bad puns and dad jokes

[Parasaurolophus]

What's a Christian's favourite kind of literature?












Cruci-fiction!

[traductio]

What's a Christian's favourite kind of literature?












Cruci-fiction!

Out of curiosity -- have you found the quality of your dad jokes has improved since the arrival of your hatchling? Certainly upped my game when I had kids.

[Parasaurolophus]

What's a Christian's favourite kind of literature?












Cruci-fiction!

Out of curiosity -- have you found the quality of your dad jokes has improved since the arrival of your hatchling? Certainly upped my game when I had kids.

I woodnut say the koalaty had imp-roofed, as such...

At least, not yet. I think I need a better audience.

[fishbrains]

What did Lamb Chop say when Shari Lewis died?

[fishbrains]

Inspired by the "calendar software question" thread:

I worked at a calendar factory for a while, but they fired me because I missed a couple of days.

[RatGuy]

Fishbrains, that's brilliant.

My contribution is: "how much Santa pay to Park his sleigh? Nothing, it's on the house."

[ergative]

Black-eyes peas can sing us a song, but chickpeas can only hum us one.

[secundem_artem]

Science has proven that if your parents did not have any children, neither will you.

[Cheerful]

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Dam!

[Parasaurolophus]

Why couldn't the chameleon change colours?




He had a reptile dysfunction.

[mamselle]

There are about 20 or so here:

   https://youtu.be/klKioyqGg_0

(Some are better than others....)

M.

[latico]

I dun tole that ol' pharmacist fella that fer all the good them dang suppositers done, I could just as well shoved 'em up my heinie.

Many apologies to secundum_artem for this very delayed reply to your joke, but I've just seen it. It reminds me very much of one that I think I read in a David Lodge novel years ago (though I think there it might have had a little narrative but I can only recall the pun at its center):

In the faulty hearing of secundum_artem's troubled patient, what multi-syllabic word caused all of the confusion in the Italian pharmacist's instructions?

Patient: "How do I use these things?"
Farmacista: "You put them innuendo."

[D@mnD@n1el]

(Say the joke out loud so you can understand it.)

How does NASA make a party?

They plan-it.

[secundem_artem]

I dun tole that ol' pharmacist fella that fer all the good them dang suppositers done, I could just as well shoved 'em up my heinie.

Many apologies to secundum_artem for this very delayed reply to your joke, but I've just seen it. It reminds me very much of one that I think I read in a David Lodge novel years ago (though I think there it might have had a little narrative but I can only recall the pun at its center):

In the faulty hearing of secundum_artem's troubled patient, what multi-syllabic word caused all of the confusion in the Italian pharmacist's instructions?

Patient: "How do I use these things?"
Farmacista: "You put them innuendo."

The pharmacist was educating his patient on the use of Viagra. 

"Make sure you swallow it really fast" he advised.

"Why?"

"Because otherwise you'll get a stiff neck."

[paultuttle]

Seen recently on BoredPanda, from a cross-examination of an expert witness:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[My own father tells jokes like this.]