Talking to students and colleagues like children

[Mobius]

I am more of a fan of "Is it a good idea to take on yet another project that distracts me from my thesis/dissertation?" threads. I'm not a fan of "It's your problem I have an attitude" threads.

[Caracal]

You're right that those things are hard. On the other hand, it is pretty easy to just not be a jerk. In fact, in most professional contexts, its much easier to be a reasonable, pleasant person who doesn't actively cause unnecessary problems for everyone else with weird vendettas, ego trips and rigid ideas.

In the sense of "best for your mental health and relationships with others", then it is indeed "easier".
In the sense of "automatic reaction for most people", it's definitely NOT "easier".

Hmm, that's true for me sometimes in my personal life. Professionally, I really don't find that to be true. I actually get worked up and angry about all kinds of work stuff, especially when I don't like someone's tone, or they are telling me something was my fault and I know it wasn't. Actually, these are the things I get upset about with friends and family too. The difference is that I have a pretty substantial brake on my reactions to thins like that at work. If I don't like my partner's tone, I tend to respond in the moment, often in ways that end up in an argument. When I got an obnoxious email last month from somebody in the disability services office last month who thought I had screwed something up that was actually completely their fault, I was pretty angry and tempted to write them back, tell them they were completely wrong and say something about how I didn't really appreciate getting emails falsely blaming me for their office's screw ups.

However, those people actually aren't in charge of me in any way. It doesn't really matter what they think of me. It was much easier for me to just send them the exam again and ignore the rest. If they were actually complaining to my chair or something, I would have needed to respond, but as it was, there's really no good that was going to come of escalating the situation. This isn't about what a saint I am, I spent the next three days grumbling about this to anyone who would listen. It's just that it is usually much easier to let things that don't actually matter go.

[Parasaurolophus]

It was much easier for me to just send them the exam again and ignore the rest. If they were actually complaining to my chair or something, I would have needed to respond, but as it was, there's really no good that was going to come of escalating the situation. This isn't about what a saint I am, I spent the next three days grumbling about this to anyone who would listen. It's just that it is usually much easier to let things that don't actually matter go.

Totally.

In the classroom, for example, I don't police excuses. I'm happy to grant extensions, etc. because it literally takes me 30 seconds to log on to the LMS and input the override. Having a meeting with the student, checking their documentation, etc. takes up a lot more time and energy, and tends to leave us both unhappy. My colleagues probably think I'm soft, but the reality is that it's easier on everyone, the alternative isn't necessarily pedagogically sound, and the students think of it as a great favour, which is reflected in my evaluations.

Plus, doctors hate having to write notes for students who just have a cold or flu, and having them go in for that is a real waste of time and medical resources, and makes them into a bigger vector. It's just not worth it. I'd rather get my reputation for rigour the hard way--by requiring work that's up to a high standard. (And again, that doesn't mean failing everyone; IMO it means being pretty permissive with passing grades, but having high standards for the rest.)

[Ruralguy]

I make them prove it, otherwise absenteeism would be rampant.

[Caracal]

I make them pry ove it, otherwise absenteeism would be rampant.

Usually I just drop three attendance grades a semester. Anything over that I say they should go to the dean of student's for documentation. This semester, I really haven't wanted to do anything to encourage people to come in sick, so I've just been excusing absences because of illnesses. Attendance really hasn't been bad considering. It's always strange to me how just signaling that coming to class or doing the reading is important makes such a big difference. Far more students actually do the reading if there's an online quiz or reading response, even if they could usually manage to get the right answers without actually opening the book.. Same thing with attendance.

[Ruralguy]

Well, I say I want proof, and usually it comes to me....how much I chase after it or punish that which never gets to me ....we'll, that's case by case.