Seen on my Twitter feed: (by lawyer Derek Muller):
"Academic friends:
Isaac Newton discovered calculus while in quarantine.
William Shakespeare wrote "King Lear" while in quarantine.
You will learn how to unmute your computer's microphone during a Zoom meeting while in quarantine."
What are you seeing?
M.
Well, trying to find simple cleaning supplies for work (I'm good at home) is looking like a scavenger hunt. Today I went to five places seeking sanitation supplies. I found bleach at one place, facial tissues at another, cleaning gloves for the circulation staff at a third, and a tiny canister of sanitary wipes at a fourth. And nothing at all useful at a fifth. We'll probably be bleaching a lot in the near future.
It was almost fun, in a weird sort of way.
Yes. As a response to my (usually in-their-homes, private) music students, I'm working out various approaches to lessons.
Kids like Zoom with real-time commentary.
Adults are opting towards making tapes on their phones or Audacity and sending those to me for comments.
One family (I knew this would happen) went ahead on a cruise last week--and seem a bit surprised that they've been asked to be in quarantine at home for the next two weeks, now they've returned. (We'll be Zoom-ing, for sure).
My sister, a smaller-ish-town librarian, is staying open (and says people should RELAX...) and telling me how much her patrons are saying they appreciate her standing up to the fear-mongers (I'm trying to figure out how to respond to this judiciously....without yelling. I realize where her influences are coming from...)
And the sub-group of my larger May conference---that has still not cancelled (interestingly, in the same state where my sister's library is)--has written to say that they can't encourage anyone to attend in good faith, and are working on alternatives for those of us who've had papers accepted into their sections of the conference.
So, it's like, all over the board.
Weird, worrisome, wild...people, being people, are just...unfathomable sometimes!
M.
Why can't I find distilled water for my cpap machine? Are people...drinking it? Why?
Hunh. What's up with that??
They're worried their steam irons will run out of steam, or...??
M.
In my hometown, a majority believe the Coronavirus has been overblown or created by the "Deep State". Now they are running out of things like hand sanitizer. Perhaps the majority is rethinking its position?
Also, for a humorous aside, all should read story 3 of Day 9 of the Decameron...."How Calandrino's friends, Bruno, Buffalmacco, and Nello, persuade him that he is pregnant, and how everyone ends up feeling pleased—except his wife". Such a wonderful reread right now, in between grading and moving courses online (and waiting on job prospects).
I think we should write our own short stories and then edit them into a volume? It could be epic. Message me if interested.
What a great idea!!!
Let me ponder that....
And, yes, I just wrote to tell my sister, who's a librarian in a small midwestern city, that a conference I was due to go to in their state is on the brink of being cancelled by governors' orders and that instead of saying "everyone just needs to CHILL," she might want to think about how to enhance their library online resources and get ready because I think they're going to issue a full-close order once they do start recognizing the reality of the situation.
I did a survey of the dance references in the Decameron once. Maybe I'll...Hmmmm....
M.
Quote from: mamselle on March 16, 2020, 06:20:55 PM
Hunh. What's up with that??
They're worried their steam irons will run out of steam, or...??
M.
Not the right thread LOL, so maybe unintentionally funny, but yeah, it's weird!
So, in keeping with the humor of this time....why toilet paper? A serious question on my end. Is it the only reason why people generally have to go to the grocery store?
Maybe they're making papier-mache ducks with it or something?
;--}
M.
Quote from: Nightshade on March 17, 2020, 05:13:43 PM
So, in keeping with the humor of this time....why toilet paper? A serious question on my end. Is it the only reason why people generally have to go to the grocery store?
1. Because running out sucks, and if you have to quarantine yourself for two weeks you might run out.
2. Because it never goes bad.
3. Because you'll use it anyway, even if you never have to quarantine (unlike that flat bed of dried beans)
4. Because it's running low.
I think people are perhaps a little more frantic about point 4 than they need to be, but points 1-3 are very rational reasons to stock up.
