the "things you wish you could say" thread

[Wahoo Redux]

Can you find my phone?

No, but I found a large remote lying in the street on my way to work.  Or anyway, the remains of one.

Can you find my phone?

No, but I found a large remote lying in the street on my way to work.  Or anyway, the remains of one.

Sorry Red, but I've got your phone.  And you are not getting it back!!

[sinenomine]

Dear annoyingly entitled grade grubbing student: I'm sick of your whining and will shut you up by changing your course grade from A- to A, since apparently I "ruined" your GPA. Over decades in the classroom, I've seen students like you burn lots of bridges with both future workplace peers and potential references with this type of behavior. I'll never have you in a class again, and wish those faculty who will plenty of patience.

[paultuttle]

Dear universe: Please bring back all the discontinued candy that's safe to eat under current laws/guidelines.

Thanks,

Your friend, Paul

[Juvenal]

Give us a hint.  I can't believe anything with chocolate is on your list.

[sinenomine]

Thanks for kicking off the new semester with an epic "reply all" snafu that should have been a private email...

[ab_grp]

Dear colleague, did you even read the document?! Although your obviously incorrect quick takes are amusing, we would all benefit if you would take a closer look at the facts before replying all to weigh in.

[FishProf]

Dear Faculty Technology Instruction person,
When I complain to you how the New (awful) Blackboard has broken the structure of my course through loss of functionality (literally cannot do what I've spent years streamlining and automating), I don't expect a condescending "well, change is hard", from you.  I expect a suggestion, a solution, a walkaround, SOMETHING.

You are, supposedly, the expert on the software.  But I doubt that.

[Puget]

Come on dudes, you're full profs who should know better-- don't totally half-ass your grant application and make reviewers spend hours carefully reading your half assery so we can explain in the required detailed review how bad it all is. I feel like I may have spend more time reviewing this grant than you spent writing it, and probably a 1000th of the time I spend writing my own grants. Maybe this used to work for you when NIH was an old boys club at pay lines were above 30%. Don't think it's going to work for you any more. Have some respect for yourselves and your colleagues on the review panel.   

[fishbrains]

Dear Faculty Technology Instruction person,
When I complain to you how the New (awful) Blackboard has broken the structure of my course through loss of functionality (literally cannot do what I've spent years streamlining and automating), I don't expect a condescending "well, change is hard", from you.  I expect a suggestion, a solution, a walkaround, SOMETHING.

You are, supposedly, the expert on the software.  But I doubt that.

Grrrrrr . . . or when they dismiss the concern with, "Yeah, it's a little glitchy."

If by "glitchy" they mean, "Yeah, this $hit's not going to f*cking work when you're standing in front of 30 students looking like an idiot and everyone is wondering why the hell they had to come to class to watch the professor fail at technology," then, yeah, it's a little glitchy.

That said, we have a really good tech group overall. But that one time you need everything to work . . .

[FishProf]

I just found out the thing I've been wrestling with in Blackboard is a "known bug".

Then WHY haven't you put out an email saying that?!  I've wasted hours trying to get something to work, that the software is reported to do, but that CANNOT work b/c of the bug. 

[apl68]

Thank you for your fax informing me that somebody with my last name and nationality has died intestate leaving $13,000,000 in assets that need collecting before they are forfeited to the state.  However, I would point out that if the deceased lived and worked in Toronto, and I live in a small town in Arkansas, then it seems unlikely that we are actually of the same nationality at all.  As you should know, seeing as you're a lawyer based in Winnipeg, Manitoba. 

I'm going to hazard a guess that you are not, in fact, a Canadian lawyer, but are rather operating from somewhere overseas, most likely Nigeria or Russia.  So I believe I will pass on this "business opportunity." 

[marshwiggle]

Thank you for your fax informing me that somebody with my last name and nationality has died intestate leaving $13,000,000 in assets that need collecting before they are forfeited to the state. 

It's mind-boggling how many multimillionaires don't bother to make a will. Who knew?

[onehappyunicorn]

I just found out the thing I've been wrestling with in Blackboard is a "known bug".

Then WHY haven't you put out an email saying that?!  I've wasted hours trying to get something to work, that the software is reported to do, but that CANNOT work b/c of the bug. 

Ya know, Blackboard is such a piece of crap and it's ugly. Several years ago we had an opportunity to move on to another LMS but our distance ed people had a meltdown, they didn't want to retrain all of their people. Sunken cost fallacy and all that.

[FishProf]

Ya know, Blackboard is such a piece of crap and it's ugly. Several years ago we had an opportunity to move on to another LMS but our distance ed people had a meltdown, they didn't want to retrain all of their people. Sunken cost fallacy and all that.

It's not like the new Blackboard doesn't require retraining....

[EdnaMode]

Oh, just f*** off Stu. I told you no, the department chair told you no, the dean told you no, the registrar told you no, and the vice-provost told you no. That's the end of the line. Coming back to any/all of us, whinging and moaning about how 'unfair' we all are will get you nowhere fast. I wish there was some way to get you to just shut the f*** up and go away (aside from giving you what you want, and that's still no). If you had put this much effort into following your major's prerequisites, you may have had a chance to graduate on time. This is ALL on you.