the "things you wish you could say" thread

[archaeo42]

As originally started by mountainguy

Title is pretty self-explanatory. Use this thread to say things that you wish you could say in real life, but know well enough to keep to yourself:

"Yeah, what are you going to do about it?? Fire me??"

"That might have been trendy . . . in 1975."

What I Wish I Could Say (WIWICS): you don't get jokes, do you?

[mamselle]

Your attention is always divided between these two jobs and the one I'm working at seems to keep going mostly because I'm working at it and paying attention, and notifying you of things when needed.

Wish I could ask for both a raise and a title change; might at least start thinking about the latter; I know the former isn't likely since I also do the books...

M.

[science.expat]

Dear boss,

You are a dickhead.

Sincerely, SE

[polly_mer]

*laughter*

Oh, no.  Ah, no.  No.  NO!  NO!!!!

*laughter*

[sprout]

I do not think your definition of need and my definition of need are the same.

[turing_complete]

There are four authors on your paper.  Choosing the student who's about to graduate (and lose their email address before the camera-ready is submitted) as the only contact author was perhaps not the most foresightful option.

[Vkw10]

We need someone who can collect and organize basic data for administrative reports. That doesn't require a master's in data science or anything else. Just sign it!

[hmaria1609]

To teen patron: you have too much time on your hands!

[Liquidambar]

When you let me reserve that classroom, you might have mentioned that you would be out that day and couldn't unlock it for me.  Now I don't feel as sorry about the stack of paperwork I'm about to dump on your desk Monday.

[nescafe]

To student emailer seeking new advisor:

Oh, my colleague told you to email me, eh? He's the one who recommended you contact me with this request? Hm. That's interesting.

[FishProf]

Why are you trying to tell us you didn't say it?  We all know you said it.

If that isn't what you meant, just say that.  We can understand that.  Now you just look ridiculous.

[science.expat]

Dear boss,

I was so right in my earlier description of you.

Best regards, SE

[Scotia]

Dear boss,

I was so right in my earlier description of you.

Best regards, SE

You are so rarely wrong! I should know better by now, but I continue to be amazed at how the incompetent, the poisonous and, most dangerously, those who combine both traits, continue to rise up the career ladder while patently competent and good human beings are overlooked. It doesn't just happen in academia (see current government in UK and POTUS).

[paultuttle]

Was there ever a moment during the week and a half between the task assignment and the deadline when you could have told me you were unable to complete the task?

[the_geneticist]

Can we please plan ahead and schedule meetings in advance?  You know, so we can get them on the books before we are all super busy?  Maybe have some time so if things go sideways it's not always a last minute crisis?
It's hard enough to get 6+ folks to find a day and time we can all meet, let alone if the organizer declares that we suddenly all have to meet with less than a week's notice.