I've seen it said elsewhere that if you need to buy 144 rolls of TP to prepare for a 14-day quarantine, you should probably already have gone to see the doctor a long time ago.
Quote from: apl68 on March 18, 2020, 06:29:37 AM
I've seen it said elsewhere that if you need to buy 144 rolls of TP to prepare for a 14-day quarantine, you should probably already have gone to see the doctor a long time ago.
144 is a lot, but imagine a family of 6, each of whom gets it in turn. Those weeks are going to add up, and six people use a lot of TP. Worst case scenario: each person gets it just as the 14 days from the previous person end. That's 12 weeks of quarantine*. Can six people use 12 rolls of toilet paper in a week? I can easily imagine going through two in a week on my own, or even more if they're the super-cheap 1-ply rolls. So by that calculus 144 rolls sounds just about right.
*Should recovered people be quarantined if someone else in their family has an active case? They might not be active vectors, but presumably they can still spread it on their hands and wallets and clothes and so on.
Drove into my local town this AM. On the right hand side of the main street there is a fundamentalist church, which like many churches and businesses has scripted its sign (this one is neon) to offer encouraging words. So this church sign reads:
"Be kind. Be patient. In Jesus we have refuse"
Oops!
Chuck Norris has tested positive for Covid-19.
The virus is now in quarantine for 14 days.
If everyone who stashed away TP put one roll back we could probably get through.
M.
Society is tearing apart at the seams.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8136527/Couple-furious-told-theyre-not-allowed-buy-TWENTY-THREE-cases-Mountain-Dew.html
Quote from: apl68 on March 16, 2020, 10:53:28 AM
Well, trying to find simple cleaning supplies for work (I'm good at home) is looking like a scavenger hunt. Today I went to five places seeking sanitation supplies. I found bleach at one place, facial tissues at another, cleaning gloves for the circulation staff at a third, and a tiny canister of sanitary wipes at a fourth. And nothing at all useful at a fifth. We'll probably be bleaching a lot in the near future.
It was almost fun, in a weird sort of way.
Pool Supplies. Powdered sodium hypochlorite is available in my area.
Because of my colonial gravestone work, I'm on several genealogical sites.
I occasionally use a moniker to put some distance between my identity there and my work.
At one point I was using an older moniker from the old forum, which I'd forgotten about, as a sign-on.
The family history folks must have a lot of time on their hands, now, because they just informed me that they can tell a lot about me from this (totally made-up) name, and they propose to show me my family tree for a small fee.
I'm curious what they think they've found, but have no intention of paying them to find out!
M.
Quote from: FishProf on March 22, 2020, 06:40:28 AM
Quote from: apl68 on March 16, 2020, 10:53:28 AM
Well, trying to find simple cleaning supplies for work (I'm good at home) is looking like a scavenger hunt. Today I went to five places seeking sanitation supplies. I found bleach at one place, facial tissues at another, cleaning gloves for the circulation staff at a third, and a tiny canister of sanitary wipes at a fourth. And nothing at all useful at a fifth. We'll probably be bleaching a lot in the near future.
It was almost fun, in a weird sort of way.
Pool Supplies. Powdered sodium hypochlorite is available in my area.
Huh! Good to remember. Thanks!
In case you need cheering up (or ideas...)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e41YVSOQQ1I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KTJBaK3iQk
When I last spoke to my mother yesterday she told me "Be sure not to expose yourself." Then she realized what that sounded like...
https://nypost.com/video/new-yorker-singing-out-window-told-to-shut-the-f-up/
New York, the heart of fashion and high society, is keeping it classy in these tough times.
Hello
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5azNpTwVk8
So, one of our staff member's church is still holding small meetings, with people maintaining social distance around the church sanctuary. She and her husband had taken their seat. Then a large, sweaty man sat directly behind them. Her husband turned to him and said "Do you got coronavirus?" He got the message.
From same guy who did the viral Hello (from the Inside) Adele parody -- when you need a good laugh.
