the "things you wish you could say" thread

[polly_mer]

I got off the phone with them 10 minutes before their Dear Leader declared a national state of Emergency.

How will they rationalize that?

Well, on the radio, it sounded like Trump wasn't really on top of what he was saying.  Perhaps someone made Trump make the declaration by holding a beloved grandchild hostage.

Which would run counter to his tough-guy, drain the swamp, i have bigger hands persona they so claim to love.

Many people love a tough guy who has a soft spot for the grandbabies.

[archaeo42]

You completely missed the point of what I wrote. It's the fact that you are assuming we understand/know what those things mean when we don't. I wasn't saying others had issues this time period. I was pointing out that how you explain things isn't helpful and that if things come up in the future, you should probably reevaluate what you assume people know.

FFS.

[Thursday's_Child]

The silence is becoming deafening.  Should I infer that you are annoyed?  If so, you might want to try imagining the full spectrum of reasons for my actions - most of which don't have anything to do with you.

[apl68]

I know you're frightened at the thought of continuing to allow a trickle of patrons to use the facility by appointment during the epidemic.  But we're an essential public service.  We can't shut down totally.  People have things to do online that can't wait for weeks, and our computers are the only ones they have available.  We're going to disinfect the work stations as they are used, and we're not going to let ourselves be overwhelmed by kids who just want to hang out and spread germs, like you think we are.

[nescafe]

To the reply-all in my inbox:

Why in the world are any of you shocked that students use their notes/books during an online exam? Why in the world didn't you write test questions that assumed that? Why in the world is it a bad thing if students are looking at their notes/books under these circumstances?

[uni_cyclist]

Please send me my written offer. I am sitting on my hands so that I don't write or call you about it because I know everyone is busy and stressed. I am also busy and stressed, and need to know for sure whether I should be preparing to put my house up for sale, move my family across the country, and inform my current department that I am leaving. I know you're dealing with a whole department of people now needing to teach online -- I can help! Let me help. Can I barter my skills in teaching online, and in exchange get that offer letter pretty please?

[the_geneticist]

Stop posting about how this is a time for folks to "enjoy time with their loved ones, bake, paint, exercise, play games, laugh, etc."
That's only possible for the financially secure who don't have young children out of school (or are rich enough to have a giant house and a nanny/au pair/baby sitter).
Most folks are desperate to balance NEEDING to work and/or suddenly trying to get a job, might have suddenly lost their health insurance, with no childcare options, and the expectation that they will "home school" their kids.
It is not possible to work full time, parent full time, and teach full time.  Toss in the financial crisis and/or loss of healthcare and it's a disaster.

[I'm looking at you, my retired female relatives with health insurance and all your kids long grown up and moved out]

[nescafe]

To another reply-all in my inbox:

I get the team spirit here, but honestly, I'm not about to publicly volunteer to teach the courses most adjacent to my own should the instructor of record fall ill next quarter. If any of us fall sick, honestly then it's time to cancel classes, not ask those of us who are already doing too much to take over someone else's (wholly inadequate, very different) online format.

But I'm untenured, so I will STFU instead and hope no one calls on me.

[spork]

To the adjunct who has emailed me the same question about Webex four times in the last 24 hours and has received the same reply ("no") each time:

You're fired.

[EdnaMode]

Dear colleague,

I know teaching [engineering topic] remotely is difficult but grow the f*** up and do it. We all have to do the best we can with this less than ideal situation. You can't just not teach your course for the rest of the semester and only assign reading and open book quizzes because the students will be totally screwed next fall when you "pass" them this spring and they don't have anything close to the prerequisite knowledge for the next course. How do I know you're trying to do that? Because I'm the course coordinator and by default in our system (not because I'm spying on you) course coordinators are emailed when an email is sent to "all" in the course. I have offered to help set things up for you since I'm teaching a similar course right now, but you've ignored all the offers from me and my colleagues to help out. Don't screw the students because you're lazy.

All the best,

EM

Well, I did write something similar, but much more polite, after discussing it with my department chair. Ugh. We're all in the same situation, we need to do the best we can for the students even though we might not agree with some of the decisions that have been made by people up the food chain.

[arcturus]

Dear incompetent committee member,

Thank you for your efforts on this committee. However, as I have said before, we need both accuracy and speed in creating our documents. When your contributions are filled with inaccuracies, that slows us down because we need to double check your work. And it wastes the committee's very limited time. Further, when providing a revised document, please start with the version that already includes the corrections we have made. Re-doing all these revisions not only wastes my time further, but makes me respect you even less (if that is possible at this point). Finally, I know that you do not respect me, but, while your field is not my area of expertise, when I tell you that something is incorrect, I am right and you are wrong. Really. Trust me. Please resign so that we can replace you with someone who cares enough to do the job well.

Sincerely,
Pissed off committee member who is having to make the same corrections of factual inaccuracies for the nth time

[mamselle]

They're hoping you won't notice so they can slip their version of reality past you....

M.

[fishbrains]

A few things to note about your "encouraging" email from on-high:

• I don't have a "home office." I work at the dining room table next to my home-schooled kids. It's quite the party.
• I don't own a scanner, other than the one on my crappy HP ink-jet printer. I won't be scanning and returning student or committee work.
• I'm working on Word 2010. The College has not provided Word at a reduced cost to us in a very long time.
• I don't care how people grade on an iPad because I don't f*cking own one. I have a four-year-old cheap-a$$ HP laptop that I've lost the hand-crank to.
  
• Like many of our students, I work with sh*tty rural internet access. "Streaming" isn't an accurate description of how videos work out here.
  
• As a community college associate professor, I am just a mid-level government employee. You know how much money I make, so f*ck you.

I'm good at what I do, and I'll make it all work. Just leave me the hell alone so I can do my job.

[alto_stratus]

No, it's not a good idea. Now stop patting yourselves on the back and thinking up things I "should" be doing to get it done, because it doesn't matter. It's not a good idea. Thanks for creating 15 mins of extra work responding to all the messages, and 30 mins of annoyance. I will let you know when the higher-ups say it's not a good idea.

[FishProf]

We have a system for running virtual meetings baked into our CMS.  Students already have access.  Why are you pushing ZOOM?  Could it be because the administrators who run the show here aren't on our CMS, so they never consider the academic side of things here?

Also, Google hangouts.  Why are you pushing Skype or some other tech over what you already made us adopt?