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The Venting Thread

Started by polly_mer, May 20, 2019, 07:03:27 PM

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Morden

SCR, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your parents. There's no way that your mother should assault you physically; there's no way that both of them should assault you emotionally. They do not have your best interests at heart. You have accomplished a lot and should be proud of yourself. Please continue to enforce healthy boundaries.


Puget

Quote from: smallcleanrat on March 13, 2024, 05:22:37 PMI don't want to go completely no-contact with them, but the way they're still trying to control and manipulate me makes me so furious.

I'm very sorry SCR-- I don't know if it would help to hear an outside perspective from a stranger on the internet, but here's mine: what you are describing is abuse (besides the emotional abuse she literally hit you!), and it really sounds like you would be better off going completely no contact. Not necessarily forever, but at least for now. At least give yourself the chance to see how you feel after not having any contact with them for a month or two, then you can re-evaluate. 
"Never get separated from your lunch. Never get separated from your friends. Never climb up anything you can't climb down."
–Best Colorado Peak Hikes

mythbuster

Stand firm, Smallcleanrat. You are an adult and get to make your own decisions about your health and your life. Being physically hit would be a deal breaker for me and would be the explanation for not visiting.

I hope the cats are providing appropriate comic and soothing relief.

evil_physics_witchcraft

Quote from: Puget on March 13, 2024, 05:50:35 PM
Quote from: smallcleanrat on March 13, 2024, 05:22:37 PMI don't want to go completely no-contact with them, but the way they're still trying to control and manipulate me makes me so furious.

I'm very sorry SCR-- I don't know if it would help to hear an outside perspective from a stranger on the internet, but here's mine: what you are describing is abuse (besides the emotional abuse she literally hit you!), and it really sounds like you would be better off going completely no contact. Not necessarily forever, but at least for now. At least give yourself the chance to see how you feel after not having any contact with them for a month or two, then you can re-evaluate. 

This!!! Just because they birthed you doesn't mean they have the right to assault you and control you. Do they treat other people this way? Probably not. I agree 100% to keep your distance from them (at least for now). Hopefully, they will mature enough to recognize that you are in control over yourself- not them.

Larimar

Quote from: mythbuster on March 13, 2024, 05:50:50 PMStand firm, Smallcleanrat. You are an adult and get to make your own decisions about your health and your life. Being physically hit would be a deal breaker for me and would be the explanation for not visiting.

I hope the cats are providing appropriate comic and soothing relief.
Quote from: evil_physics_witchcraft on March 13, 2024, 06:31:09 PM
Quote from: Puget on March 13, 2024, 05:50:35 PM
Quote from: smallcleanrat on March 13, 2024, 05:22:37 PMI don't want to go completely no-contact with them, but the way they're still trying to control and manipulate me makes me so furious.

I'm very sorry SCR-- I don't know if it would help to hear an outside perspective from a stranger on the internet, but here's mine: what you are describing is abuse (besides the emotional abuse she literally hit you!), and it really sounds like you would be better off going completely no contact. Not necessarily forever, but at least for now. At least give yourself the chance to see how you feel after not having any contact with them for a month or two, then you can re-evaluate. 

This!!! Just because they birthed you doesn't mean they have the right to assault you and control you. Do they treat other people this way? Probably not. I agree 100% to keep your distance from them (at least for now). Hopefully, they will mature enough to recognize that you are in control over yourself- not them.


+1 to these. No one can know better than you what is good for you, SCR. Keep doing what you need to do. You have the support of many Forumites.


apl68

The thought of somebody contemplating estrangement from family members is a heartbreaking one.  However, if it has come to actual physical abuse, you would be well justified in at least avoiding face-to-face contact, and greatly limiting contact of any sort.
For our light affliction, which is only for a moment, works for us a far greater and eternal weight of glory.  We look not at the things we can see, but at those we can't.  For the things we can see are temporary, but those we can't see are eternal.

fishbrains

Having an SO should have some advantages, and one of those advantages is that they can step up and be the Fall Guy when dealing with your family--as in they should step in and tell your parents they can't hit you and you will not have any contact with them for a while. If they call (and they will with numerous "emergencies"), just give the SO the phone to repeat the message.