This one is heartwarming, not humorous. Thank U Frontline.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGKFVMgjrPc
I had just been wondering whether bidet sales have skyrocketed in the U.S. given the TP shortage. This from the NYT coronavirus updates newsletter that lands in my inbox each day:
We're sharing some of your dispatches from around the globe about life in the time of coronavirus.
Today, we have Chanel Bishton from Vallejo, Calif., with an ode to the bidet.
Visitors mocked me
My teenage son scoffed —
When I installed
a European style bidet —
In our bathroom.
Now I am the Envy
Of apparently the world
It seems
No toilet paper in sight
But clean rumps here —
No less —
Warm water sprayed
Blow-dried
With a fresh towel to finish
If still damp
For this I am very grateful.
Families with children in some places, including our town, have turned to "bear hunting." Participants put stuffed bears and such in their windows or out in their yards, then walk or drive around the neighborhood trying to spot other bears. It gets kids out of the house while maintaining social distance.
I saw that. I wish I had a window that would hold a bear (I have several) that could be seen from the sidewalk!
(Mine's blocked by an overgrown thicket of all kinds of stuff that my landlord grows and doesn't thin out....!)
M.
Quote from: mamselle on March 17, 2020, 06:11:25 PM
Maybe they're making papier-mache ducks with it or something?
;--}
M.
In a cutting edge interview on NPR a couple of days ago, a large New England toilet paper manufacturing co. CEO was to give his views on the hoarding
of such. I missed it. Did anyone here catch it? Perhaps it should be rebroadcast? Expiring minds need to know!
Quote from: Economizer on April 03, 2020, 08:42:35 AMIn a cutting edge interview on NPR a couple of days ago, a large New England toilet paper manufacturing co. CEO was to give his views on the hoarding
of such. I missed it. Did anyone here catch it? Perhaps it should be rebroadcast? Expiring minds need to know!
Maybe this from Maine Public Radio? https://www.npr.org/2020/03/31/823820779/toilet-paper-startup-ramps-up-and-rolls-in-wake-of-coronavirus-pandemic (https://www.npr.org/2020/03/31/823820779/toilet-paper-startup-ramps-up-and-rolls-in-wake-of-coronavirus-pandemic)
I can't remember where I saw it, but one story explained that there are two production paths for toilet paper, one for commercial customers, another for home consumers. Right now, demand is extremely low for one and high for the other, but it's not simple to switch commercial production over to consumer.
Oh.
Was this the article?
https://marker.medium.com/what-everyones-getting-wrong-about-the-toilet-paper-shortage-c812e1358fe0
Doesn't make any sense though. Changing suppliers is a telephone call away, and increasing output is also easy. I'm sure it's because manufacturers of both flavors want to obey the anti-gouging laws and won't raise price.
But, I do not think many TP hoarders knew about that. And, as to production, I am sure that "just in time"delivery stragtegies adopted by producers over previous massive warehousing of goods approaches for logistics did not consider the massive immediate needs forced in pandemic. Huh? So, why the TP hoarding?
Well, you buy more [hoard] food, you gotta buy more [hoard] toilet paper. What goes in must come out! :-)
This discussion seems to be going right down the tube.
Quote from: Economizer on April 03, 2020, 11:34:10 AM
But, I do not think many TP hoarders knew about that.
Yeah, the timeline doesn't make sense. The run on home TP shouldn't have started until
after at least a couple of weeks of people working from home. (Unless there are lots of people who are
very conscious of their bathroom habits and
anticipated needing more TP when they'd be working from home.)
Quote from: saffie on April 03, 2020, 10:27:31 AM
Quote from: Economizer on April 03, 2020, 08:42:35 AMIn a cutting edge interview on NPR a couple of days ago, a large New England toilet paper manufacturing co. CEO was to give his views on the hoarding
of such. I missed it. Did anyone here catch it? Perhaps it should be rebroadcast? Expiring minds need to know!
