperwork doesn't really matter quite so much.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 27, 2020, 09:56:50 AM
Okay, no . . . I can't identify with the severe "trauma" high school seniors seem to be experiencing by missing out on their post-Spring Break school activities.

I hated high school, especially my senior year. To me, high school was nothing but a prison. I don't think back fondly on having to ask to go pee or waking up early for mind-numbing classes or the shredded carrots in green jello for lunch or dealing with the a$$hole students in the hallways. When the girl I would have taken to prom told me we were boycotting the dance because our early 80's Mid-South podunk high school officials wouldn't let a white guy take a black girl to the prom, my only real response was relief. I didn't buy a yearbook. I didn't show up for the senior group photo. They wisely omitted the senior quote I submitted. My mother had to physically threaten me to attend my own graduation.

No one was overly mean to me or anything: I just didn't want to be there. If they had told me I didn't have to come back after Spring Break, I would have done the Snoopy happy dance for a full week.

The punishment is over, high school seniors: FFS, fly away and be free!

Okay, I feel better now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on April 27, 2020, 01:34:32 PM
Okay, no . . . I can't identify with the severe "trauma" high school seniors seem to be experiencing by missing out on their post-Spring Break school activities.

I hated high school, especially my senior year. To me, high school was nothing but a prison. I don't think back fondly on having to ask to go pee or waking up early for mind-numbing classes or the shredded carrots in green jello for lunch or dealing with the a$$hole students in the hallways. When the girl I would have taken to prom told me we were boycotting the dance because our early 80's Mid-South podunk high school officials wouldn't let a white guy take a black girl to the prom, my only real response was relief. I didn't buy a yearbook. I didn't show up for the senior group photo. They wisely omitted the senior quote I submitted. My mother had to physically threaten me to attend my own graduation.

No one was overly mean to me or anything: I just didn't want to be there. If they had told me I didn't have to come back after Spring Break, I would have done the Snoopy happy dance for a full week.

The punishment is over, high school seniors: FFS, fly away and be free!

Okay, I feel better now.

Nerds everywhere (including me) applaud your insightful synopsis of high school, at least how it is expereinced by many.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on April 27, 2020, 04:57:30 PM
Okay, no . . . I can't identify with the severe "trauma" high school seniors seem to be experiencing by missing out on their post-Spring Break school activities.

I hated high school, especially my senior year. To me, high school was nothing but a prison. I don't think back fondly on having to ask to go pee or waking up early for mind-numbing classes or the shredded carrots in green jello for lunch or dealing with the a$$hole students in the hallways. When the girl I would have taken to prom told me we were boycotting the dance because our early 80's Mid-South podunk high school officials wouldn't let a white guy take a black girl to the prom, my only real response was relief. I didn't buy a yearbook. I didn't show up for the senior group photo. They wisely omitted the senior quote I submitted. My mother had to physically threaten me to attend my own graduation.

No one was overly mean to me or anything: I just didn't want to be there. If they had told me I didn't have to come back after Spring Break, I would have done the Snoopy happy dance for a full week.

The punishment is over, high school seniors: FFS, fly away and be free!

Okay, I feel better now.

Nerds everywhere (including me) applaud your insightful synopsis of high school, at least how it is expereinced by many.

I wasn't a nerd, but by my senior year I was over high school. I was taking the few classes needed to graduate and go on to college. I was working and many of my friends were older. I did have a bunch of activities and friends who went to other high schools. I wasn't that interested in prom and didn't go. I missed graduation to start college summer school to get ahead.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 29, 2020, 12:22:51 PM
How did we go from "need to identify at least 20% budget cut" to "university cold easily find money for pet project" in five minutes flat?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on April 30, 2020, 09:37:14 AM
Dear University Higher Admin folks,
Do you REALLY think it's a good idea to make the department with the largest undergraduate major on campus cut our number of TAs and instructors?  This means that classes will not get taught or have even longer waitlists or overly crowded classes or some combination of all of these things.  Students are paying a lot of money to be Basketweaving majors and this will make it EVEN HARDER for them to graduate on time.  Do you really think it will save any money by having fewer classes?  Plus, this a complete 180 from the last two years of "we need to offer more classes, increase sections, get students off the waitlists and into the classes.  You open the classes, we will find the money for the TAs & instructors".  If you could plan and think ahead more than 6 months out and stop panicking, we could have a reasonable plan.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on April 30, 2020, 09:45:45 AM
You really are terrible at communication. No wonder I end up bugging you over instant messaging....it's the only way I'd get answers from you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 30, 2020, 10:43:14 AM
So janitorial staff are walking into your office without masks to empty your wastebasket? Put up a "Do Not Enter" sign and dump your own trash. Fill at a custodial request ticket online. Work at home, like you claim to be doing when classes are in session on campus and your never around. And stop the daily emails to me about janitors not wearing masks.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on May 01, 2020, 05:36:15 AM
Why, yes, when my department hears about a stupid initiative you local Admins undertook only when our department counterparts on the other campuses tell us--via an email asking us to sign a letter of complaint to the Big Admins against our own campus department--we are, justifiably, mad as hell.

Two of the three of you being involved in this stupid initiative and decision can be attributed to you having zero institutional memory (thanks to our Admin revolving door of the past decade). The department chair cannot use that excuse, as he's been here 20 years, but he just doesn't give a damn and in fact told a chair at another campus that the initiative and decision were "none of [his] damned business."  Clearly the professional courtesy you three demand from us--and have always been given, even often grudgingly rather than your having earned it--applies only in one direction.  You can kiss that goodbye from now on.

And the 90 minutes we spent in yesterday's virtual meeting only made things worse:  rather than being the Kumbayah moment you thought your half-assed "gee, we're sorry" would gain, it had the opposite effect of solidifying faculty against the chair, dean, and president.  Nice work, y'all.  Any benefit of the doubt you used to get from us is officially long gone.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on May 01, 2020, 10:40:36 AM
I think that this discussion about a path forward is very interesting and helpful.  However, using a cruise ship as an analogy for our group does not bring very appealing things to mind right now between viruses and potential icebergs in our career waters. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on May 01, 2020, 03:50:31 PM
How nice of you to delegate me to organize an event, even agree with me on when it'll occur, and then hold it behind my back without me.  I feel so valued now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 02, 2020, 08:32:47 AM
"Dear Students,

Your abject and pathetic whining to your department chair about MY class and you claim that "he won't tell us what is on the final (I have, it's in the syllabus, and the announcements, and the course content) and we are so worried" is ABSOLUTELY INTOLERABLE.

You want to know what is on the final exam? (Never mind you have exam 3 on Monday - try focusing on that)

Fine. 

Everything.  From this semester AND review from last semester.

In MC, TF, Short-answer, Matching, Essay and Diagram forms.  200 points, 100 objective questions, 100 essay points. 

I will be looking for cheating, and if I find it you will fail."

Also wish I could say: "This nice, easier, shorter final exam I have sitting here ready to go.  That one is history"

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on May 03, 2020, 04:55:58 PM
Dear graduate student,
When you send me an email at 5pm on Friday to request a favor, you do not need to send a follow-up email at noon on Sunday telling me that everyone else on your committee has responded and asking if I can get back to you about whether I agree with granting the favor. I know this is a high anxiety time for you, but for frack's sake, annoying people that you are asking favors from is not the road to success. [I granted the favor anyway].
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on May 05, 2020, 08:13:19 AM
Oh my god. I can't take 3 hours of your inane chatter. I'm too tired for this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on May 05, 2020, 09:32:22 AM
Enough with the Zoom meetings!  I am all Zoomed out.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 05, 2020, 09:35:56 AM
When you email me "worried about your grade", but have failed to read the email explaining the guidebook, AND have failed to note that 20% of your grade hasn't happened yet, AND 30% hasn't been graded yet, it becomes difficult to take you seriously.

Seriously.  Calm the f down.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on May 05, 2020, 02:03:38 PM
[Squints eyes and uses best Clint Eastwood voice]

Go ahead, make my day!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on May 05, 2020, 04:07:32 PM
Just stamp them all "not approved." I don't need to review them.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 06, 2020, 03:16:17 PM
I just took the mandatory training.  It had a good level of detail and it is very clear what I am to do as a worker.

However, if that's really the new operating procedure for the foreseeable future that may be more than six months, then there's no way that local K-12 schools will be physically meeting in the fall.  Colleges, either. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on May 06, 2020, 07:57:11 PM
Toxic Parent:

Please stop watching Fox News. Please stop telling me to not trust any other reliable news source. Please stop calling me stupid for not believing everything you say. Just stop.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on May 07, 2020, 10:25:43 AM
Dear student,

I'm sorry that you're stressed about your potential grade in this class.  I'm also sorry that your stress levels are so high that you didn't notice the posted instructions to NOT BOTHER ME ABOUT GRADES while I'm finishing up the grading.

I'm even more sorry that, having slacked your way through this semester, you think that informing me of your stress will make any difference.  I regret to inform you that your belated grade-grubbing efforts were a complete waste of time.  Because of Covid, the whole faculty is under orders to pass as many students as possible - unfortunately, I don't think even you meet the extremely stringent new standards for failure.

Enjoy your grade.  Perhaps you'll even feel proud of it.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. T. Child
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on May 08, 2020, 10:34:52 AM
Don't leave valuables in your car.

Don't leave valuables in your car.

Don't leave valuables in your car.

Also, lock your effing car.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 08, 2020, 10:44:36 AM
Being angry at me because the paper you wrote was incoherent does NOT make me want to spend time helping you sort out your word salad.

Also this Word-Salad seems to be part Caesar, part taco, and part fruit salads.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on May 08, 2020, 10:53:33 AM
Okay, I'll give it to you: I'm the worst professor in the world--possibly the worst human being on the entire planet (on the positive side, there's nowhere for me to go but up). However, you still only submitted a third of the daily work and just one of four essays.

Before you file that grade appeal you're threatening me with, slackerdoodle, you might want to learn how third-grade math works.

[I'm betting my awesome dean is about to tell this student something similar
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 09, 2020, 07:06:52 AM
Dear Dr. No

Do you really think you are the ONLY person in the world who has thought of these issues?  How about you bring some suggested solutions; your overarching brilliance should allow for that, surely.

The reality is this:  A decision will be made, and then you (like the rest of us) will have to teach under those restrictions.  Teaching is your job.  You can't NOT do it.  Stop it with the ultimatums.

Unless, of course, you want to become the poster child for "Tenure DOESN'T mean you can't be fired.  Not doing your job = fired".

No Love

Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on May 12, 2020, 06:18:39 AM
Dear Colleague,

If we were in the same space right now I'd be tempted to come over and punch you. You have been all over the map this year with how you want things. First, deviating from what we normally do, and then going back to it.

MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!

Yours,
Archaeo
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 15, 2020, 04:26:38 AM
Dear employer,

We have many, many, many policies on bitsy details like how we can sign our emails and what type of punctuation we are allowed to use in official documents.

You know that "all" the technical people have Macs or Linux boxes.

Why, then, do I receive multiple files per week that are named in such a manner that I cannot simply download and use that file?

Why are people sending me widely distributed files named something like "All Managers Meeting 5 10 2020_afterBillReviewed & Marge did all THEtyposv..7..R..23.pptx.pdf" attached to an email with the subject line "please read and review these slides"?

I'd leave everything as filed email if the subject lines were more useful (e.g., Slides from All Managers Meeting 5.10.2020) or had any confidence that the search feature would pull up this email if I searched for a standard data format.

This is another case where you're training me the real expectations are greatly different from the official written expectations.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on May 15, 2020, 03:34:36 PM
Yes, I really do spend ten minutes of every hour thinking about ways to irritate you. On weekends, I spend twenty minutes an hour!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 15, 2020, 06:53:56 PM
You can't simultaneously argue that we MUST be open for F2F classes in the Fall, AND that YOU should be allowed to elect an online or blended delivery as you see fit.

If you want flexibility, you should be willing to give some in return.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Antiphon1 on May 16, 2020, 08:14:21 PM
Give me a break.  You want to honor the brave (name your favorite underpaid public worker)?  How about you start voting to fund (name your favorite underfunded public service)?  Founding yet another nonprofit to shelter your excess income to ostensibly elevate our awareness just screams entitled baloney.  How about you just pay your damn taxes, hum?

On the other hand, this whole phenomenon spawned a publication so maybe irritation leads to scholarship.  I still can't bring myself to thank you for the inspiration. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on May 17, 2020, 05:45:39 AM
Good lord, DECIDE, already.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 17, 2020, 09:42:13 AM
When I didn't respond to your 9:30pm email (over a VERY obvious settings error on a practice final) until 8am the next morning, you had already sent your complaining email to the Dean (who sent me an annoyed email).  You want to argue you deserve a grade bump?  Take it up with her.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on May 18, 2020, 11:15:00 AM
Why in the absolute hell are we asking students to use software that is over 17 years old that may or MAY NOT run on their computers? Aren't we dealing with enough BS? Will SOMEONE PLEASE REWRITE THESE LABS?!!!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 18, 2020, 11:52:23 AM
I see a volunteer in the audience to rewrite the labs because people who can see the problem can solve it.


She writes knowing she has a Commodore 64 emulator installed on multiple computers to play M.U.L.E. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.U.L.E.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on May 18, 2020, 12:39:37 PM
I see a volunteer in the audience to rewrite the labs because people who can see the problem can solve it.


She writes knowing she has a Commodore 64 emulator installed on multiple computers to play M.U.L.E. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.U.L.E.)

Unfortunately, I already have with some of them. It is total insanity to expect students, who may not be as computer-literate as some people think, to download, install and USE software that is no longer being supported.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on May 18, 2020, 01:15:26 PM
I see a volunteer in the audience to rewrite the labs because people who can see the problem can solve it.


She writes knowing she has a Commodore 64 emulator installed on multiple computers to play M.U.L.E. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.U.L.E.)

Unfortunately, I already have with some of them. It is total insanity to expect students, who may not be as computer-literate as some people think, to download, install and USE software that is no longer being supported.

Better watch out or you'll find yourself volunteered into leading the effort to update & modernize ALL the labs!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 18, 2020, 03:12:56 PM
I see a volunteer in the audience to rewrite the labs because people who can see the problem can solve it.


She writes knowing she has a Commodore 64 emulator installed on multiple computers to play M.U.L.E. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.U.L.E.)

Unfortunately, I already have with some of them. It is total insanity to expect students, who may not be as computer-literate as some people think, to download, install and USE software that is no longer being supported.

Better watch out or you'll find yourself volunteered into leading the effort to update & modernize ALL the labs!

Been there, done that, been in charge of the T-shirts.

That experience is still part of my current work life, even with no students involved.

Some days, I get excited because the code is practically modern Fortran 77 or, dare to dream, ANSI-compliant Fortran 90!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on May 18, 2020, 09:01:15 PM
I see a volunteer in the audience to rewrite the labs because people who can see the problem can solve it.


She writes knowing she has a Commodore 64 emulator installed on multiple computers to play M.U.L.E. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.U.L.E.)

Unfortunately, I already have with some of them. It is total insanity to expect students, who may not be as computer-literate as some people think, to download, install and USE software that is no longer being supported.

Better watch out or you'll find yourself volunteered into leading the effort to update & modernize ALL the labs!

Been there, done that, been in charge of the T-shirts.

That experience is still part of my current work life, even with no students involved.

Some days, I get excited because the code is practically modern Fortran 77 or, dare to dream, ANSI-compliant Fortran 90!

Know COBOL? New Jersey wants YOU! https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/08/business/coronavirus-cobol-programmers-new-jersey-trnd/index.html (https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/08/business/coronavirus-cobol-programmers-new-jersey-trnd/index.html) The picture they got for this is priceless.

(My State's software package for some key systems is little better. Possibly unhackable, since the kids would have to call their grandparents to learn the language. But not comforting.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on May 18, 2020, 09:33:36 PM
That looks like the exact room where they took us on a field trip to the Ohio State Computer lab in 6th grade (so, umm....1964. Wow.)

Right down to the double reels in cases and the desk (sitting on a floor with tiles that came up with a suction handle so they could work on the wires that snaked all around underneath.)

But I don't think COBOL came around until later, because I recall a cousin talking about learning it several years later (well, 6 or 8, to be exact) because it was when I was going to school there by that time (but not in computer science).

They cut down part of one of the experimental corn fields to build the building it was installed in.

The rest of the field was still there, at least two years ago.

So was the building.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on May 19, 2020, 05:28:13 AM

Been there, done that, been in charge of the T-shirts.

That experience is still part of my current work life, even with no students involved.

Some days, I get excited because the code is practically modern Fortran 77 or, dare to dream, ANSI-compliant Fortran 90!

Bah! Newfangled nonsense. I programmed Fortran on punch cards, the way God intended!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: waterboy on May 19, 2020, 05:57:58 AM
Don't ask me what the Grad School policy is. You're the Associate Dean for Grad studies...pick up the phone and call.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on May 19, 2020, 06:13:54 AM

Been there, done that, been in charge of the T-shirts.

That experience is still part of my current work life, even with no students involved.

Some days, I get excited because the code is practically modern Fortran 77 or, dare to dream, ANSI-compliant Fortran 90!

Bah! Newfangled nonsense. I programmed Fortran on punch cards, the way God intended!

That reminds me of my Fortran prof in college who gave us some punch cards. I wonder if I still have mine...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on May 19, 2020, 06:28:21 AM
When you say things like you don't think faculty "appreciate" just how bad things are, you are essentially calling your faculty idjits.  We have been in a budget crisis for years due to absurdly horrible mismanagement from the top. So, you really don't think that your faculty can correctly solve the equation of things are already bad + COVID = dire straits
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 19, 2020, 06:33:12 AM
When you say things like you don't think faculty "appreciate" just how bad things are, you are essentially calling your faculty idjits.  We have been in a budget crisis for years due to absurdly horrible mismanagement from the top. So, you really don't think that your faculty can correctly solve the equation of things are already bad + COVID = dire straits?

Any faculty who really, truly, no-foolin' appreciated how bad it was before have already left.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on May 19, 2020, 06:34:09 AM
When you say things like you don't think faculty "appreciate" just how bad things are, you are essentially calling your faculty idjits.  We have been in a budget crisis for years due to absurdly horrible mismanagement from the top. So, you really don't think that your faculty can correctly solve the equation of things are already bad + COVID = dire straits?

But dire straits => "Money for nothing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRDgihVDEko)"
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on May 19, 2020, 07:21:48 AM
Sweetheart, I'm very sorry you cut your finger. I agree that it looks painful and scary. But you put pressure on it and the bleeding stopped pretty fast. Judging from the stains on the paper towels, you've lost less blood than I leave on a tissue when I wipe my nose during nosebleed season.

So cool it with your fretting about blood loss. Sweets are great when you've had a scare, but you don't need to be replacing blood sugar, and you certainly don't need to be taking iron supplements to prevent anemia. I mean, it's not going to hurt you or deprive others to take these measures, unlike certain hydroxychloroquine swilling world leaders I could mention, but good grief, you're almost forty.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on May 19, 2020, 08:36:57 AM
No, I can't make the custodians wear masks and gloves. I'm not their supervisor. Put a custodial issue ticket, where maybe the supervisor will see it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on May 19, 2020, 10:44:19 AM
Sweetheart, I'm very sorry you cut your finger. I agree that it looks painful and scary. But you put pressure on it and the bleeding stopped pretty fast. Judging from the stains on the paper towels, you've lost less blood than I leave on a tissue when I wipe my nose during nosebleed season.

So cool it with your fretting about blood loss. Sweets are great when you've had a scare, but you don't need to be replacing blood sugar, and you certainly don't need to be taking iron supplements to prevent anemia. I mean, it's not going to hurt you or deprive others to take these measures, unlike certain hydroxychloroquine swilling world leaders I could mention, but good grief, you're almost forty.

I'm guessing your sweetheart is a man.  I had a similar when Mr. Dr. Geneticist sliced his finger - no you don't need stitches, you haven't lost much blood (really), it will be OK, you will not bleed to death from a cut that size. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on May 19, 2020, 11:04:14 AM
HYPOCHONDRIAC THREAD
       _________
      / THIS WAY
      \_________



M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on May 19, 2020, 01:08:02 PM
Sweetheart, I'm very sorry you cut your finger. I agree that it looks painful and scary. But you put pressure on it and the bleeding stopped pretty fast. Judging from the stains on the paper towels, you've lost less blood than I leave on a tissue when I wipe my nose during nosebleed season.

So cool it with your fretting about blood loss. Sweets are great when you've had a scare, but you don't need to be replacing blood sugar, and you certainly don't need to be taking iron supplements to prevent anemia. I mean, it's not going to hurt you or deprive others to take these measures, unlike certain hydroxychloroquine swilling world leaders I could mention, but good grief, you're almost forty.

I'm guessing your sweetheart is a man.  I had a similar when Mr. Dr. Geneticist sliced his finger - no you don't need stitches, you haven't lost much blood (really), it will be OK, you will not bleed to death from a cut that size.

Mr. Geneticist must not have grown up in a rural area like the one I did.  Cuts, sprains, etc. are just a part of everyday life.  Well, maybe not every day, unless you're really clumsy.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 19, 2020, 01:25:53 PM
Sweetheart, I'm very sorry you cut your finger. I agree that it looks painful and scary. But you put pressure on it and the bleeding stopped pretty fast. Judging from the stains on the paper towels, you've lost less blood than I leave on a tissue when I wipe my nose during nosebleed season.

So cool it with your fretting about blood loss. Sweets are great when you've had a scare, but you don't need to be replacing blood sugar, and you certainly don't need to be taking iron supplements to prevent anemia. I mean, it's not going to hurt you or deprive others to take these measures, unlike certain hydroxychloroquine swilling world leaders I could mention, but good grief, you're almost forty.

I'm guessing your sweetheart is a man.  I had a similar when Mr. Dr. Geneticist sliced his finger - no you don't need stitches, you haven't lost much blood (really), it will be OK, you will not bleed to death from a cut that size.

Mr. Geneticist must not have grown up in a rural area like the one I did.  Cuts, sprains, etc. are just a part of everyday life.  Well, maybe not every day, unless you're really clumsy.

Most days when we were kids and unsupervised.  The questions then were always the Erma Bombeck-type questions for her kids:

* Whose blood is it?

* Is it a lot of blood?

* Where is the blood?  On the expensive sofa or something washable?

* What caused the blood and can you get little brother to be quiet about a clear accident?

To this day, I know when it's going to rain because of an accident that scared my friends enough to run get my mom, but didn't scare my mom enough to take me to the emergency room.

As I was explaining to my child just yesterday, one of my great uncles lost everything but his pinky and thumb on one hand due to a home meat processing accident and he still played cards at every opportunity for the next sixty years, so hush up about your minor little cut that doesn't even need a band-aid.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Puget on May 19, 2020, 02:41:13 PM
Sweetheart, I'm very sorry you cut your finger. I agree that it looks painful and scary. But you put pressure on it and the bleeding stopped pretty fast. Judging from the stains on the paper towels, you've lost less blood than I leave on a tissue when I wipe my nose during nosebleed season.

So cool it with your fretting about blood loss. Sweets are great when you've had a scare, but you don't need to be replacing blood sugar, and you certainly don't need to be taking iron supplements to prevent anemia. I mean, it's not going to hurt you or deprive others to take these measures, unlike certain hydroxychloroquine swilling world leaders I could mention, but good grief, you're almost forty.

I'm guessing your sweetheart is a man.  I had a similar when Mr. Dr. Geneticist sliced his finger - no you don't need stitches, you haven't lost much blood (really), it will be OK, you will not bleed to death from a cut that size.

Mr. Geneticist must not have grown up in a rural area like the one I did.  Cuts, sprains, etc. are just a part of everyday life.  Well, maybe not every day, unless you're really clumsy.

Yep--
My back-to-the-lander parents let me spend my summers running around outside with the neighbor kids barefoot and largely unsupervised. The rules were to (a) come in when it gets dark (pretty late in summer in the pacific north west), (b) wash your feet off with the hose before you come in, and (c) ask first if you are eating dinner at the neighbors or inviting the neighbor kids to eat dinner with us.

We understood to get a parent if we were really hurt, but I can't remember that happening much. Blackberry scratches and tree climbing scrapes were par for the course. Stepping on bees and getting stung was the most common injury, but by mid-summer our feet were so tough not much got through.

 I do vividly recall cutting my finger with the new pocket knife I'd been begging for and finally gotten (at around 8?), and quietly going in to get a bandaid without telling my parents because I figured they might take the knife away if they knew.

 Good times-- I loved those summers, and no one was permanently maimed.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dismalist on May 19, 2020, 02:52:33 PM
Sweetheart, I'm very sorry you cut your finger. I agree that it looks painful and scary. But you put pressure on it and the bleeding stopped pretty fast. Judging from the stains on the paper towels, you've lost less blood than I leave on a tissue when I wipe my nose during nosebleed season.

So cool it with your fretting about blood loss. Sweets are great when you've had a scare, but you don't need to be replacing blood sugar, and you certainly don't need to be taking iron supplements to prevent anemia. I mean, it's not going to hurt you or deprive others to take these measures, unlike certain hydroxychloroquine swilling world leaders I could mention, but good grief, you're almost forty.

I'm guessing your sweetheart is a man.  I had a similar when Mr. Dr. Geneticist sliced his finger - no you don't need stitches, you haven't lost much blood (really), it will be OK, you will not bleed to death from a cut that size.

Mr. Geneticist must not have grown up in a rural area like the one I did.  Cuts, sprains, etc. are just a part of everyday life.  Well, maybe not every day, unless you're really clumsy.

Yep--
My back-to-the-lander parents let me spend my summers running around outside with the neighbor kids barefoot and largely unsupervised. The rules were to (a) come in when it gets dark (pretty late in summer in the pacific north west), (b) wash your feet off with the hose before you come in, and (c) ask first if you are eating dinner at the neighbors or inviting the neighbor kids to eat dinner with us.

We understood to get a parent if we were really hurt, but I can't remember that happening much. Blackberry scratches and tree climbing scrapes were par for the course. Stepping on bees and getting stung was the most common injury, but by mid-summer our feet were so tough not much got through.

 I do vividly recall cutting my finger with the new pocket knife I'd been begging for and finally gotten (at around 8?), and quietly going in to get a bandaid without telling my parents because I figured they might take the knife away if they knew.

 Good times-- I loved those summers, and no one was permanently maimed.

I grew up in a part of northern NYC that was, strangely,  country like for some years. All the kids would roam around in the woods and the rules were the same as above: Home at dark, or a tad later, or there'd be hell to pay.

The only injury I remember was falling onto my knees and moving along the gravel of the cul-de-sac we lived on, as I had been running. My knees bled and I ran home to mama. She took one look at the bloody mess and said: What's the problem? You're wearing shorts-the skin will heal!

That builds character. :-)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 19, 2020, 04:54:36 PM
My knees were all healed before I was married, but I always had skinned knees when I was a kid.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on May 19, 2020, 06:19:34 PM
I do vividly recall cutting my finger with the new pocket knife I'd been begging for and finally gotten (at around 8?), and quietly going in to get a bandaid without telling my parents because I figured they might take the knife away if they knew.

I have a similar memory!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on May 19, 2020, 10:59:25 PM
Same type of childhood. The only major intervention was after I fell down a waterfall and even then it was 3 days before my mom took me to the doctor. (I had hairline fractures in both wrists.)

And I never told my parents about the nail I lost after slamming a car door on my finger while intoxicated...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on May 20, 2020, 03:13:37 AM
I do vividly recall cutting my finger with the new pocket knife I'd been begging for and finally gotten (at around 8?), and quietly going in to get a bandaid without telling my parents because I figured they might take the knife away if they knew.

I have a similar memory!

Me too! I got a pocket knife for Christmas one year and promptly sliced my finger open. I got a band-aid and then told my parents what happened, and my father's first question was, 'Did you get blood on the carpet?' At the time I thought that was cruel and unfeeling, but in retrospect it was clear that I was fine, so of course he moved on down to the next item on the priority list.

What's the problem? You're wearing shorts-the skin will heal!


Yup. I not so long ago found the perfect trousers (I even posted about them in triumph on the fora), and have since then twice tripped and skinned my knee. Both times my primary concern was whether I had ripped my perfect irreplaceable trousers. (Fortunately they were fine, although the layer of skin on the inside of them was a bit gruesome.)

I am very unsurefooted, however, and have definitely ruined other trousers from such accidents, so it's only a matter of time. My knees, fortunately, continue to regenerate.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on May 20, 2020, 03:50:05 AM
Why do you consistently join meetings late and then ask questions — in the most long-winded way possible — that have already been addressed?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 20, 2020, 06:11:09 AM
All these meeting about "how will we do our jobs?!" are preventing me from doing my job.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 20, 2020, 08:09:57 AM
All these meeting about "how will we do our jobs?!" are preventing me from doing my job.

Wait until the return-to-work trainings start and it's clear that not a representative-enough sample of workers were asked what they do all day.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on May 20, 2020, 08:15:32 AM
I do vividly recall cutting my finger with the new pocket knife I'd been begging for and finally gotten (at around 8?), and quietly going in to get a bandaid without telling my parents because I figured they might take the knife away if they knew.

I have a similar memory!

I must have been 10 or so when I accidentally shut my pocket knife on my finger and cut it pretty deep.  In my case, I did eventually tell my Dad who asked "Do you want stitches?".  Well, no I didn't want to go to the doctor so we just bandaged it up and called it good.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sprout on May 20, 2020, 08:55:08 AM
Why do you consistently join meetings late and then ask questions — in the most long-winded way possible — that have already been addressed?

Oh, we have one of these!  He particularly specializes in reopening discussions on divisive things that we'd already decided on, before he showed up.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on May 20, 2020, 09:18:24 AM
Why do you consistently join meetings late and then ask questions — in the most long-winded way possible — that have already been addressed?

Oh, we have one of these!  He particularly specializes in reopening discussions on divisive things that we'd already decided on, before he showed up.

We applauded our dean (silently, because she had requested we mute the Zoom on our side) when she shut down one of these folks who joined the meeting 30 minutes late. We looked like a bunch of those wind-up monkeys that bang cymbals together.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: archaeo42 on May 20, 2020, 09:50:46 AM
Why do you consistently join meetings late and then ask questions — in the most long-winded way possible — that have already been addressed?

