Oh, Well, Why Not? A Lonely Hearts Thread Redux...

[mamselle]

After AGAIN mis-reading the last word of the "Ventilation and Filtration" thread as "Flirtation," I figured I should follow my own Freudian slips down to the lingerie department and start this thread.

I don't have that much to say, myself; I've been so busy over the past few years with my own work, and teaching, and so on, that I'm not really looking.

At least, I keep saying that.

The activities I once joined, in part to see if there were any uncaught fish in the sea, mostly because I just liked doing them, were interactive--swing dance, in particular, would be hard to do in lockdown, although I've been active with the online folk dance group because those can be done by oneself--and I finally hit the point where I realized maybe I really wasn't looking all that hard anymore, anyway.

And then someone shows up here or there, in real life or online, and one still says, "Hm. Maybe."

So maybe I haven't really stopped looking after all.

Anyone else? 

This may not get as steamy or as fraught as its ancestor CHE thread did--or it might--but it seems like a good idea for the moment.

So--have at it, if you wish!

M.

[mamselle]

Oh, dear...where is everyone?

I suppose the answer is that more people are in permanent or strongly-settled relationships of one kind or another, so there's less angsty fodder for discussion, then on the Formerum.

But I did think there might be more posts...maybe it's the kind of thread that takes more curation.

Anyway, I came over to post that I just had one of the oddest sweet-silly-probably-meaningless email comments I think I've ever had.

Long-time friend, colleague who's more advanced in many areas than I am, but does make um...interesting choices when it comes to partnering (like, of those I know about, an already-married performance partner, and a prospective immigrant clearly (to all but this person themselves) marrying for a green card (who indeed took off the day the ink dried on the INS certificate), etc.)

So I'd be leery of my own sanity if I took this too seriously...

But this is a new one: I've never had anyone design a crossword puzzle for me, (or put more specifically, "with you in mind") before...

I'm bemused, sort of touched, and...um....yeah....Not what I expected when I returned it with the requested comments, notes, etc.

On the one hand (Tevye pilpel warning)...how sweet.

On the other...hunh.....hmmmmm????

M.

[quasihumanist]

Well I think I posted on the other one a few months back about a college friend I had gotten back in touch with, back before I visited her during that summer pre-Delta lull.

We've been strictly friends so far, but somehow the situation is still unclear.  She's visiting for the Presidents Day weekend.

[mamselle]

Hope that goes in the best way possible...whatever that turns out to be!

M.

[quasihumanist]

We were romantically interested.  We've decided it won't work out.  In between we even had time to fight and make up.

We're closer friends for it though.

[mamselle]

We were romantically interested.  We've decided it won't work out.  In between we even had time to fight and make up.

We're closer friends for it though.

So that sounds like a helpful outcome.

I'm impressed that you can remain friends.

The few situations I've been in where there wasn't just a blatant, obvious "no-go" issue, things just kind of drifted apart afterwards.

The tag of a song I once wrote was, "Good friends make better lovers, but when lovin's ended, are you still befriended?"

Sounds like you are...glad to hear it.

M.

[quasihumanist]

We were romantically interested.  We've decided it won't work out.  In between we even had time to fight and make up.

We're closer friends for it though.

So that sounds like a helpful outcome.

I'm impressed that you can remain friends.

The few situations I've been in where there wasn't just a blatant, obvious "no-go" issue, things just kind of drifted apart afterwards.

The tag of a song I once wrote was, "Good friends make better lovers, but when lovin's ended, are you still befriended?"

Sounds like you are...glad to hear it.

M.

I'm visiting tomorrow, as the first stop on my Spring Break travels.

We're hoping for lunch on Sunday with another friend of mine I went on a few dates with a few years ago, who happens to live in the same city.  (They don't know each other.)

[mamselle]

Good for all three of you.

Hope it goes well and you all enjoy your time together.

M.

[quasihumanist]

Update: We're still emailing at least every day.  I think we still both have feelings.  Maybe we'll work out some of the problems while absolutely definitely not in a relationship.  Hopefully it doesn't turn messy.

[mamselle]

Dare I say it sounds, um, quasi-hopeful?

Hope it works out in the best way possible for both of you, realizing that no-one--including those involved--always know for certain exactly what that is all the time.

M.

[mamselle]

Re-opening this thread, which seems conterminous with one just opened....

M.

[RatGuy]

Reviving this thread to say that tonight I'm going on my first first date in more than ten years. I wonder how much dating trends have changed since then

[little bongo]

Well done, RatGuy!

[ab_grp]

Good luck, RatGuy! It can be hard to get back out there because dating really does change a lot (and sometimes it's just hard to do after being with someone for a long time), but I hope you have a very enjoyable evening no matter what.

[RatGuy]

Good luck, RatGuy! It can be hard to get back out there because dating really does change a lot (and sometimes it's just hard to do after being with someone for a long time), but I hope you have a very enjoyable evening no matter what.

Thanks, it went well. One thing that I could appreciate was the lack of ambiguity -- I didn't have to wonder what she was thinking or have to parse out subtext or significance of actions. It also helps that I know what I like and want out of a relationship (and a clearer understanding of who I am as a person) makes communication easier. In other words, feels like I wasn't playing a game.