How Can You Tell if You're Hallucinating?

[Caracal]

For all of this stuff, however, what matters is not the specific stimuli, but the meanings you attach to it.

I'm not really sure what this part means.

I just mean that most of us have slightly weird sensory things occasionally. What seems important isn't really the specific things you are describing, but that you seem pretty agitated about them. Years ago, I was having a pretty high spike of anxiety. I noticed that if I covered up an eye with my hand and used only one eye, my right eye saw things significantly brighter than my left. I was nervous enough about this to schedule a visit to the optometrist. I hadn't been in a few years so I sort of pretended to myself that I was just checking to see if my prescription had changed. After the optometrist had done the check up and given my new prescription, I casually asked about the brightness thing. I was told that is totally normal, but also I'm pretty sure she was thinking "it is normal but who the hell checks."

[smallcleanrat]

For all of this stuff, however, what matters is not the specific stimuli, but the meanings you attach to it.

I'm not really sure what this part means.

I just mean that most of us have slightly weird sensory things occasionally. What seems important isn't really the specific things you are describing, but that you seem pretty agitated about them. Years ago, I was having a pretty high spike of anxiety. I noticed that if I covered up an eye with my hand and used only one eye, my right eye saw things significantly brighter than my left. I was nervous enough about this to schedule a visit to the optometrist. I hadn't been in a few years so I sort of pretended to myself that I was just checking to see if my prescription had changed. After the optometrist had done the check up and given my new prescription, I casually asked about the brightness thing. I was told that is totally normal, but also I'm pretty sure she was thinking "it is normal but who the hell checks."

What would put something beyond "slightly weird"? Something beyond abnormally worrying about a normal thing? How can you tell what's a normal thing and what isn't?

What's making this different from what I've experienced before is that it's not so much a nebulous, hey-what-was-that sensation. I turn around fully expecting someone to be there because the touch feels so solid. The movement I see out of the corner of my eye is specifically like a person walking past (height, shape, arm-swinging motion). Yesterday I turned and saw a vague human outline in the center of my vision for a brief moment when I turned.

I followed the sound of footsteps and thought I saw a person's reflection off the window glass, but the area turned out to be empty.

Was having a conversation with my PI and a labmate and suddenly got a very strong feeling that the other people were fake, like in a simulation I couldn't exit. It became like watching a show rather than interacting with real people. Had a strong urge to touch them to see if they felt real; had enough presence of mind to not follow through with this impulse.

I didn't leave the lab until nearly 11pm because I felt scared to go outside. SO had to pick me up after his late-night class. He also seemed different and unreal somehow.

Dissociating is something I've experienced before, but recognizing it for what it is doesn't make it much more bearable.

[Wahoo Redux]

OP, you should seek out a medical professional immediately.  Please do this.

Wishing you the best.  W

[Caracal]

For all of this stuff, however, what matters is not the specific stimuli, but the meanings you attach to it.

I'm not really sure what this part means.

I just mean that most of us have slightly weird sensory things occasionally. What seems important isn't really the specific things you are describing, but that you seem pretty agitated about them. Years ago, I was having a pretty high spike of anxiety. I noticed that if I covered up an eye with my hand and used only one eye, my right eye saw things significantly brighter than my left. I was nervous enough about this to schedule a visit to the optometrist. I hadn't been in a few years so I sort of pretended to myself that I was just checking to see if my prescription had changed. After the optometrist had done the check up and given my new prescription, I casually asked about the brightness thing. I was told that is totally normal, but also I'm pretty sure she was thinking "it is normal but who the hell checks."

What would put something beyond "slightly weird"? Something beyond abnormally worrying about a normal thing? How can you tell what's a normal thing and what isn't?

What's making this different from what I've experienced before is that it's not so much a nebulous, hey-what-was-that sensation. I turn around fully expecting someone to be there because the touch feels so solid. The movement I see out of the corner of my eye is specifically like a person walking past (height, shape, arm-swinging motion). Yesterday I turned and saw a vague human outline in the center of my vision for a brief moment when I turned.

I followed the sound of footsteps and thought I saw a person's reflection off the window glass, but the area turned out to be empty.

Was having a conversation with my PI and a labmate and suddenly got a very strong feeling that the other people were fake, like in a simulation I couldn't exit. It became like watching a show rather than interacting with real people. Had a strong urge to touch them to see if they felt real; had enough presence of mind to not follow through with this impulse.

I didn't leave the lab until nearly 11pm because I felt scared to go outside. SO had to pick me up after his late-night class. He also seemed different and unreal somehow.

Dissociating is something I've experienced before, but recognizing it for what it is doesn't make it much more bearable.

Trying to think your way out of mental health problems never works. I suspect academics are particularly prone to this, because collecting evidence and putting it together into a coherent picture is what we do for our job. I always think that if I can really understand what is happening then I can fix it, but all that does is send you deeper into the weeds. It seems clear that whatever is going on is causing you a lot of distress and having a significant impact on your ability to go about your life. You don't mention anything about feelings of harming yourself or anyone else, but if any of that is involved you should get immediate help. If that isn't the case, I hope you have been able to discuss all this with your SO. It seems like it would be a good thing if there was someone around who was keeping an eye on things.

