I've always been a terrible listener. Is it hopeless?

[smallcleanrat]

There's nothing wrong with my hearing, but there's much wrong with my ability to follow the spoken word.

I felt prompted to make this post after coming home from a journal club today utterly frustrated with how little of the discussion I was able to understand. This is the norm for me, and I hate it. It's rare that I can follow a group discussion, a lecture, or a seminar from beginning to end.

I fare better with one-on-one conversations, but even with these I struggle. I often need to ask the other person to repeat themselves. And I stall with a lot of um's and ah's when it's my turn to talk because I'm still processing what the other person has said.

I also have a hard time with movies and television, although I have noticed I do somewhat better when closed-captions are turned on.

I've been like this my entire life, and it's embarrassing that I still don't know what to do about it. I don't even know if there is anything I can do about it. I try hard to pay attention, but trying hard clearly isn't cutting it.

ADHD may have something to do with it. Additionally, the psychologist who did my recent neuropsych testing told me my information processing speed was significantly worse than my verbal abilities ('so you may find you have a harder time than you might expect given your strong vocabulary and verbal reasoning'). She said this is not uncommon in people with autism.

So, I've got an explanation of sorts for why I have difficulties, but that doesn't tell me how to overcome those difficulties.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

[Parasaurolophus]

I'm afraid I don't have any experience or insight to offer (though I do have strategies for faking it with academic talks!), but your remark about closed captions leads me to wonder... how are you with note-taking? Because if that's better, then taking notes might be one way to outsource your attention a bit, and give you a way to have key points repeated as many times as you need.

[Hegemony]

That does sound consonant with ADHD. You might consider trying ADHD meds if you have no opposition to them. Some of my ADHD friends say they are finally able to focus and it's like a veil has dropped from their faces.

The other aspect sounds like slow processing. My son has that, and it does indeed take him time to process and respond. It has made me a lot more patient with slow test-takers! And I know in rapid-fire conversations he sometimes gets left behind. The up side is that when he finally articulates what he's thinking, he's just as acute as anyone in the conversation, and often more so.

I don't mean to be dismissive of your difficulties with this, but another thing to think about is that pretty much everyone has their little conversational oddities, and we're all most aware of our own. Mine is a kind of stutter getting started, in which I repeat words: "I think I'm going — going — going to go into town now..." I have a friend who always repeats the last word of what you say. I have another friend who simply cannot wait for anyone to get to the end of a sentence before jumping in. And so on. We're all bringing our little quirks to the table.

And not just our conversational quirks. For instance, I have face blindness, so that I often introduce myself to people I know well and mix up the plots of movies because I can't tell the actors apart. My head of department cannot tell time, I mean literally he cannot figure out a clock or a watch, and has to ask someone what time it is every time. Another friend has partial deafness but attempts to hide it from everyone, so that conversations go "Hi, Bill!" "Yes, sure is!" And so on.

However, if it gets in your way, there are certainly strategies — note-taking, meds, repeating things back, and so on. It would probably make a great topic of conversation with folks, because a whole lot of people have ADHD and have developed a whole lot of strategies to approach it.

[secundem_artem]

Perhaps also have your hearing checked in case you may have some issues there.  Mrs Artem is forever accusing me of "not listening".  It's just that it takes me a half second to realize somebody is talking to me and by the time I figure that out, I have no idea what she said. 

FWIW -- ADHD meds are in short supply nationally and frequently backordered.  You can thank the DEA in part for that mess.  They are a law enforcement agency with zero understanding (or interest) in healthcare.

[Anselm]

Thanks for the original and interesting topic for discussion.  Now I feel a bit better talking about this. I tend to get lost listening to sermons, lectures and graduation speeches.  However, I can listen very well to people speaking on the radio, TV or audiobook.  This is why as a student I had to read the textbooks and teach the subjects to myself.   This could be ADHD, neurodiversity or something with the sound quality.  In the past it could also be due to untreated sleep apnea.  Maybe I should train my brain to pay attention better?  Who knows?  I am in middle age and I have managed to survive to this point.  I do recall that in my younger years I would mentally repeat to myself the words being spoken but I don't seem to be doing that anymore.  Maybe I need to do that again.

