junkie panhandlers

[kaysixteen]

I have alluded to the reality that I live in a depressed city, full of poverty and loads of drugs/ users.  And such folks regularly solicit donations in the parking lot of Big Box Retail Emporium where I have my night job, at lofty wage.   Several times I have been solicited for such donations by obviously addicted people, and customers regularly complain about being harassed by such solicitors in the PL as well.  Tonight, after a long Christmastide shift, mostly standing of course, I walked out of the store at c. 11:10pm, and got into my car, which was not able to be parked particularly close to the bldg.  As I was checking my phone before leaving, a woman who I had passed on the way out, again an obviously addicted one, who had been too late to enter the now closed store, suddenly appeared at the door, somewhat startling me.  Cig in hand, she gave me a line about wanting money for her and her BF to get food at the nearby McDs, set to close at midnight.  SHe was not polite about it either, and I was curt, but decided to give her two bucks, something I do not always do.  I also told her not to approach a car like this, in the dark, as it could produce a depressing  reaction from the driver.  She was nonplussed and asked for more money, which I did not give her.   She then called me an 'asshole' under her breath as she nonetheless took my two bucks, which I felt like changing my mind about giving her (I did change my mind about a donation once last year, after a guy laid into me with a tirade).  I have refrained from ever suggesting that the addict  in question enter the store and apply for employment, even though I have thought about it.  What  are your thoughts here?

[Hegemony]

I'm not sure what you mean by a "depressing" reaction. If you mean a violent reaction, that's probably a fair warning. But people who are down and out, and possibly mentally disturbed, and very probably on a substance, are not likely candidates for cool and reasoned reactions. As the saying goes, "Expectations are premeditated resentments," and expecting a polite response from her is probably futile.

As for suggesting that she apply for a job at the store — it's really just a way of saying "You're a freeloader and you should get a job!", isn't it? In actual fact, as I know from trying to give guidance to an acquaintance who became homeless, it is difficult verging on impossible to get a job when you don't have an address. (Or a place to shower and wash your clothes.) So she could go in there and apply, but the chances they would hire her are minuscule. Once people have become that level of down and out, climbing back up takes a whole lot of determination, support, and sheer luck. I sympathize with your exasperation — "Why are there so many people in this position and why are they hassling me all the time!" But if there were easy answers, society would have found them already.

[Volhiker78]

Sounds like you handled the situation as well as possible.  I almost never give to the people asking for money at the place I get my coffee in the morning.

My only recommendation would be to not check your phone in the car that late at night. Get in and get going as quickly as you can.

[clean]

For a while, I would keep some easy open tuna, or some other things like poptarts or breakfast bars.  When someone said that they were hungry like that, instead of money, I would give them the food.

On another day, I was approached in the parking lot of Wally World and was asked for money to feed a family that was out of money and on their way to somewhere.  I told them to meet me at the nearby burger stand and bought them what they wanted.  He asked, "is it ok if we order X?" I said to order what you like for you and the family.   I then over paid and told the cashier to give them the change. 

In general by giving food, the need is met and there is no chance that the money will be diverted to something other than food. 

[fishbrains]

For a while, I would keep some easy open tuna, or some other things like poptarts or breakfast bars.  When someone said that they were hungry like that, instead of money, I would give them the food.

On another day, I was approached in the parking lot of Wally World and was asked for money to feed a family that was out of money and on their way to somewhere.  I told them to meet me at the nearby burger stand and bought them what they wanted.  He asked, "is it ok if we order X?" I said to order what you like for you and the family.   I then over paid and told the cashier to give them the change. 

In general by giving food, the need is met and there is no chance that the money will be diverted to something other than food. 

In my area, they have now started asking for money for car parts, saying their car is broken down.

About a year ago, I was in the liquor store, and the guy in front of me was paying with change for a small bottle of some of that nasty Taaka vodka. He was pretty dirty, and he didn't have shoes (not even flip flops). He came up short, so I put a couple of dollars on the counter for him. He seemed embarrassed, but I just told him, "Inflation's killing us all, brother." The clerk didn't even bat an eye.

I'm not sure that was a good deed--at all, but sometimes we just need to get through the day we're living in.