Maybe this from Maine Public Radio? https://www.npr.org/2020/03/31/823820779/toilet-paper-startup-ramps-up-and-rolls-in-wake-of-coronavirus-pandemic (https://www.npr.org/2020/03/31/823820779/toilet-paper-startup-ramps-up-and-rolls-in-wake-of-coronavirus-pandemic)
I can't remember where I saw it, but one story explained that there are two production paths for toilet paper, one for commercial customers, another for home consumers. Right now, demand is extremely low for one and high for the other, but it's not simple to switch commercial production over to consumer.
I've seen similar explanations for why some kinds of food items have run short. The proportion of meals eaten at restaurants abruptly nose-dived, with a corresponding surge in demand for supermarket goods. Restaurants buy food in bulk packaging unlike much of what is seen in supermarkets. It has taken time to shift production from the one market to the other.
Re the toilet paper situation--at our local tissue mill, they produce paper in large runs for each customer (They make it for all the well-known brands. You probably have something in your bathroom that was made within two miles of where I'm typing this! Well, maybe that's not really something to brag about...). Each run is made according to the customer's specs. So it's plausible that the sudden shift in demand is indeed catching manufacturers flat-footed. I think our own local mill mostly made consumer TP in the first place, and they're now going all out. Which still hasn't kept distribution issues and local hoarders from keeping our shelves cleaned out.
Quote from: marshwiggle on April 03, 2020, 11:59:51 AM
Quote from: Economizer on April 03, 2020, 11:34:10 AM
But, I do not think many TP hoarders knew about that.
Yeah, the timeline doesn't make sense. The run on home TP shouldn't have started until after at least a couple of weeks of people working from home. (Unless there are lots of people who are very conscious of their bathroom habits and anticipated needing more TP when they'd be working from home.)
Well, now that makes a certain amount of sense. People who knew that they (and their children) were going to be spending a lot more time at home figured they need to stock up on TP. That produced a run on the stores, and once that got under way the conventional wisdom became grabbing all you could possibly grab the moment it hit the shelves, resulting in stores selling out of their periodic deliveries almost immediately.
I've tended to think that relatively few people are actually hoarding ridiculous amounts of it. It's mainly a matter of tens of millions of people going from buying a little each week to suddenly all wanting two weeks' household supply, plus some for good measure. Such an extreme change in demand is surely going to produce temporary shortages.
Still not sure why TP has stayed in short supply for weeks now. Actual use of certain cleaning supplies like bleach and sanitary wipes has gone up tremendously. But surely people aren't using that much TP!
Quote from: apl68 on April 03, 2020, 12:51:45 PM
Quote from: marshwiggle on April 03, 2020, 11:59:51 AM
Quote from: Economizer on April 03, 2020, 11:34:10 AM
But, I do not think many TP hoarders knew about that.
Yeah, the timeline doesn't make sense. The run on home TP shouldn't have started until after at least a couple of weeks of people working from home. (Unless there are lots of people who are very conscious of their bathroom habits and anticipated needing more TP when they'd be working from home.)
Well, now that makes a certain amount of sense. People who knew that they (and their children) were going to be spending a lot more time at home figured they need to stock up on TP. That produced a run on the stores, and once that got under way the conventional wisdom became grabbing all you could possibly grab the moment it hit the shelves, resulting in stores selling out of their periodic deliveries almost immediately.
So is there a usual rush just before the Christmas holidays? Before school gets out in June? Before March break?
By the same logic, there should be at all those times if people are buying more in anticipation of everyone spending more time at home. I've never seen that, and I don't recall seeing extra big mountains of TP in stores leading up to those times either.
Quote
I've tended to think that relatively few people are actually hoarding ridiculous amounts of it. It's mainly a matter of tens of millions of people going from buying a little each week to suddenly all wanting two weeks' household supply, plus some for good measure. Such an extreme change in demand is surely going to produce temporary shortages.
