I'm used to working too hard. How do I celebrate?

[adel9216]

Hello,

I've noticed that I have a hard time celebrating my successes. People around me have noticed too.

I'm very accomplished for a doctoral student. I am a first-generation university graduate, and I have many tenured and adjunct professors who tell me that I am stronger intellectually than some tenured profs. They tell me they're not worried for me, that I will be able to find a job. I don't want to take their words for granted, although I appreciate the trust.

I've recently secured an extremely prestigious scholarship, but for some reason, I'm not celebrating because I'm thinking of how many more steps I have ahead to achieve my goal of completing my PhD. I think I'm used to working too hard and I take life a bit too seriously. I'm very passionate about research and work. I sincerely love what I do. But last year, it tricked me, I had to slow down in order to incorporate self-care in my routine to avoid complete burn out. But celebrating is not part of it yet. I am unsure how to celebrate to be honest. I am unsure if I actually deserve to celebrate myself when I've got so much work left to do.

When I achieve these milestones, it's hard for me extremely joyful because I've worked so hard my entire life to be where I am so I struggle to appreciate the process.

[Vkw10]

People celebrate success in different ways, some of which may not feel celebratory to most people. My partner celebrates successes by scheduling a visit to walk a labyrinth, a form of mediation he finds deeply refreshing. My mother celebrated by visiting an old family cemetery and tending graves of relatives who had even fewer opportunities than she had. I design and make quilt squares to celebrate achievements, something I enjoy that gives me a tangible reminder of past successes when I stitch my quilts together and for years later.

What would be meaningful to you in rewarding yourself and celebrating your achievements?

[polly_mer]

Taking a deep breath after modest accomplishments because life is a marathon is a good practice.

Getting a paper accepted or a chapter of the dissertation done may warrant knocking off early on the next Friday or maybe even a Wednesday.  I love a bubble bath with a new novel and a refreshing glass of lemonade.

Maybe winning the fellowship is worth having friends over Sunday afternoon for board games and the good snacks.  When you start the fellowship, have another gathering to mark the change.

Expecting joy and being disappointed may mean the external accomplishments are not really important to you.  Now might be a time to reflect on how much you are enjoying your real life now and how much you are expecting to be happy someday after reaching a given status. 

Always living for some future status is not usually a good path to a happy life.  Listen to your gut if you are regularly being praised and not feeling it because there are so many steps left before you can be happy.

[doc700]

I am in the sciences and I have a lot more rejection that I have success.  In graduate school I would try experiments hundreds of time before I could get it to work out.  As a faculty member, many more grants are rejected than accepted.

I have a folder on my computer of "good news."  It has a screenshot of the data coming up on the computer the first time I got my project to (partially) work out, an email I saved from a senior scientist I respect telling me he was impressed by my data, the email from my first first-author paper being accepted.  I wouldn't so much celebrate with a party in the moment when those things happened but hold onto them for when I got discouraged and needed a pick me up.

[hmaria1609]

Chime on pollymer's comment. Treat yourself to a delicious treat, take a day road trip somewhere, buy something new (big or small), or just relax with a good book or TV series you've missed.

[adel9216]

I took a walk in the woods and ate Mcdonalds while watching a short fun webinar online haha. That's how I celebrate !

[Mobius]

I hope academics aren't telling their grad students they'll find a job. I know they are trying to motivate, but in this job market...

[polly_mer]

I hope academics aren't telling their grad students they'll find a job. I know they are trying to motivate, but in this job market...

adel9216 is at least in a field where good non-academic jobs exist.

Whether adel9216 is on a path to one of those good jobs either inside or outside academia remains to be seen.

[Wahoo Redux]

Keep on working.  To the victors go the spoils.  One way to strive for balance is to make sure you go out with friends.  Plan a night out (within COVID safety rules, of course) as a way to coerce yourself into having fun.

[adel9216]

I hope academics aren't telling their grad students they'll find a job. I know they are trying to motivate, but in this job market...

adel9216 is at least in a field where good non-academic jobs exist.

Whether adel9216 is on a path to one of those good jobs either inside or outside academia remains to be seen.

Yes, indeed. I don't have the pressure to be in academia at all costs. I'm happy where I ended up, but I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place lol. I'll go where life takes me :)

[AJ_Katz]

I've recently secured an extremely prestigious scholarship, but for some reason, I'm not celebrating because I'm thinking of how many more steps I have ahead to achieve my goal of completing my PhD. I think I'm used to working too hard and I take life a bit too seriously.
...
I am unsure if I actually deserve to celebrate myself when I've got so much work left to do.

That sounds pretty normal to me!  Update your CV and keep going.  As others mentioned, it's a marathon.  Good to celebrate small victories and hang onto those letters so you have a box of "positive comments" that you can refer to.  I keep a folder like that with important award notices and have a wall of letters from past students to keep my spirits up.

I'll go where life takes me :)

That's an interesting comment from someone who says that they think they take life too seriously.  Is it possible that these accomplishments and praise simply make you feel obligated to succeed and under spotlight of attention to maintain a high level of performance?  I could see how that type of thought process would definitely take away the satisfaction of an accomplishment.  Perhaps if you developed career goals for after graduation, you might be able to refocus and not feel the pressure as much.

For me, I maintain a mix of short- and long-term career goals, some of them stretching out to 15-20 years from now.  Accomplishing one of those career goals or receiving a recognition is good, but it is simply a step along the way, so although I celebrate them in my own way (by updating my CV), I just keep on doing the daily routine.  Big goals and accomplishments are not achieved through short bursts of focused energy, it's from consistency in performance over time.

Best of luck!