the "things you wish you could say" thread

[Myword]

I am more qualified for my job than you are qualified for yours.

No I don't want more work. The pay is so low I feel like a volunteer as it is.

[ergative]

I am so sick of brand new junior faculty doing things like reading their emails and following instructions and asking for clarification if they need to, while senior faculty just carry on carrying on the way they've always done, and then when I call them on it and make them do the thing the right way, they're all 'Oh, I'm sO sOrRy, I dIdN't kNow'. If you had read your freaking email you would have known, fartnozzle!

Once I might have been all nice about it, but not this time. Once I might have considered letting it slide because you're about fourteen orders of magnitude more senior than me, but not anymore. I am in charge of this task, and you didn't do it right. Too bad that you're travelling and it's inconvenient to fix. If you'd done it right the first time you wouldn't be having this problem, would you? Here, I'll forward you that email that I sent back in early December where I told you how to do everything that you didn't do. The only concession I'll make to your ego is refraining from highlighting in honking read ink the bit where I laid out exactly what you said you didn't know.

You're a super famous big-shot, sure, but I just don't care. Do your job.

[RatGuy]

The departmental listserv serves a number of specific functions, but your cutesy MFA-creative-writer-Tumblr messages about your love of cats or your distaste for onions is unprofessional. If only the director of your program would tell you what an idiot you're being.

[ciao_yall]

I am so sick of brand new junior faculty doing things like reading their emails and following instructions and asking for clarification if they need to, while senior faculty just carry on carrying on the way they've always done, and then when I call them on it and make them do the thing the right way, they're all 'Oh, I'm sO sOrRy, I dIdN't kNow'. If you had read your freaking email you would have known, fartnozzle!

Once I might have been all nice about it, but not this time. Once I might have considered letting it slide because you're about fourteen orders of magnitude more senior than me, but not anymore. I am in charge of this task, and you didn't do it right. Too bad that you're travelling and it's inconvenient to fix. If you'd done it right the first time you wouldn't be having this problem, would you? Here, I'll forward you that email that I sent back in early December where I told you how to do everything that you didn't do. The only concession I'll make to your ego is refraining from highlighting in honking read ink the bit where I laid out exactly what you said you didn't know.

You're a super famous big-shot, sure, but I just don't care. Do your job.

This month's AARP newsletter has a cover feature on age discrimination at the workplace.

Just sayin'... sometimes it is earned.

[ergative]

I am so sick of brand new junior faculty doing things like reading their emails and following instructions and asking for clarification if they need to, while senior faculty just carry on carrying on the way they've always done, and then when I call them on it and make them do the thing the right way, they're all 'Oh, I'm sO sOrRy, I dIdN't kNow'. If you had read your freaking email you would have known, fartnozzle!

Once I might have been all nice about it, but not this time. Once I might have considered letting it slide because you're about fourteen orders of magnitude more senior than me, but not anymore. I am in charge of this task, and you didn't do it right. Too bad that you're travelling and it's inconvenient to fix. If you'd done it right the first time you wouldn't be having this problem, would you? Here, I'll forward you that email that I sent back in early December where I told you how to do everything that you didn't do. The only concession I'll make to your ego is refraining from highlighting in honking read ink the bit where I laid out exactly what you said you didn't know.

You're a super famous big-shot, sure, but I just don't care. Do your job.

This month's AARP newsletter has a cover feature on age discrimination at the workplace.

Just sayin'... sometimes it is earned.

If it's earned it's not age discrimination. This one is personal.

[FishProf]

Dear [Professional Program] Chair,
Stop telling students to come to me to appeal their C- grades up to a C because [Professional Program] doesn't round up but [My Department] does.  No we don't.  The artificial cutoff you impose is YOURS, not ours.  Students in our classes getting a C- didn't "fail", they got a C-.  That YOUR program won't accept that grade is YOUR PROBLEM, not mine.

Just Stop

No Love,

Fishprof

[Liquidambar]

If you'd given me a deadline, I would have sent feedback by then.  Since you told me to take my time, I waited until today.  I am not thrilled to hear that you've already proceeded without my feedback.  At best, you'll still be able to incorporate it but have to waste $50 reprinting what you've already printed.  Otherwise, I just wasted my time reading your stuff and writing a whole page of comments.

[nescafe]

To my grad students: I'm so flattered that so many of you are taking my course despite not actually needing it "for credit." But if too many more of you drop it in favor of auditing, the course will be canceled entirely.

[LibrariAnne]

"Wow Annie!!  You are really starting to look good!"

I know they mean this as a compliment, but it makes me want to say "Did I look like a troll before?"

Anne

[mamselle]

Yeah, some people don't engage their brain before they put their mouth into gear....

M.

[AmLitHist]

Yes, I AM going to sit in the back of the room and crochet during two service week meetings today, just like the one yesterday. I might as well get something useful out of the time, since I'm forced to be here, and since you (Admin) aren't presenting anything useful of your own.

(I'm working on a baby afghan for one of my health care providers, and also little pouches for joeys, wombats, and sugar gliders in Australia.  At least all of them will appreciate my efforts, unlike Admin.)

[fishbrains]

Consume fecal matter and perish, you pretentious twerp.

[polly_mer]

Dear politician's campaign,

Perhaps you are unaware that any random person can follow anyone on social media.  One does not need to be a supporter to follow a candidate.  One certainly does not have to be a supporter to the point that one would make phone calls on one's own dime for the candidate.

I have posted zero anything on any social media account linked to my legal name that supports your candidate.

Do you read the responses to your politician's posts?  I mean, really read them and count the percentage that are positive, negative, and neutral?  I do and thus have to wonder why you thought sending personal messages to random Twitter followers was anything other than a sign of desperation since clearly you aren't getting enough help from paid staff or actual supporters (you know, the people who actually donated to the campaign or respond enthusiastically to the weekly exhortations to get involved).

So, no, I, good registered Libertarian that I am (you didn't look to see what other accounts I follow, did you?) will not be making any phone calls for your Democratic candidate prior to the Iowa caucus.  You might want to check with my husband, but since he's on record as a registered Republican who has donated regularly to one of your opponents, my husband is also unlikely to be making any calls for you.

Signed,

Can we just vote already and be done with this election cycle?

[FishProf]

It isn't a ground-up faculty initiative if the President said "We are doing this.  Figure it out".

[magnemite]

It isn't a ground-up faculty initiative if the President said "We are doing this.  Figure it out".

Maybe a recipe: start with some ground-up faculty...