[smallcleanrat]

Trying to think your way out of mental health problems never works. I suspect academics are particularly prone to this, because collecting evidence and putting it together into a coherent picture is what we do for our job. I always think that if I can really understand what is happening then I can fix it, but all that does is send you deeper into the weeds. It seems clear that whatever is going on is causing you a lot of distress and having a significant impact on your ability to go about your life. You don't mention anything about feelings of harming yourself or anyone else, but if any of that is involved you should get immediate help. If that isn't the case, I hope you have been able to discuss all this with your SO. It seems like it would be a good thing if there was someone around who was keeping an eye on things.

Caracal, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult, but I really don't understand this. If you don't think to solve a problem, what do you do?

Practically every therapeutic technique that has ever helped me involves some type of thought: evaluating the situation, attempting to recognize when your thinking might be distorted, behaving rationally instead of reactively...

Thinking keeps me functioning. Thinking keeps me alive. When nothing feels real you can lose your sense of danger: walk into traffic, jump off a building, why not? If nothing is real, there are no consequences. If I can't trust my senses or intuition because they are sending distorted signals, what is a non-thinking solution?

[mahagonny]

Trying to think your way out of mental health problems never works. I suspect academics are particularly prone to this, because collecting evidence and putting it together into a coherent picture is what we do for our job. I always think that if I can really understand what is happening then I can fix it, but all that does is send you deeper into the weeds. It seems clear that whatever is going on is causing you a lot of distress and having a significant impact on your ability to go about your life. You don't mention anything about feelings of harming yourself or anyone else, but if any of that is involved you should get immediate help. If that isn't the case, I hope you have been able to discuss all this with your SO. It seems like it would be a good thing if there was someone around who was keeping an eye on things.

Caracal, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult, but I really don't understand this. If you don't think to solve a problem, what do you do?

Practically every therapeutic technique that has ever helped me involves some type of thought: evaluating the situation, attempting to recognize when your thinking might be distorted, behaving rationally instead of reactively...

Thinking keeps me functioning. Thinking keeps me alive. When nothing feels real you can lose your sense of danger: walk into traffic, jump off a building, why not? If nothing is real, there are no consequences. If I can't trust my senses or intuition because they are sending distorted signals, what is a non-thinking solution?

Keep thinking, but get a professional to assess your condition. I wondered if you are working while sleep-deprived. But you'll have an exam, and they'll ask you what they need to know.

[hungry_ghost]

The other suggestion I found was ghosts. Those would be some pretty bored ghosts. Who haunts a grad student?

Well.
Who haunts a grad student? Bored ghosts?
Well. Um.
But, it wasn't me, promise.

Good luck sorting this out, wishing you brilliant, attentive, and insightful doctors who are able to give you sound medical advice.

[Caracal]

Trying to think your way out of mental health problems never works. I suspect academics are particularly prone to this, because collecting evidence and putting it together into a coherent picture is what we do for our job. I always think that if I can really understand what is happening then I can fix it, but all that does is send you deeper into the weeds. It seems clear that whatever is going on is causing you a lot of distress and having a significant impact on your ability to go about your life. You don't mention anything about feelings of harming yourself or anyone else, but if any of that is involved you should get immediate help. If that isn't the case, I hope you have been able to discuss all this with your SO. It seems like it would be a good thing if there was someone around who was keeping an eye on things.

Caracal, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult, but I really don't understand this. If you don't think to solve a problem, what do you do?

Practically every therapeutic technique that has ever helped me involves some type of thought: evaluating the situation, attempting to recognize when your thinking might be distorted, behaving rationally instead of reactively...

Thinking keeps me functioning. Thinking keeps me alive. When nothing feels real you can lose your sense of danger: walk into traffic, jump off a building, why not? If nothing is real, there are no consequences. If I can't trust my senses or intuition because they are sending distorted signals, what is a non-thinking solution?

Right, and obviously there's a role for that. It is good that you understand that something is off and you are not perceiving things accurately. But it also seems like you are spinning out trying to figure this out in terms of these questions about what is normal and not and how you can understand reality. You aren't going to be able to figure this out because you don't have perspective and it sounds like trying to is just making the whole thing worse. I'm not sure when your appointment is, but I'd really urge you to try to get in to see someone sooner.

[Hegemony]

I just want to add that it may be something, or it may not. I remember a report about the number of people who "hear voices" but don't report it because they fear they're going crazy. It appears that a certain percentage of people tend to hear voices without any other symptoms, and that's that. Ten percent or something. I also encourage you to look for what has been called, justifiably, the most beautiful academic article ever written: Carlos E. Sluzki, "Saudades at the Edge of the Self and the Merits of 'Portable Families'," Transcultural Psychiatry 45 (2008), 379- (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1363461508094672 behind a paywall, but probably available via your library site). He starts out with how his cat has recently died and yet he keeps thinking he sees her, and goes on to explore related phenomena.