Oh, we have one of these!  He particularly specializes in reopening discussions on divisive things that we'd already decided on, before he showed up.

You're giving me flashbacks to a project where I swear some people were using a playbook on how to prevent anything from happening.

"Now, what does X mean again?"
"I'm confused by Y."
etc etc.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on May 20, 2020, 10:18:11 AM
I do vividly recall cutting my finger with the new pocket knife I'd been begging for and finally gotten (at around 8?), and quietly going in to get a bandaid without telling my parents because I figured they might take the knife away if they knew.

I have a similar memory!

I must have been 10 or so when I accidentally shut my pocket knife on my finger and cut it pretty deep.  In my case, I did eventually tell my Dad who asked "Do you want stitches?".  Well, no I didn't want to go to the doctor so we just bandaged it up and called it good.

Something similar happened once when I was about seven and got second-degree burns on my fingers from a faulty popcorn maker.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on May 28, 2020, 04:30:42 PM
If you admins would make a decision or two, the faculty will make it work. But you need to make a decision.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on May 29, 2020, 07:41:31 PM
That is not social distancing.  Even with a mask on, that's not being germ aware.  That's pretty much the opposite of trying to slow the spread during a pandemic.

It's not going to be good next week.  Hope it was worth it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on May 29, 2020, 09:31:56 PM
Financial Aid, please pull your head out of your ass so that students can get paid to work again!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on May 31, 2020, 09:07:17 PM
Double post.

I'm so frustrated with Financial Aid, that I am tempted to pay the students to work! These kids are just trying to have a job and FA is screwing around and screwing them over.

It has been over a month of waiting!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 01, 2020, 05:28:14 AM
Hey ADMIN!!  I can't do ALL of this.  And every time you call a meeting, I end up doing less and getting MORE to do.

Delegating may clear your plate, but it's just buries mine.  If you aren't going to DO this extra work, why do we have you? 

I'll happily NOT do your job for half of what we pay you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on June 01, 2020, 07:32:43 AM
You know, I don't want to see Trump re-elected any more than you so.  But could we stop with the demonization of Trump supporters?  I can't help noticing that it's not them who are burning and looting in our cities right now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 01, 2020, 08:13:40 AM
Well, actually, we don't always know who burns and loots at times.

《Agents provocateurs》are not only possible, but not unlikely, and other random bad-faith actors are sometimes imported as well.

Not to say there aren't local residents involved, but the participants in a riot are often a varied bunch.

But I hear your underlying point.

People going on and on, even when you agree with them on broader terms, are a true pain to try to get out of your inner ear.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on June 01, 2020, 01:56:26 PM
Ok, Chancellor, so we got your email saying that senior admin will be furloughed.  That subject line was click-bait, though:  each one of you will take one day's furlough per month for the rest of the year.

So, logically, if this one day per month really does amount to a significant sacrifice on y'all's part, y'all are definitely making way too damned much money.

Or, if it's not a substantial sacrifice (which is more likely), STFU about it and quit beating around the bush about another RIF. Don't point to this as being y'all taking one for the school and then outright firing dozens of us again, like happened in 2017-18.

You can't honestly have it both ways. And at this point, if you're going to do the RIF, go ahead and let us know so we can get our finances/unemployment paperwork in order and get it started.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 01, 2020, 05:55:21 PM
Given that there's been an automatic 12-week extension on unemployment (according to a friend who was laid off last year and was about to run out of their coverage this week) it might be better if they did it sooner, in case you could still qualify for the extra 12 weeks up front.

Not sure if it would really work that way, but there may be a chance...I seem to recall a case several seasons ago when that happened.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 02, 2020, 11:37:00 AM
Given that there's been an automatic 12-week extension on unemployment (according to a friend who was laid off last year and was about to run out of their coverage this week)

Wonder if that 12-week extension is state or federal? Unemployment rules are a strange mix of state and federal rules, which is confusing.

 
Ok, Chancellor, so we got your email saying that senior admin will be furloughed.  That subject line was click-bait, though:  each one of you will take one day's furlough per month for the rest of the year.

So, logically, if this one day per month really does amount to a significant sacrifice on y'all's part, y'all are definitely making way too damned much money.

Most months have 20-21 working days, so 1 furlough day a month is approximately 5% salary reduction for the year. Furloughing a half-dozen highest paid upper admins may save one job among lowest paid employees.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 02, 2020, 06:52:43 PM
Quote
Quote from: mamselle on 01 June 2020, 20:55:21
Quote
Given that there's been an automatic 12-week extension on unemployment (according to a friend who was laid off last year and was about to run out of their coverage this week)

Wonder if that 12-week extension is state or federal? Unemployment rules are a strange mix of state and federal rules, which is confusing.

I'll ask and come back to let you know.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 02, 2020, 07:25:43 PM
My friend just wrote back.

It's Federal.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 05, 2020, 03:53:44 PM
I finished the accreditation report today!

(Instead, I'm promising myself not to pend the entire weekend on it.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on June 05, 2020, 04:28:42 PM
My friend just wrote back.

It's Federal.

M.

But it's not quite automatic; she found out she still has to apply.

Sorry for any misinformation.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 06, 2020, 02:25:10 AM
My friend just wrote back.

It's Federal.

M.

But it's not quite automatic; she found out she still has to apply.

Sorry for any misinformation.

M.

Thanks, mamselle. I encouraged employee to ask, and he learned that his husband will be eligible if he doesn't go back to work because childcare programs are still limited by enrollment caps. Once he told me that, I had a chance to suggest some flexible scheduling options that might help with the childcare issue, too.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: kiana on June 07, 2020, 05:40:38 AM
Don't try to feed me your conspiracy theory bullshit that you picked up because you can't handle reality.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 07, 2020, 09:55:07 AM
Doing this course online in the summer was a huge mistake.  We are stopping now.  You all get an A
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 07, 2020, 12:32:20 PM
I finished the accreditation report today!

(Instead, I'm promising myself not to pend the entire weekend on it.)

I had those years.  Hang in there!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 07, 2020, 12:38:01 PM
You know, I don't want to see Trump re-elected any more than you so.  But could we stop with the demonization of Trump supporters?  I can't help noticing that it's not them who are burning and looting in our cities right now.

Some of us are watching bemused from our tiny villages in the middle of nowhere and congratulating ourselves on our life choices.

I have no idea how to apportion blame by political party, but I have a whole lot of thoughts on related topics that I've been keeping to myself.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on June 08, 2020, 03:55:09 PM
Please stop requiring training that employs every technique/pedagogical modality y'all tell us to never use with our students. Good grief!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on June 12, 2020, 06:37:51 AM
Starting a conversation that seems to be aimed at being helpful for a number of people, then turning that conversation into yet another "it's all about poor, poor me" party isn't surprising, and it's why a lot of us don't really give a rat's behind about your problems.  Oh, also:  it's not like the rest of us are all so stupid that we can't see what you're doing.

Finally, for reference:  everybody does NOT spend every second of every day thinking about you (you do that enough for all of us, anyway) and plotting how we can be mean to you.  Grow up and get over yourself.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 12, 2020, 09:06:10 AM
Dear Community College,

Those summer online classes for middle schoolers look pretty interesting.  Good on you for subcontracting with a real service provider who seems to know how good online education and picks something great.

Best,

Polly



Dear Service Provider,

I was really happy with how well set up is this week before the course begins.  You communicated appropriately on timing.  The materials to get set up prior to Monday's class were clear and it was a nice touch to have both video and written instructions for most steps.  The organization of your webpages are wonderful and it's very clear how to proceed through the steps to get set up.  It's clear you are a professional online learning provider that put a lot of resources into what normal people need.

My complaint is that the classes that logically go together (i.e., my kid is signed up for all of them across the summer) require different versions of the necessary software.  Thus, I just spent two hours detangling the various versions of Java.  Were I a less techy parent, I wouldn't have even known anything was wrong because I wouldn't have known to check the error console to discover that what looked like the Minecraft screen I expected and that allowed interaction was not actually the Minecraft that was supposed to launch on successful completion.

I am not happy that the first course we were set up to do uses the most modern version of Java while this course requires such an outdated Java version that you had to provide it.

I'm really, really, really unhappy that the absurdly old version of Java didn't also come with clear instructions on how to manage the fact that we have multiple Javas now installed and your freakin' program refused to pick up the right one, despite all the indications on the rest of the machine that we had indeed defaulted to the correct version for this program.  That indicates to me that your program saved a default that we were unable to change except by complete uninstallation and reinstallation.

I suppose I could thank you for my new knowledge in the intricacies of JDK and JRE along with parts of my machine I had never before visited.  However, my professional life that involves substantial programming never needs Java.  This would have been much more useful as the gory details of Python, you know, the actual language used when the kids get programming in these courses.  We only need Java for your tools--tools that could have been packaged as standalone executables that didn't need a Java installation, as some of the courses had.

I have to get some work done today, but I know this saga isn't done because it's very likely that my kid will want to use all these tools after all the classes are done, so I have spend even more time to figure out the way to make all these tools work together while having multiple JDKs installed, switchable, and usable with your tools.  It's possible that I'm going to have to hack your tools so they work as my kid needs them.

Having content experts work independently instead of as a logical curriculum has created extra work for me.  At least I can do the work.  I don't know what happens for the kids who were really excited and then don't have adult help for the other parts.  My bet is that this is again a situation where the kids who would benefit the most from a formal experience get less out of it because the formal experience doesn't go far enough.

Not a happy camper,

Polly
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on June 15, 2020, 11:21:55 AM
For f*ck's sake, not this again. I don't love my students any more than my mechanic loves me or my doctor loves me or my barber loves me. I offer a professional service to my students in what I hope is a professional manner. If I like most of them (which I generally do), then all the better; but if I don't particularly like some of them, it doesn't really make a difference. I'm not taking them home with me, after all.

In fact, if we are truly "having a difficult discussion" here, my guess is that you don't really deal personally with many students because you would then have to admit that some of them (not many, but enough to push our syllabi out to 8-10 pages) are loathsome, ignorant, sociopathic jerks--just like the general population.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on June 15, 2020, 12:28:20 PM
Student:

For the love of all that is holy, please stop emailing me every 15 minutes! I will get to your emails when I can. Sheesh!

BTW, this person started emailing me at noon today.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on June 16, 2020, 06:11:26 PM
NO NO NO! I do not have the capacity to transition this class to online AND deal with that student in this class. Pick one.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on June 21, 2020, 07:33:58 AM
I believe the phrase, "I'll bring it on like Donkey Kong" applies to this situation. See you in the dean's office.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 21, 2020, 08:49:20 AM
Only reading the summaries written by those who are against the endeavor is how people ended up surprised by the last several successes.

Perhaps attending the meetings and reading the reports themselves would be more enlightening.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on June 25, 2020, 06:25:41 AM
<not directed at Polly/others on the thread>

Oh, FFS. It is not all about you!  No wonder "nobody has time" for you and "everybody is so mean" to you--you suck the life out of everyone who has to deal with/listen to you. Get over yourself.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 25, 2020, 07:20:01 AM
Dear Provost.  Stop Talking.  You confuse everyone when you try to explain things and get them wrong virtually all the time.  Are you trying to become a President?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on June 25, 2020, 05:19:48 PM
Thank you for giving clear instructions, with working links to needed forms, and adequate notice of your need for information. I particularly appreciated the email subject line of [no subject], which clearly signaled that this is a high priority request.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on June 27, 2020, 06:52:27 AM
You shouldn't issue a grade change in my name without talking to me first. Maybe you should change a student's grade without knowing the full story, or change it on the basis of something other than class performance. I'm the instructor of record and my butt is on the line when the inevitable blowback happens.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 28, 2020, 06:41:22 AM
Yep, that's one of the bazillion annoyances of living in an urban area.

Those of us who purposely chose a different living arrangement that includes a house bigger than a bread box with a back yard and a porch are laughing at your 'there's nowhere to eat take-out' whine. We don't really have take-out options or eat-in options during normal times, but we all have big kitchens and many of us have grills in our backyards and have worked put how to get food.

You know why money is always tight for you?  I do and now you're no better off in terms of the cultural activities than we who watch on a screen are.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on June 28, 2020, 08:27:02 AM
It will be fine, sweetie.  All will be back to normal next week.  Hang in there.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on June 28, 2020, 10:43:11 AM
It will be fine, sweetie.  All will be back to normal next week.  Hang in there.
.

Yep, we just broke it to our kid that his fall schooling will be 100% online.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on July 01, 2020, 03:59:33 PM
Well, that was a complete disaster.*  So, sure, let's do it again. We all have so much time on our hands, am I right?  I mean, just the other day, I was thinking, "I have absolutely nothing to do for the next two hours. I wish there was another meeting that I could attend."  I just can't even . . .

* this post was edited for strong language.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on July 01, 2020, 06:33:37 PM
Everything is fine. 
Nothing is late. 
It is all under control.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on July 01, 2020, 07:16:13 PM
Everything is fine. 
Nothing is late. 
It is all under control.

I wish I could say that...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on July 02, 2020, 08:24:18 AM
You know, when you let go of the idea that higher education produces and employs people who are better able to engage in ethical and moral behavior---and by "let go" I mean drop the idea like it's a hot f*cking rock encased in electrified razor wire---the actions of the College suddenly make a lot more sense.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on July 02, 2020, 10:54:08 AM
You know, when you let go of the idea that higher education produces and employs people who are better able to engage in ethical and moral behavior---and by "let go" I mean drop the idea like it's a hot f*cking rock encased in electrified razor wire---the actions of the College suddenly make a lot more sense.

Wow, fishbrains — sounds like we work at the same place!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on July 15, 2020, 07:29:16 PM
Congratulations! We’ll miss you, but I hope you’ll enjoy your retirement!

(Unfortunately, he decided not to take retirement incentive.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on July 17, 2020, 10:22:12 AM
This is exactly why I do not place orders by phone. #&$%$$W@@$%@$%@
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: bio-nonymous on July 17, 2020, 12:33:04 PM
IF only you had not given me completely false and misleading information that caused me to completely panic, and after which I spent 2 hours on the phone and email with customer service trying to rectify what turned out to be your mistake! UGGGGGGGH! TGIF.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on July 22, 2020, 02:30:21 AM
Yes, I know you're on leave that week! But if you'd bothered to click the poll about scheduling, you'd have seen that I included times that were not that week.

Fine, you're entirely unavailable during that time. But if you'd read the rest of the email, you'd have seen that I included two other solutions. Work with me here. It almost feels like you're being purposefully obstructionist.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on July 22, 2020, 08:37:04 AM
To guy making the universal hitch hiking gesture: Get out of the exit ramp! We can see you need a lift.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: kaysixteen on July 23, 2020, 09:03:08 PM
Hmmmm... an actual hitchhiker?   When was the last time most folks around here actually saw one of those?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on July 28, 2020, 06:10:51 PM
Unrelated.

No, family member, the 'miracle drug' video touted by the POTUS is BS.

BS.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on July 30, 2020, 03:21:16 AM
Yes, these disagreements are why I wanted to have a meeting in the first place. Isn't it excruciating having these discussions over email?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on July 30, 2020, 07:30:11 AM
I know you're frightened and unhappy because we didn't shut down for two weeks as soon as we learned that our fellow staff member tested positive.  But we all agreed that nobody else on the staff had close contact with her in the days before she went home sick.  The state Department of Health member that we consulted with did not recommend that we shut down.  We haven't heard from a contact tracer ordering a shutdown.  In the absence of either of these, neither I nor the Board of Trustees can shut down a public institution that people still depend on.

For the past week I've been dealing with concerns that we'll catch it for not shutting down, about catching it for shutting down if we have to do so, and about you all being mad at me for not shutting down to relieve your fears.  Plus the clock is ticking on making preparations for a very important Board of Trustees meeting in two weeks to deal with some federal requirements.  No, I don't deal directly with the patrons as much as you all do, but it's still a lot to deal with.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 02, 2020, 07:51:24 AM
When I apologize to you, this is what I'll have in my mind: https://youtu.be/BF_sahvR4mw (https://youtu.be/BF_sahvR4mw).

You suck.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on August 03, 2020, 07:43:30 AM
For crying out loud, people, stop making your shopping trips and beer runs across the state line!  Our neighbors to the south of us have the worst rate of COVID-19 infection in the entire nation.  They've let the epidemic run completely out of control ever since it hit this country, starting with their decision in the spring that holding their giant annual state wide booze-up Carnival was more important than preventing a pandemic.  This is what happens when a pandemic strikes an anything-goes, screw-the-other-guy culture.

We can't fix things across the line, but we could have at least limited our exposure to the disaster down there.  But I guess that was just too much to ask?  Now our county has about the worst per-capita infection rate in the state.  We ought to be doing better than this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on August 03, 2020, 10:57:22 AM
Two unrelated posts.

1. Why do we need to have a meeting?  With only one task and 4 folks who have already given you their data, I think the next step is that YOU write your report.  Note to self: schedule a commitment that starts 30 min into the meeting to have an excuse to leave if needed.

2. It is not safe to fly.  No, I will not commit to visiting for Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years.  Why?  Because I'm a horrible, selfish person who doesn't want to risk death to eat turkey together as a family.  No, you can't come visit me instead.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on August 03, 2020, 03:39:57 PM
Unrelated.

What in the absolute @#$%^&^%$# is taking so long? Does it really take you a month to answer an email (despite frequent reminders)? SMDH.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 05, 2020, 06:39:07 PM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on August 05, 2020, 06:54:37 PM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on August 05, 2020, 07:03:39 PM
And miss all that nice administrative blathering?? No way!  I've been practicing for months...

In other things I wish I could say:

"When you say something is 'done', that usually means that someone, i.e., you, has completed it with full and mostly accurate information.  This item was neither full nor accurate.  I had to spend DAYS fixing behind you."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 05, 2020, 08:31:17 PM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.

(Correction to original post, “were” not “we’re”. Apologies for careless posting.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 06, 2020, 07:46:17 AM
All your justifications come to nothing because reality doesn't care the reasons.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/05/opinion/coronavirus-exposure-contact-tracing.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage shows the problem with justifications. 

How is 2 h of unmasked contact close enough to have a nice talk with an out-of-state visitor social distancing?  Why was the out-of-state person talking to anyone F2F without the 14 day isolation period?

How is multiple visits in a week with people from outside your bubble social distancing, especially when you had an out-of-state visitor who was clearly visiting lots of people?

How is coming in contact with anyone while waiting for the results of a test, let alone 17 people, an option for anyone who knows the pandemic is a thing?

What part of stay home in your bubble as someone with the privilege to do so was hard to understand?

Yeah, yeah, rules are inconvenient and it's not really your fault for failing to believe the last five months of personal stories just like this on how failing to social distance lead to increased cases.

Your story is the same as everyone else's "Hey, everybody!  It turns out the science is real and I wish I had believed the science instead of rationalizing my behavior as not that risky because I wanted to be mostly normal."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 06, 2020, 09:22:23 AM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.

(Correction to original post, “were” not “we’re”. Apologies for careless posting.)

They fired our JimBob, alas. Everyone should have a JimBob.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on August 06, 2020, 09:46:08 AM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.

(Correction to original post, “were” not “we’re”. Apologies for careless posting.)

They fired our JimBob, alas. Everyone should have a JimBob.

We need JimBob!

Our presentations aren't even being distributed, let alone questions answered. I think the parents are doing a fine job roasting the Admin for this, and they have the power to withhold tuition dollars (and, frequently, alumni support), so I'm happy to draft behind them.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 06, 2020, 11:04:03 AM
I can say from experience that being JimBob sucks and it's an uphill battle to be allowed the mic the third time.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on August 06, 2020, 11:46:06 AM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

Our grilling in scheduled for next week. May we borrow Assistant Provost JimBob so we might actually get some of the questions answered?

Only if you swear on your life and magic that you’ll return him promptly. Also, we need at least a million dollar cash deposit as a guarantee. Plus your three best faculty and favorite relative as hostages. Maybe a bottle of good scotch, too.


Yeah, so it turns out, according to upper administration, our hostage negotiators were furloughed during the latest "University Commitment to Excellence" initiative, so unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make that exchange.

Further, I have been told that, according to TPS report 143, section A, subsection 42, part G.86b, your Assistant Provost JimBob is banned from speaking on our campus until he completes the required Administrative Training 101f: Superintend Obfuscation with Protracted Disquisition.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 07, 2020, 07:49:31 PM
Everyone declined your meeting request because you didn’t bother to check calendars. That’s why everyone declined your last meeting, too. We will all decline the one you sent this time, too, since it’s during the general faculty meeting. By the way, you’re on the agenda for the general faculty meeting. You might want to put it on your calendar.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 09, 2020, 06:50:33 AM
I don't have cable TV anymore!!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 09, 2020, 07:50:22 PM
I don't have cable TV anymore!!

I love my cable TV, especially with the new apps that mean the streaming services are also checked when I do a search.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on August 10, 2020, 02:04:24 PM
Next time, let assistant provost JimBob do all the talking. He made a much better impression than you did at faculty meeting. He gave clear, concise answers the few times you let him speak. He also answered the question asked, instead of launching into obviously canned responses that we’re vaguely related to question.

(Faculty senate grilled president and provost today.)

We seriously needed your assistant provost JimBob in our recent meeting. I can't even describe the level of meaningless buzzwords that were thrown out as justification for recent decision-making.  Requests for clarification were completely ignored.  Then an administrator actually said that they didn't want to provide specific examples because that would "direct the discussion." The meeting dissolved from there.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 10, 2020, 02:25:29 PM
It's amazing you didn't notice that when you charged up that hill to die, you were tripping over the decaying corpses of the many people who charged before you did.

But it was fun to watch.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on August 10, 2020, 03:21:20 PM
I am so tired of dealing with your ignorance. You cannot prove that China deliberately infected the world with a virus. Why am I even trying to have a conversation with you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on August 12, 2020, 10:39:13 AM
No, you still don't really want me to lay you off.  You've had two weeks of COVID-19 leave, and a week of normally accrued sick time.  You've got about another week of time put back.  After that I can either put you on unpaid medical leave--which will let you keep your insurance, your past two years of retirement contributions, and your job. 

Or I can lay you off, in which case you might, after a wait of some weeks (Have you been keeping up with the news regarding problems with unemployment coverage, by the way?), draw more than your paycheck--but you'll lose your insurance and your retirement contributions, and I won't be holding your job open for you. 

You can't have your cake and eat it too, as your question regarding whether you could apply for unemployment while on unpaid medical leave with insurance suggests you believe.  Perhaps I'm wrong to suspect malingering here, but your previous ambition to be laid off during the shutdown so you could collect more money for sitting at home makes me less inclined to grant benefit of the doubt. 

If you still really want to be laid off, I can accommodate you, but we need somebody here doing your job.  We are supposed to be essential workers, after all.  If that can't be you, it will have to be somebody else.  That's a lot to give up for a few months worth of generous unemployment benefits that you'll have a hard time collecting and that Congress can't be depended upon to keep going.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 12, 2020, 06:01:18 PM
No, you still don't really want me to lay you off.  You've had two weeks of COVID-19 leave, and a week of normally accrued sick time.

My sympathies. I’ve had a few similar conversations, where I’ve almost bitten my tongue not saying what I was thinking.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on August 13, 2020, 05:24:07 AM
Asking us to continually work out of contract and changing—and changing again— the plan for instruction three weeks prior to the start of the semester is contributing to low morale. Blaming the governor only gets you so far.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on August 13, 2020, 06:07:09 AM
No, my Ninja Turtle shirt isn't my way of secretly signalling that I'm a pedophile-ally, nor is my vintage Magnum PI floral print shirt a way of secretly signalling white supremacists. That you keep telling other people those things means you're a toxic moron.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on August 13, 2020, 06:15:47 AM
Co-authors X & Y, you are a pleasure to work with. I particularly like how you promptly answer emails, catch typos and overlooked points, and send me full citations and proposed transitional text to include those citations into the main body.

Co-author Z, you suck. You never answer emails, went silent for a year, and when you do send me proposed text, it's turgid sludge that requires three rounds of emails (at least you did deign to ansewr those) before I can figure out what you intended to say so I can rewrite it entirely into something comprehensible. I'm never, ever working with you ever again.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 13, 2020, 06:20:08 AM
I wish I could say, ''I actually do understand how you can write such a beautiful meditation on the one hand, and be such a terrible team player on the other. I just wish you'd grow up and take to heart the things you write, and apply them to how you relate to others."

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on August 13, 2020, 08:54:50 AM
The fact that I didn't run screaming for the hills when you said that we were "considering" online instruction in Spring is the only reason that 1000+ students had a quality online lab experience.  The least you could do is give me a supply budget.  I'd prefer a raise, a shiny award, and a vacation, but it's hard to keep things rolling with $0 of support.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 13, 2020, 09:20:28 AM
That could very well be the dumbest policy decision in the history of the University.  NO field trips?  So, having 10 students, socially distanced, in the great outdoors is not OK, but 3 hours in a limited air circulation room is a practice that passes muster?

Who decided this?  The Three Stooges?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on August 13, 2020, 07:37:41 PM
That could very well be the dumbest policy decision in the history of the University.  NO field trips?  So, having 10 students, socially distanced, in the great outdoors is not OK, but 3 hours in a limited air circulation room is a practice that passes muster?

Who decided this?  The Three Stooges?

Wow! We’ve managed to keep field trips although the conditions have varied as government restrictions change.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on August 14, 2020, 07:44:09 AM
That could very well be the dumbest policy decision in the history of the University.  NO field trips?  So, having 10 students, socially distanced, in the great outdoors is not OK, but 3 hours in a limited air circulation room is a practice that passes muster?

Who decided this?  The Three Stooges?

Wow! We’ve managed to keep field trips although the conditions have varied as government restrictions change.

That "as government restrictions change" may have something to do with the other school's decision to cancel field trips.  With all the other shifting sands of policy they have to deal with, they may have decided to simplify by eliminating the field trip issue altogether.  Maybe shortsighted, but I can kind of understand the thinking there, if that's it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 14, 2020, 08:08:26 AM
That could very well be the dumbest policy decision in the history of the University.  NO field trips?  So, having 10 students, socially distanced, in the great outdoors is not OK, but 3 hours in a limited air circulation room is a practice that passes muster?

Who decided this?  The Three Stooges?

Wow! We’ve managed to keep field trips although the conditions have varied as government restrictions change.

That "as government restrictions change" may have something to do with the other school's decision to cancel field trips.  With all the other shifting sands of policy they have to deal with, they may have decided to simplify by eliminating the field trip issue altogether.  Maybe shortsighted, but I can kind of understand the thinking there, if that's it.

As a State School, we already have to follow the State Policies (what is recommended for privates is required for us) and the sites we would visit (Audubon sanctuaries and the like) are also following the guidelines, or in some cases, not even open to general public but will allow us.

Blanket policy decisions are typically both too broad and too narrow.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on August 14, 2020, 08:31:33 AM

Blanket policy decisions are typically both too broad and too narrow.

Never thought about it quite that way, but that's a really good way of putting it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 14, 2020, 05:28:28 PM
There’s a slight difference between a 12% and a 15% budget cut. In our case, it’s about $500,000. I don’t have that much in non-salary budget. Either you deliberately lied to faculty this morning when you said “no furloughs and no layoffs” or you’re an idiot who can’t read a budget. Since the budget with your notes about deficit and the summons to a meeting on RIF policy came before the faculty meeting, I conclude that you deliberately lied to our faculty.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on August 15, 2020, 08:19:41 AM
I don't know why I bothered to look up the methodology for the thing you linked on Facebook and post my expert opinion on it.  You might reply this time because I found a different source with a better methodology that agrees with your conclusion.  Maybe.  However, you completely ignored me last time when I typed a page of detailed analysis that disagreed with you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on August 17, 2020, 04:59:28 AM
Listing admincritters’ credentials with highest degrees of “ABD” or “graduate coursework” is disingenuous, and just reinforces how poorly qualified they are for their jobs.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: bio-nonymous on August 17, 2020, 03:01:55 PM
Can you whining crybabies just do your work without complaining and emailing me constantly for clarification!!!!!!!!!! You are supposed to be grown adults...with college degrees! Why is this such a mystery to you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on August 17, 2020, 04:12:37 PM
I really wish that, if I were not so afraid to comment, that a good part of popular dissent at present is a result of groups that wish to make major problems, like dealing with countering the Coronavirus 19, worse. What are the motives for doing such? I am not clear on that but I sure they will emerge. I would go on to say that thousands upon thousands, and possibly millions will be damaged, disadvantaged, injured, and killed by these amazingly powerful groups of villain's actions! SO, ENOUGH NOT SAID.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 18, 2020, 01:07:18 PM
My current IRB request has just been approved! I hypothesize that there is a positive correlation between the number of times a faculty member requests travel, supplies, and equipment after being told that the department budget for travel, supplies, and equipment was reduced 90% this year and the number of times that faculty member has had a significant personal finance issue (eviction for nonpayment of rent, foreclosure, bankruptcy, appearance on the state list of top 500 tax debtors, etc.). You’ve all just become part of my longitudinal study.



Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 18, 2020, 02:37:16 PM
There's a state list of top 500 tax debtors?  How much does number 499 owe?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on August 18, 2020, 03:21:19 PM
There's a state list of top 500 tax debtors?  How much does number 499 owe?

Which state? Individual or corporate? I’ve been known to have students review and discuss use of these lists as an incentive to pay taxes. Here’s the CA, SC, and WI lists, if you want to explore.

https://www.ftb.ca.gov/about-ftb/newsroom/top-500-past-due-balances/index.html (https://www.ftb.ca.gov/about-ftb/newsroom/top-500-past-due-balances/index.html)

https://dor.sc.gov/top250 (https://dor.sc.gov/top250)

https://www.revenue.wi.gov/Pages/Delqlist/topten.aspx (https://www.revenue.wi.gov/Pages/Delqlist/topten.aspx)

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 18, 2020, 04:09:59 PM
There's a state list of top 500 tax debtors?  How much does number 499 owe?

