Hello everyone. It has been awhile since I checked in and, sadly, I come bearing bad news.
For a number of years, Mamselle had been fighting what she thought, and had been told, were upper GI issues, treating them with probiotics, diet, etc. A few weeks ago she was admitted to the hospital and they discovered a large mass. She was, in fact, suffering with Stage 4 ovarian cancer that had metastasized to her lungs and other organs. They gave her a prognosis of a few months to a year. She finally decided to go ahead with chemo, and had had at least one treatment, and was working with a Social Worker to figure out where to go upon her release from the hospital. On Friday they inserted a new line to drain fluid from her lungs and she told me she was feeling a bit better, having gotten some sleep and food, and she was enjoying a new scarf she received for Christmas.
She had put together a small group of friends to help her figure out where to re-home some of her possessions: her library, research materials, and instruments, and to help her start to make arrangements for her eventual death. Thankfully, a couple of these friends were local to her and able to visit her and arrange for pastoral care. This morning one of them notified me that she had passed at 3am. They are unsure if her death was caused by a pulmonary embolism or due to a refusal of nutrition. I'm not sure what arrangements are going to be made. I convinced her to talk to her brother, but I do not know if her sister had been told of her condition, yet, and I am not in contact with her family.
Mamselle was a gentle soul, but she was a fighter and fiercely independent. She reached out to me way back when I first joined these fora after I lost my husband. We had the opportunity to meet a number of times - most often when she came this way to attend the conferences in Kalamazoo, where I'd stay in her room and she'd lend me her pass so that I could attend some of the talks and get into the book room while she put finishing touches on her presentation. We spoke and wrote often, about matters both big and small. She was a good friend, and I shall miss her.
Oh. I am so very sorry. My deep condolences to those of you who knew her personally. I only knew her from here (and CHE) I admired her kindness and her engagement.
Oh no! I also only knew her from here & the CHE, but there is no doubt that all who knew her, in any format, now have a gap in our lives.
I am deeply saddened to hear this news. I will miss her too. :(
I am so sorry, for her sake, her dear friends and family, and ourselves. I was hoping that as she had indicated, there might be more time, bit in my own experience with some friends, that sometimes happens and other times does not, unfortunately.
I am so sorry to hear this. I met Mamselle briefly years ago. Thanks for sharing the news, MTG, although I know we all wished for a more promising update to the initial prognosis. My deep sympathies to you and her other close friends and family.
Very sad. May she rest in peace.
Oh no, this is very sad news. I only knew her electronically, but was shocked and sad to hear of her news, and even more shocked and sad that everything ended so quickly. But thank you for telling us.
I always appreciated her sage advice on my posts. For those who knew her, I'm sorry for your loss. As a newbie here, I appreciated her contributions to this community. What sad news to start the year. My condolences.
Her memory is certainly a blessing for us all.
I am very saddened to hear this news. We communicated offline only six weeks ago.
She will absolutely be missed. Her comments were kind and well thought out, and she was one of the fora members that set such a great collegial example. I am sorry that I did not communicate more with her.
So sad to hear this. We had met in personal several times, and she encouraged me to persevere with some research areas that were adjacent to her own. I was going to take part in a dance presentation she had put together, but that was sadly sidelined by the start of the pandemic. I shall certainly miss her occasional nudges to continue my research, and to post here more frequently. Rest in peace, my friend.
What sad news. Her presence on the fora will be sorely missed.
Thank you, mystictechgal, for informing us all.
Very sad about this news. mamselle was such a presence here, and she sent me some very kind messages during times when I was struggling.
She will be greatly missed.
What sad news. I will miss her presence here.
Thank you for coming back to let us know. I'm very sorry, and will miss her.
Au revoir, mamselle.
So sorry to hear it. I only knew her via the Fora, but she was generous, kind, and brilliant. Thank you for letting us all know, and absolutely she will be missed.
May her memory be a blessing.
I only knew her from her posts here, but she seemed like a kind and brave person who had made her own, not always easy, path through life.
Oh, what a sad update. Thank you for sharing, MTG. I am glad that some friends were around her in her last days.
I will miss her wise voice and interesting areas of study on these fora.
May her kind and positive energy flow through the universe.