It's
way more than two weeks' supply. Do most households use a pack of
12 or
24 in two weeks?? I'd imagine the average person uses
maybe a roll a week, and the average household is 3 or 4 people which works out to
a pack of 12 being about 3 weeks' supply and a bag of 24 being about 6 weeks' supply for the average house. (And for households smaller than that it's enough for
months.)
Is there anyone here who has a relevant research area? Inquiring minds want to know. This could be your moment of glory.
There's an intrusive ad in my news feed that can tell you how much TP you'll need based on number of folks in the house, etc.
I've deleted it so often I don't see it anymore.
But if you look for it, it's there...
M.
Quote from: mamselle on April 03, 2020, 01:45:02 PM
There's an intrusive ad in my news feed that can tell you how much TP you'll need based on number of folks in the house, etc.
Is that like in case you have no experience to figure it out???? Does it have an accompanying video showing how many squares to tear off at a time?
Oy.
Quote from: saffie on April 03, 2020, 10:27:31 AM
Quote from: Economizer on April 03, 2020, 08:42:35 AMIn a cutting edge interview on NPR a couple of days ago, a large New England toilet paper manufacturing co. CEO was to give his views on the hoarding
of such. I missed it. Did anyone here catch it? Perhaps it should be rebroadcast? Expiring minds need to know!
Maybe this from Maine Public Radio? https://www.npr.org/2020/03/31/823820779/toilet-paper-startup-ramps-up-and-rolls-in-wake-of-coronavirus-pandemic (https://www.npr.org/2020/03/31/823820779/toilet-paper-startup-ramps-up-and-rolls-in-wake-of-coronavirus-pandemic)
I can't remember where I saw it, but one story explained that there are two production paths for toilet paper, one for commercial customers, another for home consumers. Right now, demand is extremely low for one and high for the other, but it's not simple to switch commercial production over to consumer.
Perhaps because it's difficult to fit those gigantic rolls the size of automobile wheels into the standard residential dispenser?
Too soon??
<ducks and runs>
Unrelated to the above:
Metaphoric meaning in astronomy....
https://www.sciencealert.com/we-might-have-just-found-a-missing-link-black-hole-when-it-ate-a-star
Sort of like, " Urp! That was quite a tasty little star! [BEELCHH!] But why didn't you tel me there were onions in the sauce ??"
M.
OK, this is sort of funny. Over at eBay bidders are paying top dollar for Flowbees. Selling prices have doubled in the past two weeks.
I had to look them up--never heard of them before.
I can see the usefulness--a friend once got very upset because I let a few hairs fall to the floor when he asked me to even up a small ducktail the barber had left that he didn't want.
I'd never realized the level of his compulsions for neatness until then.
He was REALLY upset--I was surprised.
M.
Double post at an interval of 4 days...!
I can't recall if I've posted this here or elsewhere before, or not, but I just find it heartening and joyful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSlWDlXCelk
M.
Bidet sales improving significantly: https://www.dailywire.com/news/some-americans-are-starting-to-give-up-on-toilet-paper-literally
Ah, the Flowbee...
I am getting to use the clipper skills I developed in college. Gotta keep my isolation buddy looking decent.
Saw evidence while out walking that a local school had been "rolled" with TP. I guess the shortage must not be THAT bad any longer, at least not locally. The advantage of living in a town where they make it.
China state media releases Once Upon a Virus.
https://youtu.be/Q5BZ09iNdvo
Description of Covid19 Inflation:
You drive to a store, put on your mask, and, then, when you enter you get held up.
[ This joke may need some work. The elements for humor are there; however, I am unsure as to whether there is widespread increase in prices.]
Quote from: Economizer on May 19, 2020, 09:43:02 PM
Description of Covid19 Inflation:
You drive to a store, put on your mask, and, then, when you enter you get held up.
[ This joke may need some work. The elements for humor are there; however, I am unsure as to whether there is widespread increase in prices.]