Which state? Individual or corporate? I’ve been known to have students review and discuss use of these lists as an incentive to pay taxes. Here’s the CA, SC, and WI lists, if you want to explore.

https://www.ftb.ca.gov/about-ftb/newsroom/top-500-past-due-balances/index.html (https://www.ftb.ca.gov/about-ftb/newsroom/top-500-past-due-balances/index.html)

https://dor.sc.gov/top250 (https://dor.sc.gov/top250)

https://www.revenue.wi.gov/Pages/Delqlist/topten.aspx (https://www.revenue.wi.gov/Pages/Delqlist/topten.aspx)

Gross generalization is $100k as the lower bound.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: alto_stratus on August 23, 2020, 12:36:38 PM
Ahhh! Someone please take these plastic drawer thingies. There's no good space for them in my new place, and I am tired of rolling them out of the way.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 24, 2020, 02:05:54 PM
When you say things didn't go as planned, you are suggesting that there was a plan in the first place. I have my doubts.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 24, 2020, 02:41:34 PM
Ahhh! Someone please take these plastic drawer thingies. There's no good space for them in my new place, and I am tired of rolling them out of the way.

Put 'em out on the curb.

They'll be gone in no time.

(I, too, once thought they'd solve problems but they didn't. The curbside shoppers got them as soon as they were out.)

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on August 26, 2020, 02:49:22 PM
To patron: we've had this conversation the other day. Quit picking and choosing staff!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: kiana on August 26, 2020, 03:10:47 PM
Put 'em out on the curb.

They'll be gone in no time.

(I, too, once thought they'd solve problems but they didn't. The curbside shoppers got them as soon as they were out.)

M.

That's what I did with the queen size mattress when I moved. Apartment manager insisted I needed to pay someone to dispose of it.

Hauled it out and set it by the trash. Less than 10 minutes later someone came by in a sedan, did a Uie, tossed it on top and drove off with the two dudes in the front seats having their windows rolled down and holding it on top with one arm each.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 26, 2020, 04:01:30 PM
You play really well but if you don't get your fingers under control now, you never will.

I want to issue speeding tickets for some of those passages that need to actually go slower than you're playing them.

It's a good problem to have, but still...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 27, 2020, 08:36:36 AM
When there is a f2/hybrid version of a class and a fully online version, the reasonable accommodation is that the student who can't/won't come to campus takes the online one, NOT that the f2f/hybrid be converted to online for that one student.

And some classes cam't be converted to online and still be the same class - which is what a reasonable accommodation needs to be.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: alto_stratus on August 27, 2020, 01:53:44 PM
OMG. Why are we doing this?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on August 27, 2020, 01:58:51 PM
You think there's a civil war coming and we all need to stock up on guns and ammo.  Who exactly do you think we need to start shooting?  Who do YOU plan to shoot?

(I'm not saying it because I don't really want to hear the answer.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 27, 2020, 04:14:58 PM
If you wanted the cover letter to follow a given format, then you have to tell people what that format is, ideally in the job ad itself.

But, sure, I'll redo my cover letter to match what the formatting requirement is and I can do it tonight.  Thank you for calling and telling me.

I will point out that your pool for this position can't be that big and I have used a version of this cover letter before for the same job title and you interviewed me as a finalist.

I will point out that I have been on the search committee for this same job title and only one person in that search submitted a cover letter in this format.  However, that does explain why that applicant stood out in a weird way because they were following the format that most of us don't know about.  The search committee certainly wasn't told to look specifically for the format.

I will also point out that one reason I am applying for this particular job is to fix processes like this that suck up a lot of time, energy, and good will while providing minimal benefit to anyone.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on August 28, 2020, 06:41:43 AM
The irony of YOU decrying the adversarial atmosphere is too rich to stomach.

Everyone around here seems to think it it YOU and YOUR DIVISION that stonewalls, lies, omits, and generally acts all pissy when asked to do your job.

Methinks thou dost protest too much.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on August 28, 2020, 03:49:36 PM
If you wanted the cover letter to follow a given format, then you have to tell people what that format is, ideally in the job ad itself.

But, sure, I'll redo my cover letter to match what the formatting requirement is and I can do it tonight.  Thank you for calling and telling me.

I will point out that your pool for this position can't be that big and I have used a version of this cover letter before for the same job title and you interviewed me as a finalist.

I will point out that I have been on the search committee for this same job title and only one person in that search submitted a cover letter in this format.  However, that does explain why that applicant stood out in a weird way because they were following the format that most of us don't know about.  The search committee certainly wasn't told to look specifically for the format.

I will also point out that one reason I am applying for this particular job is to fix processes like this that suck up a lot of time, energy, and good will while providing minimal benefit to anyone.

No, the job ad I was sent does not have a link on how to apply and therefore does not have the presentation on formatting you sent me.  The job ad link I was sent goes directly into the big ol' database system with a button to click labeled 'Apply Now'.

There is no reason an internal candidate like me would start at the external how-to-apply job site that requires multiple clicks to get to the job listings themselves.  Even that external site does not have this presentation in a prominent place that is hard to ignore.  Even looking for this presentation didn't bring it up in the first ten clicks.

I'm taking notes on all of this to send suggestions on how to improve the process because it's broken if you're insisting on a specific format for the cover letter and are bouncing applications that don't conform while not actually giving applicants the relevant information.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: histchick on August 30, 2020, 11:57:12 AM
When there is a f2/hybrid version of a class and a fully online version, the reasonable accommodation is that the student who can't/won't come to campus takes the online one, NOT that the f2f/hybrid be converted to online for that one student.

And some classes cam't be converted to online and still be the same class - which is what a reasonable accommodation needs to be.
Yes, to all of this. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on August 30, 2020, 12:07:00 PM
You think there's a civil war coming and we all need to stock up on guns and ammo.  Who exactly do you think we need to start shooting?  Who do YOU plan to shoot?

(I'm not saying it because I don't really want to hear the answer.)

Yeah, buddy. Not a fun question to ask there. Especially at church. Just sayin'.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on August 31, 2020, 06:37:57 AM
Huh. I had never before considered simply declining to do my job, and instead telling the person who assigned it to do it themselves. I've passed your email along to up the chain; surely such innovative approaches to this task deserve to be shared and evaluated for broader adoption.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on August 31, 2020, 07:26:40 AM
Asking faculty to do childish things in the name of community-building will backfire.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on August 31, 2020, 07:35:54 AM
Some of my colleagues were disappointed that you were chosen as chair, so soon after being hired. They worried that you didn't have the institutional savvy and experience to be effective in dealing with higher admin. And maybe they're right. But I must say, from where I sit, you're doing an outstanding job.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on August 31, 2020, 03:17:59 PM
^Unrelated.

I'm doing research on this site, and no, I don't have a family tree I want to share, or anything else.

STOP peppering me with Pop-ups!!!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on September 02, 2020, 05:41:20 AM
Sending emails at 4:30 in the morning doesn’t make you look dedicated — it makes you look neurotic.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on September 02, 2020, 06:46:19 AM
No, I don't want to talk to you now "just because we both have the website up."

No-one asked you to review it, and I work for the Exec. Director, not the board members.

And playing the "Gotcha!" game at 8 AM on a Zoom call with other things on the agenda is not cool.

I don't like being ambushed.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on September 02, 2020, 09:26:36 AM
I am happy to do the commiseration dance with you about how bad upper admin's guidance was last spring, but I'm not joining in with my heart. Honestly--they could have done so much worse, and it was so clear they were working really hard to cope appropriately, that I actually don't think they deserve what you're dishing out. Everything was weird and confused then, but look where we are now: all grad students will get extensions on their submission deadlines, and all classes that can't maintain 6-foot distancing are being conducted online, with lots of new tools and training being made available to everyone. Really, not just compared to our peers but compared to my expectations of appropriate resopnses, I feel like our university has done a pretty great job adapting.

But, with exactly the same sincerity that I put into my, "fine, thanks, how are you?"s, I agree: SO VERY SURPRISING that the admin's guidance back in April was unclear and inconsistent! Well, y'know, what can you expect? They must have been taking their cues from the government. tsk tsk.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on September 02, 2020, 10:23:17 AM
After all the confusion and uncertainty, fall semester is starting fairly well. People are still anxious, but most are trying hard to follow guidelines. The weird hybrid classes seem to be working. We might just make it through the entire semester.

(Actually, it’s working better than I expected, but based on the groups of unmasked students I see walking about as I leave campus every day, I expect cases to skyrocket next week.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on September 02, 2020, 02:00:49 PM
No, I don't want to talk to you now "just because we both have the website up."

No-one asked you to review it, and I work for the Exec. Director, not the board members.

And playing the "Gotcha!" game at 8 AM on a Zoom call with other things on the agenda is not cool.

I don't like being ambushed.

M.

And after all that...

Be careful when you hit "Reply All" that you know everyone who's on the distribution list.

I just figured out what you're up to. Consistent....and oh, so cute.

It burns me...but that's OK, I have some options of my own, too...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: alto_stratus on September 02, 2020, 05:31:22 PM
"Watch me - and don't let me put honey in the fridge." zzzzzzzzzzzzz

"People, we need to figure this $h!t out. I'm tired of going round and round. It's ridiculous."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 06, 2020, 04:03:56 PM
For shizzle. Just don't talk. Just STFU, nod, and smile. It's okay to be quiet and listen. Just shhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 06, 2020, 04:19:20 PM
You're making your point loud and clear.

It's neither the point you think you are making, nor is it one your meant to make.

But it is clear.  And it is loud.

We appreciate you removing all doubt.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on September 08, 2020, 06:56:31 PM
To patron: You've been coming in everyday. We have the same conversation about what we can and can't do for you on the public computers. If you don't like what you're hearing, go to another branch.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on September 09, 2020, 02:40:00 PM
Yes, we're glad to take a look at your donated books and put them in the book sale room if we can use them.  Just know that if they were published before dirt was invented we probably won't be able to use them.

Especially if they look and feel like they've spent a few years buried in the dirt.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on September 09, 2020, 04:40:22 PM
Yes, we're glad to take a look at your donated books and put them in the book sale room if we can use them.  Just know that if they were published before dirt was invented we probably won't be able to use them.

Especially if they look and feel like they've spent a few years buried in the dirt.

I have bought those books, but always as part of a 'purchase by mass' excellent deal.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nescafe on September 11, 2020, 12:59:13 PM
I don't know, GradStudent. If someone told me I could have $500 for submitting a working paper in my field, I wouldn't decline the opportunity just because I didn't want to write a 200-word abstract today. Maybe it's just me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on September 11, 2020, 02:33:19 PM
I don't report to you.  Therefore, you trying to run my operations is perhaps not going to be popular.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on September 14, 2020, 09:43:56 AM
"not my class, not my students, not my problem"
I took over responsibility for the class for SUMMER only.  You hired someone else to manage the course for Fall.  If they fail to do something, that's on them/you to fix.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on September 15, 2020, 12:12:59 PM
I absolutely adore Blackboard Collaborate. It works so well and is so user friendly. And this idea of having me teach two sections live virtual lecture (LVL) instead of just putting them online is fabulous--students are so engaged that I can barely get a word in. 

I'm going to head outside now to take pictures of all the pigs flying past my windows, right next to the unicorns pooping rainbows.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 16, 2020, 07:53:50 AM
Um, yeah, about your assertion that your daughter is a "good student":


Good grief.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: onehappyunicorn on September 16, 2020, 09:36:54 AM
Why in the actual hell are kicking that hornet's nest? What is wrong with you? Your actions are going to make things much worse for all of us you ass.
If you really want to pick a fight you live in a town full of dive bars, go take out your aggression at one of them.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on September 17, 2020, 01:00:43 PM
Dear Administrator,

My apologies that you resent the implication that you’re not doing your job. You misunderstood. There was no imply about it. And if we’re flinging around resentment, I resent being kept in the dark about the screwups in the process that are making things difficult, and potentially dangerous, for everyone. Those are your fault. Stop trying to shift the blame.

All the best,

EM
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: arcturus on September 17, 2020, 03:16:37 PM
Dear Government Agency,

Your position on this matter is making our nation look stupid. While other nations are also taking unusual policy positions on this issue, yours is flouting the natural laws of physics. In the future, it would be helpful if you acknowledged basic scientific facts before developing a science policy opinion that you then foist on the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Fed-Up
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on September 17, 2020, 04:55:29 PM
Dear Student's father:

You may indeed have a lot on your mind, but losing your eldest son's ADHD meds when it's so hard to replace them at the moment is unconscionable.

IN SPITE of his insecurities, anxieties, and moments of confusion, he STILL had an excellent lesson, even while having to make up for all the deficiencies you inflicted on him--and the bad-mouthing I know goes on when no-one else is around (because I've heard it coming up the stairs...).

I'm so much more impressed with his maturity and his musicianship in the face of all this, than I already was.

You need to grow up and take some responsibility here.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 17, 2020, 06:48:45 PM
You get to speak for yourself.   As does everyone else in the class.  It is the height of arrogance to think you should speak for others. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on September 17, 2020, 07:18:13 PM
You read what I read because you were copied on that e-mail.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on September 17, 2020, 07:25:46 PM
HR, please don’t just send emails telling employees that COVID-19 modification requests are extended for months, so they need to complete remote work forms for spring semester. Copy the supervisor, too. You might also  email all supervisors to tell them that medication guidelines have been updated, so they need to review the updated guidelines.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on September 18, 2020, 11:33:39 AM
Dear overly anxious new TA,
Yes, labs are entirely online.  Yes, they are challenging & effective.  Yes, the students do learn a lot.  Just because you "can't picture how this is going to work" doesn't mean it's impossible.  No, I will not send you "all the materials for labs" right now.  You'll get them the same time as the other TAs in 2 weeks.  You know, when your contract starts.  Calm down and do something else in your last few weeks of Summer.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on September 19, 2020, 02:12:17 AM
The report is due today, so you’ll have two weeks to compile data. You’ll get it before I go home today. Contacting me repeatedly to remind me that it’s due today is wasting my time.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: jimbogumbo on September 19, 2020, 12:23:40 PM
The two of you are both despicable asswipes.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on September 21, 2020, 02:34:28 AM
I'm glad you've found a situation that works for you. Do you realize that this arrangement that you spent all summer faffing about before settling on was exactly the same arrangement that I suggested back in May? Because I do. I spent all fracking summer trying to get you to agree on something consistent---no no no! you said. Students will indeed appreciate a variety of approaches across different teachers on different days. They will find it invigorating and exciting! No need for us to deliver some logistically coherent online class. Let us all do our own thing!

Now it is September and you're all basically doing exactly the same thing that I suggested back in May. All that is different is that you think you came up with it on your own. And you know what? I'm happy to let you have that. I don't insist on being credited with this idea. Honestly, it's not a tremendously innovative idea, and I really don't care who is credited with it. But I deeply wish that I hadn't spent all summer trying to drag you towards something and getting jerked around and blown off by you if the identical endpoint could have been reached back in May.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on September 21, 2020, 08:23:50 AM
If you win this [professional org] election, I'll eat your tiara.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on September 23, 2020, 09:05:36 AM
Dude, you're teaching that seminar. Not me. I coordinate from on high, but that student is yours. I answered her email and CCed you and directed her to you because you teach her seminar. Don't volunteer me as someone she shouldn't hesitate to email with questions! She shouldn't hesitate to email you with questions. You're on very thin ice with me already (not that I have any power to do anything if you crash through). Don't make more work for me. Deal with your own damn students.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 23, 2020, 09:42:23 AM
Don't berate the President in a meeting for "lack of communication about X" when doing so exposes that you haven't
1) Read any of the announcements about X; or
2) Attended any of the meetings about X; or
3) Done the mandatory training about X.

You look like a damn fool, AND you make the rest of us faculty (we faculty?)look disengaged by association. 

You wouldn't take this laziness from your students, why should we take if from you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 23, 2020, 07:14:02 PM
Librizzles--Stop changing the f*cking URLs to the awesome, extremely helpful material on the Library's web site. Or at least send us out an email telling us we need to update the links in our courses. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

[note: we have a totally super-awesome library staff, but, well, arrrrggghhhh!]
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on September 23, 2020, 07:34:06 PM
Duuuuude. You make even my moderate efforts look like sheer genius.  Um, thank you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on September 25, 2020, 03:51:20 AM
Oh, dear--I agree that if you don't like sciency things and graphs and so on, then my class is not for you. I'm not at all upset that you want to switch. Of course you should choose courses that suit your interests! But are you sure you want to switch into that other class? Because you have to do actual math for that one.

--unrelated--
Goddammit, superold fancyprof, I sent you those exhaustive instructions, with screenshots for every step, so that you would be able to do the task for the class I'm coordinating. I understand if you won't have time to work through the instructions until next week, but when you tell me to 'feel free to [do task] until I get to it' do you realize you're saying 'feel free to do my job for me'? Because that's what you're telling me to do. I'm working very, very hard to cut everyone slack because learning new digital skills is hard, but the more I think about you in particular, the more I feel eyeball flame rage. 'Feel free to do my job for me.' Fuck you.

--sort of related---
I know we've clashed a bit on certain structural disagreements, but I really respect how you've learned all these new skills. Our clashes have been about pedagogy and structural decisions, not about any determinedly maintained cluelessness with tech, and I respect that. Also, I quite like the discovery you made about the superiority of Tool B over Tool A. I've been very careful to credit you and say that I've decided to make the switch to Tool B myself because of what you've told me, and I've felt as if our interpersonal frictions have eased a bit. I wish superold fancyprof were more like you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on September 25, 2020, 03:59:28 AM
 Has Mn...what's his name..uh, the money guy, done a..I guess, a cash flow analysis of reduced cash outlay due loss of Social Security recipients, SS contribution reduction due to unemployment? Short term? Long term? Etc.?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on September 25, 2020, 07:02:19 AM
I don't give a ripe f*ck what you name you kid. All I said was that if you call it "Tess," you are clearly showing you don't read Thomas Hardy novels.

It wasn't intended as an inside joke between me and the voices inside my head, but we had a good time with it anyway.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on September 25, 2020, 08:16:21 AM
You do realize that without a major expenditure of money, this building isn't suitable for the purpose you intend, right?  I understand you have a space utilization problem.  But don't screw up my program on account of it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on September 25, 2020, 08:21:05 AM
You can't just tell someone to Zoom WHILE you also lecture.  You have to both SHOW THEM how to do it AND provide the equipment to do so.

Who do you think you are?

Fiat lux *may have* have worked once.  Fiat Zoom does not.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on September 25, 2020, 08:35:24 AM
You do realize that without a major expenditure of money, this building isn't suitable for the purpose you intend, right?  I understand you have a space utilization problem.  But don't screw up my program on account of it.

Experienced this exact scenario a few years back. Once they realized what the cost would be to retrofit the other space for our needs, they $eemed to under$tand the problem$ involved and recanted.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on September 27, 2020, 07:09:36 PM
Fine.  If you want to set department standards using the language of  adolescents, have at it. But don’t be surprised when the university’s view of our school affects decisions about us down the road
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on September 28, 2020, 11:55:26 AM
Colleagues that haven't taught online before (or honestly haven't taught anything for a long time) are clearly starting to panic that classes start this week.  There is a huge push to have a weekly "let's meet and talk about online teaching" working group. 
I wish I could say: "You KNEW you'd be teaching online back in May.  You've had MONTHS to prepare.  I had to change my classes to online with less than 2 weeks notice last Spring.  Look at all the online tools/programs/whatever you could have learned over the summer.  It's not my job to teach you how to do your job.  Count me out."

What I'll actually say, "Hmm, those meeting times don't work for me."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on September 28, 2020, 06:43:42 PM
What more do you want from me with this document? I'm sick of all these revisions now and ready to call it done.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on September 29, 2020, 01:34:49 AM
You've been wrangling this Moodle system since before I ever started here. It's beyond frustrating that you haven't figured out how to do things like drop the lowest score from the gradebook, or set up the announcements so that messages can be directed to separate sections of the same class. I poked around in the settings and looked at the online help documents by using Google and figured it out in a few minutes. When you ask me to write up a step-by-step how-to document with screenshots, you are asking me to do your job for you. Likewise, when you ask me to check your Excel spreadsheet formulas, you are asking me to do your job for you.

You are so wildly necessary and valuable to our department that I would never dream of complaining to anyone. But I do get a little bit annoyed that your technical skills are so static. These tools are not difficult. Please learn how to use them, rather than relying on the same procedures that you settled on a decade ago. Because your procedures will eventually become obsolete, and the longer you try to cling to them, the worse it's going to be when you are forced to make the shift to whatever new system is put in place.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on September 30, 2020, 06:44:00 AM
To Whiny Helpless Students, Oldest Kid, Spouse, Clueless Admins, Aggravating Priviledged BFF, and anyone else within screaming distance:

OMFG! Will All Of You F*&#ing IDIOTS Just Go Away And Leave Me The Hell ALONE!!!


Ahem. Sorry to the rest of you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on September 30, 2020, 10:51:42 AM
To Whiny Helpless Students, Oldest Kid, Spouse, Clueless Admins, Aggravating Priviledged BFF, and anyone else within screaming distance:

OMFG! Will All Of You F*&#ing IDIOTS Just Go Away And Leave Me The Hell ALONE!!!


Ahem. Sorry to the rest of you.

We should revive the quiet room thread.

In the meantime, here's a pot of your favorite warm beverage, a plate with six crackers and a wedge of your favorite cheese, and two of your favorite cookies.

Also a blanket and a warm, sleeping, calm puppy, or kitten, of your choice.

《.. backs out of the room, inserts the key on the inside of the door, and closes it quietly.》

M.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on September 30, 2020, 06:36:42 PM
Teleworking?! Je le deteste! :p
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: research_prof on October 01, 2020, 10:19:11 AM
Ignore..
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on October 01, 2020, 12:07:28 PM
I completely agree!  You should teach this course next semester! You will definitely do a better job than I'm doing in the course no sane person would attempt to teach remotely but we are anyway because reasons (not official course title).  With my blessing, have at it!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 01, 2020, 01:09:44 PM
Teleworking?! Je le deteste! :p

Moi aussi. Trop difficile pour les etudiants.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 01, 2020, 03:16:27 PM
Teleworking?! Je le deteste! :p

Moi aussi. Trop difficile pour les etudiants.

Bouf! Mais, non!

Moi, je l'adore!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on October 01, 2020, 04:26:56 PM
Every time you say, “I know it’s not legal, but ...”, I want to scream. I will never give you permission to use department resources to do something illegal. Stop asking.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 01, 2020, 07:10:08 PM
Teleworking?! Je le deteste! :p

Moi aussi. Trop difficile pour les etudiants.

Bouf! Mais, non!

Moi, je l'adore!

M.
Well, pas tout les temps, but I suppose my course load is affecting me. It's also kind of lonely.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 01, 2020, 07:19:18 PM
Pauvre cheri.(e)

Veut-on du the?

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 01, 2020, 08:08:50 PM
Pauvre cheri.(e)

Veut-on du the?

M.
I'm more of a coffee person. :)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 01, 2020, 08:09:38 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 01, 2020, 08:11:11 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

Yikes!

Call 911.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 02, 2020, 07:27:32 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 02, 2020, 07:51:03 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.

Because that never happens in rural areas?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 02, 2020, 08:04:02 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.

Because that never happens in rural areas?

Not nearly as often, in my experience.  When I lived in a large city, hardly a weekend went by without hearing gunshots.  Sometimes very close by.  And I didn't live in, or very near, what were reputed to be the city's more dangerous neighborhoods.  Where I live now I don't believe I've ever heard a gunshot at night in 15 years.  I've occasionally heard them during the day, during hunting season, when I'm on the edge of town.

Granted rural areas aren't all alike.  I understand that in Texas, in both town and country, there's a lot of "celebratory gunfire" that's not aimed at anybody, but still potentially dangerous.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on October 02, 2020, 09:44:55 AM
Thank you SO much for confirming, after class was over, that the student who returned early from quarantine was actually allowed back in the in-person class. Your timing was excellent. I, and the rest of the students in the class, really appreciate the timeliness of your feedback because entrusting our health to the word of an 18-year-old is the absolute best way to deal with Covid on campus.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 02, 2020, 09:56:43 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 02, 2020, 10:12:48 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 02, 2020, 10:24:29 AM
SRAADFY (Some Rural Areas Are Different From Yours) ?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on October 02, 2020, 10:52:42 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 02, 2020, 11:31:04 AM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 02, 2020, 12:21:19 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.

Also people tend to shoot their spouses/partners at night as well; however, being the victim of random violence seems much, much less of a worry out here. Also, in my rural area, people will finish off a deer they hit with their truck/car with a few rounds. If this happens close to your house, it can produce a WTF response.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 02, 2020, 12:30:58 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.

Also people tend to shoot their spouses/partners at night as well; however, being the victim of random violence seems much, much less of a worry out here. Also, in my rural area, people will finish off a deer they hit with their truck/car with a few rounds. If this happens close to your house, it can produce a WTF response.

Well, it could also be the peeping tom who has been in the area. I was told that one husband fired his gun a few times (in the air?) to scare him away. :O
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 02, 2020, 12:35:06 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.

Also people tend to shoot their spouses/partners at night as well; however, being the victim of random violence seems much, much less of a worry out here. Also, in my rural area, people will finish off a deer they hit with their truck/car with a few rounds. If this happens close to your house, it can produce a WTF response.

Well, it could also be the peeping tom who has been in the area. I was told that one husband fired his gun a few times (in the air?) to scare him away. :O

A peeping Tom? Now there's a man who lives a life of danger.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 02, 2020, 01:01:09 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.

Also people tend to shoot their spouses/partners at night as well; however, being the victim of random violence seems much, much less of a worry out here. Also, in my rural area, people will finish off a deer they hit with their truck/car with a few rounds. If this happens close to your house, it can produce a WTF response.

Well, it could also be the peeping tom who has been in the area. I was told that one husband fired his gun a few times (in the air?) to scare him away. :O

A peeping Tom? Now there's a man who lives a life of danger.

In rural area, very definitely so.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 02, 2020, 02:16:46 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.

Also people tend to shoot their spouses/partners at night as well; however, being the victim of random violence seems much, much less of a worry out here. Also, in my rural area, people will finish off a deer they hit with their truck/car with a few rounds. If this happens close to your house, it can produce a WTF response.

Well, it could also be the peeping tom who has been in the area. I was told that one husband fired his gun a few times (in the air?) to scare him away. :O

A peeping Tom? Now there's a man who lives a life of danger.

In rural area, very definitely so.

Likely to be a peeping tom, or that he's living a life of danger?- or both?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 02, 2020, 02:34:26 PM
Unrelated.

Who is shooting a gun at this time of night?

One of several things I don't miss about living in the big city.
The funny thing is... I'm in a rural area.

Oh, in that case it's probably somebody out trying to poach game.  Still preferable to hearing a shootout on the street corner outside your apartment.

The big difference is in the country, a human is highly unlikely to be the target. In the city, a human is highly likely to be the target.

Even that's not true enough.  In the rural areas, human gun deaths are very likely to be suicide (i.e., a human target). Suicide late at night is not at all surprising.

Also people tend to shoot their spouses/partners at night as well; however, being the victim of random violence seems much, much less of a worry out here. Also, in my rural area, people will finish off a deer they hit with their truck/car with a few rounds. If this happens close to your house, it can produce a WTF response.

Well, it could also be the peeping tom who has been in the area. I was told that one husband fired his gun a few times (in the air?) to scare him away. :O

A peeping Tom? Now there's a man who lives a life of danger.

In rural area, very definitely so.

Likely to be a peeping tom, or that he's living a life of danger?- or both?

Living a life of danger.  I'd hate to think that rural areas had a lot of peeping toms.  Only one (sort of) that I've ever heard of around here was a local school teacher who was fired for sneaking into a female colleague's house one day.  She was one of my neighbors.  Not sure anybody ever figured out his motive.  It was assumed not to be good.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on October 05, 2020, 04:51:06 AM
Unrelated:

Oh, sweetheart. This isn't math. It's looking at graphs and deciding which boxplot is higher than which other boxplots. I recognize that thinking about interactions in experimental results is hard, but even if you had aced trigonometry in high school, that wouldn't really help you here.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 05, 2020, 06:20:25 AM
People you know have died.  Are you going to take it seriously now?

I have my doubts since you didn't take it seriously when young, healthy people you knew and regularly interacted with went into the hospital.

It's a pity that with all your risk factors in a now hot spot that you can't be bothered to make an effort.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on October 05, 2020, 09:59:05 AM
I know I should be the better person, but after years of doing so and repeatedly getting kicked in the teeth for my troubles, no more.  You deserve what you're getting, and far worse. Karma really is a bitch.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on October 05, 2020, 11:29:10 PM
Are you actually going to fire him? That seems a bit harsh. I mean, I know I've been complaining about him not pulling his weight, and I do quite like the person you're proposing to hire instead, but firing him seems a bit extreme. I think you won't make many friends if you go through with it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on October 06, 2020, 09:43:45 AM
I love answering emails that have questions I already answered in: the syllabus, the announcement on the LMS, my previous emails.
No really, keep them coming.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 06, 2020, 09:46:24 AM
No, no, I think it is GREAT that you are planning spaces for Underrepresented students you want to bring to campus.

Is that in addition to or instead of much needed spaces for the students we currently have?

Ponder that.  I'll wait.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Puget on October 06, 2020, 11:14:43 AM
To student number 1: No student, the fact that you decided to travel out of state next week to visit friends at a time when students are being strongly discouraged from leaving the metro area at all, and will be on a train during class time doesn't mean you can attend the other section's discussion section and have their deadline for the in class assignment. It most certainly doesn't mean you can have an extension on the assignment due before class that you have all week to do based on the asynchronous online lecture. Seriously, what made you think I would go for that??
(I actually did say all of that except the last sentence).

To student number 2: No, the fact that you scheduled the LSAT for this week and priortized that over the exam in this class doesn't make it "unfair" that you have to take the exam in this class. Do you really think you are the only student to have ever taken a graduate entrance exam during the semester? When I pointed out that you had the same opportunity as all other students to re-take one of the exams during finals and replace your earlier grade, the approprate response was "oh, sorry I didn't pay attention to that in the syllabus and course intro video, thanks so much!" not "But way can't I just have a few day's extension?".  Your behavior doesn't bode well for law school, but then again maybe that's what they're looking for?

