the "things you wish you could say" thread

[Vkw10]

How did we go from "need to identify at least 20% budget cut" to "university cold easily find money for pet project" in five minutes flat?

[the_geneticist]

Dear University Higher Admin folks,
Do you REALLY think it's a good idea to make the department with the largest undergraduate major on campus cut our number of TAs and instructors?  This means that classes will not get taught or have even longer waitlists or overly crowded classes or some combination of all of these things.  Students are paying a lot of money to be Basketweaving majors and this will make it EVEN HARDER for them to graduate on time.  Do you really think it will save any money by having fewer classes?  Plus, this a complete 180 from the last two years of "we need to offer more classes, increase sections, get students off the waitlists and into the classes.  You open the classes, we will find the money for the TAs & instructors".  If you could plan and think ahead more than 6 months out and stop panicking, we could have a reasonable plan.

[archaeo42]

You really are terrible at communication. No wonder I end up bugging you over instant messaging....it's the only way I'd get answers from you.

[Vkw10]

So janitorial staff are walking into your office without masks to empty your wastebasket? Put up a "Do Not Enter" sign and dump your own trash. Fill at a custodial request ticket online. Work at home, like you claim to be doing when classes are in session on campus and your never around. And stop the daily emails to me about janitors not wearing masks.

[AmLitHist]

Why, yes, when my department hears about a stupid initiative you local Admins undertook only when our department counterparts on the other campuses tell us--via an email asking us to sign a letter of complaint to the Big Admins against our own campus department--we are, justifiably, mad as hell.

Two of the three of you being involved in this stupid initiative and decision can be attributed to you having zero institutional memory (thanks to our Admin revolving door of the past decade). The department chair cannot use that excuse, as he's been here 20 years, but he just doesn't give a damn and in fact told a chair at another campus that the initiative and decision were "none of [his] damned business."  Clearly the professional courtesy you three demand from us--and have always been given, even often grudgingly rather than your having earned it--applies only in one direction.  You can kiss that goodbye from now on.

And the 90 minutes we spent in yesterday's virtual meeting only made things worse:  rather than being the Kumbayah moment you thought your half-assed "gee, we're sorry" would gain, it had the opposite effect of solidifying faculty against the chair, dean, and president.  Nice work, y'all.  Any benefit of the doubt you used to get from us is officially long gone.

[ab_grp]

I think that this discussion about a path forward is very interesting and helpful.  However, using a cruise ship as an analogy for our group does not bring very appealing things to mind right now between viruses and potential icebergs in our career waters. 

[Liquidambar]

How nice of you to delegate me to organize an event, even agree with me on when it'll occur, and then hold it behind my back without me.  I feel so valued now.

[FishProf]

"Dear Students,

Your abject and pathetic whining to your department chair about MY class and you claim that "he won't tell us what is on the final (I have, it's in the syllabus, and the announcements, and the course content) and we are so worried" is ABSOLUTELY INTOLERABLE.

You want to know what is on the final exam? (Never mind you have exam 3 on Monday - try focusing on that)

Fine. 

Everything.  From this semester AND review from last semester.

In MC, TF, Short-answer, Matching, Essay and Diagram forms.  200 points, 100 objective questions, 100 essay points. 

I will be looking for cheating, and if I find it you will fail."

Also wish I could say: "This nice, easier, shorter final exam I have sitting here ready to go.  That one is history"

[OneMoreYear]

Dear graduate student,
When you send me an email at 5pm on Friday to request a favor, you do not need to send a follow-up email at noon on Sunday telling me that everyone else on your committee has responded and asking if I can get back to you about whether I agree with granting the favor. I know this is a high anxiety time for you, but for frack's sake, annoying people that you are asking favors from is not the road to success. [I granted the favor anyway].

[archaeo42]

Oh my god. I can't take 3 hours of your inane chatter. I'm too tired for this.

[the_geneticist]

Enough with the Zoom meetings!  I am all Zoomed out.

[FishProf]

When you email me "worried about your grade", but have failed to read the email explaining the guidebook, AND have failed to note that 20% of your grade hasn't happened yet, AND 30% hasn't been graded yet, it becomes difficult to take you seriously.

Seriously.  Calm the f down.

[fishbrains]

[Squints eyes and uses best Clint Eastwood voice]

Go ahead, make my day!

[Vkw10]

Just stamp them all "not approved." I don't need to review them.

[polly_mer]

I just took the mandatory training.  It had a good level of detail and it is very clear what I am to do as a worker.

However, if that's really the new operating procedure for the foreseeable future that may be more than six months, then there's no way that local K-12 schools will be physically meeting in the fall.  Colleges, either.