Yes, food has jumped in price, especially beef. Oh, and I hope none of you thought that cheap gasoline was going to be permanent. It is already inching up. Hopefully we won't need wheelbarrows of cash to buy bread.
Your joke in progress does not seem to work well in text format. You need an experienced comedian to use the right delivery to solicit laughs from an audience.
Quote from: Anselm on May 20, 2020, 04:08:53 PM
Quote from: Economizer on May 19, 2020, 09:43:02 PM
Description of Covid19 Inflation:
You drive to a store, put on your mask, and, then, when you enter you get held up.
[ This joke may need some work. The elements for humor are there; however, I am unsure as to whether there is widespread increase in prices.]
Yes, food has jumped in price, especially beef. Oh, and I hope none of you thought that cheap gasoline was going to be permanent. It is already inching up. Hopefully we won't need wheelbarrows of cash to buy bread.
Your joke in progress does not seem to work well in text format. You need an experienced comedian to use the right delivery to solicit laughs from an audience.
Anselm: Do you know it costs to get a pro comedian. Most of them make thousands of
dollars a week by dropping the f-bomb and deriding our leaders. Screw that! And, thank you so much.
Hmmm..maybe my jokes are too long? So,
INVESTMENT TIPS:
1. VEAL FUTURES.
2. ANY AGRICULTURAL PHARMACEUTICAL CONCERN THAT DEVELOPS AND DISTRIBUTES BOVINE APHRODISIACS.
3. DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING MARKET MAVENS MIGHT MENTION AT MIDDAY
UNLESS IT IS TRUE.
(Sent via Android, sheesh!)
In my previous post, I failed to remember that Male and Female bovine need not to "wanna do it". Perhaps I still have a "70's mindset about steer reproduction. And, so much for contented cows!
While I have the stage, I might as well change the subject to
RAMEN!!!
You all have probably noticed that there is a shortage of inexpensive,
cellophane wrapped, flavored ramen product in stores. Not to digress, too far, I suppose that European merchants visiting the far east carried with them in their provisions pasta items which in their speech they called spaghetti. The natives of the Asian lands quickly grew to love the stuff; however, they could not pronounce the word spaghetti (it's still the case! Tell you what, if you are proximate to a person with Asian features, get them to say "spagetti" twice in a short sentence. They cannot do it!) so they began to call it Ramen ( a slight variation of the word "roman" whom many of the visiting merchants were). In conclusion, if you see a bunch of Italians on the noodle aisle, the ramen is more likely than not going to disappear in a hurry.
But seriously folks, enormous strides have been made in morality world wide. The famous dance by showgirls at the famous Follies Bergere in Paris has been "canned", Patrons of Geisha Girls in Tokyo have gone along with the "Let us not and say we did" policy, and the ever suggestive Hula dancers of the Hawaiin Islands have gone to wearing culottes and shiffs. VD's are down and condom sales are up among the optimists. Threrapists
report requests for "wet deam" analytics". Numerous "Topless" dancers are frantically searching online for "Pasties".
What is going on at your place? Truthfully, I can only imagine!
So, "What Good is Sitting Alone in Your Room?" Good health, mon amies, Good Health! Hey! What's with that ....... GONG!!!
Previous: .. mes amis...
Heard in space: Open the damn hatch and let us in Willya. We're Muskyvites!
Quote from: Anselm on May 20, 2020, 04:08:53 PM
Quote from: Economizer on May 19, 2020, 09:43:02 PM
Description of Covid19 Inflation:
You drive to a store, put on your mask, and, then, when you enter you get held up.
[ This joke may need some work. The elements for humor are there; however, I am unsure as to whether there is widespread increase in prices.]
Yes, food has jumped in price, especially beef. Oh, and I hope none of you thought that cheap gasoline was going to be permanent. It is already inching up. Hopefully we won't need wheelbarrows of cash to buy bread.
Your joke in progress does not seem to work well in text format. You need an experienced comedian to use the right delivery to solicit laughs from an audience.
Oops, I seem to have messed up! And, thusly, y'all missed the really good'uns.
