the "things you wish you could say" thread

[ergative]

You don't get any brownie points for responding to the email in one minute if your response is incomplete. We asked for office hour times and zoom links. Responding with 'Thursdays at 11, thanks!' only means that I'm going to have to chase you up later for the zoom link. Your half-response makes more work for me than if you had just waited until you had access to your zoom account and sent me the bloody link!

Oh my god you did it again. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RESPOND RIGHT AWAY. Just give me the COMPLETE response by the DEADLINE.

[downer]

Dear student
I hear you. I am sure you don't want to fail. But you didn't even log into the LMS for the first 2 weeks of the semester. "Web browser problems" is not an excuse, and you didn't email me about them anyway. So don't be surprised by my unsympathetic attitude.

[Langue_doc]

Dear student who sent me six repetitive emails on the same topic between yesterday afternoon and this morning, are you reading my responses? Are you so clueless as to think that " I was so busy with my other courses that I didn't see your assignment " is an appropriate response?

[Vkw10]

Dear student who must complete a 120 hour practicum to complete degree in professional program offered at NotMyU, I agreed to supervise your practicum. I've done the paperwork. I'm not going to change my mind about working nights and weekends in order to accommodate your scheduling preferences. Grow up. - Dr. Unaccommodating. (Copied to Practicum Faculty at NotMyU)

[downer]

Dear Prof Pierce
CHE no longer allows comments on articles. So let me say here was a silly article you wrote for them at
https://www.chronicle.com/article/how-can-we-trust-administrators
You write "as a scholar of queer studies, Latin American studies, and Indigenous studies, my teaching asks questions about how power functions." You write about the hyprocricy of administrative discourse. You write about the neoliberalist university. What your article lacks is an argument and evidence for a conclusion.
Indeed, it is clear from your perspective that we can never trust administrators about anything. Yet you decide to work for them.
We do indeed live in a culture of bullshit that administrators do spread liberally. That's the nature of the beast. You are part of the SUNY system, which excels in bullshit. This is not exactly a revelation.
The thing is, your article is bullshit too. You don't actually have anything to say, just a bunch of whiny emoting. And StonyBrook gave you tenure? Wow.

[ergative]

There are OVER SEVENTY of us in this zoom meeting. We all have our cameras and mics off while we listen to this excruciating powerpoint presentation. You don't need to tell us in chat that you're sorry you have to duck out to pick the kids up from school. I promise--no one will even notice you've left. Seize your freedom! Run!

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Who thought it was a good idea to have ALL (several hundred) of the faculty meet IN PERSON next month? Really? Have you not been watching the news, or paid even the tiniest bit of attention to what's been going on in the world?

[OneMoreYear]

Who thought it was a good idea to have ALL (several hundred) of the faculty meet IN PERSON next month? Really? Have you not been watching the news, or paid even the tiniest bit of attention to what's been going on in the world?

I don't know what your college/university is thinking, but I'm pretty sure mine is thinking something like this:
Of course you are required to attend this in-person faculty meeting with several hundred faculty.  How can we justify making students attend in-person classes in rooms that are at FULL CAPACITY (or more than full capacity, but just ignore that, nothing to see here) without a vaccine mandate during a pandemic if we don't also require faculty to attend in-person meetings en mass? WE ARE BACK TO NORMAL! Haven't you been reading all of your happy emails from the administration about how back to normal we are?

[FishProf]

Look deadwood colleague, it's really simple.  YOU were supposed to email FOUR different people (current chair, future chair, dean, provost) by date X if you wanted to do Post Tenure Review.

I (current chair) sent an email reminding everyone.

NOW, when you are trying to prepare your portfolio, it turns out there isn't a record of you doing so.   
Which is more likely?
1) You sent it to everyone, and they ALL have Gmail accounts that can't find it, and neither can you; or
2) You didn't send it.

I'm not chair anymore anyway, so it isn't my problem, but this is on you.

[the_geneticist]

Dear committee members,
Do you really want to hire someone into a mostly teaching position that was rude and dismissive of the students during their interview?  To me, that makes them unqualified, not a contender for top choice.  I'll work with whoever you pick, but don't be shocked if they don't last.

[AmLitHist]

Who thought it was a good idea to have ALL (several hundred) of the faculty meet IN PERSON next month? Really? Have you not been watching the news, or paid even the tiniest bit of attention to what's been going on in the world?

I don't know what your college/university is thinking, but I'm pretty sure mine is thinking something like this:
Of course you are required to attend this in-person faculty meeting with several hundred faculty.  How can we justify making students attend in-person classes in rooms that are at FULL CAPACITY (or more than full capacity, but just ignore that, nothing to see here) without a vaccine mandate during a pandemic if we don't also require faculty to attend in-person meetings en mass? WE ARE BACK TO NORMAL! Haven't you been reading all of your happy emails from the administration about how back to normal we are?

Our big meeting next month was supposed to be face to face.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, we got an email saying it has been switched to virtual.