I love answering emails that have questions I already answered in: the syllabus, the announcement on the LMS, my previous emails.
No really, keep them coming.

My response to these emails is very short:
"See syllabus."
"See course annoucment email"
as appropriate.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 06, 2020, 05:51:15 PM

Your mama.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on October 06, 2020, 06:21:42 PM
Dumb decisions have consequences...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on October 06, 2020, 06:50:58 PM
Many of our colleagues retired with grace and dignity over the summer.

Remind me why you didn't, this time without the complaints about the world, and including your unwillingness to put the safety of our community first?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on October 07, 2020, 07:18:23 AM
Dear administrator:  your attempts to, as you say, think outside the box, aren’t that at all.  And since you weren’t at any of the many meetings we held over the past 2 years it would be wise to just listen.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on October 07, 2020, 07:55:00 AM
You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on October 07, 2020, 01:25:39 PM
Thank you SO much for misleading me about the state of my department and its future; I am so glad I pulled up stakes to join your shit show.  In 34 years, this is hands-down the biggest CF I've ever inherited, and that's saying something.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on October 07, 2020, 01:34:23 PM
You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious! 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on October 07, 2020, 01:49:23 PM
You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious!
Delicious, but good only for decorative purposes... melts in hot water :)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on October 07, 2020, 01:51:26 PM
You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious!
Delicious, but good only for decorative purposes... melts in hot water :)

Being decorative, but not functional is a noble goal for many folks.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on October 07, 2020, 01:56:20 PM
You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious!
Delicious, but good only for decorative purposes... melts in hot water :)

Being decorative, but not functional is a noble goal for many folks.

Yes, indeed! And I think academe collects more than its fair share of those folks.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 07, 2020, 07:11:58 PM
Unrelated.

Read the God damned instructions! I'm really getting tired of emails asking which equation they should use. It's in the damn lab handout!

READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on October 07, 2020, 08:00:44 PM
Student, your 500-word essay contains eight paragraphs. Eight! Did you not read the directions for this assignment, the model essays with annotations on each paragraph showing the thesis statement and topic sentences, the handout that shows what a short essay should look like, and the two-page checklist? I'm not sure why you are surprised to see your grade. I thought I was quite generous.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on October 08, 2020, 06:21:38 AM
Student, your 500-word essay contains eight paragraphs. Eight! Did you not read the directions for this assignment, the model essays with annotations on each paragraph showing the thesis statement and topic sentences, the handout that shows what a short essay should look like, and the two-page checklist? I'm not sure why you are surprised to see your grade. I thought I was quite generous.

Maybe the student thought it was Twitter.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 08, 2020, 07:18:44 AM
Dear administrator:  your attempts to, as you say, think outside the box, aren’t that at all.  And since you weren’t at any of the many meetings we held over the past 2 years it would be wise to just listen.

To piggback: Thinking "outside the box" requires a clear understanding of the parameters, purposes, and flexibility of the box in question.

I don't know what you learned with your "leadership" degree, but they forgot to tell you that demonstrating basic competence at your own job is a great place to start when developing your leadership "vision."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on October 08, 2020, 07:59:31 AM
Student, your 500-word essay contains eight paragraphs. Eight! Did you not read the directions for this assignment, the model essays with annotations on each paragraph showing the thesis statement and topic sentences, the handout that shows what a short essay should look like, and the two-page checklist? I'm not sure why you are surprised to see your grade. I thought I was quite generous.

Maybe the student thought it was Twitter.

Good point! Stu didn't realize that hu was supposed to read the content and attachments in the modules before submitting assignments; Stu also didn't realize that hu had received detailed feedback on hu's assignments. Needless to say, Stu hasn't spent much time on the course online, according to Stu's activity report.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: research_prof on October 11, 2020, 08:02:53 AM
To the student that is leaving comments like "this homework felt a bit off" for every single homework he submits: 9/10 homework questions have already been answered during the lectures and do not even require that you read through the textbook. All you need to do is to show up and attend the lectures (or at least watch the recorded lectures).
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: traductio on October 14, 2020, 07:03:31 AM
Dear people of the world, and also students,

If you would please be so kind as to stop emailing me for the next hour or two, I would be grateful. Today is a day of one email ahead, two emails behind.

Thank you,
Me
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 14, 2020, 07:37:48 AM
We have a practical exam today.
It is online.
As it says on the announcements.
And as I said in class.
If you are asking me now, 2 hrs before class, which lab we are doing,
YOU.ARE.F'D.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on October 14, 2020, 08:07:49 AM
Thanks so much for calling me to a Very Important Zoom Meeting to tell me about a brief report you need me to submit eight months from now.

I suppose it’s good to be prepared.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 14, 2020, 10:56:49 AM
Thanks so much for calling me to a Very Important Zoom Meeting to tell me about a brief report you need me to submit eight months from now.

I suppose it’s good to be prepared.

I'd far rather have that situation than yet another meeting on something that was really due last week, but this is the first I've heard of it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on October 14, 2020, 02:09:26 PM
45 bucks for a tooth?!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on October 14, 2020, 06:28:47 PM
Students, all you had to do for this assignment was to upload PDF files. Couldn't you upload them so that they are right side up instead of sideways and/or upside down? Did you confuse me with an owl?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on October 14, 2020, 06:30:06 PM
My multiple e-mails with brief suggestions for your document didn't work.  My e-mail in which I wrote explicitly how to change your document also didn't work.  If my latest communication, in which I wrote a brand new document, also doesn't set you straight, I don't know how to fix this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 15, 2020, 06:09:03 AM
Students, all you had to do for this assignment was to upload PDF files. Couldn't you upload them so that they are right side up instead of sideways and/or upside down? Did you confuse me with an owl?

Regardless of how carefully I scan documents, the scanner tends to submit a PDF that is upside down.  Thus, I have a workflow that includes opening the PDF in Preview on my Mac and rotation the pages individually.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 15, 2020, 10:35:47 AM
45 bucks for a tooth?!

Sounds like the Tooth Fairy is a lot richer and more generous now than when I was a kid.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 15, 2020, 01:05:04 PM
No, Google, I do NOT want your overriding default to YOUR product, which I do not know or want to know how to use, over Zoom.

   https://www.forbes.com/sites/paularmstrongtech/2020/10/14/google-is-pushing-zoom-out-of-gmail-by-default-starting-today/
 
No, nay, non, Nein!!!

Stop it with hijacking peoples' lives just to put your agendas (i.e., money-making perks) across and making it harder for people to get rid of them than to just acquiesce and accept them.

You, too, Microsoft Edge!

   https://lifehacker.com/why-your-edge-browser-installed-microsoft-office-withou-1845373422

Just.Stop.The.Cyber.Bullying.Now!!!!!

M. 

P.S. (I know, Forbes has a good workaround which I'll have to apply before I teach my 6:30 lesson, but this is maddening beyond belief, that I should have to DO SOMETHING MORE just to be able to KEEP WHAT I ALREADY HAVE AND WANT in my teaching setups.)

GGGggggggrrrrrr!!!!!!!

/rant]
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on October 15, 2020, 02:23:26 PM
I don't wanna work Saturdays!  I like weekdays only.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 15, 2020, 04:59:16 PM
Something I just said but never thought I'd have to say....(to a 12-year old music student with some ADHD issues)....

"Could you please wait until you're off-screen to scratch yourself?"

(His mother overheard and started howling with laughter...)

M. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 15, 2020, 05:21:23 PM
Student you need to learn to self-soothe.   The mystery of why your grade is going down when you do well on a quiz is not life or death.  Sending me panicked emails in the evening and demanding I help you RIGHT NOW?  Not gonna help.

I guarantee a response w/in 24 hours, and in good customer service mode, you are gonna get the full 24-hours.

I am not your binky.  Stop it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 15, 2020, 09:09:34 PM
Student you need to learn to self-soothe....I am not your binky. 

Stashing this idea away for if it's ever necessary.

Could be useful sometime.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: smallcleanrat on October 15, 2020, 09:50:15 PM
Student you need to learn to self-soothe.   The mystery of why your grade is going down when you do well on a quiz is not life or death.  Sending me panicked emails in the evening and demanding I help you RIGHT NOW?  Not gonna help.

I guarantee a response w/in 24 hours, and in good customer service mode, you are gonna get the full 24-hours.

I am not your binky.  Stop it.

Would you ever include a professionally-worded message like this in your reply to a student? Something about the inappropriateness of using demanding language towards your professor?

I had an undergrad asking me to vouch for his presence in office hours so he could get an excused absence for another class. But he waited until six weeks after the fact to make the request. I told him I wouldn’t do it, because I didn’t remember him being there; it wouldn’t be honest. He sent me a snooty reply expressing disappointment in my “lack of organization” and told me my failure to take attendance during office hours was negligent. I sent him a politely worded version of “Why the &?$! would I take attendance during optional office hours? I don’t know a single TA or Prof who does this. Next time don’t wait so long to submit a request like this and you might have better luck.”

Pretty sure he was lying anyway, because I did write down what questions students asked in office hours and my memory could match specific faces to each question. His wasn’t one of them. Maybe waiting six weeks was a strategy, and he hoped I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on October 16, 2020, 07:26:26 AM
Look, I know your job is to keep enrollments up.  But that does not mean doing everything we can to keep a student enrolled.  Sometimes telling a student it is okay to drop out of college for awhile is the kindest thing we can do.

Remember, it's about the student.  Not about the institution.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 16, 2020, 08:30:22 AM
I don't wanna work Saturdays!  I like weekdays only.

You sound like our weekend staff.  Very long faces when the Board of Trustees told us to go back to our full six-day-a-week schedule, after months of M-F only due to the pandemic. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 16, 2020, 09:18:14 AM
Student you need to learn to self-soothe.   The mystery of why your grade is going down when you do well on a quiz is not life or death.  Sending me panicked emails in the evening and demanding I help you RIGHT NOW?  Not gonna help.

I guarantee a response w/in 24 hours, and in good customer service mode, you are gonna get the full 24-hours.

I am not your binky.  Stop it.

Would you ever include a professionally-worded message like this in your reply to a student? Something about the inappropriateness of using demanding language towards your professor?

I might if the student were receptive to feedback.  In my experience, that receptivity is inversely proportional to need.  I suspect they've been conditioned by earlier education to expect that is a winning strategy.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on October 16, 2020, 09:31:25 AM
You sound like our weekend staff.  Very long faces when the Board of Trustees told us to go back to our full six-day-a-week schedule, after months of M-F only due to the pandemic.
We've been used to weekdays only since June so having Saturdays return isn't going over well. I'll be coming with a cuppa of a something for Saturday mornings.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 16, 2020, 09:53:24 AM
You sound like our weekend staff.  Very long faces when the Board of Trustees told us to go back to our full six-day-a-week schedule, after months of M-F only due to the pandemic.
We've been used to weekdays only since June so having Saturdays return isn't going over well. I'll be coming with a cuppa of a something for Saturday mornings.

I never stopped coming in on Saturday mornings (Force of habit--I'm used to coming in six days a week, and usually at least passing by to see if everything looks okay on Sundays).  Judging from the number of phone calls we kept getting, the demand for Saturday services remained during the months when we didn't offer them.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on October 16, 2020, 10:20:47 PM
What kind of jobs are you in that you’re working on Saturdays? Before someone trolls, I’m asking in the context of this being an academic fora.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 17, 2020, 07:52:08 AM
What kind of jobs are you in that you’re working on Saturdays? Before someone trolls, I’m asking in the context of this being an academic fora.

We're librarians.  Public and academic libraries are usually open on Saturdays.  I'm the director of a public library, and expected to be there at least part of the day every day we're open.  Plus I'm on call 24/7 in case an alarm goes off at the library.  We had one of our periodic false alarms for no apparent reason just last night.  At least it was before I went to bed, not around 3 a.m. like usual.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on October 17, 2020, 09:28:15 AM
What kind of jobs are you in that you’re working on Saturdays? Before someone trolls, I’m asking in the context of this being an academic fora.

I’ve taught at two universities that had a substantial number of courses scheduled for returning adults, including nights and weekends. At my current university, the professional programs teach about half their classes after 4:00 p.m. or on Saturday. Many departments offer a service course and an elective in the evenings or on Saturday, too. My department expects every full-time faculty to teach an evening or Saturday class at least once every other year, because those classes always fill.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on October 17, 2020, 06:59:48 PM
Interesting. Thanks.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 18, 2020, 09:44:18 AM
<unrelated to working Saturdays>

Either you are not up on your reading or you are just too ignorant to be a good elected official.

Not one person called for ignoring the experts or ignoring the science.  Instead, you are exposing your ignorance by not knowing who the experts are.  The local newspaper had a front page article just last week about how the biggest employer in the area has the national/international experts in this subject matter who are providing the good science for the public officials (state, federal, and others as requested) along with explanations of analysis, error, and uncertainty quantification.

Thus, to dismiss those same experts submitting a written, formal report for our town in their area of expertise as it relates to our community and our families in favor of the "state experts" means you have missed the boat by so much that you can't even see the boat over the horizon.  It also means that you don't know what the "state experts" are on record as saying or what the current guidance/rules/laws in this matter are.

Perhaps you don't know that scientists who do research that really matters to the normal people, especially right now, are also often parents, grandparents, and active community members.  Taking into account the loudest voices instead of the most informed voices is a mistake that will cost this community dearly...or at least it would if most people were stupid enough to believe you know best.  Expect that big wave of people opting out of the public option to continue and the next election to have a bunch of new faces because of how many consequential decisions were made wrong recently.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 18, 2020, 10:06:00 AM
I had an undergrad asking me to vouch for his presence in office hours so he could get an excused absence for another class. But he waited until six weeks after the fact to make the request. I told him I wouldn’t do it, because I didn’t remember him being there; it wouldn’t be honest. He sent me a snooty reply expressing disappointment in my “lack of organization” and told me my failure to take attendance during office hours was negligent. I sent him a politely worded version of “Why the &?$! would I take attendance during optional office hours? I don’t know a single TA or Prof who does this. Next time don’t wait so long to submit a request like this and you might have better luck.”

Pretty sure he was lying anyway, because I did write down what questions students asked in office hours and my memory could match specific faces to each question. His wasn’t one of them. Maybe waiting six weeks was a strategy, and he hoped I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Whether he was lying or not,

1) a student does not get an excused absence from one class to attend office hours for a different class.  If necessary, one makes a special appointment to discuss the material for the other class if office hours and class time conflict.

2) six weeks is an absurd amount of time to wait.  Instead, the student should have had a D'Oh moment within hours, and asked for a voucher, although few professors will give any kind of excused absence for being elsewhere during class for a non-emergency or non-one-time-special-event-like-a-class-required-daylong-field-trip.

I did take attendance at everything so I had evidence to support judgment, not just my memory, even though the only way that attendance directly counted was for financial aid purposes for the last session attended. 

When students pleaded at the end of the course, I would check my records and then use the canned message of "When you repeat the course, I strongly suggest you increase your use of the materials on the LMS, problem-solving sessions, office hours, and similar scaffolding available to help students succeed in this course".  I never had to write a message regarding repeating the course to someone who was a regular attendee at office hours and problem-solving sessions for the majority of the semester.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 18, 2020, 12:42:52 PM
^ Unrelated to above.

Would you please stay in town and just do your job?

I've ended up both editing and proofing the whole magazine, which is fine for my CV but irksome in the extreme since I do have a few other things that I need to do as well!

I thought this was a shared task, but it seems to be sliding further and further over onto my desk.

And not being told that that would happen until mid-week last week, so I didn't have time to re-jigger my planning, is not cool. 

Grrrr....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on October 19, 2020, 09:25:53 AM
Dear Students,

Please stop cheating. You suck at it. And I can provide incontrovertible proof that the two of you turned in the exact same file and the only difference was a change to the file name. I have mentioned before in class that the software we use tracks every single thing you do. Guess you didn't believe me. So now I have to fill out forms.

Thanks SO much for adding that fun element to my day.

Dr. Mode
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on October 19, 2020, 10:15:14 AM
So, y'all* claim you want to start the [online] exam early because you've already studied and you have nothing to do** between your morning class and mine.  Huh, well, since y'all complain about taking this class because it's hard, and the mean for this exam is traditionally a C, I certainly hope it's true that you have studied and are prepared to take this exam.***

*graduate students all taking the same two classes on Mondays
** What do you mean you have nothing to do?!
*** I'm not starting the exam early in hopes they are actually studying.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 19, 2020, 10:45:45 AM
Dear Students,

Please stop cheating. You suck at it. And I can provide incontrovertible proof that the two of you turned in the exact same file and the only difference was a change to the file name. I have mentioned before in class that the software we use tracks every single thing you do. Guess you didn't believe me. So now I have to fill out forms.

Thanks SO much for adding that fun element to my day.

Dr. Mode


And don't lie to Mommy or Daddy or whoever else about your cheating. It's sad to see the look on a parent's face when they realize the kid they are sincerely trying to defend is just a lying little sack of $hit.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 20, 2020, 08:37:30 AM
You know, "diversity" or "inclusive excellence" or whatever the f*ck you want to call it doesn't mean just finding people who look different than you but think the exact same things you do. I have my doubts that we are making a sincere effort here. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 20, 2020, 02:54:58 PM
^ Unrelated...

You guys have all these cute rules about rotating off and so on, but no-one noticed that the whole Executive Committee is due to rotate off in January, and no new officers have been chosen to replace them, to say nothing of filling up that class year so there's a quorum for voting??

No-one, that is to say, until I did, but I'm just your lowly assistant....is anyone else paying attention?

I will be rather glad when this exquisite form of torture (paid though it be) is over.

M. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on October 21, 2020, 10:48:33 PM
Admiralty law, UN commission on whatever, OPEC, and whatever are not able, as I understand it, and not allowing as I understand that, to resolve issues and remove a looming, 5x Exxon Valdez spill, environmental disaster that would slime the entirety of the CARRIBEAN BASIN.

Why doesn't some petroneedy nation or oil poor nations buy the stuff at a bargain price. There must be some group of insurance companies or save the seafood groups or some countries that would pay delivery costs.

Let me explain a bit. There is a, reportedly, huge, post panamax [won't fit through the Canal] storage
tanker listing and languishing off the northern coast of Venezuala. It is kinda immobile. It is tied up in red tape. It makes me think of the recent explosion in Lebanon where volatile cargo was not tended to. I am certain that we have enough catastrophies pending! GET ON IT People! I sure hope that it is not U.S. - Venezualan politics that is the cause of a stalemate re this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 23, 2020, 06:20:45 AM

Here's two dollars: Buy yourself a Coke and a smile, and then go f*ck yourself.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on October 23, 2020, 05:34:02 PM
So sorry, but I’ll be too busy filling out my retirement paperwork to attend your meeting. Hope it’s productive!

Just 4.5 years to go. Most days, I like my work. Not this week.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on October 24, 2020, 08:15:50 AM
Either act like a functioning adult and do what you need to do--and stop giving a f*ck about how it makes other people feel or what they might say about you--or STFU.  If you refuse to care about yourself, stop expecting us to bend over backwards to care about you, and stop constantly looking to us for validation.

There's a big difference between being "fragile" and wallowing; you move beyond both by sucking it up, saying and meaning "I'm better than this, and you need to get out of my life." Worrying about unpleasant conversations is a dodge.  Just DO it and move on.

BTDT, and you aren't so special that you can't do it, too.  It wasn't easy, but it was easily the best thing I've ever done for myself and for the people around me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on October 26, 2020, 10:06:20 AM
As a well paid representative of an extremly successful communications organization you SHOULD not allow yourself to become a part of the designed sloppy and rude treatment of your clientele, as it speaks of political scheming. Or, perhaps this is indolence which has, during this epidemic crisis, become an accepted component of your customer service persona!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 26, 2020, 10:17:58 AM
^ Unrelated...

You guys have all these cute rules about rotating off and so on, but no-one noticed that the whole Executive Committee is due to rotate off in January, and no new officers have been chosen to replace them, to say nothing of filling up that class year so there's a quorum for voting??

No-one, that is to say, until I did, but I'm just your lowly assistant....is anyone else paying attention?

I will be rather glad when this exquisite form of torture (paid though it be) is over.

M.

...AND, when I go to the trouble to update versions of things and send them out before my own work gets a chance to be done, please be so kind to use those updated versions and not send out the erroneous ones I corrected.

And if you're going to do two jobs all the time, at least put equal time on them. I'm getting tired of carrying the second one for you when it's you who is being paid to supply the leadership and organizational direction for the thing.

Again, it pays and it's flexible or it wouldn't be worth it.

Just hope I can hold out until February.

Sic transit opera....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on October 26, 2020, 02:52:40 PM
(unrelated)

I  #&^$%$%  told you so!  Good luck with that!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on October 26, 2020, 05:54:24 PM
If you insist on participating in illegal activities, don’t use your university email and don’t tell me about it. Thank you for your cooperation.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on October 26, 2020, 07:04:31 PM
Unrelated

Student:

According to the syllabus, I do not respond to email on weekends, so that, you know, I can have some time off. Considering that I put in 10+ hour days responding to email, creating content, grading and dealing with dumbass administration mistakes, I think that it's ok that I don't respond to your Saturday email asking about your grade. IMO, if you can't calculate your grade, then you really shouldn't be in college.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on October 27, 2020, 02:20:35 PM
What, not wear masks! I am amazed that we are not tightening up restrictions as opposed to loosening them. That goes right down to manditory clean grooming enforcement and no spitting on sidewalks enforcement!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on October 27, 2020, 04:48:14 PM
Student, if you are going to lie to me, lie about something not so easily checked.  Lying about something that obvious makes me think that you don't think I'm very smart.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on October 27, 2020, 07:10:41 PM
I'm delighted that you're delighted to tell us all about your recent [reorg, article, etc.].
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: jimbogumbo on October 28, 2020, 08:38:16 AM
You guys are stark raving mad!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 28, 2020, 09:41:20 AM
You guys are stark raving mad!

Can I borrow this?

The dozen sweet, well-meaning board members I'm dealing with this week deserve to hear it at least once a day, but it's not my job to say it.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: jimbogumbo on October 28, 2020, 10:51:11 AM
You guys are stark raving mad!

Can I borrow this?

The dozen sweet, well-meaning board members I'm dealing with this week deserve to hear it at least once a day, but it's not my job to say it.

M.

Feel free!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on October 28, 2020, 11:24:33 AM
I appreciate your concern about murder hornets and wanting to keep the building safe from any insect threats.  But I felt a little silly showing our pest control sprayer that deceased garden-variety bug you insisted on saving for him just to reassure you that we'd checked it out with an expert.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 28, 2020, 12:30:50 PM
Maybe it's a killer bee instead?

;--}

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on October 29, 2020, 03:14:34 PM
You guys are stark raving mad!

Can I borrow this?

The dozen sweet, well-meaning board members I'm dealing with this week deserve to hear it at least once a day, but it's not my job to say it.

M.

Somehow I read that as "the dozen sweet-smelling board members."  HUH?  Clearly, it's time to shut things down for the day.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mahagonny on October 29, 2020, 03:42:17 PM
So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 30, 2020, 06:34:28 AM
So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.

The article I read was more than 839 words on that topic.  The commentariat was not kind to the author in the comments.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 30, 2020, 06:46:31 AM
Dear Provost,
Congratulations!  You have entirely alienated the faculty, especially the Department Chairs.  Your acontractual and anti-contractual dictates have burned any residual good will you may have had.

Have you ever heard of malicious compliance?  You are about to experience a full-on demonstration.

This isn't going to end the way you think.

Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 30, 2020, 06:49:33 AM
So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.

Starting with.....hmm....Anne Dudley Hutchinson? Philis Wheatly?

Mercy Warren Oliver? Deborah Sampson? ...Abigail Smith Adams?

Their voices and actions contributed as much to the strength and survival of this land as those of their male contemporaries.

Maybe your concept of nation is too small....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on October 30, 2020, 06:56:14 AM
No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 30, 2020, 07:05:39 AM
It is very early in the morning and yet my email already prompts:

* I am surprised to see the big announcement sent without my name or even a notice to me that it was going out.  Perhaps I'm unclear on what co-organizer means, but you just told 1000 people that you are organizing this whole event.  Since I was purposely asked to co-organize as the representative of 500 of those people, I wonder what you were thinking in sending out the announcement with just your name on it, especially since it will now be harder to beat the bushes to get participants since it's clear my folks are second (third?) class add-ons with zero language including them.

* The computer systems are again unavailable for indeterminate time.  Even Super Dinky managed to keep the computers up longer than this and you folks actually have a team of trained folks with resources.

* How interesting that you writing to me personally to beg me to take on undergraduate students for the summer term.  Yes, you're in the tough spot of having been told by upper management to build a summer student program and succeeded in having many more applicants than the program was even designed to support while not having even enough scientists to mentor the designed number of students. 

However, upper management doesn't actually reward us scientists for having the short-term undergrad students. Since you reported me for not doing enough work on your technical project a couple years ago because I was doing the desired service activities I was encouraged to do, I'd think you would know why the smart thing for me to do is turn down all offers that don't contribute directly to the technical work that gets me good ratings in the performance system that leads to a bigger raise and a promotion.  Come back when you are trying to place undergrads for two years (i.e., long enough to be helpful with the research) or are placing postdocs.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 30, 2020, 07:09:23 AM
Dear Provost

We all suspected you were incompetent.  Now we know.

That thing you ordered us to do?  That violates the contract. So NO!

That other thing you want us to do?  Is stupid and violates the contract.  So NO

No love.  Hell, no like.

Fishprof

(I can't say this.  But I can, and have, filed a grievance - yay Union?)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on October 30, 2020, 07:14:31 AM
No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .

Those of us who have worked as academic admin. assistants recognize the problem and thank you for your advocacy.

My job tasks included high-level grant accountancy, Excel pivot tables and X-Y-Z charts, fast (75 wpm+) typing, with basic editing on the fly; copy editing for upper-level Uni presses' publications and NSF grant submission rationales (usually given to us at the last minute; we'd team-read each others' bosses work so our editorial "eyes" stayed fresh); travel booking, expense accounting (with 33-number entry codes at one point); catering, conference planning, liason with various international professional organizations, and if your boss was president that year, all the support that entailed as well.

Oh, and student packets, updating course websites, submitting grades, and (once) going in at midnight to fax all our MOUs to a governmental agency halfway around the world that'd had a coup and wanted to throw all our researchers out and install their own, headed by the nephew of the new dictator and his school cronies instead.

Fun times.

When some folks still called us secretaries, I had a mug that read,

  "Be kind to your assistants. Secretaries secretly run the world."

Hope your exec gets woke ....

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on October 30, 2020, 08:44:00 AM
(unrelated)

To patron in the grocery store--cover your effing nose; this isn't the time or place to burst into a tuneless song.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on October 30, 2020, 08:46:59 AM
Please stop replying to class announcements as if they were emails only directed at you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on October 30, 2020, 10:28:19 AM
No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .

Those of us who have worked as academic admin. assistants recognize the problem and thank you for your advocacy.

My job tasks included high-level grant accountancy, Excel pivot tables and X-Y-Z charts, fast (75 wpm+) typing, with basic editing on the fly; copy editing for upper-level Uni presses' publications and NSF grant submission rationales (usually given to us at the last minute; we'd team-read each others' bosses work so our editorial "eyes" stayed fresh); travel booking, expense accounting (with 33-number entry codes at one point); catering, conference planning, liason with various international professional organizations, and if your boss was president that year, all the support that entailed as well.

Oh, and student packets, updating course websites, submitting grades, and (once) going in at midnight to fax all our MOUs to a governmental agency halfway around the world that'd had a coup and wanted to throw all our researchers out and install their own, headed by the nephew of the new dictator and his school cronies instead.

Fun times.

When some folks still called us secretaries, I had a mug that read,

  "Be kind to your assistants. Secretaries secretly run the world."

Hope your exec gets woke ....

M.

We lost multiple administrative assistants / support staff in the latest budget purge. We are a field that requires accreditation and licensing.  Our current support staff (like most of us) are overworked and underpaid.  To make that statement shows a complete lack of understanding of, well, anything.  I can't even described the shit-show that occurred in the nursing department as they got gutted worse than we did.  I have no confidence that this exec will ever get close to being woke.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mahagonny on October 30, 2020, 01:11:53 PM
So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.

Starting with.....hmm....Anne Dudley Hutchinson? Philis Wheatly?

Mercy Warren Oliver? Deborah Sampson? ...Abigail Smith Adams?

Their voices and actions contributed as much to the strength and survival of this land as those of their male contemporaries.

Maybe your concept of nation is too small....

M.

Oh you left out a lot. The outstanding women I could name in my field whose work informs my own. Not that I would presume to be on their level of accomplishment.
But these women you name waged a battle that has been won. Who could not appreciate them? Today's woman can do a anything a man can do and maybe more. When I think of feminists today, i think of that author, eager to be offended and expound on it, imagining somehow the women who preferred Trump before will change their mind as a result of that inconsequential comment; those who are looking to bust you for 'mansplaining,' Hillary Clinton who has 'gone farther than anyone else.' (Except, no, she hasn't. Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister 40 years ago.) Too much melodrama and too little letting one's work speak for itself. A stale grievance.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 30, 2020, 02:40:06 PM
No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .

Oh, Lordy. What an idiot. The various assistants at my cc have bailed me out from my own stupidness far more times than any deans have (and I have some great deans need to bail me out).

I remember back a few years ago when an adjunct mouthed off to one division assistant about paperwork that the adjunct hadn't submitted on time. She simply let the adjunct go to the dean to complete the adjunct's paperwork for the rest of the semester--the adjunct's last semester. The adjunct's wait-times to gain access to that dean is still the stuff of legends.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on October 31, 2020, 07:51:31 AM
No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .

If clueless upper-level administrator’s administrative assistant hears that, he may be trying to cope by himself soon. Assistants cooperate with each other to get their work done. Making your assistant’s job harder by eliminating the assistants s/he interfaces with in departments is the kind of stupid behavior that makes them decide to leave.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on October 31, 2020, 02:23:04 PM
No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .

If clueless upper-level administrator’s administrative assistant hears that, he may be trying to cope by himself soon. Assistants cooperate with each other to get their work done. Making your assistant’s job harder by eliminating the assistants s/he interfaces with in departments is the kind of stupid behavior that makes them decide to leave.

Super Dinky got to the point of being so shorthanded on assistants that the registrar and provost were babysitting the copiers leading up to registration.  I spent an afternoon stapling all the first-year orientation packets one fall because I was the person who could be spared that day in terms of meeting the looming, could-not-be-moved deadlines.

At my current employer, we're having senior scientists leave in part because they can't get administrative assistance at the level needed for their work doing the tasks that mamselle listed.  The lack of being able to recruit new assistants is a significant problem.  Time was, we'd recruit a scientist and get a trailing spouse or other family member who would be support staff.  Now, many scientists have two-body problems being married to other scientists and recruiting support staff is hard because no one is moving cross-country for just an entry-level support position.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on October 31, 2020, 06:55:12 PM
I don't think you understand that if some students were given a due date of, say, infinity, quite a few of them would be asking for an extension of infinity plus two days.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 01, 2020, 11:47:08 AM
Dear Provost
You have asked us to all "pull together for the good of our students".  But you then proceeded to nickel and dime us on everything we asked for.  So, we're done pitching in.  We'll do exactly what you ordered us to do.  But the result will be worse than the plan we proposed.  And it will be your fault.
No Love
Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on November 01, 2020, 11:51:13 AM
I don't think you understand that if some students were given a due date of, say, infinity, quite a few of them would be asking for an extension of infinity plus two days.
... before you have finished telling them what the assignment is.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on November 02, 2020, 07:35:53 PM
To patron: Ma'am, whoever told you we would be closed tomorrow made it up!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nonsensical on November 03, 2020, 05:30:46 AM
Dear schools that have me submit letters of recommendation online,

If you are going to ask me to compare the applicant to others, please arrange the categories in numerical order. "They are the best thing since sliced bread" should be at the very top of the list. If you want to go in reverse order, I will accept the very bottom of the list. When you put it in the middle of the list because that is where it goes alphabetically, it is easy to mistake the top category ("above average") for the best rating possible, especially when one is submitting a bunch of letters in a row. I really like this student and want them to get in everywhere. Good thing I caught this, but please don't make it difficult for me to communicate how very well-suited this person is for graduate study!

Thank you oh so much,
nonsensical
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 03, 2020, 05:56:23 AM
Dammit!  I am fighting the Provost on your behalf.  Going behind my back to cut a side-deal has totally undermined my position.  Now we are both f'd.  Thanks
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on November 04, 2020, 08:44:53 AM
Dear colleague, get your news from the news outlets, not social media — please!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on November 04, 2020, 06:50:56 PM
To library patron: You're a young guy with plenty of time of time to hang about and do nothing. Why is that? And no, I don't keep an account on any social media platform.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 05, 2020, 04:08:06 AM
Ok, I’m done.  I don't need this crap.  You can find yourself another patsy chair,
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on November 05, 2020, 09:30:57 AM
Why should I have to apply again for something I already applied for and was granted? 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on November 05, 2020, 11:38:09 AM
Ok, I’m done.  I don't need this crap.  You can find yourself another patsy chair,

It does feel pretty good the day you can say this to the relevant person.


In my own events,


Dear HR person,

Effective communication is something I dearly hope your big boss insists goes on your current performance assessment because this morning's still-unfolding disaster has lost your department a lot of good will that you will need.

How have you failed this morning?  Let me count the ways.

1) You created a new email list of 2000 randomly selected employees and instead of starting with something like, "Salutations!  You have been selected to participate in a survey for HR regarding <new initiative>.  Details will follow with a message from the HR leader", you sent us all an email that just read "test".  No indication of who you are, why we are on the email list, or even what you are testing.

2) You sent the test email with all 2000 of us unsuspecting people in the To box so that all those unsuspecting people could reply all with varying levels of good natured helpfulness, expected annoyance, and jokey memes on how these reply-all train wrecks go.

3) Your apology email went to a non-existent list on the first go so you forwarded that email with a misspelled and incomplete subject line indicating you are still not really on the ball.  We now know you who are from the signature block, but that's not to your favor.

4) When the HR leader sent us the email that really should have been either the first or second email (still not on BCC and still on To so everyone can reply all), the action link is broken.  Even if it weren't broken, that wasn't a feedback link; that was a link to the internal news site for an announcement of a survey step in a process.  A heads up notice regarding an upcoming survey coming out at least three days after the actual survey (based on internal news site frequency) is not good for communications.

5) Due to the lack of BCC, despite that being a common helpful tip by the respondents, we are treated to many observations that the link to the survey is broken along with even more suggestions on the value of BCC for the first email in a new chain.

6) The email stating that the link is indeed broken and requesting patience for another email with an updated link was still not BCC'ed to the list.  What was not on the very first line of that email?  That's right, the notice that people should not reply all to the email, but instead should call one of two phone numbers.  That notice was buried far enough in the message that I had to scroll on my big screen to see it.  The predictable irritated reply-all responses continue.

7) The email with the complete announcement with the actual survey live link still was not BCC'ed to the list, despite now being a useful subject line.  The irritated responses have slowed down, but I expect a new wave after lunch as all the people who were working on site in the morning come home in the afternoon and check their email starting from the beginning.

8) The survey itself focused on things where one must be an HR expert to have an opinion and almost entirely neglected the things that matter to normal employees on even a monthly basis.  By not even having an open-response box titled something like "What else do you want to tell us?" or "Additional Comments", you have proven you haven't really thought about what we, the human resources you are organizing, need. 

In all honesty, I would rather have flat out rude benefits administrators who are only available to talk for 2 hours every day with email taking a business week for a response, but excellent workforce development folks who administer formal, but voluntary, helpful programs/workshops/exercises than the best, friendliest, helpful insurance folks for things I spend about ten minutes thinking about every year in November.  I have never called a benefits administrator after my first six months here when I was settled in.  However, I have been filling the gaps in the workforce development area myself by organizing programs/workshops/exercises for my department and I'm not even the manager, just someone who sees a need.

I was willing to give a newbie a break because the first time one does something like this for so many people is daunting and error prone.  However, your employee number indicates you have to have been here for a good 20 years and therefore this isn't your first rodeo.

Not at all satisfied,

Polly
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 05, 2020, 03:39:39 PM
Dear Colleague,

You want X schedule.  I gave it do you. 

Then you pitched a fit and demanded B.  So I gave that to you. 

Then you demanded I meet with Staff members X&Y to solve your issues.  So I set a meeting.

Then you had an impromptu meeting and now you demand schedule C.  Fine, I don't care.

What's really wrong?  This is either transference about your personal life, or you are mentally unwell.

Either way, when I am no longer Chair, we won't be friends.

No love,

Fishprof

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on November 05, 2020, 05:18:58 PM
Turn around, walk through the doorway, close the door, and read the sign. Or if you can’t read, look at the picture. Either way, get out.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 05, 2020, 05:22:16 PM
^ Unrelated.

No, I won't help you compile any more resources, or edit the book that's been hanging fire for almost 10 years now.

I set up a writing schedule as asked three years ago; you ignored it. Two years ago, I did all the text/reference checks needed to line up the citations in order once you had the main text done. Last year, I did tables of all the stuff you asked for. You did indeed pay me for most of it, yes, you did.

But at the end of last year, when you gave me the first chapter to edit, I found that most of it was word-for-word copied from another author's book, with just one footnote at the beginning for one quote, but nothing for the rest (well, it would have needed a footnote for every other sentence, really.)

If you neither respect your own work, nor another's, to try to pull a stunt like that, I don't want anything further to do with the project.

And, now, I've got my own book a-brewing. So, I'm sorry, but--one of the other editors I've referred you to will do a good job for you--as long as you don't pull the same shenanigans on them.

La commedia e finita...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 08, 2020, 08:17:48 AM
Look, I like you and you are otherwise good at your job; but I will continue to challenge anyone who uses inane, disingenuous phrases like "Faculty need to work with students" and "Faculty need to try to help students make it through this semester" because, at least to me, these people are clearly saying that they want us to lower standards and pass more students by any means necessary--with plausible deniability on the part of the admins should anyone notice we are just passing students along.

Maybe that's what you meant. Maybe it's not (cough, cough). But I will keep challenging anyone who uses these phrases until the day they remove my cold, dead finger from the "Unmute" button. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mahagonny on November 09, 2020, 09:26:17 AM
Yes, dear dean, thank you for asking what you might be able to do for us to help us along during this difficult time. You could tell that inconsiderate idiot of a chair to stop changing the course requirements for students that reduces our number of paid weekly hours without even telling us.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on November 09, 2020, 10:04:29 AM
No, we should not "schedule Spring quarter classes with the assumption we will be in person".  Have you seen the news?  What makes you think that we'll be allowed to pack 500+ students into a lecture hall in March?
Jeez.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 10, 2020, 05:17:39 PM
Favorite admin: Saying a student is "dual enrollment" doesn't evoke that magical quality it used to. Instead, the term "dual enrollment" is going the way of the term "internet student."

Step into my way-back machine and let us remember together when we first started teaching internet courses in the early 2000s. We had a small cadre of dedicated, motivated instructors who worked together with a fairly small cadre of dedicated, motivated students. We had great pass rates and everyone was happy.

Then "they" eventually started putting anyone and everyone into internet courses based quite a bit on the students' scheduling concerns (as opposed to whether or not the student might actually succeed in the internet environment). In addition, with this expansion of students, faculty were soon assigned courses based more on their personal availability than whether-or-not they really wanted to teach internet courses. And here we are.

The same is happening with dual enrollment students. Any parent who now thinks their offspring was made super-special can put the kid in the dual enrollment program. With COVID, they don't even need the requisite ACT scores right now. Many of the students are still very good, but not enough of them to make the term "dual enrollment student" anything that special. And not all instructors are fond of teaching 16-17-year-olds who don't want to be there.

There: I at least wrote it down. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on November 13, 2020, 02:07:47 PM
That big event at the City Auditorium to commemorate our town's wonderful, long-lost little theater company sounds wonderful.  We're glad to help you find material for it in our library's local history collection.  But for crying out loud, please tell me you're not really planning to try to hold it sometime in January!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 13, 2020, 02:11:22 PM
That's when you offer resources on Zoom and PowerPoint for presentations and discussions....just since you know they'll need them, you know?

Sheesh!!!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on November 14, 2020, 07:34:17 PM
Whose idea was it to play Christmas music?! Too early!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on November 15, 2020, 10:52:49 AM
No, fellow department chair — I don’t plan on attending the meeting tomorrow that’s all about your department’s curriculum, which I’m not familiar with. Why would you think I would, or that I could fill you in afterward so you could skip it?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on November 15, 2020, 01:06:19 PM
No, fellow department chair — I don’t plan on attending the meeting tomorrow that’s all about your department’s curriculum, which I’m not familiar with. Why would you think I would, or that I could fill you in afterward so you could skip it?
And why don’t you have any faculty in your department willing to attend if an emergency prevents you from going? Or don’t you trust them to represent department and brief you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 15, 2020, 04:54:31 PM
No fellow department chair, I will NOT take time this weekend to register your students, when you couldn't be bothered to send the list on Thursday as agreed.  Friday at 5:15 may as well be Monday, as the Registrar isn't working this weekend either.

And CCing the Dean won't get the reaction you are hoping for.

Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on November 16, 2020, 08:28:59 AM
Whose idea was it to play Christmas music?! Too early!

I'm starting to see lights and Santas in yards here and there, too.

Decades ago Charles Schulz had Charlie Brown complain about how he went to get a Halloween mask, and the store was too busy putting up Christmas decorations.  That was supposed to be amusing hyperbole about early Christmas promotions.  Now it's just the simple reality in some places.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 17, 2020, 11:12:50 AM
What I just realized I wish I could say,

"Why, yes, I'd love to book another hostel stay with you guys in Paris for December. The one in 2019 was so great, I'd be glad to return. How good of you to remember that it was right about now that I put in that deposit last year."

I actually still have a lot of materials from that trip that I'm still processing/working from/writing about, so in a way it's good that I won't be going back this year; maybe I'll get some of the backlog dealt with.

But that one birth certificate in London that I missed....

Sigh...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 18, 2020, 07:47:05 AM
All I said was that Christmas is primarily an economic event for Americans, not a religious one. I wasn't trying to be mean, but I now see a "Merry X-mas" card in your future.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 18, 2020, 08:03:29 AM
Axial Tilt is the Reason for the Season (http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/35jjqr)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 18, 2020, 10:23:23 AM
Axial Tilt is the Reason for the Season (http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/35jjqr)

You...you...scientist, you...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 18, 2020, 10:52:47 AM
Axial Tilt is the Reason for the Season (http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/35jjqr)

You...you...scientist, you...

M.

Guilty as charged.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on November 18, 2020, 11:01:01 AM
Axial Tilt is the Reason for the Season (http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/35jjqr)

Tell this to my Astronomy students.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on November 18, 2020, 03:52:37 PM
Arggh!  I teach class X.  I've been teaching class X for years.  Stop asking me who teaches it or if [other person] teaches it!  They don't and never have.  We don't even look alike or have similar names.
Grumble.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: nonsensical on November 19, 2020, 03:28:33 AM
Please stop e-mailing me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on November 19, 2020, 11:07:15 AM
^
Same.

In addition to that, will everyone please leave me alone, so that I can hide from the world?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on November 19, 2020, 11:40:50 AM
^
Same.

In addition to that, will everyone please leave me alone, so that I can get this stupid grading caught up and then hide from the world?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 19, 2020, 02:24:37 PM
^
Same.

In addition to that, will everyone please leave me alone, so that I can get this stupid grading caught up and then hide from the world?

The Quiet Room (a.k.a. Hiding) thread awaits you.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on November 19, 2020, 02:25:01 PM
Who left these boxes of magazines as a donation to the library by our book drop?! We can't take them because of covid!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 20, 2020, 07:14:17 AM
You have unjustly accused me of being out to get you.  I haven't been.  But in my last semester as Chair, I am going to pull out every stop w/in the contract to make you miserable.  And then, when I am no longer chair, I'll never give you the time of day again.

You need help.  But you won't get it from me.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on November 20, 2020, 07:20:07 AM
Why would you change a perfectly usable system that we all know how to use? Are these new features (what are they again?!) really worth the aggravation for all of us relearning something with 4 weeks to go in the semester? And if you are going to change the system to something less user friendly, then at least respond to my tech question!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on November 20, 2020, 07:44:23 AM
Dear (now former) colleague,

We just received the email "sadly announcing [your] departure to pursue other opportunities." I, for one, am not sad at this and, in fact, texted several colleagues to see if they'd read the email. There was much rejoicing. You were hateful, rude, condescending, racist, sexist, and even managed to make my colleague who never gets mad at anyone or anything say that you were "a bit of a jerk." Bye! Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.

No love lost,

EM
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on November 20, 2020, 08:08:56 AM
Dear (now former) colleague,

We just received the email "sadly announcing [your] departure to pursue other opportunities." I, for one, am not sad at this and, in fact, texted several colleagues to see if they'd read the email. There was much rejoicing. You were hateful, rude, condescending, racist, sexist, and even managed to make my colleague who never gets mad at anyone or anything say that you were "a bit of a jerk." Bye! Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.

No love lost,

EM

I wish I could say this too.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on November 20, 2020, 02:21:33 PM
It's really kind of surprising how many people remember me agreeing to do work that, let us say, is rather beyond the scope of my role.  Will it take me more than 5 minutes?  Please check that with my supervisor.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 20, 2020, 02:29:28 PM
One has so carefully to sidestep board members with the same delusion. In other ways, I find myself having to say-without-saying,

"Nope, I'm not your PA, your staff assistant, or your (some still say this) secretary. I don't need 12 bosses, one is quite enough!"

M.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on November 20, 2020, 02:41:41 PM
It appears to be a deeply embedded cultural thing here to offload work on anyone who might actually do it.  I know I've whined about it on here several times lately.  I am practicing my gracious deflections...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on November 20, 2020, 02:49:23 PM
There must be a swing dance or a foxtrot--maybe a quick-step?--with that title...

;--}

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on November 21, 2020, 08:45:03 AM
You have unjustly accused me of being out to get you.  I haven't been.  But in my last semester as Chair, I am going to pull out every stop w/in the contract to make you miserable.  And then, when I am no longer chair, I'll never give you the time of day again.

You need help.  But you won't get it from me.

FWIW, FishProf, I had three of these when I was chair. Not only were they asses, they went out of their way to try to create dissent among my other 15 faculty at the time (mostly unsuccessfully).

Funny how, 10 years later, they've to a man apologized to me across the past 18 months.  And the two who are still on faculty (one retired) are my staunchest defenders whenever something comes up; they're also very deferential, such as opening doors, making small talk in the hall, and so on (which they pointedly would never do in the past).

They can stuff all this now, so far as I'm concerned:  I appreciate the support and the decent manners, and I accept it graciously, but I'll be damned if I ever trust them or even give them the time of day by my own initiative. 

Karma is a bitch, and I guess I am, too.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: histchick on November 21, 2020, 09:06:40 AM
Online Student,

I will not write a recommendation for you to transfer to another institution.  I don't know you.  I know you have a B in the course.  That's it.  The only time you've contacted me is to help you figure out if you will have a B in the course and then if I would write a recommendation for you. 

NO.  LEAVE ME ALONE.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 21, 2020, 09:30:16 AM
Um, yeah. About that. Feeling "totally anxious and overwhelmed" about a class that you have not participated in for over six weeks is a perfectly appropriate emotional response. Unfortunately, I have no message of hope to offer from my side of things.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on November 23, 2020, 05:25:23 PM
To the two groups of Covidiots who are wilfully spreading the virus and who think that they are immune from it:

Covidiots who organized a "sweet sixteen" party, what were you thinking? Most people don't have much sympathy for the outcome, however sad. You idiots should have dispersed once the police asked you all to do so. Had the schools not been closed, you idiots (the adults) would have sent your children to school today. There is nothing "sweet" about a birthday if it results in sickness or death, not to mention the unintended outcome of the shootings.
https://abc7ny.com/7-shot-1-fatally-after-sweet-16-party-nypd-says/8188012/

Covidiots who organized a secret wedding--we have no words for your stupidity.
https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/coronavirus/cuomo-disrespectful-of-thousands-to-attend-secret-orthodox-wedding-in-brooklyn/2739905/

Use your fricking brains!!!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on November 25, 2020, 12:10:17 PM
Instead of the usual reception at President’s House for the holidays, our campus had a “distributed reception.” You RSVP’d by selecting time to pick up refreshments for individual or group, then enjoyed in your own workspace. Those in my department who participated agreed it was better then evening reception. No dressing up, no extending work day, snack boxes of cheese/fruit/nuts/cookies instead of unidentifiable morsels on toothpicks, no crowds, no getting home to find sauce on your sweater. Tea instead of wine, but the wine’s never good at mass receptions.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on November 25, 2020, 12:24:32 PM
Never heard of a "distributed reception" before.  They distribute, you receive.  Makes sense!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on November 25, 2020, 11:09:36 PM
We had something like this today for our awards ceremony. Food and non alcoholic drinks distributed across buildings, then we zoomed in. it went better than I expected.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 26, 2020, 07:59:52 AM
A "tragedy"? Really?

Okay, maybe a "tragedy" in the Greek fashion where the audience knew the end of the story before the play even started. Like this "tragedy" could be called Dumb-a$$, At-Risk C*nt Who Calls Mask-Wearers "Sheeple" Contracts COVID One Month before a Vaccine Is Ready and Now Might Die -- And Take His Wife with Him.

Okay, okay . . . thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on November 26, 2020, 02:38:42 PM
I lost my composure and actually posted something on LinkedIn that should rightfully go here.  Rapidly donning hornet gear...

When will I learn?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on November 26, 2020, 03:20:02 PM
Unrelated.

Some of your idiotic statements are truly breathtaking.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on November 28, 2020, 03:39:43 PM
I'm pretty sure that giving our senior majors the choice of delaying graduation or taking a different major's 4xx level capstone course isn't going to fly.  Yes, I get that faculty reductions have made it hard to offer our department's classes at the usual frequency.  However, I would be surprised if the administration were okay with us cutting this particular class without giving everyone involved better advance warning.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on November 28, 2020, 04:17:41 PM
Unrelated.

Some of your idiotic statements are truly breathtaking.

Or perhaps: ‘Some of your statements are breathtakingly idiotic’ 😉
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on November 28, 2020, 05:14:07 PM
Unrelated.

Some of your idiotic statements are truly breathtaking.

Or perhaps: ‘Some of your statements are breathtakingly idiotic’ 😉

Either way works.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on November 28, 2020, 05:32:49 PM
Unrelated.

I refuse to continue engaging with your toxic behavior. I don't like the way I feel when I'm around you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on November 29, 2020, 08:30:42 AM
I get it. You weren't happy with the course. So get a refund, motherf*cker.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on November 30, 2020, 08:58:47 AM
Unrelated:

Why on earth did you think that given the choice between:
1) attending a family get-together with folks from 6+ households during a Pandemic*
2) declining and risking your in-laws being a bit upset with you
that choice #1 was the better choice?!?
You work in healthcare, you have 2 young children, and you and your spouse both have jobs that can't be done from home.
No, I will not feel sorry for you as you shelter in place, have to use up 2 weeks of leave, and can't have your at-risk parents babysit for you.
Life is full of choices, choices have consequences.  You chose poorly.

*And at least 1 person tested positive immediately after
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on November 30, 2020, 09:56:59 AM
Calling an “emergency meeting” to try to ram through a unilateral curricular change without following policies won’t work. For the umpteenth time, stop ignoring shared governance!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on November 30, 2020, 07:23:17 PM
Raises? You asked about raises? (Manic laughter)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Cheerful on November 30, 2020, 07:26:02 PM
Raises? You asked about raises? (Manic laughter)

Raises?  Hahahahahahahahahahaha!  UhUhUh!  Heeeee!  Heeee!  Teee!  Heee!  Heeee!  Hahahahahahaha!  Whooooeeeeee!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: bio-nonymous on December 01, 2020, 06:30:04 AM
Your OPINIONS are not written-in-stone facts, and contrary to your world view, there are other people with, gasp, different opinions than yours!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: histchick on December 01, 2020, 07:58:48 AM
Raises? You asked about raises? (Manic laughter)

Sounds like another breathtakingly idiotic statement! Theirs, not yours. 

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on December 01, 2020, 08:07:33 AM
Unrelated:

Why on earth did you think that given the choice between:
1) attending a family get-together with folks from 6+ households during a Pandemic*
2) declining and risking your in-laws being a bit upset with you
that choice #1 was the better choice?!?
You work in healthcare, you have 2 young children, and you and your spouse both have jobs that can't be done from home.
No, I will not feel sorry for you as you shelter in place, have to use up 2 weeks of leave, and can't have your at-risk parents babysit for you.
Life is full of choices, choices have consequences.  You chose poorly.

*And at least 1 person tested positive immediately after

Hey! Get out of my life, geneticist!

And daughter #2 is now laying down the guilt trip about us (the grandparents) not "wanting" to watch the baby until they test negative. Fun times.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on December 01, 2020, 09:35:19 AM
Unrelated:

Why on earth did you think that given the choice between:
1) attending a family get-together with folks from 6+ households during a Pandemic*
2) declining and risking your in-laws being a bit upset with you
that choice #1 was the better choice?!?
You work in healthcare, you have 2 young children, and you and your spouse both have jobs that can't be done from home.
No, I will not feel sorry for you as you shelter in place, have to use up 2 weeks of leave, and can't have your at-risk parents babysit for you.
Life is full of choices, choices have consequences.  You chose poorly.

*And at least 1 person tested positive immediately after

Hey! Get out of my life, geneticist!

And daughter #2 is now laying down the guilt trip about us (the grandparents) not "wanting" to watch the baby until they test negative. Fun times.

Gah!  It happened in your family too?! 
I suppose some version of these events is happing all over the country right now.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: teach_write_research on December 01, 2020, 10:46:54 AM
Dear Graduate Admissions Committee,
Skip this one. Generally awesome, but not clear on what they want to do.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on December 02, 2020, 05:36:44 AM
Dear Graduate Admissions Committee,
Skip this one. Generally awesome, but not clear on what they want to do.

I just wrote that letter, but I wasn't as pithy.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: jimbogumbo on December 06, 2020, 12:47:41 PM
Perhaps someplace on Parler would be better for your lunatic ravings?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on December 06, 2020, 03:08:13 PM
Looky-here new neighbor four houses down:

We live in a semi-rural area. Everyone's big-dog is expected to keep critters away from the house and will generally kill anything non-human that gets over or through or under the fence, we have a small band of mangy coyotes that travels through once in a while, people like to dump unwanted dogs about a mile away on the other side of the woods, and critters dine on what people hit when they speed down our road. No one's looking for your "adventuring" cat because it done got ate by something. You killed it by letting it out of the house. It's gone.

And your neighbor two doors farther down isn't a "gun-nut." He's a combat vet who won't tell you what he did during the first Gulf War and who is also a retired police officer and weapons expert. If you are off-put by the gun-cabinet in his living room, imagine what he has that he doesn't show us. And, yes, it's unnerving when he opens the door before you knock, but he will be the first person to help you when you need it. And he's got cool equipment in his building, like a ditch-witch and a serious post-hole digger attachment for his lawn-tractor. And, oddly enough, he's a bit of a closet-liberal.

A rough welcome to the neighborhood, but it grows on you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Parasaurolophus on December 08, 2020, 06:02:35 PM
<@ everyone>

Enough with all the rankings, already!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on December 09, 2020, 12:01:10 PM
You started the meeting, which was scheduled to last an hour, by saying that it was your intention to wrap it up quickly and make it the shortest meeting in the history of meetings. It went overtime. Really? Do you hear yourself when you speak?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on December 09, 2020, 03:32:57 PM
^Unrelated to the above...

"Can't be stodgy, ya
Gotta be nimble now; get
With the pro-gram, Zoom!"

M.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on December 10, 2020, 07:38:23 AM
<@ everyone>

Enough with all the rankings, already!

This is one of the top five things I've read on the internet this week.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on December 14, 2020, 05:27:16 PM
Stop freaking out because you didn’t get an official notification that a lab that just happens to be in our building is closed because someone who worked in the lab over the weekend reported possible COVID-19 exposure. You weren’t in that lab. You have no reason to ever be in that lab. Your interaction with people in that lab is limited to a hello in passing. You’re working from home. There’s no way any stray virus particles can float up to your office and pass through the Internet to your home office to infect you.

By the way, I’m assigning you that freshman section with 300 students and one TA. Maybe that will keep you too busy to freak out over stuff that has nothing to do with you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on December 15, 2020, 06:57:49 AM
It's not healing to quintuple down on "The last guy was a jerk".  The proper message should have been "It's a new day and there's a lot of big problems facing us.  Let's roll up our sleeves and get started.  The top three priorities are X, Y, and Z."

What's your plan to address any of the big problems facing us?

What are the top three priorities and how will they make big progress on any of the big problems?

What's going to be different as soon as you are in charge that will actually matter to addressing any of the big problems?

Yeah, the last guy was a jerk and left a mess.  I'm not seeing the reassuring "and now that grownups are in charge, everything will be better in a few months as we work the plan" message.  I'm seeing a lot of "the jerk left a mess and he was extremely jerky and messy while doing it".  Have you never seen a good leader take over to clean up the mess that a jerk left?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on December 16, 2020, 12:59:14 PM
Look, you were doing pretty well there, for a moment. The way you shut down my disapproval of your recent trip to Big City Five Hours Away by telling me that it was for a necessary medical scan for a congenital condition was masterful. I was stewing there in my misplaced judgment sweat, and feeling pretty bad.

Then you started talking about going to the theater during your trip to Big City, and I must say, that dried up my stewing judgment sweat pretty quick. Come on, dude. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's smart. You should really know better.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on December 16, 2020, 04:26:46 PM
Well, now I'm really sorry I asked. I was trying to something in the best service of the students of that course, but if there's going to be no flexibility, then so be it. Insinuating that I'm shirking, however, is a slap in the face, giving what I'm dealing with this semester. But, I have no power, so I'm not fighting this battle. Off to figure out how to cause the least problems for the students I was trying to help.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on December 16, 2020, 07:46:09 PM
I plan to call tomorrow and say the following in a more polite manner, but I wish I could yell this at them.

"Will one of the doctors here please figure out what the bloody (insert some f-bombs here) hell is wrong with me?"
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on December 17, 2020, 05:01:33 AM
"It used to take you at least two weeks to forget you said you wouldn't cancel our regular 1-on-1s with less than 24 hours notice.

Now you're down to 10 days.

If you really mean all those laudatory things you say about my work--which is, of course, stellar (/irony])--you'd show it by respecting my time as much as you do your own.

At least this charade ends soon.

Good luck."

(I'll omit some of that, but I will have to draw attention to the time issues. It's as if the schedule is just penciled in for him and etched in stone for me...a 10 AM meeting today was cancelled with no notice this morning at 6, and that notice came only in reply to my confirmatory text last night at midnight.

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't asked?

Only 2 more weeks...)

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on December 17, 2020, 11:18:45 AM
Okay, I'll bite: What the f*ck did you think was going to happen?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on December 17, 2020, 12:43:06 PM
I wasn't telling everyone to shut up. I was just telling you to shut up.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on December 17, 2020, 02:39:50 PM
Unrelated to my previous note.^

"OK, I re-booked two things today to be sure I could still fit your lesson in."

Then you "forgot" and "went out to play with your friends in the snow and don't want to come in now"???????????

Thanks a bunch!!!