I'm sorry to hear this. I had met her in person some years ago, and she was a stalwart of these boards. Condolences to those who were closer to her.
I am so very sorry to hear the news of mamselle's passing. We had a few longish PMs; she once communicated with me because she was concerned that I had inadvertently outed myself.
My condolences to those of you who knew her, and also to her students.
Thank you, MTG, for letting us know.
Thank you for sharing this sad news, mystictechgal. I had been checking here often, hoping for much better news. You were blessed to know Mamselle personally and she must have felt similarly about you. Wishing you peace on the loss of your good friend.
I knew Mamselle only through the many years of the Chronicle forums and The Fora. I learned from her and was inspired by her approach to life, always grateful, always moving forward.
I remember her joy when she planned her trips to France, her pride when young students she taught achieved new skills, her love of swing dance, and so much more. Last year, I learned about Frankie Manning and the Shim Sham from her post in The Fora's Haint Blue thread (April 20, 2021 post:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhnNhr1spoM
"Frankie was in his 90s in this video, that's his son Chazz Young dancing with him," she noted.
"There was also a global video of the shim-sham, in honor of his 95th birthday, here:"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTFh_Ty6YcE
I played these today to celebrate the joy Mamselle shared with so many. When I think of Mamselle's contributions to the CHE forums and The Fora, the best adjective is "kind."
Mamselle's tagline on The Fora seems especially poignant and meaningful as I mourn her loss and celebrate her contributions:
"Use your wit and intelligence to figure out how to be kinder."
I will try, Mamselle. Thank you.
Oh, this is not the news I hoped to see. Mamselle was one of two forumites with whom I've interacted outside the fora, largely because she's been attending my church (virtually -- I live in Canada, she was in the States) since the beginning of the pandemic. She got to know a number of people there, who will be sad to hear of her passing.
What I admired about her was her calm patience, underpinned by an unshakeable resolve to advocate for those things she thought were right. I will miss her.
(Mystic Tech Gal, if you wouldn't mind, would it be possible for you to put me in contact with Mamselle's friends in the city where she lived? I can send you my contact info by PM.)
I can certainly let them know the connection and ask them, and I shall. It likely won't be until tomorrow as I am spending the evening having dinner with friends. I'll get back to you, one way or another.
Thank you, Mystictechgal, for letting us know. Her curiosity, deep knowledge, and sense of delight drew me in long ago in the Chronicle years.
I've missed your presence too, by the way, and hope you'll check in again.
Well, that's a shock. Like many others, I had hoped she'd have a bit more time. She was a major figure here, and we will miss her. My condolences to all who knew her.
My heart sank when I saw the subject line. I will miss Mamselle and remember her fondly.
Very sad news. I knew her from here and from private emails, under real names, for at least 8 years, and she was a great help to me over the years in several respects. Like all of us, I will miss her. And I am glad she did not have a long, drawn-out and painful death.
Oh no! I'd hoped for a bit more time...
I made it to a fora meetup at some point and she was lovely and shared some of her many interests.
Thank you for sharing the info, mystictechgal. Mamselle and I communicated initially through messages here and then through email, discussed some common interests, and had made some tentative plans to meet up, then Covid hit, and life otherwise got in the way. I will always remember her kindness and wisdom. This world has lost a beautiful soul. Rest in peace, my friend.
Thanks for letting us know, mystictechgal. My condolences to everyone here who met and knew her personally. She'll be missed here on the Fora.
Mamselle and I traded PMs a few times off the board. I'll keep her messages/responses archived in my message box.
This is distressing news. Mamselle was the first forumite I met in real life and she was generous with her time and thoughts in PMs as well.
IF there is news about a service, I would like to know (post or PM) and attend.
I am terribly sorry to hear this. I did not know Mamselle in person, but I always admired her contributions to these boards. I will miss her voice.
Mystictechgal, thank you for letting us know and my condolences for your loss of a good friend. (I hope life is treating you well these days. I am mostly a lurker, but I remember your moniker from the old fora.)
Condolences to all here who had personal and professional connections to Mamselle. May she rest in peace.
Thank you for letting us know, MTG. (And you are missed here!)