[smallcleanrat]

I'm afraid I don't have any experience or insight to offer (though I do have strategies for faking it with academic talks!), but your remark about closed captions leads me to wonder... how are you with note-taking? Because if that's better, then taking notes might be one way to outsource your attention a bit, and give you a way to have key points repeated as many times as you need.

I try to take notes; it can help, but it often falls apart 5-10 minutes in. Once I lose the thread of what's being said it's really hard to find it again.

I'm curious about your "faking it" strategies.

Hegemony, I am currently on ADHD meds and they do make a big difference. I've sat in lectures where I've made tick marks on a piece of paper to see how many times I lost track of what was being said. I was making far fewer tick marks once I started medication, but the lapses still happen often enough to get thoroughly lost during a seminar or discussion.

I brought this problem up during a support group I go to for people with mental illness, as I know there are several members who also have ADHD. I got a lot of commiseration, but the only advice I got was to take meds.

Perhaps also have your hearing checked in case you may have some issues there.  Mrs Artem is forever accusing me of "not listening".  It's just that it takes me a half second to realize somebody is talking to me and by the time I figure that out, I have no idea what she said. 

FWIW -- ADHD meds are in short supply nationally and frequently backordered.  You can thank the DEA in part for that mess.  They are a law enforcement agency with zero understanding (or interest) in healthcare.

I don't think there is a hearing issue in my case. I had my hearing checked about eight years ago and they told me it was fine, and the problem long predates that.

Thanks for the original and interesting topic for discussion.  Now I feel a bit better talking about this. I tend to get lost listening to sermons, lectures and graduation speeches.  However, I can listen very well to people speaking on the radio, TV or audiobook.  This is why as a student I had to read the textbooks and teach the subjects to myself.   This could be ADHD, neurodiversity or something with the sound quality.  In the past it could also be due to untreated sleep apnea.  Maybe I should train my brain to pay attention better?  Who knows?  I am in middle age and I have managed to survive to this point.  I do recall that in my younger years I would mentally repeat to myself the words being spoken but I don't seem to be doing that anymore.  Maybe I need to do that again.

You too? I also relied heavily on textbooks because I got so little out of lectures. I do wonder how common the problem is. When I'm struggling to follow a seminar talk, how many other people in the room are struggling too? If I could identify them, I'd talk to them about it. As it is, I'd be reluctant to admit to anyone how bad the problem is for me.

Curious about people's opinions: How bad is it to not be able to get much out of a seminar or a journal club discussion? What about lab meetings when other people are presenting their work?

I've felt like it limits my ability to expand my scientific knowledge and critical thinking when I can't participate.

[Caracal]

Not exactly, I have a really hard time hearing if there's a lot of background noise. That could be a loud room ,but if I'm watching something on TV and two people are muttering as they walk through a forest or something, I miss a lot of it. I always assumed that it was an ear problem, but I've been told various sorts of auditory processing issues are common for people with ADHD. I actually have a really good auditory memory for lectures and the like.

Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but college and early adulthood were sort of a sweet spot for me with my ADHD. I had a lot of time and space to figure out how to do things in ways that worked for me and nobody really cared how I did things as long as they got done. A lot of the strategies I developed, however, stopped working after that. When I'm in charge of a class, I can't just create organizational structures that work for me. I had to figure out how to do things in ways that didn't frustrate students which can often means doing stuff that I struggle with. Kids add a whole new layer to this stuff. I have far less time and I'm just not good at managing it and being efficient. It isn't hopeless, I think I've figured stuff out, but it can be difficult.

[Wahoo Redux]

Have you tried meditation?  I took a class from a Buddhist priestess and practiced meditation for a while.  It really helped my concentration and my ability to tune things out.  I wish I had kept it up. 

[mythbuster]

    I teach a class on science communication and one of my pet peeves is PowerPoint slides with non-informative titles (Think: Background, Results etc.). This is exactly the explanation I tell my students. No matter how dynamic a speaker you are- someone in the audience will have their mind wander off. Therefore the slide titled "Conclusions" does not help them get back on track. The slide titled "Five ways global warming can be slowed" does help the audience!
   My point is that it happens to all of us! It may happen more often to you, but given your current educational trajectory I would say you have found some good ways to counteract that.
    I would suggest having your hearing checked if it hasn't been done recently- I know you have had many medical workups recently. What you describe, especially in crowded settings seems very similar to what my mother went through before getting hearing aides.