When I commandered this board I had no idea what a hostile silence that I would encounter!
Note: These are threads not boards, huh?
And,
Commandeererd was most often spelled
Commendered prior to the spellcheck innovation.
Geting a woman to have sex during the health worries of today is really tough for singles. But, let me tell you what happend to me. I was coming out the bathroom after showering yesterday and there was a beautiful woman, a neighbor, nude, in my bed. Deciding she would be a go, I asked if I should put on a condom. She said, "No, I'm good, but a little Aqua Velva and a turban would drive me nuts!"
Maybe humor, probably tears, definitely fondness:
Wekapedia- LISTS OF COMEDIANS
I really miss being able to get stock market reports on holidays. You know it's sort of like having a hankering for a CHICFILET sandwich on a Sunday.
Great quote garnered from a 20th century Nelson DeMille mystery, "If it flys, floats, or ....s, rent it." (Pardon my deallitration). So, is it sexist or just common sense advice? Or, maybe, just plain funny, at that time?
Since no one other than me has been posting on this thread lately, should I stop posting until others start posting again? I think that I'm getting pressure from the front office to do so anyway. OR, should I take my usual stance in like situations and assume that I am so funny no one dares to compete, eh?
Quote from: Economizer on July 05, 2020, 11:49:45 AM
Since no one other than me has been posting on this thread lately, should I stop posting until others start posting again? I think that I'm getting pressure from the front office to do so anyway. OR, should I take my usual stance in like situations and assume that I am so funny no one dares to compete, eh?
Speaking for myself, I just don't get most of your jokes. Maybe I'm slow on the uptake.
Thank you for your comment, Marshwiggle. Perhaps I should go on vacation and rethink my content and approach to humor? Uh.. can you loan me 600 bucks?
I don't get your jokes either, but I'm frequently half-a-beat behind everyone else in catching a joke. I'm better at catching puns, if you'd like to try those?
Just kidding, JUST KIDDING!
[/quote]
Quote from: Vkw10 on July 05, 2020, 12:54:48 PM
I don't get your jokes either, but I'm frequently half-a-beat behind everyone else in catching a joke. I'm better at catching puns, if you'd like to try those?
:
OK. The Oxford University definition of a pun [ I think]:
A PUN, A PLAY UPON WORDS, A PUN. 2/3 of a PUN, PU.
Also, it, the pun, is said to be the lowest form of humour, until recently.
Quote from: Economizer on July 05, 2020, 01:16:48 PM
Quote from: Vkw10 on July 05, 2020, 12:54:48 PM
I don't get your jokes either, but I'm frequently half-a-beat behind everyone else in catching a joke. I'm better at catching puns, if you'd like to try those?
:
OK. The Oxford University definition of a pun [ I think]:
A PUN, A PLAY UPON WORDS, A PUN. 2/3 of a PUN, PU.
Also, it, the pun, is said to be the lowest form of humour, until recently.
That really stinks.
Boss: You're the worst conductor in the railroad business. How many trains did you derail last year?
Conductor: Not sure. It's so hard to keep track.
(Source: 2020 Page-A-Day Calendar. Author not listed.)
Do I have a YADA DADA DAH DA [2X] YADA DADA DAH DAH DA?
A 2nd?
:)
From Elvis on SERIUSXM:
GET OUTTA THE BARN GRAN'MA, YOU' TOO OLD TO BE HORS'N AROUND!
From comedian "Loansome" George Goebel, circa 1970 (a man ahead of his time):
"..and she.was wearing a gownless evening strap."
And, upon finding himself sitting on a dais between legendary entertainer Bob Hope and talkshow impressario Johnny Carson:
" I feel like a pair of brown shoes with a tuxedo."