[Ruralguy]

After some incidents when I was younger and always living in big cities, I have decided never to give money again, and I haven't. I have a number of concerns over escorting to get food, so I don't do that either.

There are a number of scams that have been around for decades, maybe even over a century! A big one is not having money for a train ticket (they usually dress up enough to make it look like they are "normal" and believable as someone who would normally have their pass or have money for a ticket if they forgot the pass, etc.). The car parts one has been around for a long time in more rural communities (and is even featured in a flashback scene in "Better Call Saul").

[hmaria1609]

I've given small flyers about the hours and address of the local day shelter to panhandlers standing at the bottom of a busy exit ramp. Or they'll go from car to car looking for money. I stopped doing it since it was the same people over and over.
People asking for money at gas stations--gotten that too.

If there's a homeless shelter and outreach center in your town or city, consider donating money there.

Chime on keeping your car doors locked!

[Sun_Worshiper]

I don't usually have cash on me, so instead I offer to buy them something from the store (usually panhandling happens to me at the gas station or outside a grocery store). Usually they decline, but once in a while someone takes me up on it. I don't usually let people get so close though. Safety first.

[Wahoo Redux]

As kind as you were, Kay, your money probably didn't go to food.  And the reaction of your beneficiary makes me think of meth, which truly turns people evil and hostile, just flaming Ids furiously seeking a fix.  Probably your beneficiary knows where to get food and shelter already.  Still, you were kind, and that's never to be sneezed at.  I wouldn't do it again, however.  I got to where I would simply say, as nicely as I could, "I'm sorry, but I don't have any cash" and just keep walking, even when they called me names.

Make sure you are safe.

[dismalist]

It is surely human to wish to give to people in need. This is clearly consistent with evolutionary biology. But while it is efficient in face-to-face societies, where we know who we are giving to, it isn't useful in an anonymous society.

My first long-term view, rather than occasional view, of panhandlers was only from the 1990's. On my walk from the Metro station to work I passed a panhandler every day. He was sitting on the sidewalk, up against the wall of a building, one leg covered with a blanket -- right next to an ATM! And what's under the blanket? A leg, a crutch, a weapon, nothing?

Smart panhandler I thought! Just like retailing. Success depends on location, location, location. A competitive industry in other words. But of course here the strongest, not the most efficient, will obtain and defend the best locations.

As such, the more panhandlers earn, the more panhandlers we will have.

There are institutions, including government institutions, to take care of people in need. Let them do their jobs.

Thus, I don't give panhandlers anything.

[Juvenal]

What was it Scrooge said, "Are there no workhouses?"  Eb had his head screwed on, I guess.  Certainly the best response to matters these days, so close to Cratchitland.

Me, well, if braced for a handout in the lot of the mart, I will often say, "OK, here's a bill."

What they DO with it, is not my concern.  If you are reduced to begging in this (fairly) opulent economy, I don't care what you plan on buying: booze, drugs or burgers.

If we spurn our least, what can we think of ourselves?

Merry Christmas, folks.

[jerseyjay]

Some thoughts:

1. I agree that it is not a good idea to become distracted by your phone in this situation.

2. Give people money or not, as you wish. However, it seems pointless (and sort of mean spirited) to lecture people you are giving money to about the wonders of work or good manners. They don't seem to care, and the only thing it would accomplish is to anger them and make yourself feel superior.

3. Offering to give somebody money, and then deciding to not give them money, while your right (because it is your money) seems both petty and somewhat dim. Again, they probably do not care about your sense of propriety, and, as you note, could evince a really negative reaction, and at the most, will leave you feeling superior.

4. Lecturing somebody who is asking for money about the virtue of hard work seems likewise pointless and perhaps dim. And if you do tell somebody that they should apply for work at your place of employment, are you prepared to serve as a reference?

So my advice--which is based on living in a city with a large homeless population, including immediately around my home, and also having lived in several third world countries in which there is a much larger homeless population--is either give people money, or not. (I sometimes do, and I sometimes don't, and I don't pretend to have any real explanation why I sometimes do and sometimes don't.) But I would urge you to resist the temptation to use the interaction to impart a lesson to the person you are (or are not) giving money to. There is nothing to be gained from that, and there is in fact a risk in doing so. If I give somebody a dollar (or more), I do not assume that gives me any particular right to lecture that person on how to use the money or how to live their life.