Wanted to let you know that I am providing a link to this thread to her family so that they can see the impact their sister made on so many lives. I hope that it may provide some measure of peace to them knowing that she touched so many lives in such a positive manner.
I will also post any information I receive regarding whatever arrangements they might make for a funeral/memorial service. So far, I don't believe anything has been done in that regard.
And, yes. I've missed all of you, too. I may stick around. Mamselle had been trying to get me to return. It sucks that it ended up happening this way.
Oh. I like many others above had hoped there would be more time after her earlier post. I hope the swift ending means she was in very little pain. I only knew mamselle through these fora and the CHE, but she brought much joy to our discussions and was a source of great encouragement for me personally.
Thank you mystictechgal for coming back to bring the news.
AR.
Oh no!
Once on the old forums, I mentioned I would be in Providence and she came down from Boston for a meetup. She took me on a loooooong walking tour of the city, pointing out all sorts of interesting things based on her extensive knowledge of history and architecture. We kept in touch via email, just a few months ago she sent a book recommendation for my wife. She was a brilliant and wise soul.
I'm so sorry to hear this--I shall miss her.
So sorry to hear this.
I am stunned. My interactions with Mamselle were always positive.
Thank you, MTG, for sharing this news. I will always remember Mamselle's quick wit, many kindnesses, amusing asides, and gentle/brave/strong spirit.
Very sad news--like many others, I thought there'd be a little more time. This community has lost a good friend and a kind spirit.
This is a true shock. Though I never met mamselle face-to-face, I was one of several posters here who got on a real-name basis with her in PMs. We exchanged book recommendations and reference help on several subjects. And also some prayer requests. Just a couple of weeks ago she asked for suggestions about finding a home for parts of her personal library, as she tried to put her affairs in order. I'd been wanting to hear how that was going. I was also looking forward to reading Margaret Oliphant's Salem Chapel, which I had just gotten at her recommendation, and discussing it with her.
We never had a chance to say goodbye. Just a reminder that it is always later than we think.
Well, goodbye, mamselle. Cherishing the fond hope of seeing you again, in God's own good time.
Sad news. She helped make this community a more vibrant and thoughtful place.
mamselle sent me a number of PMs, even though we never met in person, checking on me and offering to help in any way she could. She gave me her actual contact information. I was and am stunned at what a wonderful, nurturing, and generous person she was.
Someday, in the afterlife, I hope I get a chance to properly thank her.
Peace be with her friends and family. You will be missed, mamselle.
What sad news indeed. She let us peer into the mind of a remarkable scholar, a polymath and optimist. May her joy and thoughtfulness remain in our thoughts.
I have a request, if anyone is capable of assisting.
Mamselle's local friends are trying to sort stuff out at her apartment and take care of what they can. Her family is in MI, so not local. I let them know that I'd notified the board and one of them said that she also liked to speak French with folks online and that it would be nice to notify that community, as well - IF anyone knew what that community was. None of us do.
So, if any of you know what other on-line groups she was communicating with, could you let me know, please? If you are also a member of one of those groups, perhaps you would be kind enough to notify them and let me know that it's been done. Otherwise, if we can find the community, perhaps I can reach out to a moderator or administrator there and pass the info that way.
I will say, trying to help sort things out for her has started me thinking about what I need to do to make things easier should my friends ever be put into this position on my behalf. For instance, I know she was trying to use her phone to send something out having to do with her rent, which is in arrears. But, it wasn't going through for some reason & I don't know if it finally did, or not. While we have her phone, we don't have her password in order to check. I've realized that giving my trusted friends a list of passwords, in addition to the people who need to be contacted - which they already have - is something I really need to do for them.
Just sent you some info from my PMs that may or may not help . . . .
--Paul, still shocked
I am saddened by this news but appreciate your sharing with us. Mamselle also reached out to me via PMs many times and offered help outside of the fora generously.
Very sad news. My condolences to her family and friends. She will be missed.
Did she, by any chance, tell any of you - via post or PM - what journal had just accepted one of her papers for publication? We know it happened - she was quite excited about making the final revisions - but we don't know who accepted it. Occurred to us that they should be notified, if we can figure out who they are.