I had to do this once with some of my wife's family because they would not leave her alone about something to the point of being abusive. I don't  think it was a "damsel in distress" scenario (my wife doesn't need my rescue), but someone had to step in and say "Back the f*ck off!" and I was the best person, strategically in terms of family dynamics, to do this.

So there's more free advice for you.
I wish I could find a way to show people how much I love them, despite all my words and actions. ~ Maria Bamford

clean

It is unfortunate that SCR's mother is not sleeping from worry over the treatment her doctors prescribed.  Perhaps SCR can give her the name of a therapist/MD that can help her mom overcome the problem she has developed!  (It is, after all, HER problem!) 

Unless i had said something deserving of a slap, (and even then)  I dont think that I would stay in the house, or put myself in proximity for such treatment again.

Stay Strong SCR!  Do what you have to do.  It is YOUR health, and only you can protect it.

Good Luck!
"The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am"  Darth Vader

apl68

Our network server has been giving more and more trouble for months now.  Today it flaked out on us completely.  We spent a couple of hours unable to get anything done at work, or properly assist patrons.  Our out-of-town IT contractor was able to get us patched up remotely.  He's supposed to come work with us on-site in a couple of days.  We've been trying to get him here for awhile now.
For our light affliction, which is only for a moment, works for us a far greater and eternal weight of glory.  We look not at the things we can see, but at those we can't.  For the things we can see are temporary, but those we can't see are eternal.

Parasaurolophus

I'm so sorry, SCR.

For my part, I'm going to whine that I'm sick again--with exactly the same thing I had two weeks ago. The rest of the household is almost over their second bout, so I thought I'd be indestructible. Nope nope nope.
I know it's a genus.

Wahoo Redux

#2725
Quote from: apl68 on March 14, 2024, 07:37:10 AMThe thought of somebody contemplating estrangement from family members is a heartbreaking one.  However, if it has come to actual physical abuse, you would be well justified in at least avoiding face-to-face contact, and greatly limiting contact of any sort.

I came here to vent about StubHub but see that the conversation has turned to actual, serious problems.  Apl hit the nail on the head.

SCR, I can only say I'm sorry you had to deal with this.  I say this as someone who had to get a restraining order to protect my dementia-ridden mother and then completely cut a family member out of my life because of abuse, manipulation, threats, and hysterical behavior. My situation was different from yours, but the core problems are the same.

There is something pathologically wrong with your folks that they feel they must do what they do----in their minds they are the victims.  Nothing will change.  You are within your rights and doing the right thing to keep them as far away from you as you can as painful as that is. 

Peace be with you and be strong.  You are in the right.
Come, fill the Cup, and in the fire of Spring
Your Winter-garment of Repentance fling:
The Bird of Time has but a little way
To flutter--and the Bird is on the Wing.

bio-nonymous

STUDENTS, I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL IT SUPPORT GUY!!!!! Figure it out, go online, call actual IT, whatever! It is not my job to figure out your individual technology issues...

apl68

My ears have been hurting off and on for two days now.  At the moment my right ear aches so much I can hardly concentrate on what I'm trying to do.
For our light affliction, which is only for a moment, works for us a far greater and eternal weight of glory.  We look not at the things we can see, but at those we can't.  For the things we can see are temporary, but those we can't see are eternal.

fleabite

Quote from: apl68 on March 27, 2024, 06:14:11 AMMy ears have been hurting off and on for two days now.  At the moment my right ear aches so much I can hardly concentrate on what I'm trying to do.

Sorry to hear that. Have you seen a doctor? Strep throat can cause a nasty earache.

AmLitHist

Quote from: bio-nonymous on March 26, 2024, 07:23:14 AMSTUDENTS, I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL IT SUPPORT GUY!!!!! Figure it out, go online, call actual IT, whatever! It is not my job to figure out your individual technology issues...
Nor is it my job to teach you how to use Canvas! You're automatically enrolled in the "Learning Online at [college]" class, and you've got more "help" links available than you can shake a stick at. Figure it out.