Filling the World with Love

[little bongo]

I'm 59 today. Somewhere between 2/3 and 3/4 of the way through the book, more or less, if I get to go naturally. So I'll ramble for a bit, and I'll add a general question at the end.

Eleven years ago, I was four years out of grad school and just about ready to give up the academic job search. I wound up with a temporary position at a second-tier state R2, and a couple of years later it became permanent.

"What do we need to do for you to take the job?" the dean asked me.

"Ask," I replied. That was my negotiating tactic.

And I've been here since. I've been promoted a couple of times, and I'm making more money. I made it to full professor. I'm vested, which I understand is a good thing. The school isn't in the best place financially, and might be headed toward a trade school kind of structure, leaving my department probably pretty expendable. I like my colleagues and the students, so it's been a good ride so far.

The job serves as a nice break from my family. We foster-to-adopted three special-needs siblings late in our lives--they're 12, 10, and 9 now. Relations with my wife are testy. We get some financial help from the county and some therapeutic help for us and the kids. Sometimes I think it will be enough, and sometimes I don't.

And in the end, I have only one question for myself and, I guess, anyone who'd like to participate. I'll let Richard Harris ask the musical question from the not-so-great musical version of "Goodbye Mr. Chips": Did I Fill the World With Love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPzUyiAlYTg

And how do you fill the world with love? With me, I try to do the best job I can, engage with my wife and kids, and leave the fora in at least as good a condition as when I found it. It doesn't always work, but with any kind of luck, I'll have a little time to get it right.

[Puget]

Happy birthday!
I think filling the world up with love is too much to ask of any one person. If we are each just adding a little love we are doing OK. You're clearly doing that! Perhaps you need a bit more love and compassion for yourself?

[mamselle]

I knew the source of your title as soon as I saw it. Love that film, which is very different from the book, which I also loved (and actually, I like the music as well).

I agree with Puget, "filling the world" with love might be a too-tall order, but definitely believe that using your time on earth to, as our Camp Fire camp's code said, "Leave every campsite as good as, or better than, you found it," is doable.

Maybe see how to mend things that have unraveled a bit with your partner?

Be sure your will, healthcare provisos, and financial arrangements are fair, transparent, and easily found?

Focus on kind remarks and thanks to service workers whenever possible?

Call attention to beautiful moments when you see them (my dad used to do this.  He'd just stop, point, and say, "Look at that sunset, isn't that beautiful?" Even to strangers, sometimes...)

The attitude is gratitude.

M.

[little bongo]

Thanks, Puget and Mamselle--kind words and excellent advice.

[mahagonny]

I would say that where family and community are concerned (and we know these are huge responsibilities and opportunities to do good) you get high marks. Your story is mucho uplifting and laudable and covers a fair amount of ground. It's impossible for me to answer beyond that without knowing your field and your work. And I don't expect you to divulge.
We only had one child. We might have had more, but it wasn't in the cards. I think raising children is one of the best things you can do for the world. Kudos, Prof. Bongo.
My gripe with higher education today, as a whole, is the growth of Diversity staff, their heavy handedness, and the failure of academics with good, stable jobs to speak out or try reign them in, despite their standard griping about administrative bloat.
If I were asking myself the kinds of questions you are today, I would be deciding there is room for improvement in my track record of filling the world with love. But like others here, I'm not sure that's exactly the most ideal question, and I would add that sometimes in order to make sure the campsite was not left in a worse condition than when you found it, you need to be brave enough to stop a troublemaker. According to the late P. J. O'Rourke, what the world needs now is not more love. It needs us to learn to leave each other alone a little more often. He adds 'whose bright idea was it to create a scenario (internet, social media) where everyone can get in touch with everyone else, instantly, all day long?' LOL
Happy birthday.
ETA: And sure, someone will probably point out that I've used your thread to sound out about a pet peeve, and so I preemptively counter that, with elections three weeks away, what I have expressed concern about is already big news, and the democrats themselves are buzzing about it.
"When we're talking about putting together ... durable majorities, we have to be able to speak to everybody about their common interests," Obama said in an interview with "Pod Save America." "Where we get into trouble sometimes is when we try to suggest that some groups are more — because they historically have been victimized more, that somehow they have a status that's different than other people.   

'"And that we're going around scolding folks if they don't use exactly the right phrase, or that identity politics becomes the principal lens through which we view our various political challenges," he said.   
"Sometimes Democrats are [a buzzkill]," Obama observed'  - Barack Obama

https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/3695023-democrats-ready-for-midterm-blame-game/

What on earth prompts me to delve into politics here? Simply this. If you are a non-STEM fields academic today you are at least part of the US population that is the most politically liberal (today that means 'activist'), and influentially so. Play it down if you like; the world watches.

[mahagonny]

con't...of course, it's possible you like what these hyperactive administrators are up to. In that case all I can say is, perhaps we live in different worlds!

[little bongo]

Thanks for the birthday wishes and the kind words about work and family. As for the political stuff--well, I don't think we're in different worlds exactly, although we definitely see things differently. Keep stopping troublemakers as best you can, even if one of them turns out to be me.

[mahagonny]

Well, if (and I say clearly, if) you're one of those many academic knuckleheads who's promoting the "America is hopelessly racist against black people and need to be radically changed, now" nonsense, or the 'gender-affirming' mutilation of children, and maybe getting rich off it too, then I hope I won't be alone in stopping you. Could be the voters next month. Could even be Smokey the Bear.
I think you should continue filling the world with love as you see fit. At least you're starting out with a good idea, and I see you've had some success already. Wishing you and family good health.

[lightning]

At our jobs, the small micro-interactions mean more than we think. Every instance where we open our mouth, walk by someone in the hallway, work with someone, etc, is an opportunity to make someone's life just a little bit sunnier. Some micro-interactions can unknowingly make someone feel better that day, or make them feel that they belong in the community, or make them feel inspired to try a little harder, or try to be a better person, etc. You never know. Conversely, some small micro-interactions can have a negative effect, unknowingly. Being aware of those dis-opportunities and avoiding them, can help with the opportunities to fill the world with love. I'm pretty sure, little bongo, that you would have no problem with filling the world with love.

And, yes, sometimes, in order to fill the world with love, you have to stand up for it. And, some people will never like that.