Quote from: mystictechgal on January 04, 2023, 09:46:26 AM
Did she, by any chance, tell any of you - via post or PM - what journal had just accepted one of her papers for publication? We know it happened - she was quite excited about making the final revisions - but we don't know who accepted it. Occurred to us that they should be notified, if we can figure out who they are.
I don't know, sorry. But if someone can figure it out, the journal may let you or someone else qualified be added as co-author and make the final revisions, since that seems like it would be important to her-- This is based on my experience, but in a totally different field, so YMMV. When I was a postdoc my advisor's close collaborator died suddenly, leaving his grad students adrift without a senior author on their papers (I mean, that was the least of the impact, but still a problem)-- my advisor was able to take over and help them finish, and the deceased colleagues name stayed on the papers with a footnote that it was posthumous and that the papers were dedicated to his memory.
Ooh I would love to read it! If someone can find the piece, please let us all know!
About a year ago she wrote me to share an article that she was submitting to The AGS Quarterly: Bulletin of the Association for Gravestone Studies. Given the amount of time it would take an article to go through review, that might very well be it.
I'm not sure how widely Mamselle would want her real-life identity known (I know it matters more to some people than to others), so I'm hesitant to provide more details publicly. But it might be worth following up with the editor to see whether that was indeed the venue.
As so many others have said, I appreciated mamselle's posts and will miss her presence here.
Sorry to read this, too. I liked her sense of humor here. Didn't know her name
A very prominent person in my field died in a hideous accident (it made the national news). He was on posthumous papers for about 5 years. Of course, he and his colleagues had stables of students to finish the work. My guess is that if you can figure out the journal, they'll work with you.
Oh my gosh. This is so sad. She was incredibly nice to me. If I posted something and then got a private message, I always knew it was an encouraging or funny note from her.
Sudden overcast
Walking chilly streets with thoughts
Of a friend now gone
Quote from: traductio on January 04, 2023, 11:30:13 AM
I'm not sure how widely Mamselle would want her real-life identity known (I know it matters more to some people than to others), so I'm hesitant to provide more details publicly. But it might be worth following up with the editor to see whether that was indeed the venue.
Forumites' right to privacy should be sacrosanct. Although mamselle used her real name when communicating with me and other forumites, this was in the context of personal messages. One of her communications with me was out of concern that I had inadvertently outed myself (I hadn't). Under the circumstances, we should be respectful of her privacy, and not divulge any personal or professional information such as her publications.
MTG, could you ask forumites to communicate with you directly about where mamselle's most recent article was published?
Quote from: traductio on January 04, 2023, 11:30:13 AM
About a year ago she wrote me to share an article that she was submitting to The AGS Quarterly: Bulletin of the Association for Gravestone Studies. Given the amount of time it would take an article to go through review, that might very well be it.
I'm not sure how widely Mamselle would want her real-life identity known (I know it matters more to some people than to others), so I'm hesitant to provide more details publicly. But it might be worth following up with the editor to see whether that was indeed the venue.
Thank you! I have passed the information on.
As one who did not know Mamselle's RL identity, I can unequivocally say that I have no interest in knowing her RL identity. I only knew her as an online person named Mamselle. Knowing her RL identity would add nothing to my immense appreciation for her and her monumental presence here in the fora while she was still alive.
I remember on the old CHE forums when the news of the passing of Prytania3 was announced. Someone revealed Pry's name. I was curious, so I googled. I soon forgot Pry's real name, because that was not the real Prytania3 to me. The "real" Prytania3, to me, was the online text-based representation in the CHE fora.
Although it may be tempting to want to know, knowledge of Mamselle's real identity is neither necessary nor appropriate.
I do know her name, one of maybe a half dozen or so I have learned over the years. I am wondering how these fora would work if we did post under our real ids, like 90s-style listservs?
Quote from: lightning on January 05, 2023, 09:42:54 PM
I remember on the old CHE forums when the news of the passing of Prytania3 was announced. Someone revealed Pry's name.
That was Prytania's son, who was gracious enough to come on (on her account) and share news of her passing with the group, because he knew she was an active member. I think a family member can make that choice. It's not for the rest of us to out people.
Quote from: lightning on January 05, 2023, 09:42:54 PM
As one who did not know Mamselle's RL identity, I can unequivocally say that I have no interest in knowing her RL identity. I only knew her as an online person named Mamselle. Knowing her RL identity would add nothing to my immense appreciation for her and her monumental presence here in the fora while she was still alive.