(And thanks, dad of kid who lets her do this! I just have one family like this, thankfully, and two the three are mostly fine, but one is a flaky-puff)

Oh, well, an hour of rest before the next one, who is reliable, and very good, and usually quite fun to teach.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: bio-nonymous on December 17, 2020, 02:45:11 PM
With your superpower to write flowery buttery fluff that is none-the-less accurate and on-point in your grant proposals, you should rethink this whole science PI thing as you would make a fortune in marketing or advertisement...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on December 19, 2020, 12:04:08 PM
[unrelated]

See that?  Right there?  THAT is why no one likes you.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on December 22, 2020, 07:25:05 AM
Okay, faculty I supervise, half of whom have been here longer than I have, and the rest of whom have years of experience, why — why?? — are you incessantly emailing and texting me with basic questions about how to submit grades, how incompletes work, etc.? Nothing’s changed!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on December 22, 2020, 07:37:41 AM
Okay, faculty I supervise, half of whom have been here longer than I have, and the rest of whom have years of experience, why — why?? — are you incessantly emailing and texting me with basic questions about how to submit grades, how incompletes work, etc.? Nothing’s changed!

They're just baiting you.  They want to see if you really know these things.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on December 22, 2020, 07:39:08 AM
Just reply "Same as always".
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on December 22, 2020, 08:45:25 AM
Okay, faculty I supervise, half of whom have been here longer than I have, and the rest of whom have years of experience, why — why?? — are you incessantly emailing and texting me with basic questions about how to submit grades, how incompletes work, etc.? Nothing’s changed!

They're just baiting you.  They want to see if you really know these things.

Also, small changes by an admin can significantly affect how these things play out. Answers to concerns like how to arrive at the students' last date of attendance in an internet course for financial aid purposes, how much work does a student need to have completed before an "I" will be approved up the line: all these things change a little with each admin.   

And, as wareeagle points out, they might be f*cking with you a little bit just for funzies as well. People have to get their fun where they can.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on December 22, 2020, 02:13:15 PM
I, myself, asked the manager just today to put in writing that I am to spend the next year doing a thing that is the thing she told me for the past two years to never do.

It can be fun to work exactly to order and ask explicitly in writing to be told what the policies really are per the current mania for following everything to the letter in contrast to what the policies always have been in practice.

It can be fun to watch what happens when the consequences of exactly following a poorly written policy hits the practicalities.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on January 03, 2021, 11:48:34 AM
Okay, faculty I supervise, half of whom have been here longer than I have, and the rest of whom have years of experience, why — why?? — are you incessantly emailing and texting me with basic questions about how to submit grades, how incompletes work, etc.? Nothing’s changed!

They're just baiting you.  They want to see if you really know these things.

Also, small changes by an admin can significantly affect how these things play out. Answers to concerns like how to arrive at the students' last date of attendance in an internet course for financial aid purposes, how much work does a student need to have completed before an "I" will be approved up the line: all these things change a little with each admin.   

And, as wareeagle points out, they might be f*cking with you a little bit just for funzies as well. People have to get their fun where they can.
Or they are hoping that you will just do it for them.
A colleague in a job similar to mine would just agonize over how things like uploading grades/downloading a saved gradebook/etc. were "so hard" for faculty and made it her job to personally train folks she worked with.  My thoughts?  1) They are clever enough to figure it out. and 2) Not my job to train them.  3) It's literally someone else's job to train them.  She will not be missed.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on January 11, 2021, 01:52:53 PM
Open access journal that is sending emails indiscriminately to each and every faculty in each and every institution, do you think anyone is going to take you seriously if your subject line is rife with punctuation errors? Or your sentences sounding like the result of Google translate? Couldn't you at least get rid of the slashes from the following: "Sub/mit Your Pap/ers to International Jou/rnals"? How about getting someone to edit your sentences so that you don't come across as some kind of telemarketing outfit? No reputable journal would include the following: "We also warmly welcome article contributions by this email." "We offer a fast publication service for the submitted manuscripts, which can greatly shorten the duration to transmit author’s achievements among other scholars around the world." This one is even more hilarious" "Open Access (OA) is a practice that provides the no barrier access to the published journal papers. Hereby, all the academic individuals have the ability to view the papers issued in our platform."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on January 12, 2021, 10:46:09 AM
Open access journal that is sending emails indiscriminately to each and every faculty in each and every institution, do you think anyone is going to take you seriously if your subject line is rife with punctuation errors? Or your sentences sounding like the result of Google translate? Couldn't you at least get rid of the slashes from the following: "Sub/mit Your Pap/ers to International Jou/rnals"? How about getting someone to edit your sentences so that you don't come across as some kind of telemarketing outfit? No reputable journal would include the following: "We also warmly welcome article contributions by this email." "We offer a fast publication service for the submitted manuscripts, which can greatly shorten the duration to transmit author’s achievements among other scholars around the world." This one is even more hilarious" "Open Access (OA) is a practice that provides the no barrier access to the published journal papers. Hereby, all the academic individuals have the ability to view the papers issued in our platform."

Huh.  It seems that at least one of my former Comp students actually did get a job.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on January 12, 2021, 07:07:15 PM
Open access journal that is sending emails indiscriminately to each and every faculty in each and every institution, do you think anyone is going to take you seriously if your subject line is rife with punctuation errors? Or your sentences sounding like the result of Google translate? Couldn't you at least get rid of the slashes from the following: "Sub/mit Your Pap/ers to International Jou/rnals"? How about getting someone to edit your sentences so that you don't come across as some kind of telemarketing outfit? No reputable journal would include the following: "We also warmly welcome article contributions by this email." "We offer a fast publication service for the submitted manuscripts, which can greatly shorten the duration to transmit author’s achievements among other scholars around the world." This one is even more hilarious" "Open Access (OA) is a practice that provides the no barrier access to the published journal papers. Hereby, all the academic individuals have the ability to view the papers issued in our platform."

Huh.  It seems that at least one of my former Comp students actually did get a job.

;--}

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on January 14, 2021, 04:00:15 PM
Go away. I don't have the time to consider how to make your death look like an accident.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on January 14, 2021, 08:05:45 PM
Go away. I don't have the time to consider how to make your death look like an accident.

🙂
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on January 16, 2021, 03:52:27 PM
The election was not 'stolen!'
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 18, 2021, 08:38:09 AM
Dude!  It's a holiday!  Why are you calling me TODAY?  The semester starts tomorrow in two weeks, so TOMORRROW will be plenty soon enough.  Yes, I am Chair, and yes, whatever this is about is my problem, BUT NOT TODAY!

Also, chance of being rehired next year is not helped by being a noodge.  Just Sayin'.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on January 19, 2021, 11:24:50 AM
Head Administrator Message 1: We'll be back to teaching fully in-person in Fall!  You will all need to be vaccinated.
Head Administrator Message 2: Campus will not be vaccinating you if you can work remotely.

Hmm. . .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on January 19, 2021, 02:19:44 PM
To far more people than usual:

You are betting your literal life (or at least the middle-class-plus-first-world comfort part of it) that I am wrong in specific ways.  However, while you are quite, quite vocal about how you should be taken seriously, you are also not taking any of the actions that would help you thrive if you were correct about how I were wrong.

Thus, while you better pray to any god you hold dear that I'm right and you're wrong because that's a future situation from which you can recover, I am not going to take seriously someone who can't be bothered to even act on their own information and beliefs to be in a good position when the troubles come.  I can at least respect someone who acts on their beliefs and goes full out prepper living off the land or commits to the church by giving everything they have because money is unnecessary when God is your co-pilot. 

I have zero respect for someone who can't even be bothered to metaphorically get off the beach while lecturing me at length on how this is the beach on which the military will be making their landing to crush us all and sand is the devil.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on January 19, 2021, 02:52:49 PM
Head Administrator Message 1: We'll be back to teaching fully in-person in Fall!  You will all need to be vaccinated.
Head Administrator Message 2: Campus will not be vaccinating you if you can work remotely.

Hmm. . .

Realized I forgot to finish my thought!

What I wish I could say "Are you kidding me?!?  That's the 'plan'.  At what point do I say I'm no longer working remotely?  The day before Fall classes?  This is going to be chaos and old night.  An absolute disaster."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 27, 2021, 06:59:22 AM
Dear Assistant Dean,
Thanks for the lecture you gave me about Hyflex in front of all the Senior Administrators.  I want to especially thank you for being TOTALLY WRONG.  It felt good for all your superiors to side with me, an actually Professor, about what TEACHING is like (considering YOU have never done any).
Fishprof
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on January 27, 2021, 07:27:26 AM
It would have been lovely to have been a fly (or an Archaeopteryx) on the wall for that!

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 27, 2021, 07:44:40 AM
It would have been lovely to have been a fly (or an Archaeopteryx) on the wall for that!

It was.

The public apology was sweeter.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Cheerful on January 27, 2021, 10:28:30 AM
It would have been lovely to have been a fly (or an Archaeopteryx) on the wall for that!

It was.

The public apology was sweeter.

A slap down of an administrator for the record books!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: teach_write_research on January 27, 2021, 06:03:26 PM
Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on January 28, 2021, 06:21:50 AM
A 5-hour meeting?  Online?  5 hours????  maybe I can get some data analysis done. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on January 28, 2021, 10:02:23 AM
People here in Flyover Country do read the New York Times, believe it or not.  Which means that we notice when we receive only half the issues that we've paid for in the past month, and none in the past week.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on January 28, 2021, 10:50:59 AM
Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.

I have about three of these so far.  The Big Smackdown is coming soon; I'm trying to wait until I'm not so ticked off to administer it a little more kindly.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on January 28, 2021, 11:09:04 AM
We have a department POLICY that we all agreed to.  Why did you tell three students that you would override the requirements when 1) We don't do that, 2) YOU don't get to override anything, and 3) these are all marginal students. 

Making an exception for an excellent student in unusual circumstances?  Maybe.  They could probably handle it.  The student who didn't get the C- to move one (got a D- instead) - BAD, BAD IDEA.

So, NO.  They can't.  (Why it is what I WISH I could say) - Provost overrode me.  Based on what professor said to student. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: jimbogumbo on January 28, 2021, 11:21:33 AM
This is a joke, right?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: teach_write_research on January 28, 2021, 12:08:46 PM
Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.


I have about three of these so far.  The Big Smackdown is coming soon; I'm trying to wait until I'm not so ticked off to administer it a little more kindly.

Exactly.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Cheerful on January 28, 2021, 01:17:35 PM
Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.

I have about three of these so far.  The Big Smackdown is coming soon; I'm trying to wait until I'm not so ticked off to administer it a little more kindly.

Is it possible that some of these students have a disorder of some kind, like OCD or something?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on January 28, 2021, 01:37:24 PM
Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.

I have about three of these so far.  The Big Smackdown is coming soon; I'm trying to wait until I'm not so ticked off to administer it a little more kindly.

Is it possible that some of these students have a disorder of some kind, like OCD or something?

I am finding that some non-faculty advisors and tutors have been telling students that they should ask some of these things (like to ask the professor to check to see if a submission is in the dropbox folder if they aren't sure). I finally did a short video showing students how to check for their own submissions, and I refer students there.

I imagine it's a little unnerving for students to be thrust into multiple internet courses. I teach mostly freshizzles and sophomores. The more advanced the students, the more I would want to lay a bit of a smackdown for the silliness. I've never been good at group smackdowns though. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: teach_write_research on January 28, 2021, 02:13:02 PM
I counted and Dear Student is up to 36 messages since classes started on Jan 11. This is wayyyy out of the norm.

I am totally cool with where do I find and how do I questions. I've got a slew of LMS links prepped and ready to deploy, and often include those with the assignments. fishbrains is correct to remind me of that reasonable amount of support. Absolutely.

I do suspect anxiety or adhd or ocd or something that is compelling them to ask me everything that crosses their mind. I'm going to do a short check-in to the student support person.

Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.

I have about three of these so far.  The Big Smackdown is coming soon; I'm trying to wait until I'm not so ticked off to administer it a little more kindly.

Is it possible that some of these students have a disorder of some kind, like OCD or something?

I am finding that some non-faculty advisors and tutors have been telling students that they should ask some of these things (like to ask the professor to check to see if a submission is in the dropbox folder if they aren't sure). I finally did a short video showing students how to check for their own submissions, and I refer students there.

I imagine it's a little unnerving for students to be thrust into multiple internet courses. I teach mostly freshizzles and sophomores. The more advanced the students, the more I would want to lay a bit of a smackdown for the silliness. I've never been good at group smackdowns though. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on January 28, 2021, 02:21:32 PM
I don't know what LMS you use, but mine (Moodle) automatically sends students an email after each successful submission. I tell them that if they have the submission email, they are good to go.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on January 28, 2021, 03:09:47 PM
Stop with the f-ing messages that ask me to reassure you that you understand the instructions. Yes, when I say read Chapter 2 I mean read. Chapter. 2. Same as read Chapter 1 meant read. Chapter. 1. Just submit the assignment. There is no purpose in submitting the assignment and sending me a message that you submitted the assignment and asking me to confirm that I can see the assignment in the LMS.

Every assignment. 2-3 messages. Doing the intervention over video chat is going to be awkward.

I have about three of these so far.  The Big Smackdown is coming soon; I'm trying to wait until I'm not so ticked off to administer it a little more kindly.

Is it possible that some of these students have a disorder of some kind, like OCD or something?

It could be an overly anxious student. I've had a few and I can empathize. It can be frustrating, but if it's anxiety, they really can't help it. If there were an 'off button' for anxiety, there would be a lot of happier people out there.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on January 28, 2021, 07:33:57 PM
Argh, call it quits on this online meeting now! Some of us have to help close our branch libraries for the day...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on January 31, 2021, 11:03:56 AM
Provost, you’re behaving like my most irritating students, sending 14 emails about a non-urgent matter over the weekend. It’s due on Friday, so stop nagging.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on January 31, 2021, 01:35:12 PM
Dear Colleague,

You just flawlessly demonstrated the exact behavior you were kvetching about at the beginning of this interesting conversation.  Also, you appear to be trying to manipulate me.  I'm sure that's not the impression you meant to make, bless your heart.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on February 01, 2021, 01:35:11 PM
I can be both apathetic and angry at the same time. It's my f*cking superpower.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on February 01, 2021, 08:19:59 PM
Stop ending presentations with an all-but-blank "Any questions?" slide!

Leave up the summary slide with the references, websites, your contact info, and other useful information while you wait for questions!

You are not making one of your first professional presentations as a master's student.  Your job, as a mid-career program manager, is giving presentations to a variety of audiences who want to know or need the information for their jobs.

Why, then, have the last five seminars ended this way?!  How have you not had to take the internal presentation trainings that emphasize a strong finish?!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on February 02, 2021, 02:16:57 AM
Stop ending presentations with an all-but-blank "Any questions?" slide!

Leave up the summary slide with the references, websites, your contact info, and other useful information while you wait for questions!

You are not making one of your first professional presentations as a master's student.  Your job, as a mid-career program manager, is giving presentations to a variety of audiences who want to know or need the information for their jobs.

Why, then, have the last five seminars ended this way?!  How have you not had to take the internal presentation trainings that emphasize a strong finish?!

I’d bet that the person is using the institution’s template...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on February 02, 2021, 04:00:12 PM
Dear Dean

Thanks for your email notifying everyone about the changes to the Enrollment Management Division taking effect immediately. Frankly, I didn't know we had one.

You mention quite a few promotions and upcoming hirings but you don't say who got fired. That would have made it interesting reading.

I am struck that every person you mention has a female name. I don't want to engage in stereotyping, but I'm assuming that most or all of them are women. What's up with that? Then there's the detail that their last names mostly seem to be Eastern European in origin. I'm not judging, I'm just curious. How come?

You mention Colleague Support several times. What is that? Is it a thing now? Am I a colleague? I could use some support.

Finally, I was a bit surprised to see you end your message with "Have a good weekend." It is Tuesday. I wondered does the weekend start early for you? But then I noticed that the letter is dated Friday, but it is only today that your assistant got around to sending it out. I'm wondering how that fits with your emphasis on how technologically advanced this division has become.

Anyway, good luck with the job.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 02, 2021, 04:55:40 PM
New Eastern European Women's Studies Program?

New international student outreach program for females from former Soviet states?

New program in Byzantine music, culture and art?

There are some logical reasons why this might make sense.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on February 02, 2021, 06:09:33 PM
Stop ending presentations with an all-but-blank "Any questions?" slide!

Leave up the summary slide with the references, websites, your contact info, and other useful information while you wait for questions!

You are not making one of your first professional presentations as a master's student.  Your job, as a mid-career program manager, is giving presentations to a variety of audiences who want to know or need the information for their jobs.

Why, then, have the last five seminars ended this way?!  How have you not had to take the internal presentation trainings that emphasize a strong finish?!

I’d bet that the person is using the institution’s template...

These are different people using various versions of the internal institutional templates.  None of the templates I've been forced to use end with a question slide.

Interestingly, all the templates have an intro slide that is just the institutional logo and section separator slides that I've never seen used so clearly we're not just slaves to the template in all things.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on February 02, 2021, 08:48:52 PM
New Eastern European Women's Studies Program?

New international student outreach program for females from former Soviet states?

New program in Byzantine music, culture and art?

There are some logical reasons why this might make sense.

M.

Downer's institution sounds familiar. I once adjuncted at a for-profit institution where the higher-ups were from Eastern  Europe, and treated faculty like hired hands. I taught a couple of summer ESL courses funded by a post 9/11 grant. I remember vividly one of the administrative persons critters coming into my classroom on the last day of class to ask me to change a student's grade from a C or D to a B. I thought about it and decided that getting my last paycheck was far more important than worrying about whether or not I was doing the right thing. They made sure that grades were handed in before the last day of class for obvious reasons. I also remember being compensated only for the actual contact hours but being expected to attend meetings. The number of hours worked was tracked by having to insert one's hand into a machine before and after class, so that one clocked in and out, and then being expected to go to meetings. I always had an excuse. It also helped that my spouse at the time was a lawyer. This was the only institution where I had to prove that I was on campus during my designated hours.

There are several such institutions of "higher education" in the eastern part of the country. There are also medical practices run along the same lines. I write from experience.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on February 03, 2021, 12:38:46 AM
I'm sure he's just a bit self-centered and clueless, rather than actually disdainful or malicious, but I don't like your pet grad student. He talks only about himself and does nothing to engage with other people's work. He intimidates the younger grad students who are just as smart as him but less confident, and that makes them treat him like some god of all knowledge, when all he does is talk a lot. It's not good for them to be made to feel inferior by someone who's not actually as brilliant as all that; and it's not good for him to be adored and lauded when he doesn't deserve it (actually, it's not good for someone even if they do 'deserve' it).

 I avoid the lab when he's visiting from his home institution; I don't rejoice when you tell me he's visiting, and I certainly don't want to give him advice about how to improve his post-doc fellowship proposal.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on February 03, 2021, 05:19:26 AM

Downer's institution sounds familiar. I once adjuncted at a for-profit institution where the higher-ups were from Eastern  Europe, and treated faculty like hired hands. I taught a couple of summer ESL courses funded by a post 9/11 grant. I remember vividly one of the administrative persons critters coming into my classroom on the last day of class to ask me to change a student's grade from a C or D to a B. I thought about it and decided that getting my last paycheck was far more important than worrying about whether or not I was doing the right thing. They made sure that grades were handed in before the last day of class for obvious reasons. I also remember being compensated only for the actual contact hours but being expected to attend meetings. The number of hours worked was tracked by having to insert one's hand into a machine before and after class, so that one clocked in and out, and then being expected to go to meetings. I always had an excuse. It also helped that my spouse at the time was a lawyer. This was the only institution where I had to prove that I was on campus during my designated hours.

There are several such institutions of "higher education" in the eastern part of the country. There are also medical practices run along the same lines. I write from experience.

Heck, subcutaneous microchips would make this a lot easier. Or even just ankle bracelets; those seem to work pretty well.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on February 03, 2021, 05:41:31 AM
Dear Stu,

You’re taking my class at the exact same time as another class because your administrator father said you could and overrode the conflict, and you gave me the “Do you know who my father is?” lecture before the semester started. Yep, Stu, I know who your father is, do you know who mine is? No? Too bad. But here’s the thing, I have in writing that I told you attendance in my class is required and it’s also on the syllabus, and I’m backed up on this by [administrator] who is at a higher level than your father. You have already missed two assignments, two quizzes, and logged in to Zoom so late this morning that you missed the 20-minute demonstration on how to do the new thing with the software. This is your third (and last) time in the class because institutional policy does not allow you to take it a fourth time. The course has changed since the last time you failed it – once with me, and once with a colleague. And no, I will not repeat the demo just because you can’t get your lazy arse out of bed in time for an 8:00 class. Go see your father if you want a demo. Oh wait, he has no background in what I teach. Bummer for you. If you don't get your arse in gear, it's not going to be a positive outcome for you. And yes, I'm going to report all this in the early progress reports next week.

Dr. Mode
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on February 03, 2021, 10:24:52 AM
You need to go to your quiet space and self-reflect for a while.

The Zoom meeting was about you asking everyone else for a favor--a big favor we don't have to do. When you insist that people either turn on their cameras or leave the meeting, you can't be all that surprised when quite a few people just leave the meeting. You aren't high enough on the food chain to make such demands, and even if you were, it would still be a dick move.

Live and learn, dude.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on February 03, 2021, 11:08:38 AM
Upper administrator, I hope you find an amazing job someplace else.  In fact, I would be happy to write you a letter of recommendation if it would expedite your leaving.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on February 03, 2021, 07:19:06 PM
Whose idea was it for us to do paperwork covering events that haven't even happened yet? How does this make sense?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on February 04, 2021, 07:24:38 AM
Whose idea was it for us to do paperwork covering events that haven't even happened yet? How does this make sense?

I've just taken on a responsibility where I'll be doing this regularly.  Sadly, doing paperwork on the events that haven't happened yet is not the most WTF part of the new responsibility.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on February 04, 2021, 08:45:30 AM
Whose idea was it for us to do paperwork covering events that haven't even happened yet? How does this make sense?

I do that every week when I sign off on time sheets for the coming week.  The best case is that I don't end up lying.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on February 04, 2021, 09:24:27 AM
Whose idea was it for us to do paperwork covering events that haven't even happened yet? How does this make sense?

I do that every week when I sign off on time sheets for the coming week.  The best case is that I don't end up lying.

I always hated this. We are supposed to sign time sheets for the next full semester. It's lunacy.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Thursday's_Child on February 04, 2021, 10:00:00 AM
You don't have to continue proving to me that you're a toddler in an adult body - I've known it for a long time.  The amazing thing is the number of people you still have fooled.  However, if you continue running to 'mommy' to complain about every minor little thing, and then run around telling everyone who will listen how important you are because you make sure that things get done right, maybe a few more people will catch on.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 04, 2021, 10:12:00 AM
Whose idea was it for us to do paperwork covering events that haven't even happened yet? How does this make sense?

I do that every week when I sign off on time sheets for the coming week.  The best case is that I don't end up lying.

I always hated this. We are supposed to sign time sheets for the next full semester. It's lunacy.

What on Earth is the idea behind that? 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 04, 2021, 12:32:47 PM
In settings where you just get paid straight hours per week, .and where, even though they 'say' it's based on your time sheets, it can take three weeks to generate checks for a two-week period, they may do this if they're going to get the checks out in time: you just have to forecast your hours.

If you end up over or short, it's submitted by your supervisor with a note as an amendment to your next check.

Unless it's the last two weeks of the year, it doesn't matter tax-wise or otherwise. (Have worked an A/P desk where this was common)

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on February 04, 2021, 02:57:46 PM
In settings where you just get paid straight hours per week, .and where, even though they 'say' it's based on your time sheets, it can take three weeks to generate checks for a two-week period, they may do this if they're going to get the checks out in time: you just have to forecast your hours.
Yup, that's about it. Convenience for Payroll.

New TYWYCS:  Why the hell are you calling me at 5:30 at night?  Is this an emergency?  No?  Then DUDE, WHAT.THE.HELL?  I get that you work at odd hours, but that doesn't require me to, even if I am Chair.  I know you THINK this looks like diligence and evidence that we should hire you permanently (we can't), but it is really annoying (so, we won't). 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on February 04, 2021, 05:05:15 PM
Whose idea was it for us to do paperwork covering events that haven't even happened yet? How does this make sense?

I do that every week when I sign off on time sheets for the coming week.  The best case is that I don't end up lying.

I always hated this. We are supposed to sign time sheets for the next full semester. It's lunacy.

What on Earth is the idea behind that?

The State won't pay for any work not completed, with almost no exceptions. And there's a long lag between filing time-sheets and actually getting paid. So, people just fill in time sheets in advance. (Asking for hours worked for adjunct teaching is another issue, and also non-sensical. But another issue.)

Why do all of our contractors hate us? No idea.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on February 05, 2021, 02:46:19 PM
Thank you for raising this concern. Do you not remember that I sent you this document three weeks ago for approval to make sure it would work with your existing parameters? The best time to discuss your concerns would have been three weeks ago, before I sent the document to all the students we jointly supervise.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on February 10, 2021, 04:48:01 PM
Do you read your emails?  I feel like I'm shouting into the void every time I try to reach you.
I agree with your statement, "it would have been nice if we could have discussed [important thing] in Fall", that's why I tried to get ahold of you for over a month.  To, you know, discuss the [important thing].
[important thing] isn't going to go away, even if your M.O. is to simply ignore things.
Yes, I have saved all my emails and attempts to reach you.  Don't make me go up the chain of command.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 10, 2021, 05:09:01 PM
+1 ^

In specific:

"If you'd either take full responsibility for stuff, and really follow through on it, or else include me in the loops of discussion, planning, and paperwork as we both transition away, this would be a lot simpler, smoother, cleaner operation.

"Leaving me out of three loops, then having people come back to me as the only one who can get them fixed, is not what I wanted.

"And, yeah, go write your book and cancel check-in calls, and bury your head when I ask about things I'm not supposed to have to be bothered with....but I'm writing my book, too....

...and finishing up my work, and cleaning up this mess for you, at the same time, apparently."

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: San Joaquin on February 10, 2021, 06:58:45 PM
There was something in the water today. 

1. If you are going to object to how I fix this (super trivial) issue you are all SO. DISTURBED. over, perhaps you might reconsider whether you need to drop it on my desk to begin with. [Person A could have solved it with a phone call or email to Person B.]

2. In addition, chewing me out for not getting your approval to look at software for my unit and not informing you (WHILE I'm sharing the information about which you are complaining) is...just odd.  My boss and yours asked me to do this, so I will be doing this.

I even looked to confirm it wasn't a full moon....sheesh.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on February 11, 2021, 10:32:30 AM
To the idiot who sent this email to several institutions--learn to capitalize proper nouns, and no, being a "born-and-raised New Yorker" doesn't make you special.

Good Afternoon Professors!

My name is Xxxxxx Yyyyy and I am 32 years old. I recently published my memoir which takes readers through the twists and turns of my life. I have been encouraged to reach out to college level professors as many readers believe my book could be an interesting and analytical piece for both english and psychology college majors to dive into. 

The intention of this email is to see if anyone would be interested in reading my book to determine if it would fit into your curriculum. I would be honored and absolutely willing to be involved in any class discussions if you so wish, as I am a born-and-raised New Yorker.

Although some of the book dives into some hard times, there IS a happy ending. As you will see on my amazon reviews, everyone can relate to my story in at least one aspect.

It would be an honor if any of you would consider my book. I am copying the amazon link below, but if you are interested in speaking further, I would happily send you a free digital copy of the book to read in full for you to make a decision. You could also contact me via xxx-xxx-xxxx.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 11, 2021, 11:17:45 AM
I don't know that I'd want my memoir to be of interest to psychology majors.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 11, 2021, 11:54:30 AM
And a 32-year-old with enough to say to write his memoirs already?

Unless he's Mozart, forget it.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on February 11, 2021, 12:14:52 PM
And a 32-year-old with enough to say to write his memoirs already?

Unless he's Mozart, forget it.

M.

Well, it's the literary equivalent of a selfie, so it makes sense for that generation.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on February 11, 2021, 12:33:59 PM
And a 32-year-old with enough to say to write his memoirs already?

Unless he's Mozart, forget it.

M.

Well, it's the literary equivalent of a selfie, so it makes sense for that generation.

Forgot to include the title, which is "The Forever Haze of After: My Story of Resilience, Strength, and Companionship While Navigating My Afters"

I have no idea what an After is, nor do I want to know how one navigates one's Afters.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 11, 2021, 12:58:43 PM
And a 32-year-old with enough to say to write his memoirs already?

Unless he's Mozart, forget it.

M.

Well let's face it, most recently-published memoirs have been written to start a writing career, not to cap one.  Eat, Pray, Love and Wild, anyone?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: teach_write_research on February 11, 2021, 06:08:31 PM
It's almost like he self-published his memoirs and then is finding faculty email addresses on publicly available websites and spamming them. Or exactly like.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on February 12, 2021, 02:40:08 AM
I understand your desire to avoid 'explicitly pitting colleagues' teaching methodologies against each other', but I also think that if we want to know which teaching methodologies worked better than others, then the colleagues are going to have to suck it up and prepare for the possibility that a methodology they tried maybe didn't work very well. We've all been trying new methodologies for online teaching. If we want to know whether they worked, then we have to ask.

Also, I don't think you've fully thought it through when you said that you won't change your methodology based on whether or not it was perceived as confusing, "because pedagogy doesn't work that way." It doesn't? If it doesn't work that way, it should. If students tell you that your teaching methodology is confusing, then you should change it. That's why we ask for student feedback in the first place!

Please put your defensiveness to one side and look to the bigger picture: We changed everything this academic year; everyone was trying something new. We all were struggling, and we none of us knew what would work well. This is one of the best times to compare teaching styles against each other, because no one is wedded to any particular method; no one has sunk a career and an identity into teaching a particular way.

If we're going to ask students what worked and what didn't, then we should be prepared for the possibility that they will say that what we tried didn't work. Otherwise this is Feelings Theater, and that doesn't serve any purpose beyond wasting everyone's time.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on February 12, 2021, 05:07:23 AM
Madam Secretary,
It has been reported on a local news broadcast this A.M. that the U.S.goverment spending exceeded its GDP (Gross Domestic Product) for last year! WHAT GIVES, HUH?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Puget on February 12, 2021, 07:01:03 AM
I don't know that I'd want my memoir to be of interest to psychology majors.

