the "things you wish you could say" thread

[ergative]

Are you actually going to fire him? That seems a bit harsh. I mean, I know I've been complaining about him not pulling his weight, and I do quite like the person you're proposing to hire instead, but firing him seems a bit extreme. I think you won't make many friends if you go through with it.

[the_geneticist]

I love answering emails that have questions I already answered in: the syllabus, the announcement on the LMS, my previous emails.
No really, keep them coming.

[FishProf]

No, no, I think it is GREAT that you are planning spaces for Underrepresented students you want to bring to campus.

Is that in addition to or instead of much needed spaces for the students we currently have?

Ponder that.  I'll wait.

[Puget]

To student number 1: No student, the fact that you decided to travel out of state next week to visit friends at a time when students are being strongly discouraged from leaving the metro area at all, and will be on a train during class time doesn't mean you can attend the other section's discussion section and have their deadline for the in class assignment. It most certainly doesn't mean you can have an extension on the assignment due before class that you have all week to do based on the asynchronous online lecture. Seriously, what made you think I would go for that??
(I actually did say all of that except the last sentence).

To student number 2: No, the fact that you scheduled the LSAT for this week and priortized that over the exam in this class doesn't make it "unfair" that you have to take the exam in this class. Do you really think you are the only student to have ever taken a graduate entrance exam during the semester? When I pointed out that you had the same opportunity as all other students to re-take one of the exams during finals and replace your earlier grade, the approprate response was "oh, sorry I didn't pay attention to that in the syllabus and course intro video, thanks so much!" not "But way can't I just have a few day's extension?".  Your behavior doesn't bode well for law school, but then again maybe that's what they're looking for?

I love answering emails that have questions I already answered in: the syllabus, the announcement on the LMS, my previous emails.
No really, keep them coming.

My response to these emails is very short:
"See syllabus."
"See course annoucment email"
as appropriate.

[fishbrains]

Your mama.

[ciao_yall]

Dumb decisions have consequences...

[dr_codex]

Many of our colleagues retired with grace and dignity over the summer.

Remind me why you didn't, this time without the complaints about the world, and including your unwillingness to put the safety of our community first?

[Harlow2]

Dear administrator:  your attempts to, as you say, think outside the box, aren't that at all.  And since you weren't at any of the many meetings we held over the past 2 years it would be wise to just listen.

[EdnaMode]

You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

[wareagle]

Thank you SO much for misleading me about the state of my department and its future; I am so glad I pulled up stakes to join your shit show.  In 34 years, this is hands-down the biggest CF I've ever inherited, and that's saying something.

[the_geneticist]

You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious! 

[EdnaMode]

You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious!

Delicious, but good only for decorative purposes... melts in hot water :)

[the_geneticist]

You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious!

Delicious, but good only for decorative purposes... melts in hot water :)

Being decorative, but not functional is a noble goal for many folks.

[EdnaMode]

You, sir, are a waste of space here at our noble institution, and are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Also, Hercule Poirot could pull off wearing that moustache, you, however, cannot.

Have an excellent day, I hope you spend the rest of it not causing more harm than good,

EM

A chocolate teapot sounds delicious!

Delicious, but good only for decorative purposes... melts in hot water :)

Being decorative, but not functional is a noble goal for many folks.

Yes, indeed! And I think academe collects more than its fair share of those folks.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Unrelated.

Read the God damned instructions! I'm really getting tired of emails asking which equation they should use. It's in the damn lab handout!

READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!