I remember on the old CHE forums when the news of the passing of Prytania3 was announced. Someone revealed Pry's name. I was curious, so I googled. I soon forgot Pry's real name, because that was not the real Prytania3 to me. The "real" Prytania3, to me, was the online text-based representation in the CHE fora.
Although it may be tempting to want to know, knowledge of Mamselle's real identity is neither necessary nor appropriate.
I agree. After her response to "I, Tonya" on the movie thread, I started seeing Mamselle ice skating while she was posting. Making others just a little bigger than "real" life is a fun component of a fora like this, at least for me.
I'm just seeing the news now, and I'm saddened by our loss.
I haven't met many forumites offline, but I feel lucky to have met her. She reached out to me over DM because I had posted that I would be in her city--not knowing that it was her city--for an event in 2019. She was a lovely and warm person, both here and IRL.
I'm sorry that our paths didn't cross again. Thank you for posting this news.
This is awfully sad news. I had a conference in her city a few years back and we arranged to meet in the lobby of my hotel. We got some warm beverages and sat down to talk. Despite the wide gulf between our disciplines, we sat and talked for a couple of hours about research approaches, finding common ground much of the time. It was a lot of fun.
RIP, Mamselle.
Oh NO, what devastating news.
Mamselle!!
She was so incredibly generous and kind. I first interacted with her close to the start of my academic career--I think she was posting under a different moniker on the CHE fora. I never got to meet her in person but we exchanged many PMS.
I have been away from these boards for several months, and this is not what I expected to return to.
RIP, Mamselle.
Hi, all. I'm not really active here anymore, but I just heard the news and wanted to express my condolences. Mamselle was the best of us on the old CHE Fora -- consistently kind to others and a source of much support, both personally and professionalyl. I'm sorry to hear that her health deteriorated so quickly and I hope she was not in very much pain at the end. May her memory be a blessing.
--PepsiAlum (previously Mountainguy)
Nothing to add but sadness. She was a rock and helped me navigate a difficult time. She will be missed
Hello old fora friends -- I have also not been posting lately on the new site here, and just learned of mamselle's passing during the past few days. At first I only found a quick notification on the RIP thread, so I am very moved to see this long thread full of so much affection and deep appreciation of her presence here.
Another forumite was able to locate an obituary -- which I will not post here in keeping with our guidelines -- but it did mention a memorial service to take place on Sat. March 18. I live in the same city and I am planning to attend. For those who did know her IRL who might want to meet to attend the service, please drop me a DM. Rest in peace, mamselle -- you are a singular soul who has touched and enriched the lives of so many.
I just found this on the second page of threads. I don't think it belongs there, for two reasons: 1) because Mamselle touched so many lives here; and, 2) because so many forumites only sporadically check in, thus might miss it. I've seen this happen in other on-line communities - asking about a familiar but absent voice, only to be told of their death, is not the best way to learn the sad news.
Might it be possible to pin this thread for the rest of the year?
Quote from: Thursday's_Child on January 28, 2023, 08:31:25 AM
Might it be possible to pin this thread for the rest of the year?
Yes, done.
I pinned it initially, but then worried that it looked lost among the other pins, and figured it would be easier to see among the regular threads. But since posting here has slackened, a pin seems appropriate.
Returning after a long absence to this terrible news, I can only echo what others have said about Mamselle's kindness and her immense contributions to the fora. Words fail...
Aside
I was wondering why the Fora had grown quiet over the last several weeks, and, alas, the answer is here.
I will miss Mamselle's frequent posts and her optimistic and encouraging words.
Along with others, I have no need nor interest in knowing Mamselle's IRL identity. She once messaged me about a comment I made that she worried my moniker and post would give away my identity, not knowing my moniker is an intentional red herring. She was always very thoughtful and kind like that. She will be missed.
Quote from: bacardiandlime on January 06, 2023, 04:24:18 AM
Quote from: lightning on January 05, 2023, 09:42:54 PM
I remember on the old CHE forums when the news of the passing of Prytania3 was announced. Someone revealed Pry's name.
