the "things you wish you could say" thread

[permanent imposter]

Thank you for your fax informing me that somebody with my last name and nationality has died intestate leaving $13,000,000 in assets that need collecting before they are forfeited to the state.  However, I would point out that if the deceased lived and worked in Toronto, and I live in a small town in Arkansas, then it seems unlikely that we are actually of the same nationality at all.  As you should know, seeing as you're a lawyer based in Winnipeg, Manitoba. 

I'm going to hazard a guess that you are not, in fact, a Canadian lawyer, but are rather operating from somewhere overseas, most likely Nigeria or Russia.  So I believe I will pass on this "business opportunity." 

Wow, with the total onslaught of text message and WhatsApp scams I'm getting nowadays, I'm surprised that the scammers are keeping up with FAX.

[fishbrains]

No, the idea that faculty aren't miracle workers and that we should not be expected to remediate below high school level isn't "just my opinion." It's federal financial aid policy that has been fully reiterated  in state law--hence it's board of regents policy, hence it's our own community college's policy that is clearly stated in our own catalog.

I am right. You are wrong. And that is why I sing this song: "Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo."

And on a side note: It's a tad unethical to admit those students we know won't succeed just to steal their money.

[Langue_doc]

No, the idea that faculty aren't miracle workers and that we should not be expected to remediate below high school level isn't "just my opinion." It's federal financial aid policy that has been fully reiterated  in state law--hence it's board of regents policy, hence it's our own community college's policy that is clearly stated in our own catalog.

I am right. You are wrong. And that is why I sing this song: "Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo."

And on a side note: It's a tad unethical to admit those students we know won't succeed just to steal their money.

Isn't it our responsibility to "work" with the students to make sure that they not only pass our courses, but also get the grades they want? Retention, retention, retention, folks!

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

No, the idea that faculty aren't miracle workers and that we should not be expected to remediate below high school level isn't "just my opinion." It's federal financial aid policy that has been fully reiterated  in state law--hence it's board of regents policy, hence it's our own community college's policy that is clearly stated in our own catalog.

I am right. You are wrong. And that is why I sing this song: "Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo."

And on a side note: It's a tad unethical to admit those students we know won't succeed just to steal their money.

Unfortunately, I have some of these students. They have poor reading, writing and critical thinking skills. The trifecta!!!

[Larimar]

No, the idea that faculty aren't miracle workers and that we should not be expected to remediate below high school level isn't "just my opinion." It's federal financial aid policy that has been fully reiterated  in state law--hence it's board of regents policy, hence it's our own community college's policy that is clearly stated in our own catalog.

I am right. You are wrong. And that is why I sing this song: "Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo."

And on a side note: It's a tad unethical to admit those students we know won't succeed just to steal their money.

Unfortunately, I have some of these students. They have poor reading, writing and critical thinking skills. The trifecta!!!

I see students like this too.

[AmLitHist]

No, the idea that faculty aren't miracle workers and that we should not be expected to remediate below high school level isn't "just my opinion." It's federal financial aid policy that has been fully reiterated  in state law--hence it's board of regents policy, hence it's our own community college's policy that is clearly stated in our own catalog.

I am right. You are wrong. And that is why I sing this song: "Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo."

And on a side note: It's a tad unethical to admit those students we know won't succeed just to steal their money.

Unfortunately, I have some of these students. They have poor reading, writing and critical thinking skills. The trifecta!!!

I see students like this too.

These students literally make up more than half the population at my campus (and easily 70% of the students in our Composition I and lowest math classes). Yes, we have the data to prove this. And all of our developmental courses in English, math, and reading will have been eliminated by Admin within the coming 12 months.

[Ruralguy]

Most schools need to accept some of these students to survive even if they know that on average, only a few (with that level) will stay on. It is a money grab.

[AmLitHist]

Most schools need to accept some of these students to survive even if they know that on average, only a few (with that level) will stay on. It is a money grab.

Oh, absolutely.

[RatGuy]

Just because I'm thoughtful and compassionate given your situation, doesn't mean I'm interested in dating you.

[fishbrains]

Most schools need to accept some of these students to survive even if they know that on average, only a few (with that level) will stay on. It is a money grab.

Oh, absolutely.

This used to be an unspoken but recognized thing at many/most community colleges; but with the onset of the co-requisite model, they have eliminated most of the distinctions between basic and developmental levels of remediation (basic being below high school level) and now we are supposed to magically "love students to success" or some such $hit.

These students deserve better. I know it's hard to look at a student and tell them that, with their consistently low placement scores, they're never going to make it into and/or through the nursing (or whatever) program--and that we have all the data in the world to prove it; but we don't do them a service by promoting the delusion either.

Some meetings are getting very difficult to sit through quietly.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Most schools need to accept some of these students to survive even if they know that on average, only a few (with that level) will stay on. It is a money grab.

Oh, absolutely.

This used to be an unspoken but recognized thing at many/most community colleges; but with the onset of the co-requisite model, they have eliminated most of the distinctions between basic and developmental levels of remediation (basic being below high school level) and now we are supposed to magically "love students to success" or some such $hit.

These students deserve better. I know it's hard to look at a student and tell them that, with their consistently low placement scores, they're never going to make it into and/or through the nursing (or whatever) program--and that we have all the data in the world to prove it; but we don't do them a service by promoting the delusion either.

Some meetings are getting very difficult to sit through quietly.

Yep. I have students who are afraid of square roots and I consider square roots to be basic Math. It's becoming more and more difficult to teach some of these students. I feel bad for them and the College is just milking their money away.

[paultuttle]

1. You're FIRED. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, and do not collect $200. In about 4,382 years, the recompense for the license plates you make will pay for about 1% of the legal judgments against you. Good luck. Oh, and by the way, you can't take any of that gaudy, tacky decor with you.

2. Resign now or be impeached. Or take John Oliver's money. You've certainly taken lots of other people's money.

3. Yes, of course you're complicit in your family's fraudulent activities. Did you think that anyone with your last name was immune?

4. You're a horribly evil Mr. Potato Head. Here's hoping that God (or the Devil, or someone here on Earth) gives you your just reward.

5. Annnnnnnnd--we have universal healthcare, affordable housing for everyone, a fair living wage for everyone, environmental protections, a safe and affordable food production and supply chain, and a booming economy! Who knew we could check all those boxes with just a 20% reduction in our spending on the Military Industrial Complex (tm)?

[Antiphon1]

Before you come to me with your weakass argument about why you need an A, we should discuss what happens if you don't earn an A in my class.  I'm willing to wager hard money that your angst isn't about my class.  Want to talk about the other course/courses you're failing?  Yeah!  Good times.  And not my problem.  Your weazle ways won't sway my more tender feelings.  Go talk to the professor/professors whose class/classes you are deficient in and leave me out of this discussion. 

Of course, getting this argument off my plate before spring break makes the talk about dropping classes so much more fruitful for the student. 

[fishbrains]

Well, looky there. You f*cked around and found out.

Welcome to adulting.

[EdnaMode]

Dear Administrator,

Here's a bit of career/life advice. Don't lie to the IT staff about [problem]. They will check with me, I will tell them the truth about the situation and how you made a rather gargantuan error that I warned you about repeatedly in emails, and I will reply to their message to me, CC you, and include our previous correspondence. If you make it look like I can't do my job, I will show with data that you cannot do yours.

Love and kisses,

Dr. Mode

Oh, wait, I DID say this, only much more politely :)