Dealing with Stress

[AJ_Katz]

This has been such a tough year.  I'm an assoc prof and department head, and one of our two admin staff died unexpectedly last fall.  That person was responsible for both financial operations and the academics, a position that was not like that by design but just because of the way they came into the role.  With the unexpected vacancy, our dean approved us to hire two people to separate those duties.  By July we were up to full capacity, though both new people were learning.  Unfortunately, the finance person never fully fledged and after a lengthy and involved process, I was finally able to let them go.  A struggling employee takes a lot of work to support, so on one hand, this is a relief, but on the other hand, it now means several more months of continued workload demands to support the financial operations.  On top of this, our department has two academic program reviews underway and were just assigned to have a department review this coming calendar year.  I also am trying to stay on track to submit my dossier for promotion to full professor at the end of this year, so I've been traveling more for invited talks, trying to get more grants, and papers published and students finished.  While I am not at a breaking point mentally or anything, my diet is shot to hell, I've gained weight, and I've lost energy for things that previously used to give me enjoyment (like cooking wonderful healthy meals at home and gardening).  I remember thinking back in March that the workload and stress was too much, but continued to tell myself that I just had to make it another six months to get re-staffed and back to where we used to be.  That didn't work out and six months later I find myself saying the same thing... just six more months. 

I am getting support as much as is possible from our college business office and have some funds with which I can hire someone on a temporary basis to help with the program reviews, so I feel like the workload is managed as much as possible given the circumstances.  Part of me is writing this as a means of venting to people who I think would understand.  It's hard to feel good about my productivity when I'm constantly behind, which is probably one of the biggest contributors to my stress.  But I also feel that learning how to mentally manage this stress is a skill worth developing and wonder if any of you have advice to share or experience with improving your own stress tolerance and management. 

[Sun_Worshiper]

Exercise, drawing boundaries when it comes to work hours, and saying no to things that I know are going to give me a big headache. These may not all be possible for you right now, but fixing your diet and exercising a bit would be good for your mental health and physical health - don't let the job put you in an early grave!

[spork]

Your physical and mental health come first. In ten, five, and possibly just one year, no one is going to be exclaiming about how wonderful your program reviews were. They will go into a digital trash bin, never to be acted upon.

Since you are tenured, I presume middle-aged, and your employer is in good enough financial shape to hire new people, I'd say your daily priorities should be:

• Exercise.
• Cooking and eating healthy meals.
• Gardening.
• Other satisfying and enjoyable activities.
• Work tasks, most of which are a complete waste of your time.

Shut down your email at the same time every weekday, like 5:00 p.m. Do not do anything work-related on weekends and holidays.

[jimbogumbo]

Echoing everything spork and Sun_Worshiper said. I did not do any of those things in similar circumstances to yours and suffered a stroke. I came out fine, but it would clearly have been better to pay attention to myself more than my perceived responsibilities at that point.

I urge you to delegate more, as I'm guessing as many of us do that it isn't your first inclination.

Best wishes from retirement to you in this time of stress.

[sinenomine]

I've been juggling my roles as professor, researcher, and dean for a number of years now, with constantly increasing complexity on the administrative side, so there's lots of tension and more work than I can do in any given week. I've learned to not be too tough on myself, to stay on top of emails, and to practice lots of self-care. For me, that means non-negotiable time for hobbies, healthy eating, and self-care in the form of meditation, massages, and sensory deprivation floatation therapy. Schedule time for yourself and celebrate your successes.

[Hegemony]

I feel your pain, and particularly because I am in the same situation: tasked with weighty administrative duties while being short a vital secretary, and one who doesn't look as if she will be replaced.

Of course the standard advice is "Eat healthy, exercise, take time for yourself." But when we're in the trenches, we also know that if we take time for those things, we have an even greater pile of duties, responsibilities, reports, assessments, and email screaming at us when we return to work.