[Puget]

I'd say in the context of the depression you've discussed on other threads this is definitely something and not nothing. Delusions and hallucinations are not that uncommon in severe depression (these are called "psychotic features" which does NOT mean you have schizophrenia-- they generally resolve when the depression gets better). That doesn't mean panic, but it does mean go see your psychiatrist as soon as possible and give a complete and accurate description-- if it's easier, print your post here describing these phenomena and bring it with you.

[mouseman]

What would put something beyond "slightly weird"? Something beyond abnormally worrying about a normal thing? How can you tell what's a normal thing and what isn't?

What's making this different from what I've experienced before is that it's not so much a nebulous, hey-what-was-that sensation. I turn around fully expecting someone to be there because the touch feels so solid. The movement I see out of the corner of my eye is specifically like a person walking past (height, shape, arm-swinging motion). Yesterday I turned and saw a vague human outline in the center of my vision for a brief moment when I turned.

I followed the sound of footsteps and thought I saw a person's reflection off the window glass, but the area turned out to be empty.

Was having a conversation with my PI and a labmate and suddenly got a very strong feeling that the other people were fake, like in a simulation I couldn't exit. It became like watching a show rather than interacting with real people. Had a strong urge to touch them to see if they felt real; had enough presence of mind to not follow through with this impulse.

I didn't leave the lab until nearly 11pm because I felt scared to go outside. SO had to pick me up after his late-night class. He also seemed different and unreal somehow.

Dissociating is something I've experienced before, but recognizing it for what it is doesn't make it much more bearable.

To answer your question on your OP - you cannot. However, what you describe sounds like hallucinations, at least the tactile ones (the feeling of somebody tapping your shoulder).

When are you seeing your doctor? See if you could move the appointment up.

Only a professional can give you a real diagnosis, but it is obvious that your are going through something extremely unpleasant, and you need to get a diagnosis and treatment as soon as you can. Whatever is happening to you is severely limiting your capability to function, and, based on what you are posting here, is not going away. There are many conditions which can result in hallucinations and disassociation, and all of them need treatment of one type or another. Most likely it is your depression coupled with panic attacks, and being generally overwhelmed.

In the meantime, don't drive, avoid dealing with any lab equipment which could cause you harm if you dropped it, and, in general, try and take things easy until you see your doctor. I hope you have told your SO about what is going on with you. You may need to take a day or two off for some serious self-care, unless you think that being home alone would be worse for you.

I will echo Puget's advice - write all of this down now. Give it to your SO and bring it with you to the doctor's appointment.

A few more things:

A. change your therapist and your psychiatrist

B. your SO is there for you.

C. we're here for you

D. take care of yourself.

[mahagonny]

I didn't leave the lab until nearly 11pm because I felt scared to go outside. SO had to pick me up after his late-night class. He also seemed different and unreal somehow.

Sometimes it makes one more comfortable to have a label or a name for the ailment. Your first sentence sounds to me like panic attack. Your second sentence is derealization disorder. One can trigger the other. These are not insanity.

Thinking keeps me functioning. Thinking keeps me alive. When nothing feels real you can lose your sense of danger: walk into traffic, jump off a building, why not? If nothing is real, there are no consequences. If I can't trust my senses or intuition because they are sending distorted signals, what is a non-thinking solution?

This part, especially, reading it again, is derealization. The sensation that nothing is real, everything that happens seems inevitable, preordained, the moment it happens, and also completely without purpose, is frightening. I know because I had it in my early twenties. You think and think because you are fighting the anxiety. The thinking is the problem, in a way. But it's not your fault. It was triggered. With me, all of this happened as a response to severe emotional trauma. The mind is making your world flat, without meaning, to protect itself, somehow. But you don't have to learn anything to get better. You need someone watching you, and most likely you'll be medicated. Medication, properly prescribed, is your friend. And so is time. For me it was valium. But that was ages ago. They have better things now. Feel free to send private message if that helps. I am not professional, just a patient.
P. S. At the same time, don't let the labels, e.g. major depression, derealization, depersonalization, panic attack, concern you too much. They are constructs; they evolve - approximate things. No two of us are alike!

[bopper]

It could also be a Vertigo/inner ear/balance issue

[zuzu_]

Hallucinations are very common. Many mentally healthy people have hallucinations. Obviously it can become a problem if it causes distress, affects your life in negative ways, or is accompanied by other troubling symptoms that might indicate something pathological going on. But you may just be normal.

Two great articles that give a layperson's overview of the research on this:
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/hallucinations-hearing-voices-reality-debate/571819/
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/06/psychics-hearing-voices/531582/

Get checked out, but don't let people (including medical professionals) overreact if these aren't disrupting your life in a significant way.

[downer]

"Hallucinations" covers all sorts of phenomena. There's plenty of research on auditory hallucinations -- "hearing voices."

The OP's experience sounds very different from that. Kinaesthetic I guess. It reminds me a little of some "phantom limb" experience.

I'm generally one to wait to see if problems go away rather than see a doctor, so long as they are not disabling me. But if you have good health insurance, I'd be inclined to get it checked out.