the "things you wish you could say" thread

[FishProf]

That "extra work" you wanted "extra compensation" for is just part of your job.  You look like a fool demanding more pay for that.   I just hope you didn't tar all of us.

[ciao_yall]

That was really ugly.

I hope that wasn't you who did it.

[FishProf]

You have been awful to Faculty X.  Why are you hurt she didn't choose you as her rep for her tenure case? 

[fishbrains]

1. I reject your teary-eyed assertion that we should be committed to the success of every student. That's a bit wacky. I'm committed to providing the opportunity and the means to success, but not the outcome. That's up to the students. At some point, they are required to do something.

2. The reason African-American students don't succeed at the same rate as their "white" counterparts at our community college is because we bring the same racism endemic to our community, region, and state (and beyond) into our institutional processes--including the classroom. Suggesting that an internal "revenue-neutral" "self-revitalization" of the college will address the "problem" is, well, f*cking wacky. I don't have the answers, but I'm thinking that WE are the problem, and we need outside help to identify our shortcomings and guide us into addressing OUR failures as an institution.

3. And none of this $hit is "revenue neutral." The money is out there. It's just that professional consultants/grifters are receiving the bulk of the grant money or it's being spent by senior administrators, and what trickles down to us isn't sufficient enough to address whatever the problem of the moment might be.

4. I have no desire to participate in the process of working hard for no gain just so consultants and adminstrators can congratute each other on their forward-thinking visions and transformational leadership. Print your little certificates, give them to each other, and leave me alone. I already have a full-time job.

5. I'm actually having a really good teaching year so far. Don't tread on my buzz, bro.       

[AmLitHist]

Me, too, Fishbrains. Our admins must all be on the same mailing list.

[Thursday's_Child]

[sarcasm ON] No, I didn't get that done.  I know it's part of my job.  I know that lots of people will be variously annoyed or seriously P.O.'d if I don't do the required planning & coordination to pull this off.  But, for a change, after all these years, I didn't feel like doing it, so I didn't.  But thanks for asking - yet again - if I did get it all done.  [sarcasm OFF] 
<wanders off looking for a nice solid object to bang my head on>

[mamselle]

Here..have a pillow...

M.

[archaeo42]

You all are getting very tiring. I just...move on. Please. This isn't productive.

[nescafe]

Wait. Mignonette?! Is that bougie for tabasco sauce?

[polly_mer]

Dear body,

I appreciate not having to use an alarm clock to get up in the morning.  0500 is OK.  0300 is not.  Let's adjust and get back to being bright eyed and bushy tailed at a reasonable time that doesn't leave me dragging for all those afternoon meetings.

Thanks,

Polly

[hmaria1609]

To library patron: I've explained this as clearly as I can. I don't want to have this exact same conversation next week because you couldn't be bothered to listen to some important information the first time.

[downer]

Dear Registrar
You have ignored every email I have sent you.
I will keep a trail of evidence and at some point I will demonstrate your inaction is causing problems for students.
I'd be happy to see you move on to greener pastures.
Love and kisses,
Downer.

[EdnaMode]

Dear Colleague,

We all know you don't actually have a conflict at 8 AM, you're demanding the meeting be moved to another day and time because you can't be arsed to do anything before noon on any given day. We know this because we've heard you say so before. We're not going to inconvenience everyone else, including students, and move the meeting to after 6 PM because you're "not a morning person."

All the best (or not),

EM

[traductio]

Dear students,

When the instructions say "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3.," what I really mean is "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3."

That's all. Not 250 words. Not different questions.

Yes, I know it's short. Yes, I know it's work. But seriously, the instructions tell you what to write. Just, well, write that!

[traductio]

Dear students,

When the instructions say "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3.," what I really mean is "a summary of 125 words answering these three questions: 1. 2. 3."

That's all. Not 250 words. Not different questions.

Yes, I know it's short. Yes, I know it's work. But seriously, the instructions tell you what to write. Just, well, write that!

Also ; I;m not entirely- sure you "grasp how punctuation work's ..

(Maybe I should finish grading before I post here. Ugh. And these are master's-level papers.)