My advice would be:

a) get permission to delay everything you can, considering the lack of secretarial support and current conditions. Fight hard to put some of those mandated things off for a year or two.

b) outsource everything that can be outsourced. Get a cleaner for your house. And/or get a robo-vac set to clean on a regular schedule. Do meal kits (Gobble has ones that are supposed to take no more than 15 minutes to prepare) or a local service that delivers readymade healthy meals — we have two services like that around here. Don't succumb to thoughts like "I should be as frugal as possible!" (unless you are genuinely pressed for funds) or "It is silly to have other people do things I could perfectly well do myself!" Simplify your wardrobe — find stuff you like that fits and just order it online in a whole bunch of different colors. Set up those services that deliver consumables (toilet paper, cat litter, etc.) on a regular basis. Get all your bills on auto-pay.

It's a challenge all right — good luck!

[Sun_Worshiper]

I feel your pain, and particularly because I am in the same situation: tasked with weighty administrative duties while being short a vital secretary, and one who doesn't look as if she will be replaced.

Of course the standard advice is "Eat healthy, exercise, take time for yourself." But when we're in the trenches, we also know that if we take time for those things, we have an even greater pile of duties, responsibilities, reports, assessments, and email screaming at us when we return to work.

My advice would be:

a) get permission to delay everything you can, considering the lack of secretarial support and current conditions. Fight hard to put some of those mandated things off for a year or two.

b) outsource everything that can be outsourced. Get a cleaner for your house. And/or get a robo-vac set to clean on a regular schedule. Do meal kits (Gobble has ones that are supposed to take no more than 15 minutes to prepare) or a local service that delivers readymade healthy meals — we have two services like that around here. Don't succumb to thoughts like "I should be as frugal as possible!" (unless you are genuinely pressed for funds) or "It is silly to have other people do things I could perfectly well do myself!" Simplify your wardrobe — find stuff you like that fits and just order it online in a whole bunch of different colors. Set up those services that deliver consumables (toilet paper, cat litter, etc.) on a regular basis. Get all your bills on auto-pay.

It's a challenge all right — good luck!

Sorry to nitpick, because your general point is correct, but there is always time to eat in a healthy way.

[Hegemony]

Sorry to nitpick, because your general point is correct, but there is always time to eat in a healthy way.

Oh, for Pete's sake. There's always time to do anything, as long as you are okay with not doing something else. But for some of us in some situations, the trade-off is not worth it. When I come home after a ten-hour workday coping with the dean in a panic because the litigious student has sent yet another letter from his lawyer demanding we raise his A-, the grad student who had to be hastened out of the three-hour seminar by campus security to evade her violent ex who had violated his restraining order again, four hours of student-crammed office hours, and I still have 40 papers in my grading pile and a 15-page assessment report to write, sure, I could cut up some veggies (assuming I had any still fit to be eaten) and put together a nice salad with, where did the dressing go, oh, I'm out again so let me just combine some oil and herbs and — where did the vinegar go? Oh yes, I used it trying to cope with the fruit flies... Or I could just grab whatever requires the least amount of preparation and devour it.

So I'd say that your general point is correct, but there is always time to allow for the fact that other people may have more urgent priorities.

[Sun_Worshiper]

Sorry to nitpick, because your general point is correct, but there is always time to eat in a healthy way.

Oh, for Pete's sake. There's always time to do anything, as long as you are okay with not doing something else. But for some of us in some situations, the trade-off is not worth it. When I come home after a ten-hour workday coping with the dean in a panic because the litigious student has sent yet another letter from his lawyer demanding we raise his A-, the grad student who had to be hastened out of the three-hour seminar by campus security to evade her violent ex who had violated his restraining order again, four hours of student-crammed office hours, and I still have 40 papers in my grading pile and a 15-page assessment report to write, sure, I could cut up some veggies (assuming I had any still fit to be eaten) and put together a nice salad with, where did the dressing go, oh, I'm out again so let me just combine some oil and herbs and — where did the vinegar go? Oh yes, I used it trying to cope with the fruit flies... Or I could just grab whatever requires the least amount of preparation and devour it.