[lightning]

I have alluded to the reality that I live in a depressed city, full of poverty and loads of drugs/ users.  And such folks regularly solicit donations in the parking lot of Big Box Retail Emporium where I have my night job, at lofty wage.  Several times I have been solicited for such donations by obviously addicted people, and customers regularly complain about being harassed by such solicitors in the PL as well.  Tonight, after a long Christmastide shift, mostly standing of course, I walked out of the store at c. 11:10pm, and got into my car, which was not able to be parked particularly close to the bldg.  As I was checking my phone before leaving, a woman who I had passed on the way out, again an obviously addicted one, who had been too late to enter the now closed store, suddenly appeared at the door, somewhat startling me.  Cig in hand, she gave me a line about wanting money for her and her BF to get food at the nearby McDs, set to close at midnight.  SHe was not polite about it either, and I was curt, but decided to give her two bucks, something I do not always do.  I also told her not to approach a car like this, in the dark, as it could produce a depressing  reaction from the driver.  She was nonplussed and asked for more money, which I did not give her.  She then called me an 'asshole' under her breath as she nonetheless took my two bucks, which I felt like changing my mind about giving her (I did change my mind about a donation once last year, after a guy laid into me with a tirade).  I have refrained from ever suggesting that the addict  in question enter the store and apply for employment, even though I have thought about it.  What  are your thoughts here?

The Wal-mart near our campus, where all the college kids shop, has the most panhandlers of any Wal-mart in our metro area. They come out between the hours of sundown and and 11-ish. I sometimes go there, sometimes at 11-ish. At that hour, I walk fast and confidently in the parking lot, I alertly get in and out of my car very quickly, tossing my purchases into the passenger side front seat, and then I start the car up and vamoose out of my spot before a panhandler can approach.

[Wahoo Redux]

I grew up on the West coast where the homeless are thick on the ground.  I actually had a homeless sister after she got so out of control no one could help her.  I don't want to sound judgmental, because there are all sorts of 'there-but-for-the-grace-of-God' reasons that people are homeless, but the theory for some is that giving money does not actually help people get help, it simply propagates the problem.

That, and the homeless can be dangerous----no all, certainly, but you never know.

[fishbrains]

I have alluded to the reality that I live in a depressed city, full of poverty and loads of drugs/ users.  And such folks regularly solicit donations in the parking lot of Big Box Retail Emporium where I have my night job, at lofty wage.  Several times I have been solicited for such donations by obviously addicted people, and customers regularly complain about being harassed by such solicitors in the PL as well.  Tonight, after a long Christmastide shift, mostly standing of course, I walked out of the store at c. 11:10pm, and got into my car, which was not able to be parked particularly close to the bldg.  As I was checking my phone before leaving, a woman who I had passed on the way out, again an obviously addicted one, who had been too late to enter the now closed store, suddenly appeared at the door, somewhat startling me.  Cig in hand, she gave me a line about wanting money for her and her BF to get food at the nearby McDs, set to close at midnight.  SHe was not polite about it either, and I was curt, but decided to give her two bucks, something I do not always do.  I also told her not to approach a car like this, in the dark, as it could produce a depressing  reaction from the driver.  She was nonplussed and asked for more money, which I did not give her.  She then called me an 'asshole' under her breath as she nonetheless took my two bucks, which I felt like changing my mind about giving her (I did change my mind about a donation once last year, after a guy laid into me with a tirade).  I have refrained from ever suggesting that the addict  in question enter the store and apply for employment, even though I have thought about it.  What  are your thoughts here?

The Wal-mart near our campus, where all the college kids shop, has the most panhandlers of any Wal-mart in our metro area. They come out between the hours of sundown and and 11-ish. I sometimes go there, sometimes at 11-ish. At that hour, I walk fast and confidently in the parking lot, I alertly get in and out of my car very quickly, tossing my purchases into the passenger side front seat, and then I start the car up and vamoose out of my spot before a panhandler can approach.

Wally-hell after 10:00 pm has never been a particularly safe place to be. Of course, I'm so old I remember when Walmart wasn't 24/7. Okay, I remember when Walmarts were kind of rare and exotic. I'm just old . . .