That was Prytania's son, who was gracious enough to come on (on her account) and share news of her passing with the group, because he knew she was an active member. I think a family member can make that choice. It's not for the rest of us to out people.
Pry was a crackerjack! In a good way.
Had a question this morning that I wanted to ask Mamselle.
I am so sorry to hear this, she and her numerous contributions to this forum will be sorely missed.
She was a sweet and witty polymath; we don't have enough of those. RIP la belle danseuse.
I am so sorry to come (late) to this news. I am almost never around here these days, but I met mamselle several times in real life and she was a wonderful person, interested in many things and people, active in many communities. I had lost touch with her and never answered her last communication because of a pileup of Stuff in my own life, and now I deeply regret that bit of procrastination. Her memory will be a blessing to many, online and off.
I had looked forward to eventually telling mamselle what I thought about Salem Chapel after I had read it on her recommendation. I didn't have the chance to read it while she was still with us. I'm sure ergative would have liked discussing it with her as well.
Quote from: apl68 on February 22, 2023, 06:48:52 AM
I had looked forward to eventually telling mamselle what I thought about Salem Chapel after I had read it on her recommendation. I didn't have the chance to read it while she was still with us. I'm sure ergative would have liked discussing it with her as well.
I recently read something on her recommendation, which I'll post about in the book thread soon. It was fabulous, and I'm sorry I didn't get to it sooner.
Happened onto the dreams thread, and there she was, posting about her dreams. Was nice to "see" here again.
Just had a dormant thread bumped, and there was a mamselle post. I still miss her sometimes.
Oh wow. Just saw this. This is so sad.
I just saw this as well. I met Mammselle in 2020, when she visited London. We had a grand time touring the Design Museum and going to dinner after. She and I texted a bit after that, but her trips across the pond were obviously limited.
I just logged on for the first time in months and saw this news. I am so glad that it has stayed pinned to the top, because I would hate not to know of Mamselle's passing. I didn't know her at all IRL or even via PM. I knew only her posts on the old Forums and the new Fora. But her kindness and generosity were so luminous that they radiated from her posts, as I am sure they did in life. Thank you for bringing peace, joy, and goodness to this online community. Vogue la galère, Mamselle. Let your ship sail on.
Do you mind sharing her name. She sounds like an amazing Professor and I'd like to learn who she was in real life.
Quote from: GuyRien on September 19, 2023, 04:28:45 PMDo you mind sharing her name. She sounds like an amazing Professor and I'd like to learn who she was in real life.
Unless someone chooses to reveal their IRL identity on here (which Mamselle did not), that choice stands, even in death.
Closing in on a year now that we have been without mamselle here. I was just going over some of my old PMs from her. We last "spoke" only about six weeks before she died.
Although I still like coming here regularly, it has been a poorer place without mamselle for the past year.
Quote from: apl68 on December 29, 2023, 11:03:14 AMClosing in on a year now that we have been without mamselle here. I was just going over some of my old PMs from her. We last "spoke" only about six weeks before she died.
Although I still like coming here regularly, it has been a poorer place without mamselle for the past year.
Agreed.
You are missed, mamselle, but I am sure you are rockin' it in a better place now, and that is a happy thought.
Quote from: Wahoo Redux on December 30, 2023, 01:27:06 PMQuote from: apl68 on December 29, 2023, 11:03:14 AMClosing in on a year now that we have been without mamselle here. I was just going over some of my old PMs from her. We last "spoke" only about six weeks before she died.
Although I still like coming here regularly, it has been a poorer place without mamselle for the past year.
Agreed.
You are missed, mamselle, but I am sure you are rockin' it in a better place now, and that is a happy thought.
Absolutely.
Quote from: paultuttle on January 11, 2024, 02:01:06 PMQuote from: Wahoo Redux on December 30, 2023, 01:27:06 PMQuote from: apl68 on December 29, 2023, 11:03:14 AMClosing in on a year now that we have been without mamselle here. I was just going over some of my old PMs from her. We last "spoke" only about six weeks before she died.
Although I still like coming here regularly, it has been a poorer place without mamselle for the past year.
Agreed.
You are missed, mamselle, but I am sure you are rockin' it in a better place now, and that is a happy thought.
Absolutely.
+1 to this.