the "things you wish you could say" thread

[fishbrains]

I'm having a difficult time figuring out why your inability to read a calendar after 12 years of primary and secondary education should be my problem. Pull your head out, goofball.

[AmLitHist]

^ I see we share students again this semester, Fishbrains.  (And maybe a couple of administrators, too.)

[fishbrains]

The "I didn't know" excuse is definitely wearing thin here in week two.

[ab_grp]

What the hell is the point of allowing a 2-hour exclusion window for delivery of a very, very heavy item on a very, very windy day if you're just going to deliver it right smack in the middle of that window?! ARGH!!!!!!!

[Katrina Gulliver]

You're not my student, but someone should tell you: one way to guarantee you don't get a prize/job/grant or anything else, is to start arguing with the committee chair.
(and no, we don't accept entries TWO MONTHS after the deadline).

[sinenomine]

To a faculty member in my department: You need to be aware of campus policies. Don't act all aggrieved because you didn't do your due diligence and expect everyone else to make up for your oversights. You teach students about information literacy and effective research — model it yourself!

[fishbrains]

You seem to think that the point of attending college is to have your professors tell you that you're smart. But there is a serious flaw in your approach . . .

[AmLitHist]

You seem to think that the point of attending college is to have your professors tell you that you're smart. But there is a serious flaw in your approach . . .

But. . . they're paying your salary to tell them how wonderful they are, FishBrains!  Did you miss the memo?

<<ducks and hobbles away>>

[hmaria1609]

I wrote in my e-mail that I'd show you how to do this task and gave you the pertinent link for you with more details. Now I hear you called our library associate director over my e-mail. Why?!

[sinenomine]

To my colleagues on the screen: We've all been using Zoom almost daily for over three years. Figure out how to mute and unmute yourselves!!

[permanent imposter]

Esteemed senior colleague, you knew I had to turn in this report at the end of the semester which relied on data you needed to provide me from your course. This was also my first time writing the report and as with many things in this program, you provided little to no guidance.

You chose to wait until the last week of class to provide the data. And although you did finally tell me how to format the report, you don't get to email me less than 24 hours later demanding to know why I haven't formatted the report to your exact specifications yet. The semester just ended, I just submitted grades and I'm taking some breathing time with my family. The report is not due for another week — sheesh!

[Wahoo Redux]

Please, wash your hands.

Please, wash your hands after using the bathroom.

Please, please, please, wash your hands after using the bathroom and before handing out the silverware.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Please, wash your hands.

Please, wash your hands after using the bathroom.

Please, please, please, wash your hands after using the bathroom and before handing out the silverware.

Eww.

[Thursday's_Child]

How did you get to be such a shrew while still so very young?  Granted, your email hit on every probable point & accusation that would cause a K-12 teacher pain and trouble.  Except, of course, that you're in college now.  I did take the time to point out that you were the only student who failed to follow the assignment instructions, but I don't expect you to learn from that - not when you seem so very committed to improving your grades with a (written) cudgel.

[ergative]

Dear editor, I don't think I fully understood what a hard-core frequentist you were until you cast shade on Bayesian methods by invoking the climate crisis and criticising brms because it takes more carbon than simpler frequentist tests. I promise you, running a 400-ms test with lmer instead of a 4-second brm with brms is not going to make one iota of difference with respect to carbon emissions.