I estimate I get at least one email a month from someone who would like me to use their self-published book or documentary about their life in my psychology courses. They seem to think their "journey" will be of great educational value.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 12, 2021, 07:51:54 AM
It's almost like he self-published his memoirs and then is finding faculty email addresses on publicly available websites and spamming them. Or exactly like.

Public libraries are sometimes contacted by local/regional authors wanting to sell self-published memoirs and hold book signings.  Our Friends of the Library group got out of holding book signings after several in a row failed to generate enough interest and attendance to be worth the effort.  Mostly they were senior citizens writing about their rural childhoods.  Probably a lot of good material there for a regional oral history project, but not enough to really justify publishing a whole book.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on February 12, 2021, 09:41:47 AM
To the gorilla glue girl--you ain't no girl. What kind of idiot would use gorilla glue instead of hair gel? A 40-year old teacher according to some news reports https://www.yahoo.com/now/gorilla-glue-girl-explained-latest-updates-214504555.html and a daycare provider in others https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/12/style/tessica-brown-gorilla-glue.html.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on February 12, 2021, 10:11:24 AM
To the gorilla glue girl--you ain't no girl. What kind of idiot would use gorilla glue instead of hair gel? A 40-year old teacher according to some news reports https://www.yahoo.com/now/gorilla-glue-girl-explained-latest-updates-214504555.html and a daycare provider in others https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/12/style/tessica-brown-gorilla-glue.html.

Yeah. And after a month, (or even a week) wouldn't she have produced enough sebum or new skin cells to at least shave her head and get that mess off her head?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 12, 2021, 10:19:58 AM
[Branch Manager With a Neighboring Library System], you really upset one of my staff on the phone recently.  Just because she's a front-desk worker is no reason to be rude.  I'll let it slide this time, but if it happens again...I'm on a first-name basis with your system boss.  Let's try to be more collegial next time, okay?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: marshwiggle on February 12, 2021, 10:30:20 AM
To the gorilla glue girl--you ain't no girl. What kind of idiot would use gorilla glue instead of hair gel? A 40-year old teacher according to some news reports https://www.yahoo.com/now/gorilla-glue-girl-explained-latest-updates-214504555.html and a daycare provider in others https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/12/style/tessica-brown-gorilla-glue.html.

I'm just thinking of all the other things in a spray can that could have been even worse:

The mind boggles.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on February 13, 2021, 09:10:44 AM
Dad died a full 20 years ago, not recently.  Please clarify for your friends who are unaware.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 13, 2021, 04:11:50 PM
I wish I could say, "It's all just a bad dream....."

    https://www.cnbc.com/2021/02/13/senate-acquits-former-president-donald-trump-on-charge-of-inciting-insurrection-at-us-capitol-.html

But we always knew this could happen.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on February 13, 2021, 05:09:24 PM
I wish I could say, "It's all just a bad dream....."

    https://www.cnbc.com/2021/02/13/senate-acquits-former-president-donald-trump-on-charge-of-inciting-insurrection-at-us-capitol-.html

But we always knew this could would happen.

M.

Fixed that for you
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 13, 2021, 05:11:07 PM
I know.

I was trying to be just teeny, weeny bit positive..

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: polly_mer on February 14, 2021, 04:02:42 PM
Your problems are  a direct result of refusal to deal with reality.  Period.

The positive attitude part only works if that's how you get up every morning to take actions that logically could fix the situation.

Merely having ideas about how the world could be different is irrelevant.

Merely wanting things to be different is irrelevant.

Being really loud about how things should be different in ways that you want is simply annoying.
 and can undermine the goodwill you'll need by people who must make the changes.

Facing reality and doing the hard work of changing what you can, accepting what cannot be changed, and putting a lot of research into finding out the difference would serve you better.

I am out of patience with people who think holding the "correct" viewpoints matters, especially when they then won't lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 16, 2021, 08:34:39 AM
Unrelated ^

I'm trying to make things easier for both of us to negotiate the new setup. You ignoring the agreements we made to do that, and sending things out over your own name, are not helping.

You were supposed to just edit and return the docs to me to be funneled to the new folks, not send them out yourself. They may not mind, but they might.

I need to finish this out and get paid for the last bits of work left to be done, and I'd like to leave on good terms in case an occasional consultancy is possible. I can't tell if you've just checked out, have lost interest, or are still trying to grandstand somehow.

But whatever it is, stop it. And stop canceling our calls.

This could have possibly been avoided if we'd talked it over just one more time....to reinforce the email and the agreement made in the previous call...ahem.

(I did say some of this, more diplomatically put, in an early AM email, but so far no answer..)

   "Soon and very soon...."

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on February 16, 2021, 08:35:39 AM
Dear colleague,
I am hoping that you announce your retirement soon. 
I'll even bake you a cake!
I bake really, really good cakes.
The sooner you retire, the sooner you can have tasty cake!
Are you feeling tempted? . . .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 16, 2021, 08:37:25 AM
Madam Secretary,
It has been reported on a local news broadcast this A.M. that the U.S.goverment spending exceeded its GDP (Gross Domestic Product) for last year! WHAT GIVES, HUH?

According to my Econ 101 undergrad lecturer, that's not a big deal.

Governments, unlike individuals, have that capacity.

And given the past four years' craziness, that is hardly our biggest problem.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 16, 2021, 08:40:04 AM
Dear colleague,
I am hoping that you announce your retirement soon. 
I'll even bake you a cake!
I bake really, really good cakes.
The sooner you retire, the sooner you can have tasty cake!
Are you feeling tempted? . . .

Sorry for the double, but...should you also offer pie, in case they like pie better?

Something about diversifying the attraction of the lure to the trout comes to mind...and the fierce partisanship on the old forum's pie/cake thread.

Good luck in all cases!

M .
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on February 16, 2021, 09:34:23 AM
Dear colleague,
I am hoping that you announce your retirement soon. 
I'll even bake you a cake!
I bake really, really good cakes.
The sooner you retire, the sooner you can have tasty cake!
Are you feeling tempted? . . .

Sorry for the double, but...should you also offer pie, in case they like pie better?

Something about diversifying the attraction of the lure to the trout comes to mind...and the fierce partisanship on the old forum's pie/cake thread.

Good luck in all cases!

M .
I also bake excellent pie!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Charlotte on February 16, 2021, 12:15:59 PM
I also bake excellent pie!

I feel that anyone who announces that must also tell their secret to baking good cakes and pies! I’ve never been very successful with baking. My pie crusts are particularly problematic.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 16, 2021, 12:21:35 PM
OK., that's all it will take to start another "Cake, Pie, and Related Questions" thread....

Maybe less controversive, more discursive, than the old Forum "Cake vs. Pie" thread....for some, of course, them's fightin' words...but maybe we can be more ecumenical on the subject?

(..maybe?...)

I'll start it:

   https://thefora.org/index.php?topic=2150.0

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on February 17, 2021, 03:26:25 AM
Realizing the risks involved, in a matter pertaining to cross cultural foods consumption, a favorite American sauce, A-1 and/or storebrand of the same, makes breakfast burritos even more delicious. And, furthermore, I  am certain that such appropriately marketed to Spanish, and possibly Portuguese, speaking countries would greatly enhance opportunities for positive foreign trade balances with the other nations of the global marketplace, maybe?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: namazu on February 21, 2021, 10:30:03 AM
Yes, you are right as you are drippingly sanctimonious.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on February 21, 2021, 06:21:59 PM
You win.  You are going to get what have been demanding.

You aren't going to like it.

And I am going to enjoy the hell out of this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on February 22, 2021, 04:16:13 AM
Dear family member.

It has been 16 years since you got a job. I know you keep on applying for them, even get interviews, and then are disappointed. But when I ask you about the prep you are doing for the interviews, it seems to be zero. You don't actually seem to be working on getting a job, but rather are applying for jobs that you would like to have. You seem to be missing the intermediate stage of making yourself attractive to employers.

I'm sure that living on welfare isn't that easy. But you did get that money from the older family member dying. And you have had plenty of access to courses on how to make yourself employable. It just seems that you are too comfortable semi-stuck in your current position. You are not very motivated to change it. But once your kid leaves home, maybe you will be. I hope you are not unemployable at that stage.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on February 22, 2021, 08:31:20 AM
Madam Secretary,
It has been reported on a local news broadcast this A.M. that the U.S.goverment spending exceeded its GDP (Gross Domestic Product) for last year! WHAT GIVES, HUH?

According to my Econ 101 undergrad lecturer, that's not a big deal.

Governments, unlike individuals, have that capacity.

And given the past four years' craziness, that is hardly our biggest problem.

M.
Might you have taken your ECON 101 class "back in the day"? Perhaps during that time it was inconceivable that goverment spending outpacing our gross national product could even happen? Well, evidently, it did happen so now I guess economists are waiting to see if it is "trending".
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on February 23, 2021, 12:13:36 PM
Looky here, f*ckface. The reason I don't think George Eliot wrote that particular article in the database--an article that was first published in 2012--is because . . . hmmm . . .  how do I explain this . . . the George Eliot in question has been stone-cold f*cking dead for about 140 years.

FFS, the article is kind of about her and other writers of the time. If you are going to be so f*cking snotty in your emails, at least don't be a complete idiot about it. And, by-the-by, this wasn't even close to being a possible topic for this essay assignment.

Your email is giving me hives.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 23, 2021, 12:53:32 PM
Maybe they think George Eliot collaborated with George Sands?

"Happy boys together," and all that?

;--}

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on February 23, 2021, 12:57:56 PM
Madam Secretary,
It has been reported on a local news broadcast this A.M. that the U.S.goverment spending exceeded its GDP (Gross Domestic Product) for last year! WHAT GIVES, HUH?

According to my Econ 101 undergrad lecturer, that's not a big deal.

Governments, unlike individuals, have that capacity.

And given the past four years' craziness, that is hardly our biggest problem.

M.
Might you have taken your ECON 101 class "back in the day"? Perhaps during that time it was inconceivable that goverment spending outpacing our gross national product could even happen? Well, evidently, it did happen so now I guess economists are waiting to see if it is "trending".

Keynesian economics was not new even when I took that class, it had been around for a few decades by that point, I believe. We were tossing GNP, NNP, and deficit spending around like marbles in a jar and having fun watching them make pretty patterns.

Economic constriction is a far greater foe, as I recall.

So, no.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on February 23, 2021, 01:05:59 PM
OK, if you say so. What you wrote sure reads better than what I've written.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 23, 2021, 02:20:59 PM
We didn't appreciate you flaking out on us, Adobe Connect.  That was an important meeting, with thousands of dollars in federal aid riding on it.  At least Zoom came through as a substitute.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on February 23, 2021, 03:17:41 PM
I am working with you because of your supposed expertise in online course design.  I expect YOU to be knowledgable about what platforms/software/publishers integrate well with our course management system.  And to have answers to questions like "Can I set up modules so that students have to complete [task 1] before doing [task 2]?". 
You sound surprised every time I ask something.  I can figure out the HOW to do things, I'm asking you what things CAN be done so I don't waste my time figuring out if the answer is yes or no.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on February 24, 2021, 12:33:05 PM
I don't blame you in the least for taking your motorcycle out for a spin on a mild day like this.  But for crying out loud, put some pipes on it.  I could still hear you when you must have been halfway to the state line!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on February 26, 2021, 07:32:45 AM
Dear Colleague,

Thank you for sending me a text that prevented me from making an arse out of myself in a Zoom meeting. You could see where I was going with my questions and it was obvious to you that I had skipped over an email on that very topic.*

All the best,

EM

*actually I did thank him, via text

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on February 26, 2021, 01:06:41 PM
Colleague, I know it's a PITA to develop materials for our adapted competency exams during this time.  However, could you step back a little from your narrow focus and design something that our students are more likely to have significant exposure to during their training so we are actually assessing competency?   

Other Colleague, you are now a Full Professor (belated congrats on your promotion and your new grant).  Now is a good time to flex some of that power and rein this in.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on March 01, 2021, 12:33:50 AM
Dear Colleague,

Thank you for sending me a text that prevented me from making an arse out of myself in a Zoom meeting. You could see where I was going with my questions and it was obvious to you that I had skipped over an email on that very topic.*

All the best,

EM

*actually I did thank him, via text

Hurrah for colleagues that have your back!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: hmaria1609 on March 02, 2021, 07:07:01 PM
If you're having trouble locating that specific Google Doc I shared with you, this won't be a good start.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on March 03, 2021, 01:08:31 AM
Sending out that decision letter to the author about thirty seconds after I submitted my review makes it super clear that I was the one holding up the process. Well played, editor. Well played. I hang my head in shame.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on March 03, 2021, 07:20:42 PM
Ouch, ergative.  Been there!

To restaurant (probably obviously): Can you please keep on top of what foods and meals you are offering?

ETA: And another thing! Do I want to have my office chair delivered between 3/22-3/30 for $385 in shipping? Or between 3/23-3/30 for free? Tough call.

Sorry, I am in a bit of a mood tonight. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: arcturus on March 03, 2021, 08:39:44 PM
Dear graduate student: you are woefully underprepared for this class. I understand that this is not your fault - we were the ones who admitted you to our program, and we knew your background when we did so. However, not handing in half of the homework and earning 25% on the first exam does not bode well for your final grade in this course. You can either buckle down and learn the background material (which is necessary for your eventual success in this field, so you really do need to do this now) or drop this class. Unlike your previous professors, I am not going to make excuses for you. You will receive the grade that you have earned.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Charlotte on March 04, 2021, 04:40:43 AM
Dear graduate student: you are woefully underprepared for this class. I understand that this is not your fault - we were the ones who admitted you to our program, and we knew your background when we did so. However, not handing in half of the homework and earning 25% on the first exam does not bode well for your final grade in this course. You can either buckle down and learn the background material (which is necessary for your eventual success in this field, so you really do need to do this now) or drop this class. Unlike your previous professors, I am not going to make excuses for you. You will receive the grade that you have earned.

Tough one! Has someone sat down with the student and told them this? They may not know... especially if they are first gen student and unfamiliar with the details of graduate school.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Liquidambar on March 04, 2021, 08:18:15 PM
Do you want me to be grumpy when I grade your homework?  Because if so, keep formatting it like that.  (Yes, I did take an extra point off because it was hard to read.  Next time I'll take off more.)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 09, 2021, 12:58:39 PM
I'm not sure whether or not it is "racist" to say that EOL students without at least a basic level of English proficiency should not be allowed into the credit-bearing co-requisite writing course (students taking Comp. I and developmental writing at the same time, for the uninitiated). However, state law, system policy, College policy, and (at least I think) financial aid policy does clearly state that credit-bearing courses should not remediate below the high-school level.

And, little-goody-two-shoes, this "barrier" is a pretty good way to keep colleges from defrauding students by allowing them into courses we know they will never pass.

This was a disappointing session.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: wareagle on March 09, 2021, 02:33:29 PM
I am not sure how I am supposed to put a positive spin on staff cuts, diminished resources, severe burnout/illness/exhaustion, and second-class status for my staff, but go ahead and enlighten me.   I'm all ears.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on March 09, 2021, 04:38:57 PM
Felony. Schmelony.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 11, 2021, 08:51:21 AM
We can't think "outside the box" if you won't at least take the nails off the lid.

Jeesh.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on March 11, 2021, 09:55:20 AM
My symptoms were more characteristic of a stomach bug than COVID, but for safety's sake I got my nose swabbed and have been staying away from people.  The preliminary test was negative.  There's every reason to believe the main test results will be as well.  At this point I'm only coming in half days and staying in a closed office on a technicality.  Note that on the rare occasions I have shown my face I've been as dutifully masked as I've been in all my face-to-face interactions for months now.

And you still found it necessary to make another staff member come into my office--when I was not even here--for the two seconds necessary to set that item on my desk?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on March 11, 2021, 10:09:46 AM
Yes, my dear students, I agree that this semester has been craptastic.  I do not want to be teaching these courses online any more than you want to be taking them online**. But, come on, you gotta work with me here, folks!  To survive the course, you are going to actually have to try.

** Now that I've been diagnosed with COVID, I am at least grateful that I can keep teaching online and that I did not inadvertently infect anyone before I got a positive test because all of my teaching is synchronous online this semester.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on March 11, 2021, 10:16:31 PM
We can't think "outside the box" if you won't at least take the nails off the lid.

Class!

I’m so going to steal this ☺️

OMY: wishing you a speedy recovery
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on March 11, 2021, 11:54:05 PM
Quit asking for extensions! There are 300 of you. It feels like you're all asking for them this week, and I have other things to do besides answering your email requests.

Essay is due next Tuesday. Who wants to guess how many extension requests will come in over the weekend? I'm betting on the order of 25.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on March 12, 2021, 05:45:28 AM
36 hours ago we agreed on a deadline a week out.  Now you think I need help because it wasn’t done by last night?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on March 12, 2021, 07:26:53 AM
As it pertains to the goverment's recent Covid 19 relief package, is lobster fest still ongoing?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 12, 2021, 11:39:23 AM
Stop asking if I have any vacation plans!  Yes, I just got vaccinated, but that doesn't mean it's OK to travel. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 13, 2021, 08:50:26 AM
You don't know what the hell you are talking about.

Owning a restaurant business at the mom-and-pop level is around 10% cooking and 90% dealing with people. No restaurant owner stands back in the kitchen creating one lovely plate of food per hour with tender care to great applause. They are dealing with customers, purveyors, investors, banks, accountants, employees at all different levels, inspectors, regulators, roaches, mice, rats, cats, the occasional possum, a constant in-and-out of repair people, ever-spoiling inventory, advertisers, online reviews, social distancing . . . and nobody wants to cooperate with your goals.

Job shadow a new restaurant owner for a month. Binge-watch Kitchen Nightmares except understand that Gordon Ramsay isn't ever going to come save your a$$. Or just enjoy retirement and keep your money.



Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on March 15, 2021, 02:03:29 AM
Quit asking for extensions! There are 300 of you. It feels like you're all asking for them this week, and I have other things to do besides answering your email requests.

Essay is due next Tuesday. Who wants to guess how many extension requests will come in over the weekend? I'm betting on the order of 25.

And the final tally is 22! I guess I'm pleased that there's three emails fewer than I predicted that I won't have to deal with.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on March 15, 2021, 07:22:21 AM
Dear Dean
I don't really know if any of my class assignments foster inclusivity, embrace diversity or promote social justice. Partly because I don't really what what you mean by those phrases. Obviously I could make some shit up, but I don't see any incentive to reply to your email. If it meant that I got paid more, or I got to teach better students, then I might make the effort.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on March 15, 2021, 07:42:16 AM
Dear Registrar, you’re the one who scheduled an hour-long meeting for something that you know takes two hours. Don’t get frustrated about the tight calendar and your needing to schedule another meeting to get everything accomplished.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on March 15, 2021, 03:13:51 PM
Fam:

Please stop watching Fox News. It's not actually news...
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on March 15, 2021, 03:37:16 PM
Staff Members, I understand that the thought of the state's mask mandate likely being withdrawn in a couple of weeks frightens you.  I understand that you are also afraid to participate in the upcoming vaccination clinic--though why you're so very frightened of something that tens of millions of people have already taken with nothing worse than maybe a day or two of feeling kind of sick is honestly and truly beyond me.

Here's the thing, though--with state and local governments now removing the restrictions, it's going to be very hard for us compel any kind of strict adherence to them within the library's walls.  This means that I can't guarantee being able to do everything necessary to make you feel safe at work.  So it's time you made up your mind which you fear more--getting COVID, or taking the vaccine to keep from getting COVID.  It's your choice.  But if you choose not to take advantage of the safe, free remedy that's being offered to you, then I don't want to hear another word about how afraid of catching COVID you are.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 17, 2021, 09:39:31 AM
Okay, I'm sorry my kids cut you off with "and thank God for hot food!" They kind of learned that from me.

We're glad you've found Jesus and all, but we're not going to eat cold food over it. "God is great; God is good. Let us be thankful for our food--because we know so many others go without" will suffice. Save the long, teary prayers for after the meal.

Should you decide to come back.

After you are finished pouting.

We're betting even the 8-pound, 6-ounce baby Jesus in a little tuxedo T-shirt finds you to be a bit silly right now. Semi-obscure reference: https://youtu.be/qYiWydDyMIE (https://youtu.be/qYiWydDyMIE)

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on March 17, 2021, 10:07:01 AM
I will give another hour of my time to this ridiculous "process", just to have it off my desk for good.

I refuse to waste another minute of the rest of the committee's time.

Don't ask for analysis if you cannot provide data that are even approximately correct.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 17, 2021, 10:16:01 AM
The quarter is NOT over yet.  It is NOT an appropriate time for folks to suddenly be "on vacation".
Especially not if they are (in no particular order):
the head of a department
the chair of a hiring committee
IT staff in charge of our LMS
staff in charge of sending out TA contracts
someone* who "really, really needs to meet with me" before Spring classes start

*I offered to meet with you earlier, but you said you were "busy".  Guess what?  Now I'm busy too.  Not my deadline, not my problem.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on March 19, 2021, 08:10:20 AM
Perhaps if the "departmental expectation" is that instructors 1) download every student essay, 2) proofread every student essay, 3) annotate every student essay, 4) save every student essay as a PDF, and 5) re-upload every student essay to the LMS individually, that expectation could have been included in some document, guidelines, or other materials BEFORE MARCH 19. Telling me in March that my past 1200+ graded essays are inadequate because students like to see the feedback "on their actual papers" rather than in the feedback box at the bottom of the page is really not very useful to any of us (nor do I think it is especially beneficial to the students, who will now never download the papers and thus never see my feedback).

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on March 19, 2021, 10:38:34 AM
Perhaps if the "departmental expectation" is that instructors 1) download every student essay, 2) proofread every student essay, 3) annotate every student essay, 4) save every student essay as a PDF, and 5) re-upload every student essay to the LMS individually, that expectation could have been included in some document, guidelines, or other materials BEFORE MARCH 19. Telling me in March that my past 1200+ graded essays are inadequate because students like to see the feedback "on their actual papers" rather than in the feedback box at the bottom of the page is really not very useful to any of us (nor do I think it is especially beneficial to the students, who will now never download the papers and thus never see my feedback).

AR.

You can write comments on the actual papers if students are submitting their essays on Blackboard or Canvas. On Canvas, click on "Speedgrader" to see the assignment and also edit it. Students can see the corrections/comments on the essay and also the comments in the "Comments" box.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on March 19, 2021, 02:43:33 PM
Thank you, Langue_doc! I don't know if we have this ability (Moodle), but I will do some frantic googling. It would save a lot of time.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on March 20, 2021, 12:51:27 AM
Thank you, Langue_doc! I don't know if we have this ability (Moodle), but I will do some frantic googling. It would save a lot of time.

AR.

My school uses Moodle. You can annotate directly on the papers, but it is a clunky, ghastly interface. I cannot possibly overstate how horrible the on-paper annotations are in Moodle, and strongly recommend you not even try to use it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Langue_doc on March 20, 2021, 03:02:15 AM
Thank you, Langue_doc! I don't know if we have this ability (Moodle), but I will do some frantic googling. It would save a lot of time.

AR.

My school uses Moodle. You can annotate directly on the papers, but it is a clunky, ghastly interface. I cannot possibly overstate how horrible the on-paper annotations are in Moodle, and strongly recommend you not even try to use it.

My sypmathies. Feel free to bonk your admincritters on the head for using such an antiquated LMS.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on March 20, 2021, 05:18:10 AM
My school uses Moodle. You can annotate directly on the papers, but it is a clunky, ghastly interface. I cannot possibly overstate how horrible the on-paper annotations are in Moodle, and strongly recommend you not even try to use it.

My annoyance is that they have agreed that the quality of the feedback is acceptable, but they want it physically on the papers, and uploaded, rather than in the perfectly adequate comment boxes. I like the comment boxes because I and the students can see all the feedback for the whole semester at a single glance, and the student views the feedback alongside the grade. Uploading the feedback on an annotated document means that 80% of my students will never view it.

I appreciate the caution, ergative! I'm going to try it once anyway, because my biggest fear is that I will upload the wrong paper. My classes are huge and lots of my students have similar names. Removing that complication from my grading flow would make this less stressful even if I lose time in the annotations.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 20, 2021, 05:56:44 AM
SRSLY?  I would estimate 80-90% of the comments I give on papers is the same mechanical stuff.  I use iAnnotate because it allows me to make stamps so marking papers gets easier.    Things like "Comma splice (see p28 in writing guide)" is easier to enter repeatedly.  If I were told WHAT I have to use for feedback, I would reconsider my writing requirements.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on March 20, 2021, 07:40:58 AM
Mine are also consistent across most essays. I save every comment I write, and then copy-paste as needed, but with the in-LMS comment boxes, I can also make sure I either don't repeat the same comment for the same student, or add "As I noted on your last essay," to the front of it.

Chair and course coordinator say that writing "comma splice (see p. 28 in the writing guide)" beside a comma splice is better than posting this comment at the end of the essay: "There are several comma splices in this essay, such as the one between the two clauses in this sentence: '[paste student sentence]' or the last sentence of your third paragraph. In this instance, the comma between 'word' and 'word' could be a semicolon or a period, or you could add a conjunction (and, but, yet) after the comma. See p. 28 in the handbook for some practice exercises."

iAnnotate sounds interesting. I once used a version of TurnItIn that had a similar functionality, which I really liked, but no later schools have paid for that feature. It was also in-browser.

My current plan is to put the comments I would have put in the comment box on the pages where they are most relevant, but that still leaves me struggling to figure out a workable upload system that keeps the papers straight during the most hectic time of the year. Also, I'll now need two systems, because my syllabus lets students submit Word files and also PDFs, but the annotation for each format is different. Ugh.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: arcturus on March 20, 2021, 07:59:24 AM
@AR: Perhaps you could actual say "what you wanted to say"? This seems like an unreasonable expectation for instructors in your department. Particularly this late in the school year. I, personally, think that comments in the provided comments box is both more efficient from the instructor standpoint (there should *never* be a requirement to download student papers onto your computer) and from the student standpoint. I will note, however, that at least some of my students do not know to look for comments in the comments box (one student told me it was very difficult to find such comments, in Canvas). Since I do not know how things look for students, particularly if they are using a cellphone as their primary electronic device, I did not have a good response for that. Nonetheless, perhaps a class announcement to each of your classes letting students know that there is individualized feedback in the comments section would be enough to stop whatever complaints are registering at the department level.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 20, 2021, 08:56:03 AM
Save the text as a .pdf if you don't already make them submit in that format.

Adobe has commentary options.

Comment.

Re-Save with your initials at the end of the file name to show there are now comments in the document.

Upload, go on.

Done.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on March 20, 2021, 11:57:05 AM
Thanks, mamselle. I will be doing a version of that, but essays already in Word will get Word comments and then be saved as PDFs. I don't think it's fair to ask students to switch essay formats this late in the semester.

arcturus, the sense I get is not that any students are complaining, but that this is how the dept. has always done this and this is what some students, somewhere, preferred--not my students, in particular, but the generic masses. I have indeed taught my students how to find grades/comments, and one of the things I like best about Moodle is that they can see a master list of all grades and the accompanying comments whenever they click on their course grade (even on a phone). The reason this is now an issue is because I teach some dual enrollment courses and was asked to make sure that I uploaded all the student essays with feedback to Moodle so the adminpeople at the schools could have access. In hindsight, what I should have said was "All my feedback is available on Moodle." What I said instead was "All my feedback is posted in the comment boxes, so I don't have anything to upload." It's already been through the dual enrollment course coordinator and my Chair. From this point on, I'm keeping my head down and my mouth shut and trying to do whatever is best for my students until the semester ends.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 22, 2021, 10:55:53 AM
No, no, no, no, no! It is not the faculty's job to "ensure student success." We can provide the opportunity. We can chart the path. We can eliminate the barriers. But it's the student's job to ensure their own success. They actually have to do something, at some point, and at a certain quality level. Why is that so f*cking hard to understand?

I'm so glad I can mute and turn off my screen in Zoom meetings.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 25, 2021, 09:10:52 AM
I'm taking an online course in "best practices" in teaching online.  Our first assignment is to reflect on several questions including how to improve "student satisfaction" in our courses.
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope.
I want students to think my classes are challenging, but fair.  That all students were held to the same standards and expectations.  That science is relevant and useful to their lives.
If they happen to enjoy that sort of experience, great. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: downer on March 25, 2021, 12:29:45 PM
Presumably the most direct way of ensuring student success and getting student satisfaction is to give every student an A without them having to do anything.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 25, 2021, 02:21:59 PM
Presumably the most direct way of ensuring student success and getting student satisfaction is to give every student an A without them having to do anything.

That's basically how the previous instructor ran a class I just inherited.  Attendance? Optional! Earn points for just watching a video? Check!  Make most of their grade based on easily Googled basic questions?  Of course!  Dumb down the science content so a clever 10 year old could pass without studying?  Why not!  Ask students to do math, make predictions, graph data, or interpret results?  Oh heavens no! 
And for the cherry on top: All of the answers to all of the exam questions are also available on Chegg and CourseHero too.
Did I mention this is a required LAB course for majors?  And it has prerequisites of math and chemistry.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on March 26, 2021, 12:44:05 AM
I once had a student express consternation that I was teaching him about topics he'd encountered in kindergarten, but it was harder now. I worked very hard not to laugh in his face, but I did allow myself to remark, as gently as possible, that at the Master's level we do explore topics in some more detail than we do at kindergarten.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on March 26, 2021, 04:09:07 AM
Well PiTA-colleague, you brought this on yourself.  YOU decided to go around me to get what you wanted, and it worked.  I don’t understand why you are upset that I shared the email chain authorizing your little power grab with the department.

Oh wait, was it because you threw me and several others under the bus to get what you wanted??  And you did it in writing?  And now no one trusts you?   
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 26, 2021, 09:17:23 AM
^ Hmm, economic justice....like chickens coming home to roost, or the passages in the Psalms where the psalmist imagines their enemies being trapped in the traps they set for others.

(Unrelated)
You know, you guys really don't want me to NOT do what I'm doing to finish this up....the online system dropped ALL the attachments and shifted out the identifying memos on the deposits and charges, and you're going to need those when/if you ever go through an audit.

This is NOT me, "not having a life and needing this attachment to make meaning for myself!" (I have six other quite fulfilling lives, thankyouverymuch, and I'd like to be getting on with them.)

