the "things you wish you could say" thread

[fishbrains]

Your kid is failing the class for two basic reasons: 1) She sits there and masturbates on her phone throughout the entire class period, and 2) She's not intelligent enough to pull last-minute essays out of her a$$.

This. Is. Not. Complicated.

[Puget]

Look, student life people, I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but asking faculty to consider eating lunch with students in the dining halls paying $15 out of our own pockets to do so to "foster community", really ever, but especially at this point in the semester where we are overwhelmed by service and teaching duties as well as the usual research, is just not where it's at. Give us a free meal plan and service credit for it and then maybe we can talk.

[fishbrains]

Look, student life people, I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but asking faculty to consider eating lunch with students in the dining halls paying $15 out of our own pockets to do so to "foster community", really ever, but especially at this point in the semester where we are overwhelmed by service and teaching duties as well as the usual research, is just not where it's at. Give us a free meal plan and service credit for it and then maybe we can talk.

Uggers. And I'm surprised by how often the good people on that side of things think most faculty are extroverts. I don't even like to see my own reflection when I eat, much less other people. And, yeah, that we have a whole lot of loose change jingling away in our pockets.

[secundem_artem]

Black Friday.  Small Business Saturday.  Cyber Monday.  And Giving Tuesday.

Can we please also have Leave Me the Fvck Alone Wednesday?

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Black Friday.  Small Business Saturday.  Cyber Monday.  And Giving Tuesday.

Can we please also have Leave Me the Fvck Alone Wednesday?

Ha!

[apl68]

Look, student life people, I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but asking faculty to consider eating lunch with students in the dining halls paying $15 out of our own pockets to do so to "foster community", really ever, but especially at this point in the semester where we are overwhelmed by service and teaching duties as well as the usual research, is just not where it's at. Give us a free meal plan and service credit for it and then maybe we can talk.

Uggers. And I'm surprised by how often the good people on that side of things think most faculty are extroverts. I don't even like to see my own reflection when I eat, much less other people. And, yeah, that we have a whole lot of loose change jingling away in our pockets.

Even Alma Mater, which is a SLAC where faculty have traditionally been on easy terms with students, never had expectations like that regarding faculty meals in the cafeteria.

[hmaria1609]

Ha!

Chime! :D

Don't get me started about the end of the year pledge drives on most PBS stations! The prerecorded pledge pitch segments go on and on. You're watching an awesome show not for those syndicated monetary appeals.

[Langue_doc]

I had multiple emails all day from the same organizations asking for money, money, and more money, with one organization offering 450% matching funds. Do they think that money grows on trees? Or that we have so much disposable income that we can indiscriminately spend, spend, spend? As for the prerecorded PBS panhandling, the money that one of the panhandlers seems to have spent on her hair and makeup could easily have gone to PBS instead of to her stylist!

[the_geneticist]

Look, student life people, I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but asking faculty to consider eating lunch with students in the dining halls paying $15 out of our own pockets to do so to "foster community", really ever, but especially at this point in the semester where we are overwhelmed by service and teaching duties as well as the usual research, is just not where it's at. Give us a free meal plan and service credit for it and then maybe we can talk.

Be glad they aren't asking you to "volunteer" to wash dishes or help students move out of the dorms at the end of the term.

[secundem_artem]

Look, student life people, I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but asking faculty to consider eating lunch with students in the dining halls paying $15 out of our own pockets to do so to "foster community", really ever, but especially at this point in the semester where we are overwhelmed by service and teaching duties as well as the usual research, is just not where it's at. Give us a free meal plan and service credit for it and then maybe we can talk.

Be glad they aren't asking you to "volunteer" to wash dishes or help students move out of the dorms at the end of the term.

I've got an idea.  Help move student furniture - the heavier the better.  Slip & fall on the stairs.  Soft tissue back injury that does not show up on X ray or ultrasound.  Worker's Comp baby!!!  Pay me to sit at home and play with the dog!!

[apl68]

I couldn't help noticing that your menu advertised a sandwich with "basaltic" vinaigrette.  Either you meant "balsamic," or you serve some mighty gritty vinaigrette. 

[bio-nonymous]

To colleague with hyper-inflated self-worth: "Yes, you keep seeming to get away with being aggressive and overbearing to the department chair, the upper administration, and anyone else who you want to try to bully. However, I would caution you that people have long memories, and acting like an ass whenever your feel the slightest bit provoked is not a good look, and might come back to bite you. PLUS, all of your little co-I grants and middle author papers really aren't as impressive as you seem to think...there is a reason why you were told to not bother trying to go up for tenure early!"

[apl68]

Thank you for letting me know that my health insurance information was possibly compromised, and that I may be entitled to benefits from a settlement. 

However, I am not signed up with your service.  And the name on the card is not mine.  This person hasn't lived at my address in over a decade.  In fact, I understand that he has been deceased for over a decade.  I know this because I bought the place from his widow over nine years ago.

Your business really should do something about cleaning up its files and mailing lists.

[Langue_doc]

Oh, dear! Crazy is the understatment of the year.

[apl68]

Can you find my phone?

No, but I found a large remote lying in the street on my way to work.  Or anyway, the remains of one.