the "things you wish you could say" thread

[fishbrains]

When I say "I'm sorry," I mean it the same way Howie does: https://youtu.be/BF_sahvR4mw.

[EdnaMode]

Dear "Millennial" applicant for our part time staff position,

Here's some career advice. Don't arrive late for your interview and say, "My bad, couldn't find a parking space," when we all know you were sent info on parking including a map and that info is also readily available on the campus website. Also, visitor parking is right beside the building and is never full these days. Don't tell us, "I'm a Millennial and I expect a quiet work space and an environment that is supportive of my needs, including having my own office, and pillows." And don't say you left your last job because it was boring. That may be true, but perhaps not the best way to phrase it, especially considering that the job we're interviewing you for is not the most exciting thing in the history if the world and involves making a lot of phone calls, filing reports (in a timely fashion), and doing whatever else the research faculty may need on a given day, all of which was on the list of requirements posted for the job.

Signed,

The search committee (who pretty much did a collective WTF? when the interview was over)

[apl68]

Sounds like that applicant may be overestimating just how hard-up employers are for employees at this point.  At least I hope so.

[sinenomine]

Pillows?!

[EdnaMode]

Pillows?!

Yep. Pillows. Not sure what they were for... Naps? Hugging on a bad day? Purely decoration? Guess I'll never find out because her CV went into the reject pile after that interview.

[smallcleanrat]

Dear "Millennial" applicant for our part time staff position,

Here's some career advice. Don't arrive late for your interview and say, "My bad, couldn't find a parking space," when we all know you were sent info on parking including a map and that info is also readily available on the campus website. Also, visitor parking is right beside the building and is never full these days. Don't tell us, "I'm a Millennial and I expect a quiet work space and an environment that is supportive of my needs, including having my own office, and pillows." And don't say you left your last job because it was boring. That may be true, but perhaps not the best way to phrase it, especially considering that the job we're interviewing you for is not the most exciting thing in the history if the world and involves making a lot of phone calls, filing reports (in a timely fashion), and doing whatever else the research faculty may need on a given day, all of which was on the list of requirements posted for the job.

Signed,

The search committee (who pretty much did a collective WTF? when the interview was over)

This sounds more like performance art than a real attempt at getting a job.

[Langue_doc]

Pillows?!

Yep. Pillows. Not sure what they were for... Naps? Hugging on a bad day? Purely decoration? Guess I'll never find out because her CV went into the reject pile after that interview.

I can think of at least one workplace where employees get private rooms and pillows in addition to other "comfortable" stuff, and where hugging is highly encouraged.

[Langue_doc]

Unrelated to the above.

Family of seven or eight adults the subway yesterday, did you really need to travel with that back scratcher? And run it up and down your backs under your garments in full view of your fellow riders? And then proceed to pass it around so that the next person could use it without even bothering to wipe it down? And be loud the entire time?

[mamselle]

Things I wish I could say in a global sense:

"We have peace in Eastern Europe...."

M.

[alto_stratus]

That was a great meeting about gaslighting. . . I mean, employee development! Which is apparently is the alternative to paying people what their worth or offering opportunities for advancement. Super. I hope your soul woke up at some point today, and you can't get to sleep tonight.

[apl68]

Grouchy Patron Who Harasses Staff and Other Patrons Alike, I have a few things I'd like to say to you.  I've already told you just last week to knock it off.  This morning I find that you got into it with somebody once again yesterday, shortly after I left for the day.  I came in here with a whole stack of things I needed to do, and have instead had to spend the whole morning interviewing staff members and writing up a report on your foolishness.  This is the third reportable incident we have on you within two months!

I'd like to tell you some things, but I'm going to let the police tell you instead.  An officer just picked up the ban notice to serve you.  If you come in this afternoon, we will call them and have them serve it here.  Otherwise you'll be hearing a knock on your door soon.  Three strikes and you're out!

The year before last you got banned for three months.  This time it will be for a year.  I'd just as soon make it a lifetime ban, but colleagues advised me that that might be seen as excessive.  As terrible as it may seem to say this, I would not be displeased if God chose to make it both.

[mamselle]

Wow.

Sorry you're having to deal with all that.

Good that you have some tools in your pouch to address the situation--hope they take this time.

All good thoughts.

M.

[apl68]

Follow-up:  The patron did come back while I was on break, so the staff called the police and had him served.  As he was going away, he spotted me walking back from lunch and accosted me in the street.  I said I was returning to work.  So he let me walk back to the building and then called.  I tried to explain why we had done it, but he wouldn't hear me out.  Par for the course with this patron. 

The officer who served the notice happened to still be there, and overheard the call.  I spoke with him a bit about the situation.  He said that if the patron tries to harass us over the phone, we can make out an affidavit about that.  Meanwhile the police will enforce the ban if he tries to come around here again.

I've spent most of the day contacting the police, the state library (So it will be on record that we've consulted regarding best practices in situations like this), the Mayor's office, and the Board of Trustees so that everybody who needs to know about this/might hear complaints about it knows.  And debriefing staff, some of whom are really scared of the guy, although I personally doubt he poses any physical threat (He's basically a grumpy little old man). 

He has built up a long rap sheet of library incident reports over the past few years.  We've been more than forebearing with him.  With this much documentation, I think we're pretty well covered.  We've given him lots of rope, and he has well and truly hanged himself.

A real waste of a beautiful spring day when I had hoped to get lots of other things done at work.

[mamselle]

I hope you get a nice day tomorrow or/and for your next day off, to make up for it!

M.

[ciao_yall]

Because I've seen this movie before...

TYPICAL SCENARIO
ME: This needs to get done.
MANAGEMENT: No, it doesn't.
ME: Lobbying, explaining, documenting, training...
MANAGEMENT: Whatever, we'll do it, just be quiet.
(Upon successful project)
MANAGEMENT: We are so smart and proactive, aren't we?

ALTERNATIVE ENDING
ME: This needs to get done.
MANAGMENT: No, it doesn't.
ME: Whatever.
MANAGEMENT: That was easy. You are so well-behaved.
(Later)
MANAGEMENT: Wailing and gnashing teeth, excrement hitting the ventilator...
ME: Alternatives?

• Helping bail these a$$clowns out of a mess of their own making;
• Doing the "I told you so" dance;
• Blissfully unaware because I have a new job.