No. This is me being trained, as a Camp Fire (Girls, then) counselor that you always leave the campsite woodpile in as good or better shape than you found it.

And, me not wanting to be called up a year or so hence to explain stuff that I can recall now while it's still fresh, that I won't have a clue about later--because I will, indeed, have moved on.

(Also unrelated)

I'd love to go out and yell at the guys using the leaf blowers on the apartment lawns just outside my window to "get a rake," but they wouldn't be able to hear me....

OK, back to work. Hurdy-gurdies and pipe organs for the music theory class today, with some Pythagorean acoustics thrown in.

I love my silly-sweet, nerdy-mathy middle schoolers who eat this stuff up.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on March 26, 2021, 09:59:03 AM
Dean, the only reason I've been attending these ridiculous, useless division meetings is that they're virtual, and I'll be damned if I'll let you dock me 8 hours of sick leave when all I have to do is log in and keep my camera off.  Still.....can you please keep the rah-rah, happy horseshit stuff to yourself later today?  My students and I are chugging along just fine without the various "inspirational" chit chat; just give us the necessary news/updates and be done with it, please.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on March 26, 2021, 01:49:12 PM
<unrelated, although I'd be happy to skip those meetings, too....>

Look. I know that you don't want that gig, and that you and the boss have been spitting at each other for months. But you haven't suckered me into running the rodeo yet, and until that happens, YOU need to answer then boss's emails. I'm done with being your owl.

And that goes for the boss, too.

My 5-year-old comes home with the "drama" every afternoon. I don't need yours.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: smallcleanrat on March 26, 2021, 04:05:16 PM
There’s a real difference between ‘giving up’ and ‘giving out’.

Isn’t there?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on March 26, 2021, 04:06:19 PM
I do say this, to myself...I wish I'd listen...

"Stop seeking solace in screens. Their seductive, sollipsistic shallowness is not satisfying. Just stop..."

...as she turns to yet another BBC police procedural series and re-watches all of "Prime Suspect, yet again...

M. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on March 27, 2021, 07:56:48 AM
No, there was not a "system error" that you "could not do anything about." The system is set to close assignments at 11:59 p.m. You logged in at 11:58:33 to begin submitting your assignment. When the clock ticked over to 11:59:00, the system performed its due diligence and closed the assignment. It worked exactly as intended.
 
AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on March 27, 2021, 08:37:30 AM

"Stop seeking solace in screens. Their seductive, sollipsistic shallowness is not satisfying. Just stop..."

M.

Persistent consonance seems to present a side-effect of some concern.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on March 27, 2021, 03:15:00 PM
I have actually said this, but it doesn't seem to matter.

Stop telling me that the only news I can trust is Fox 'News.'

Where is your evidence that the election was rigged? Apparently, I cannot trust the 5+ other news organizations? Really?

Pulling my hair out. Trying to not have a brain aneurysm listening to your brainwashed crap!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on March 29, 2021, 09:20:04 AM
There’s a real difference between ‘giving up’ and ‘giving out’.

Isn’t there?

I think so?

"Giving up" sounds more like emotional exhaustion.  Like you are physically capable of doing something, but don't have the emotional space/motivation to do it.
"Giving out" sounds more like a physical injury or weakness.  Like if your knee gives out and you can't run because you can't put any weight on that leg, regardless of how much you want to do it.

Hope you're doing OK.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Economizer on March 31, 2021, 11:44:29 AM
I truly wish that I could instruct teachers and professors of Government and Political Science to cover and discuss the subjects of franchisement and disenfranchisement in class and seminar. The subjects appear to me to be looming. There was scarcely mention of such in my vast number classes and my tutelage in regard to those very serious matters.




Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 01, 2021, 10:34:37 AM
[deleted] (sorry!)
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on April 02, 2021, 06:19:06 AM
^ Unrelated

"What, that funny-shaped piece of metal? Naw, that's just the cam shaft. We don't need that..."

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on April 02, 2021, 08:26:11 AM

"What, that funny-shaped piece of metal? Naw, that's just the cam shaft. We don't need that..."

M.


^
Oh no!!

....

Dear Stu,

Trying to argue about not being allowed to retake an in-class reading quiz that is less than 1% of your overall grade is really not what you should be focusing on right now. You should be more concerned about your overall grade because you need to earn above 95% on all the rest of the work in the course, and the final comprehensive exam to earn a D. And your major requires a C in this course, so even with a D, you get to take it again. Grade info is available on the LMS and the late drop deadline, and how much work was left in the semester, was discussed in lecture this week, which you also skipped. The syllabus (also on the LMS) explains that when you skip class, you don't get to retake the quiz you missed. If you spent as much time reading and doing classwork as you do whinging, perhaps you could pass but that would also require you to build a time machine and go back in time to mid-January and put some effort into the course. Or if you'd paid any attention to the academic progress flags I sent out earlier in the semester. But no.

Tired of this,

Dr.  Mode
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on April 02, 2021, 02:02:34 PM
Dissertation student (I’m the chair), in the final throes of writing the data chapter.  It’s a serviceable dissertation, but stu misses discussing major points that are obvious in tables and several other things and speak to one of the points of the diss. It’s the kind of stuff that anyone whose read an academic article should know.  Is angry that I’ve brought them to her attention, says it’s my fault for not telling her more about this and other things; is tired of revising, and so on. And then unloads the stress she’s under with her job and COVID. I get her frustration, but I’m not her punching bag. She has frequently said she just wants to be done and its been clear that she doesn’t actually care about the diss. She is a middle aged professional and should know better than to pull this.  Now I am angry and not the least inclined to read the new version any time soon.  So, what I wish I could say:
You’re always welcome to find another chair
You’re done!
You owe me an apology before we can continue working together
 [end rant]


Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: OneMoreYear on April 06, 2021, 05:24:54 AM
That is the 4th email in 24 hours (by 3 different people) telling us that we really, really, really should consider attending that webinar. If you are really insistent that we all attend, just make it mandatory and be done with it. I signed up after the 1st email, but now I'm starting to regret it since you are insisting this hard.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ab_grp on April 06, 2021, 08:22:49 AM
That is the 4th email in 24 hours (by 3 different people) telling us that we really, really, really should consider attending that webinar. If you are really insistent that we all attend, just make it mandatory and be done with it. I signed up after the 1st email, but now I'm starting to regret it since you are insisting this hard.

Ugh, this sounds like one of my professional orgs, which decided to switch to a new platform for the conference this year and keeps incessantly spamming everyone (regardless of whether they are presenting or not) about the tutorials for it.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Puget on April 06, 2021, 05:33:12 PM
Problematic MA student I'm a second reader for: You coded your task data backward, which you could have figured out for yourself if you'd thought about it even a little bit. Instead, I caught it in your full draft, which means you now have to completely re-analyze your data and re-write your results and discussion sections for your overdue thesis.

Advisor of problematic MA student: I like you a lot, and I know you're under stress and also tired of mentoring this student, but man, you really should have caught that major error yourself much, much earlier than this.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on April 07, 2021, 08:27:12 AM
Why does this whole thing remind me of the "Stonehenge" scene from This is Spinal Tap?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on April 12, 2021, 05:02:45 PM
Unrelated.

This is not a priority for me. There is an easy solution to this problem. So, why aren't you following that route?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on April 13, 2021, 09:49:36 AM
Unrelated.

Remind me to mark my calendar for the start of Fall so I can say "I warned you!" to the folks who are blissfully ignoring the transition to Canvas.  Why work ahead and get your course set up early when you can procrastinate and panic?  I chose to switch one of mine early and the learning curve is a bit rough.
Also, not my job to teach you how to use Canvas.  Maybe I'll need a little laminated sign for my office door.  Or to change my signature in my email.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 13, 2021, 05:41:09 PM
Looky here, Captain F*ckface: The reason I didn't respond to your moronic email within the bizarre and irrational time-frame you suggested was because I was busy TEACHING THE F*CKING CLASS YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ATTENDING!!!!!!! There is not enough alcohol I can consume tonight!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


[Ahem] Thank you for your support. [wine glass in hand, pinky up
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on April 14, 2021, 05:42:18 AM
Looky here, Captain F*ckface: The reason I didn't respond to your moronic email within the bizarre and irrational time-frame you suggested was because I was busy TEACHING THE F*CKING CLASS YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ATTENDING!!!!!!! There is not enough alcohol I can consume tonight!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


[Ahem] Thank you for your support. [wine glass in hand, pinky up]

Your student must be related to my student! (see below) I hope you enjoyed your beverage... perhaps I should start day drinking. Vodka or tequila in my water bottle, looks like water, right?

Dear Constantly Whinging Stu,

If you send me an email at 4:40 AM asking a question about something you are supposed to get done before class that same day (and which we discussed in detail in the lecture that you skipped), you don't get to demand that I "answer immediately" so you can finish your work before class starts at 8 AM. The syllabus notes that emails will be answered within 24 hours and typically between 8 AM and 5 PM.

I did reply "before class" but just so happened to hit the send button at 7:50 AM before I headed out the door to lab.

Good luck with that,

Dr. Mode
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 14, 2021, 09:14:02 AM
Yes, two weeks before the end of the semester tends to be WTF? week around here.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on April 14, 2021, 03:27:30 PM
Administration: It’s really difficult to take you seriously when you proudly share survey data in the form of graphs that have total percentages of 135%-140%. Do your homework!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: dr_codex on April 14, 2021, 06:00:05 PM
Administration: It’s really difficult to take you seriously when you proudly share survey data in the form of graphs that have total percentages of 135%-140%. Do your homework!

Unrelated.

No. That's your job. You cannot blink helplessly and get me to do it for you. If you'd done what you were supposed to, you wouldn't be asking for elaborate workarounds now.

I also wish that I could write to you a version of the email that our colleague did. Colleague had to retract some of it, but we all know that it was on the money. It's only defamation if it isn't true.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Puget on April 14, 2021, 06:54:19 PM
Dear MA student in my seminar,

I'm glad you finally met with me, after multiple strong suggestions that you do so. I'm perplexed that you were so surprised and upset to realize how behind you are, and that you have a C currently, given that I, your other professors, the department DGS, and the Graduate-School-dealer-with-grad-students-who-are-crashing-and-burning (not her real title, but should be) have all been on your case all semester about how you are in danger of failing out of the program. I want you to succeed but you are acting like a clueless freshpeep not a grad student.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on April 14, 2021, 07:20:19 PM
Dear staff member,

Thank you for emailing your resignation at 8:10 p.m. Wednesday, effective Friday. Even knowing we’ll probably lose the position, I’m dancing with joy because I don’t have to do the paperwork to fire your sorry self.

Your gleeful soon-to-be-former department chair

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on April 15, 2021, 08:24:20 AM
Dear colleague:

I think you're a manipulative piece of garbage. You went to the first-year Dean (who doesn't have a full grasp of departmental politics), mischaracterizing yourself as a departmental representative. As a result, you got two strong faculty members removed from their positions, and now we've got to scramble to find replacements before the next term. And you didn't do it out of ambition? You didn't want the job yourself, you just wanted to get people fired? I think you're the worst.

No, I don't want to go to a baseball game with you this weekend.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on April 15, 2021, 11:54:50 AM
Just hope this psychopath didn't get upset because the other two folks wouldn't go to baseball games with him, either...

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on April 16, 2021, 10:43:51 PM
Dear colleague:

I think you're a manipulative piece of garbage. You went to the first-year Dean (who doesn't have a full grasp of departmental politics), mischaracterizing yourself as a departmental representative. As a result, you got two strong faculty members removed from their positions, and now we've got to scramble to find replacements before the next term. And you didn't do it out of ambition? You didn't want the job yourself, you just wanted to get people fired? I think you're the worst.

No, I don't want to go to a baseball game with you this weekend.

How could this happen? How could people be sacked on the word of one person?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on April 17, 2021, 09:42:56 AM
Your timeframe for when we will be posting a new hire and when you assume that person will start is ridiculously, optimistically brief.  Don't forget, the person will have to physically be here since we're returning to in-person instruction in Fall.

Oh, maybe you actually don't care since you won't be department chair anymore?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: RatGuy on April 18, 2021, 11:29:06 AM
Dear colleague:

I think you're a manipulative piece of garbage. You went to the first-year Dean (who doesn't have a full grasp of departmental politics), mischaracterizing yourself as a departmental representative. As a result, you got two strong faculty members removed from their positions, and now we've got to scramble to find replacements before the next term. And you didn't do it out of ambition? You didn't want the job yourself, you just wanted to get people fired? I think you're the worst.

No, I don't want to go to a baseball game with you this weekend.

How could this happen? How could people be sacked on the word of one person?

It's a culmination of a lot of things.

1. The departmental handbook designates that certain  positions with administrative functions (like director of grad studies) are appointed by the chair. Former Chair used to informally "hey, you wanna do this?" to individuals as part of this process.
2. Faculty appointed by Former Chair include tenured, tenure-track, and Non-Tenure Full-Time, as stipulated by the departmental handbook. So there were a few NTFTs in assistant director roles.
3. Some FTNTs grump about this in a "why does he get that job? It comes with a course release and a raise and I want that. So unfair!" Former chair says "if you want to be considered when such positions become available, contact me. But this is the chair's decision."
4. Former Chair leaves, New Chair is hired from outside the university, and is eager to placate everyone.
5. Garbage Person goes to New Chair and says, "All the other NTFTs think this one hiring practice is unfair. You should be a Good Chair and make sure that there are interviews and not automatic renewals. Oh, look, a bunch of NTFTs in administrative roles are due to renewal re-application this month." GP does without telling anyone else.
6. New Chair informs NTFTs that they need to reapply for their positions 1 hour before the job ad goes live. NTFT says, "when I was hired, I was told that the position was renewable for as long as I wanted it." New Chair says, "Nope, this is more transparent. Good luck in your job search!"
7. NTFTs aren't rehired for those jobs (the New Chair is the hiring committee).

Since the FTNTs are on renewable contracts, and one of the ones who lost their admin position is actually up for renewal overall. Given the COVID state of things, there's some questions from the Dean's Office about that NTFT's position. It may develop that without the admin position this faculty member might not have any position here in the fall.

Garbage Person says he sleeps well at night because "I just did what everyone else was thinking."
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: evil_physics_witchcraft on April 18, 2021, 11:48:31 AM
Dear colleague:

I think you're a manipulative piece of garbage. You went to the first-year Dean (who doesn't have a full grasp of departmental politics), mischaracterizing yourself as a departmental representative. As a result, you got two strong faculty members removed from their positions, and now we've got to scramble to find replacements before the next term. And you didn't do it out of ambition? You didn't want the job yourself, you just wanted to get people fired? I think you're the worst.

No, I don't want to go to a baseball game with you this weekend.

How could this happen? How could people be sacked on the word of one person?

It's a culmination of a lot of things.

1. The departmental handbook designates that certain  positions with administrative functions (like director of grad studies) are appointed by the chair. Former Chair used to informally "hey, you wanna do this?" to individuals as part of this process.
2. Faculty appointed by Former Chair include tenured, tenure-track, and Non-Tenure Full-Time, as stipulated by the departmental handbook. So there were a few NTFTs in assistant director roles.
3. Some FTNTs grump about this in a "why does he get that job? It comes with a course release and a raise and I want that. So unfair!" Former chair says "if you want to be considered when such positions become available, contact me. But this is the chair's decision."
4. Former Chair leaves, New Chair is hired from outside the university, and is eager to placate everyone.
5. Garbage Person goes to New Chair and says, "All the other NTFTs think this one hiring practice is unfair. You should be a Good Chair and make sure that there are interviews and not automatic renewals. Oh, look, a bunch of NTFTs in administrative roles are due to renewal re-application this month." GP does without telling anyone else.
6. New Chair informs NTFTs that they need to reapply for their positions 1 hour before the job ad goes live. NTFT says, "when I was hired, I was told that the position was renewable for as long as I wanted it." New Chair says, "Nope, this is more transparent. Good luck in your job search!"
7. NTFTs aren't rehired for those jobs (the New Chair is the hiring committee).

Since the FTNTs are on renewable contracts, and one of the ones who lost their admin position is actually up for renewal overall. Given the COVID state of things, there's some questions from the Dean's Office about that NTFT's position. It may develop that without the admin position this faculty member might not have any position here in the fall.

Garbage Person says he sleeps well at night because "I just did what everyone else was thinking."

Sounds like the New Chair is kind of a garbage person too.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on April 23, 2021, 10:50:19 AM
Dear Self-Published Author,

Thank you for your submission.  I received it at the Mayor's office today--it came to them because you mailed it to the library's old address across the street from it.  The fact that you're using a mailing list that's at least 18 years out of date is not a good sign.

The real giveaway was where you listed your chiropractor degree among your credentials.  People with sore backs can sometimes feel better after seeing a chiropractor.  But chiropractors are NOT anything close to a medical doctor, and have no business publishing books that promise to revolutionize health and wellness.  The cover blurb endorsement from a somewhat has-been celebrity was not reassuring either.

I have no choice but to assume that you are a quack who is trying to donate this book to our library in hopes that gullible patrons will be inspired to buy whatever quack supplements, devices, or services you are peddling.  Helping to shill for you is not our job.  I am not even going to go to the trouble of carrying your ridiculous book back to the library with me.  It can lie around the Mayor's office until somebody gets around to putting it in File 13.

BTW, the glossy color photo section of yourself lounging in your garden, doing meditation, etc. was impressive in a way.  I've never seen that in a self-published quack medical book before.  Not sure what it has to do with medical services, though.  I guess the idea is to get readers to transfer your images of wealth and prosperity into the idea that you obviously know what you're talking about, in the manner of a TV gospel-of-wealth evangelist.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on April 23, 2021, 02:29:33 PM
Oh, golly.

My cousin was a chiropractor.

The mailings we got from his outfit...yeah.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 23, 2021, 03:19:34 PM
I guess the idea is to get readers to transfer your images of wealth and prosperity into the idea that you obviously know what you're talking about, in the manner of a TV gospel-of-wealth evangelist.

Hey, it worked for Trump.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: sinenomine on April 27, 2021, 10:08:16 AM
Dear supervisor,
You seem to think that peppering us with emails makes you look like you’re organized and helpful. However, your constantly having to follow up with corrections shows that you are neither.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 27, 2021, 10:14:49 AM
Dear CIO - when I tell you your policy is unclear AND tell you how to make it clear, responding that "It is clear" does not really solve the problem.  Nor does it give much hope for compliance.

Except malicious compliance.  Which is my favorite kind.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on April 28, 2021, 02:23:34 AM
Look, I know you're super busy, but I'm getting really annoyed at constantly having to sub in for you at these meetings because you can't fulfill your responsibilities. Once it was an all-day training in another city. Don't volunteer for tasks you can't actually complete!

So, although I do have time to attend this one-hour zoom meeting on your behalf, I'm not going to volunteer to do it. Find someone else.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on April 28, 2021, 02:30:54 PM
WTF? In this context, it doesn't matter when final grades from faculty are due. But it should have mattered a whole f*cking bunch when the students' assignments were due throughout the semester. Yeesh!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: the_geneticist on April 28, 2021, 03:05:06 PM
You know what I HATE about online teaching?  The ridiculous game of whack-a-mole to get my materials removed from Chegg, CourseHero, and other sites.  The fact that it's so much easier (and so tempting!) for students to cheat.  I hate filling out the misconduct forms.  And the fact that most of the students who are cheating are cheating badly.  Weird, random answers from folks on the internet are usually wrong.
But sure, let's talk about how online classes are GREAT and we should be offering MORE of them!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: kiana on April 28, 2021, 03:52:59 PM
You know what I HATE about online teaching?  The ridiculous game of whack-a-mole to get my materials removed from Chegg, CourseHero, and other sites.  The fact that it's so much easier (and so tempting!) for students to cheat.  I hate filling out the misconduct forms.  And the fact that most of the students who are cheating are cheating badly.  Weird, random answers from folks on the internet are usually wrong.
But sure, let's talk about how online classes are GREAT and we should be offering MORE of them!

100%. And the fact that dealing with cheating is necessarily reactive rather than proactive. I have caught more people cheating this semester than I have in TEN YEARS of fulltime teaching prior to this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 29, 2021, 04:29:38 AM
Maybe you should waylay the President in the parking lot and beg him to renew you for one more year.  Then he can kick it to the Provost, who will kick it to the Dean, who will demand an explanation from me.  THAT should motivate me to bring you back for another year.

Oh wait, you already DID THIS.  And how is THAT working out for you?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on April 29, 2021, 06:58:23 AM
Maybe you should waylay the President in the parking lot and beg him to renew you for one more year.  Then he can kick it to the Provost, who will kick it to the Dean, who will demand an explanation from me.  THAT should motivate me to bring you back for another year.

Oh wait, you already DID THIS.  And how is THAT working out for you?

Oh, wow.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: science.expat on April 29, 2021, 11:30:59 PM
Maybe you should waylay the President in the parking lot and beg him to renew you for one more year.  Then he can kick it to the Provost, who will kick it to the Dean, who will demand an explanation from me.  THAT should motivate me to bring you back for another year.

Oh wait, you already DID THIS.  And how is THAT working out for you?

Oh, wow.

I’m going to borrow your tag line if you don’t mind. I’m leading a portion of my uni’s major organisational change and the consultation period closes today.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on April 30, 2021, 03:46:07 AM
Maybe you should waylay the President in the parking lot and beg him to renew you for one more year.  Then he can kick it to the Provost, who will kick it to the Dean, who will demand an explanation from me.  THAT should motivate me to bring you back for another year.

Oh wait, you already DID THIS.  And how is THAT working out for you?

Oh, wow.

I’m going to borrow your tag line if you don’t mind. I’m leading a portion of my uni’s major organisational change and the consultation period closes today.

Have at it.  It wasn't mine to begin with.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on April 30, 2021, 07:18:31 AM
You two youths who have been gaming on library computers that are supposed to be reserved for educational work, cutting up, and refusing to sign in or listen to library staff members who are trying to enforce the rules--we are NOT going to have this sort of disrespect.  We have rules, we have them for good reason, and you are required to follow them the same as everybody else.  Those dirty looks you've been using to intimidate female staff members and patrons are especially uncalled-for.  Our assistant director, who is black, has already spoken to you, and black patrons have complained about you, so don't you dare try to play the race card.  This is your last chance to straighten up before you are asked to leave. 
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on May 01, 2021, 09:18:40 AM
Your insistence that everyone is either an ally or an enemy isn't working well for you. And your absolutism is forcing you (and your allies) to pretend that you are perfectly correct 100% of the time. To keep this short, your attitude is self-destructive and unsustainable.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: kiana on May 01, 2021, 10:17:12 AM
Your lying/stalling is just making it worse. I'm not going to drop this.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 01, 2021, 10:27:43 AM
This.  This right here?  This is why I am stepping down.

That you are asking me not to, at this late hour, is rich.  You aren't the only reason, but you are in the top 5.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on May 01, 2021, 03:22:27 PM
To all those folks who've ever asked me, "But do you really Neeeeeed all those books? Can't you get rid of some?"

Nope.

With a week to go before the second of two conference papers this spring, and while still teaching online and continuing to work on 2 chapters for a book proposal, I've yet not to have all I needed to do a reasonably decent job, at least by my standards.

So, yes.

I need them.

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: fishbrains on May 01, 2021, 03:53:57 PM
To all those folks who've ever asked me, "But do you really Neeeeeed all those books? Can't you get rid of some?"

Nope.

With a week to go before the second of two conference papers this spring, and while still teaching online and continuing to work on 2 chapters for a book proposal, I've yet not to have all I needed to do a reasonably decent job, at least by my standards.

So, yes.

I need them.

M.

Student: [Looking around my office] "Have you read all these books?"
Me: "Nope. I'm a regular Gatsby!"
Student: [blank, confused look]
Me: [heavy sigh]
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: mamselle on May 01, 2021, 05:27:05 PM
Yup.

;--》

M.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on May 01, 2021, 08:22:05 PM
“Wow, look at all the post-it notes and highlighting in this book! You’re not supposed to write in books!”

Umm, that’s why I buy my own copies, so I can mark them up.

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on May 05, 2021, 10:25:04 AM
Dear Administrator,

It's finals week. Stop sending emails about things we have to do "urgently." None of it is actually that urgent. I know, I asked the person who used to have your job. Some of us have projects to collect and grade, exams to give and grade, etc., etc., etc. Your stuff can wait. It really can.

Not so warm regards,

EM

PS - I'm filtering all your emails to a different folder for the time being
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on May 05, 2021, 12:21:37 PM
Dear Dean,

While I'm really interested in that project and would really like to work with the dept. chair from another campus on it [and is there any way you could swap our dept. chair to bring him here?], there is NO way in hell I'm volunteering to get involved. 

All else being equal, the money is very good for a not-much-work paid summer release,. However, the U.S. Mint doesn't print enough money in a year to get me to work with our batshit-crazy Golden Girl campus President, especially after she intimated to my weasel-y chair that she's just looking for a reason to fire me based on the unhinged ravings of a 0.29-GPA student who's been taking failing classes hers since before I arrived in 2004.

I know you were just forwarding GG's email to everyone in our department, so with all due respect, Oh HELL No, but thanks for offering anyway.

ALH

[Am I the only one who gets irrationally pissed off at things like this?]



Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 05, 2021, 01:20:49 PM
[Am I the only one who gets irrationally pissed off at things like this?]

What was the irrational part?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: apl68 on May 05, 2021, 01:36:10 PM
Pushy telemarketer, I've had a hectic afternoon dealing with assorted things, some of which have come up unexpectedly.  I've been unable to take care of everything I had planned to do as it is.  I don't have the time to deal with you.  No means no!
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Vkw10 on May 05, 2021, 06:25:33 PM
Pushy telemarketer, I've had a hectic afternoon dealing with assorted things, some of which have come up unexpectedly.  I've been unable to take care of everything I had planned to do as it is.  I don't have the time to deal with you.  No means no!

I usually just say, “No, thank you. Goodbye.” They rarely call back during the same week.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on May 06, 2021, 07:16:17 AM
STOP USING HYPHENS AS EM-DASHES. They aren't the same thing. Just stoppit.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 06, 2021, 08:10:04 AM
No, I didn't have any symptoms from the 2nd Pfizer shot either.


Oh how I wish I could say that
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ergative on May 06, 2021, 08:39:51 AM
No, I didn't have any symptoms from the 2nd Pfizer shot either.


Oh how I wish I could say that

I'm so sorry you're uncomfortable. There are lots of mitigating things I could add (e.g., 'that's how you know it's working!') but I'm sure you know them already, and the present discomfort must still suck. My following aspirational statement in no way is intended to minimize what you're feeling right now.

I wish I could say any of these things:

I had lots of symptoms for my 2nd Pfizer shot!
I had no symptoms for my 2nd Pfizer shot!
I had lots of symptoms after my 1st Pfizer shot!
I had no symptoms after my 1st Pfizer shot!
.
.
.
I had lots of symptoms after ANY FREAKING SHOT AT ALL
I had no symptoms after ANY FREAKING SHOT AT ALL
I'm so thrilled that my demographic group is now eligible for shots!

Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 06, 2021, 08:48:49 AM
Thanks for the good will.

It just sucks.  But less than Covid.

This too will pass. 

I was so happy to get access to the J&J vaccine that when it got paused and I was offered Pfizer instead, I didn't even consider when the 2nd shot would be.  Finals and Grading week.  Of course.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on May 06, 2021, 09:53:27 AM
Dear Stu,

Do not email the dept chair with one story and your advisor with another. It's like trying to play Mom vs. Dad. It won't work. We talk to each other.

Good luck, you're going to need it,

Dr. Mode
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AmLitHist on May 06, 2021, 10:29:08 AM
[Am I the only one who gets irrationally pissed off at things like this?]

What was the irrational part?

Thanks for the laugh (and the reality check!), FishProf!  Sometimes I get so deep into the layers of The Crazy that I wonder if it really IS just me.

Thankfully, there hasn't been a follow-up email yet today from the Dean, which I was expecting.  Maybe the opportunity was taken up by a faculty colleague more willing to suck up than I.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: FishProf on May 06, 2021, 12:34:21 PM
Dear VAP,
Do not email the President with one story and the Provost with another that amounts to begging for your job. It's like trying to play Mom vs. Dad. It won't work. We talk to each other.
Good luck, you're going to need it, (and now the Dean really doesn't like you)
FishPof

Fixed that for you me
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on May 06, 2021, 02:16:38 PM
Dear students,

When there are 5 readings for the exam and you are required to use 2 on the exam, reading only the first 2 on the list and then trying to figure out how to make them work with your chosen question is a lot more work--in a tight time frame--than reading even 3 or 4 of the readings and then picking 2 that are actually related to the question you chose. I promise.

AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: Harlow2 on May 07, 2021, 07:33:24 AM
Dear first-year doctoral student:  I haven’t been by a student if an outline for a paper is “what I’m looking for” since I taught in a middle school, and what you sent is a short list of what you called headlines (I think you meant headers), not an outline. I fear you will not make it if you don’t mature quickly.  How the heck did you earn a masters degree? And earn admission to our program?
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: EdnaMode on May 07, 2021, 07:33:51 AM
Dear VAP,
Do not email the President with one story and the Provost with another that amounts to begging for your job. It's like trying to play Mom vs. Dad. It won't work. We talk to each other.
Good luck, you're going to need it, (and now the Dean really doesn't like you)
FishPof

Fixed that for you me

It's frustrating and perhaps a wee bit funny when it's from students, especially freshpeeps. But from a theoretical adult? That's just pathetic.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: AvidReader on May 07, 2021, 09:47:27 AM
Since the date for Spring graduation was on the calendar last fall, and still on the Spring calendar at the start of the Spring semester, perhaps it would have been useful to send out some kind of update when the graduation date was changed, rather than just quietly updating the calendar page sometime in the middle of the semester? In future, would it perhaps be advisable to label it "tentative" if it is likely to change? Just some ideas.
AR.
Title: Re: the "things you wish you could say" thread
Post by: ciao_yall on May 07, 2021, 09:57:15 AM
Trying to hide your screwups is making things worse than just owning it and moving on.