the "things you wish you could say" thread

[polly_mer]

I had an undergrad asking me to vouch for his presence in office hours so he could get an excused absence for another class. But he waited until six weeks after the fact to make the request. I told him I wouldn't do it, because I didn't remember him being there; it wouldn't be honest. He sent me a snooty reply expressing disappointment in my "lack of organization" and told me my failure to take attendance during office hours was negligent. I sent him a politely worded version of "Why the &?$! would I take attendance during optional office hours? I don't know a single TA or Prof who does this. Next time don't wait so long to submit a request like this and you might have better luck."

Pretty sure he was lying anyway, because I did write down what questions students asked in office hours and my memory could match specific faces to each question. His wasn't one of them. Maybe waiting six weeks was a strategy, and he hoped I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Whether he was lying or not,

1) a student does not get an excused absence from one class to attend office hours for a different class.  If necessary, one makes a special appointment to discuss the material for the other class if office hours and class time conflict.

2) six weeks is an absurd amount of time to wait.  Instead, the student should have had a D'Oh moment within hours, and asked for a voucher, although few professors will give any kind of excused absence for being elsewhere during class for a non-emergency or non-one-time-special-event-like-a-class-required-daylong-field-trip.

I did take attendance at everything so I had evidence to support judgment, not just my memory, even though the only way that attendance directly counted was for financial aid purposes for the last session attended. 

When students pleaded at the end of the course, I would check my records and then use the canned message of "When you repeat the course, I strongly suggest you increase your use of the materials on the LMS, problem-solving sessions, office hours, and similar scaffolding available to help students succeed in this course".  I never had to write a message regarding repeating the course to someone who was a regular attendee at office hours and problem-solving sessions for the majority of the semester.

[mamselle]

^ Unrelated to above.

Would you please stay in town and just do your job?

I've ended up both editing and proofing the whole magazine, which is fine for my CV but irksome in the extreme since I do have a few other things that I need to do as well!

I thought this was a shared task, but it seems to be sliding further and further over onto my desk.

And not being told that that would happen until mid-week last week, so I didn't have time to re-jigger my planning, is not cool. 

Grrrr....

M.

[EdnaMode]

Dear Students,

Please stop cheating. You suck at it. And I can provide incontrovertible proof that the two of you turned in the exact same file and the only difference was a change to the file name. I have mentioned before in class that the software we use tracks every single thing you do. Guess you didn't believe me. So now I have to fill out forms.

Thanks SO much for adding that fun element to my day.

Dr. Mode

[OneMoreYear]

So, y'all* claim you want to start the [online] exam early because you've already studied and you have nothing to do** between your morning class and mine.  Huh, well, since y'all complain about taking this class because it's hard, and the mean for this exam is traditionally a C, I certainly hope it's true that you have studied and are prepared to take this exam.***

*graduate students all taking the same two classes on Mondays
** What do you mean you have nothing to do?!
*** I'm not starting the exam early in hopes they are actually studying.

[fishbrains]

Dear Students,

Please stop cheating. You suck at it. And I can provide incontrovertible proof that the two of you turned in the exact same file and the only difference was a change to the file name. I have mentioned before in class that the software we use tracks every single thing you do. Guess you didn't believe me. So now I have to fill out forms.

Thanks SO much for adding that fun element to my day.

Dr. Mode

And don't lie to Mommy or Daddy or whoever else about your cheating. It's sad to see the look on a parent's face when they realize the kid they are sincerely trying to defend is just a lying little sack of $hit.

[fishbrains]

You know, "diversity" or "inclusive excellence" or whatever the f*ck you want to call it doesn't mean just finding people who look different than you but think the exact same things you do. I have my doubts that we are making a sincere effort here. 

[mamselle]

^ Unrelated...

You guys have all these cute rules about rotating off and so on, but no-one noticed that the whole Executive Committee is due to rotate off in January, and no new officers have been chosen to replace them, to say nothing of filling up that class year so there's a quorum for voting??

No-one, that is to say, until I did, but I'm just your lowly assistant....is anyone else paying attention?

I will be rather glad when this exquisite form of torture (paid though it be) is over.

M. 

[Economizer]

Admiralty law, UN commission on whatever, OPEC, and whatever are not able, as I understand it, and not allowing as I understand that, to resolve issues and remove a looming, 5x Exxon Valdez spill, environmental disaster that would slime the entirety of the CARRIBEAN BASIN.

Why doesn't some petroneedy nation or oil poor nations buy the stuff at a bargain price. There must be some group of insurance companies or save the seafood groups or some countries that would pay delivery costs.

Let me explain a bit. There is a, reportedly, huge, post panamax [won't fit through the Canal] storage
tanker listing and languishing off the northern coast of Venezuala. It is kinda immobile. It is tied up in red tape. It makes me think of the recent explosion in Lebanon where volatile cargo was not tended to. I am certain that we have enough catastrophies pending! GET ON IT People! I sure hope that it is not U.S. - Venezualan politics that is the cause of a stalemate re this.

[fishbrains]

Here's two dollars: Buy yourself a Coke and a smile, and then go f*ck yourself.

[Vkw10]

So sorry, but I'll be too busy filling out my retirement paperwork to attend your meeting. Hope it's productive!

Just 4.5 years to go. Most days, I like my work. Not this week.

[AmLitHist]

Either act like a functioning adult and do what you need to do--and stop giving a f*ck about how it makes other people feel or what they might say about you--or STFU.  If you refuse to care about yourself, stop expecting us to bend over backwards to care about you, and stop constantly looking to us for validation.

There's a big difference between being "fragile" and wallowing; you move beyond both by sucking it up, saying and meaning "I'm better than this, and you need to get out of my life." Worrying about unpleasant conversations is a dodge.  Just DO it and move on.

BTDT, and you aren't so special that you can't do it, too.  It wasn't easy, but it was easily the best thing I've ever done for myself and for the people around me.

[Economizer]

As a well paid representative of an extremly successful communications organization you SHOULD not allow yourself to become a part of the designed sloppy and rude treatment of your clientele, as it speaks of political scheming. Or, perhaps this is indolence which has, during this epidemic crisis, become an accepted component of your customer service persona!

[mamselle]

^ Unrelated...

You guys have all these cute rules about rotating off and so on, but no-one noticed that the whole Executive Committee is due to rotate off in January, and no new officers have been chosen to replace them, to say nothing of filling up that class year so there's a quorum for voting??

No-one, that is to say, until I did, but I'm just your lowly assistant....is anyone else paying attention?

I will be rather glad when this exquisite form of torture (paid though it be) is over.

M.

...AND, when I go to the trouble to update versions of things and send them out before my own work gets a chance to be done, please be so kind to use those updated versions and not send out the erroneous ones I corrected.

And if you're going to do two jobs all the time, at least put equal time on them. I'm getting tired of carrying the second one for you when it's you who is being paid to supply the leadership and organizational direction for the thing.

Again, it pays and it's flexible or it wouldn't be worth it.

Just hope I can hold out until February.

Sic transit opera....

M.

[ab_grp]

(unrelated)

I  #&^$%$%  told you so!  Good luck with that!

[Vkw10]

If you insist on participating in illegal activities, don't use your university email and don't tell me about it. Thank you for your cooperation.