the "things you wish you could say" thread

[bio-nonymous]

It would be great if you used your turn signal, you moron!

[dr_codex]

It is not my job to do [thing].  I know you would really, really like me to do [thing], but it's actually YOUR job.  And teaching you how to do [thing] is also NOT my job.

I got to write that earlier this year. So satisfying.

[FishProf]

When I was Chair,
my time was not my own,
Now that I am not Chair
I'm still not left alone

It's not my job anymore
And asking is preposterous
These savages aren't my monkeys
As this in not my circus

Anymore.....

[Vkw10]

When I was Chair,
my time was not my own,
Now that I am not Chair
I'm still not left alone

It's not my job anymore
And asking is preposterous
These savages aren't my monkeys
As this in not my circus

Anymore.....

I'm tempted to print this poster size and hang on my door, except it is still my job.

I once set up a "Forward to New Guy" email signature:
Hi, NewGuy, looks like someone's forgotten that I'm not Center Director now. Have a great day! VKW10.
Scan email, identify as center-related, hit forward, enter NewGuy's email, insert signature, send. Occasionally I'd copy the  sender, but I never replied. I also set my work phone to go direct to voicemail, then forwarded all center-related voicemails to NewGuy's phone. Took about a month to get most people going direct to NewGuy.

[FishProf]

Google autoreply is your friend. 

"I am away on travel and will have limited access to email.  I will respond to your email when I return on 23Aug21. 

I am no longer Chair of Basketweaving.  If this is a Chair question, the new chair is uradamnfool@fishprofu.edu.   

If this is an emergency, please contact the Departmental admin at thishadbetterbeimportantusnowflake@fishprofu.edu."

Note: Going to my backyard hammock counts as travel, compared to what I could pull off when I was chair.  In a week I will be physically away; mentally I am already gone.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Sheesh!

Why do you have to be such a putz? It's almost like you're fishing for a reason to be an elitist, 'I'm-always-right', douchebag.

[fishbrains]

You know, should you ever think about all of your past pissing-and-moaning about everything under the sun, you might also consider why you thought that we either weren't listening or we were too stupid to notice your $hitty attitude.

Because this is certainly something we thought about in a lot of detail.

[hmaria1609]

Attention patrons: read the posted sign about our reopening date! And stop tugging on the front door handle--it's locked!

[mamselle]

Ironic, that.

Library patrons who don't read....

M.

[apl68]

Ironic, that.

Library patrons who don't read....

M.

Believe me, it happens all the time.  I try to discourage our staff from being overzealous at posting signs every time some new wrinkle in patron behavior comes up.  The multiplying of signs tends to be an exercise in futility that only increases the clutter in the building.

[sinenomine]

Why, given my institution's repeated statements about the importance of a work/life balance, have I gotten at least a dozen emails from administration on a Sunday?

[fishbrains]

Why, given my institution's repeated statements about the importance of a work/life balance, have I gotten at least a dozen emails from administration on a Sunday?

Not an adminicritter, but since COVID hit, my best day to work and send out emails requiring actual thought on my part is Sunday. Kids are busy, wife is busy, house is quiet, etc. I don't expect anyone to respond to me on a Sunday, though. Fridays and Saturdays have been the new weekends for me; the rest is kind of just Blursday.

Alas, that's about to change in a couple of weeks.

[mamselle]

I want to say,

"I filled out the form, you just sent me the link to a blank form to fill out all over again!!"

But it's in French (for my grandfather's birth certificate) and I don't feel like it right this minute.

They also declined my (perfectly working) Visa in payment. I'll need to call them and talk to someone in person, I suspect.

Tant pis.

M.

[dr_codex]

Why, given my institution's repeated statements about the importance of a work/life balance, have I gotten at least a dozen emails from administration on a Sunday?

Not an adminicritter, but since COVID hit, my best day to work and send out emails requiring actual thought on my part is Sunday. Kids are busy, wife is busy, house is quiet, etc. I don't expect anyone to respond to me on a Sunday, though. Fridays and Saturdays have been the new weekends for me; the rest is kind of just Blursday.

Alas, that's about to change in a couple of weeks.

This might be the best time for you to do it, but since you don't expect an immediate response, why send it at that time?

My sister-in-law has similar work habits, tackling tricky stuff in the evening or on weekends. But she sets the emails about them to send automatically at 9:00 a.m. the next working day. (She works for a large non-profit, not academic.) She does this in order not to imply to her team that she expects them to work on those emails outside of their scheduled hours.

I recommend the practice. It gets the stuff off of her mental checklist, gets it done when she wants, and doesn't pressure anybody. It also implicitly set boundaries on the length of the work day.

[downer]

Dear President

Thanks for the email to everyone about how you will be giving full time employees a one off extra payment as an appreciation of how much you value them.

It will make it easier for me to cut back on any efforts I might have made to improve my teaching this fall.

Yours truly.