Cool, right?

Well, it might be, except. . . .

1.  We have to be ON CAMPUS to log in to the virtual (all-day) meeting.  (Word is that they'll be checking log-in ISPs, and anyone logging in from home will be up for a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.)

2.  Anyone not attending must take a personal day (faculty get only 5 per year) or a vacation day (faculty don't get any).  NO medical leave can be used, even with proof of a doctor/medical visit that day. Otherwise, the individual will get a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.

Of course, those attending will be provided with a box lunch consisting of a stale bread, wilted brown lettuce, and hinkey-smelling cold cut sandwich, a greasy cookie, and a bag of stale pretzels, with a bottle of room-temp water. 

It'll be a personal day for me, though it means sacrificing the chance to do the 100-mile round trip and getting the lunch.  Still, one must make sacrifices, after all.

[downer]

Who thought it was a good idea to have ALL (several hundred) of the faculty meet IN PERSON next month? Really? Have you not been watching the news, or paid even the tiniest bit of attention to what's been going on in the world?

I don't know what your college/university is thinking, but I'm pretty sure mine is thinking something like this:
Of course you are required to attend this in-person faculty meeting with several hundred faculty.  How can we justify making students attend in-person classes in rooms that are at FULL CAPACITY (or more than full capacity, but just ignore that, nothing to see here) without a vaccine mandate during a pandemic if we don't also require faculty to attend in-person meetings en mass? WE ARE BACK TO NORMAL! Haven't you been reading all of your happy emails from the administration about how back to normal we are?

Our big meeting next month was supposed to be face to face.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, we got an email saying it has been switched to virtual.

Cool, right?

Well, it might be, except. . . .

1.  We have to be ON CAMPUS to log in to the virtual (all-day) meeting.  (Word is that they'll be checking log-in ISPs, and anyone logging in from home will be up for a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.)

2.  Anyone not attending must take a personal day (faculty get only 5 per year) or a vacation day (faculty don't get any).  NO medical leave can be used, even with proof of a doctor/medical visit that day. Otherwise, the individual will get a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.

Of course, those attending will be provided with a box lunch consisting of a stale bread, wilted brown lettuce, and hinkey-smelling cold cut sandwich, a greasy cookie, and a bag of stale pretzels, with a bottle of room-temp water. 

It'll be a personal day for me, though it means sacrificing the chance to do the 100-mile round trip and getting the lunch.  Still, one must make sacrifices, after all.

Was there any word as to what purpose the on-campus requirement serves -- aside from just being an excerise in exerting power and causing needless inconvenience? I can only imagine that such an approach breeds strong resentment. Generally it is very difficult for an administration to surveil all the faculty all the time, and people will find ways of claiming back time that they regard as their own through various means.

[Puget]

(Word is that they'll be checking log-in ISPs, and anyone logging in from home will be up for a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.)

What a ridiculous policy! Time for everyone to start using a VPN-- you can always be "on" campus.

[Cheerful]

(Word is that they'll be checking log-in ISPs, and anyone logging in from home will be up for a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.)

What a ridiculous policy! Time for everyone to start using a VPN-- you can always be "on" campus.

This is a case where the faculty need to unite and push back.  Otherwise, look forward to more of same.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Who thought it was a good idea to have ALL (several hundred) of the faculty meet IN PERSON next month? Really? Have you not been watching the news, or paid even the tiniest bit of attention to what's been going on in the world?

I don't know what your college/university is thinking, but I'm pretty sure mine is thinking something like this:
Of course you are required to attend this in-person faculty meeting with several hundred faculty.  How can we justify making students attend in-person classes in rooms that are at FULL CAPACITY (or more than full capacity, but just ignore that, nothing to see here) without a vaccine mandate during a pandemic if we don't also require faculty to attend in-person meetings en mass? WE ARE BACK TO NORMAL! Haven't you been reading all of your happy emails from the administration about how back to normal we are?

Our big meeting next month was supposed to be face to face.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, we got an email saying it has been switched to virtual.

Cool, right?

Well, it might be, except. . . .

1.  We have to be ON CAMPUS to log in to the virtual (all-day) meeting.  (Word is that they'll be checking log-in ISPs, and anyone logging in from home will be up for a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.)

2.  Anyone not attending must take a personal day (faculty get only 5 per year) or a vacation day (faculty don't get any).  NO medical leave can be used, even with proof of a doctor/medical visit that day. Otherwise, the individual will get a disciplinary/insubordination letter in their HR file.

Of course, those attending will be provided with a box lunch consisting of a stale bread, wilted brown lettuce, and hinkey-smelling cold cut sandwich, a greasy cookie, and a bag of stale pretzels, with a bottle of room-temp water. 

It'll be a personal day for me, though it means sacrificing the chance to do the 100-mile round trip and getting the lunch.  Still, one must make sacrifices, after all.

Craziness. You've got to wonder what they're thinking when they come up with these ideas.