So I'd say that your general point is correct, but there is always time to allow for the fact that other people may have more urgent priorities.

It is quite easy and quick to make a simple parfait or a stir fry, let alone to eat a bag of veggies, some fresh fruits, or a packet of tuna.

And I get that it is annoying to hear/read that, but it is really not as hard as people often to portray to take halfway decent care of oneself, even in a time crunch.

[Hegemony]

We're going to have to agree to disagree there. If it were genuinely easy, more people would do it. I get that for you, being exhausted does not preclude making a stir-fry (and shopping beforehand to have the ingredients). For some of us, it does. Being told, "Really, you're not too tired to do it!" — well, yes I am, is all I can say. Having to pull together a stir-fry at the end of a frazzled day would just add aggravation to exhaustion. This kind of cheerful upbraiding strikes me as kind of akin to the person who tells the person suffering from depression, "Just be happier! That's all there is to it!" With just a hint of moral judgment if the person is not up to the effort. "But it's really perfectly easy!" Well, huh, the fact that it's not perfectly easy for me must be a failure of moral will, I guess.

[fishbrains]

I have had luck with a beginning yoga/meditation class. I struggle to get my brain to calm down, so the meditation side has been a nice boon. And since it's a scheduled class, I "have" to go.

Otherwise, when I'm supposed to be relaxing I just start mentally looping into all the things I have to do. Which sucks.

Also, simple breathing exercises every hour on the hour help (although I get some looks in meetings when I start the deep breathing).

[RatGuy]

Nothing to add here other than to say there's some good advice on this thread. My stress situation is the reverse: work is fine, but my personal life is in shambles. I know it's only a matter of time before it does start affecting my work.

[Sun_Worshiper]

We're going to have to agree to disagree there. If it were genuinely easy, more people would do it. I get that for you, being exhausted does not preclude making a stir-fry (and shopping beforehand to have the ingredients). For some of us, it does. Being told, "Really, you're not too tired to do it!" — well, yes I am, is all I can say. Having to pull together a stir-fry at the end of a frazzled day would just add aggravation to exhaustion. This kind of cheerful upbraiding strikes me as kind of akin to the person who tells the person suffering from depression, "Just be happier! That's all there is to it!" With just a hint of moral judgment if the person is not up to the effort. "But it's really perfectly easy!" Well, huh, the fact that it's not perfectly easy for me must be a failure of moral will, I guess.

It is just as easy to eat healthy as it is to eat like crap. People just use being busy as an excuse to eat junk food.

Eat an apple instead of a bag of chips; eat a packet of salmon and a bag of broccoli instead of a burger from McDonalds; bring a banana to work instead of getting something from a vending machine, etc.

[secundem_artem]

Careful dude.  The distance from that high horse you are on to the ground is bigger than you think.

As to perhaps more useful advice for the OP.....

What would happen if you delayed going up for full for a year.  Ideally, that would give you some breathing room to manage the low level chaos and get your support people in place and trained.

Just a thought. 

[onthefringe]

Careful dude.  The distance from that high horse you are on to the ground is bigger than you think.

As to perhaps more useful advice for the OP.....

What would happen if you delayed going up for full for a year.  Ideally, that would give you some breathing room to manage the low level chaos and get your support people in place and trained.

Just a thought. 

Agreed that the "everyone always has time to eat healthy" may be underestimating the extra bandwidth involved in making sure you have non-rotting healthy food components on hand.

And in some cases I have seen, having a year break between being "in charge" and asking the people you were "in charge" of to vote for your promotion is a good thing (this obviously varies greatly from situation to situation).

But for me (and I'm in a kind of similar place right now) what's helped at least a bit is to start thinking about which balls I'm juggling will bounce and which won't. Even without advanced permission, the only thing that happens where I am if we miss the deadline for assessment reports is cranky emails until we are over 3 months late, so that's a bouncy ball for example.