In this trying time many find themselves, even after the several months since the onset of Conavirus 19, having to work from home. It is important to establish a structured day. I, myself, have made a routine that accomplishes that. I get iup around 7a.m., think through the tasks I must take on each day and make a note of the a proper order I should address them, as tidy up my living quarters. Then, I prepare a nutritious and, most days, a tasty breakfast while thinking of healthy exercises that I can work into this workday. I have read that it is important to reward oneself for doing these things, so I go back to bed! VOILA.
Question & Answer
Q. What other are "donkeys" called?
A. Don't ask me, I'm an Independent.
Coved 19 onomatopoeiaish pun
One worried harlot overheard talking to another: "You know, I'm getting an uneasy feeling about it not being easy to be easy."
😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
Q: What can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
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Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning?
It was a vicious cycle.
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Never buy anything with Velcro.
It's a total rip-off.
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Q: When is a door not a door?
A: When it's ajar.
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(Source: Reader's Digest, Canada.)
Knowing he's well off, a beautiful young woman came up to comedian Buddy Hackett and said, "I'll do anything you want me to do for $600." His reply, "Okay, paint my house!"
I especially liked that of his as it comedically demonstrates maturity. I have heard that there are comedians doing acts and jokes of the middle 20th to late 20th Century comedians on cruise ships. And,, I've heard.nothing bad about that.
Is dark humor allowed, here?
So, hearing no objections: 3 syllables > two words, SOYLENT GREEN.
Quote from: Economizer on July 13, 2020, 01:53:23 PM
Knowing he's well off, a beautiful young woman came up to comedian Buddy Hackett and said, "I'll do anything you want me to do for $600." His reply, "Okay, paint my house!"
I especially liked that of his as it comedically demonstrates maturity. I have heard that there are comedians doing acts and jokes of the middle 20th to late 20th Century comedians on cruise ships. And,, I've heard.nothing bad about that.
And, those comedians, because of the abrupt stoppage and rescheduling of cruises, might be stranded
who knows where? Maybe Variety or some other entertainers organization needs to check into that. It has been reported recentlly, that due to Coved 19, some 40,000 seafarers were stranded worldwide.
You said things would be back to normal next month. Julyed.
(Source: Facebook)
My youngest daughter--boy crazed at fifteen--wanted to show a potential beau that she is the outdoors type. For some reason, she wanted to know the most humane way to kill a fish when fishing. I told her, in my best dead-pan, that I had learned in Boy Scouts that the most humane way to kill a fish was to drown it--that it just takes a little longer than other methods.
Apparently, she missed the joke and made the suggestion to the potential beau. She hasn't spoken to me for a week.
And now I'm the bad guy.
Every Southerner knows this best way to prepare CARP:
1. PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 DEGREES
2. CLEAN CARP, SALT AND PEPPER IT
3. NAIL FISH TO A SHORT 2X2 BOARD
4. COVER FISH COMPLETELY WITH LAKE OR RIVER MUD
5. BAKE PREPARED FISH ON THE BOARD FOR 20 M8NUTES
6. REMOVE FROM OVEN, THROW AWAY FISH, AND EAT THE BOARD!
Note- the blue carp is said to be a delicacy in Prague
So, I should think sexual social distancing observance humor is allowable, therefore:
1. Large student populations have appeared and are in residennce.
2. In large part, students are respecting social distancing directives.
3. At WALMART, cucumbers are "flyin' off the shelves".
Enough said.
I must apologize for my previous post as it was truly crude. That, especially, now that I have read a report on a University of Maryland Medical Services (UMMS) site entitled Sex and Coronavirus. The work seems to provide comprehensive and understandable information and guidance. Damn!
Quote from: Economizer on September 26, 2020, 07:05:46 PM
I must apologize for my previous post as it was truly crude. That, especially, now that I have read a report on a University of Maryland Medical Services (UMMS) site entitled Sex and Coronavirus. The work seems to provide comprehensive and understandable information and guidance. Damn!
I do not mean to quote myself and I don't know how I did it. There is some good additional news that pertains to the subject though. Candidates for Public Office in the upcoming general elections will not be subjected to mandatory "Litmus Tests".