the "things you wish you could say" thread

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Unrelated

Student:

According to the syllabus, I do not respond to email on weekends, so that, you know, I can have some time off. Considering that I put in 10+ hour days responding to email, creating content, grading and dealing with dumbass administration mistakes, I think that it's ok that I don't respond to your Saturday email asking about your grade. IMO, if you can't calculate your grade, then you really shouldn't be in college.

[Economizer]

What, not wear masks! I am amazed that we are not tightening up restrictions as opposed to loosening them. That goes right down to manditory clean grooming enforcement and no spitting on sidewalks enforcement!

[OneMoreYear]

Student, if you are going to lie to me, lie about something not so easily checked.  Lying about something that obvious makes me think that you don't think I'm very smart.

[ab_grp]

I'm delighted that you're delighted to tell us all about your recent [reorg, article, etc.].

[jimbogumbo]

You guys are stark raving mad!

[mamselle]

You guys are stark raving mad!

Can I borrow this?

The dozen sweet, well-meaning board members I'm dealing with this week deserve to hear it at least once a day, but it's not my job to say it.

M.

[jimbogumbo]

You guys are stark raving mad!

Can I borrow this?

The dozen sweet, well-meaning board members I'm dealing with this week deserve to hear it at least once a day, but it's not my job to say it.

M.

Feel free!

[apl68]

I appreciate your concern about murder hornets and wanting to keep the building safe from any insect threats.  But I felt a little silly showing our pest control sprayer that deceased garden-variety bug you insisted on saving for him just to reassure you that we'd checked it out with an expert.

[mamselle]

Maybe it's a killer bee instead?

;--}

M.

[AmLitHist]

You guys are stark raving mad!

Can I borrow this?

The dozen sweet, well-meaning board members I'm dealing with this week deserve to hear it at least once a day, but it's not my job to say it.

M.

Somehow I read that as "the dozen sweet-smelling board members."  HUH?  Clearly, it's time to shut things down for the day.

[mahagonny]

So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.

[polly_mer]

So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.

The article I read was more than 839 words on that topic.  The commentariat was not kind to the author in the comments.

[FishProf]

Dear Provost,
Congratulations!  You have entirely alienated the faculty, especially the Department Chairs.  Your acontractual and anti-contractual dictates have burned any residual good will you may have had.

Have you ever heard of malicious compliance?  You are about to experience a full-on demonstration.

This isn't going to end the way you think.

Fishprof

[mamselle]

So you wrote a whole article to complain that Trump tried to appeal to the female vote by saying 'I'm putting your husbands back to work' and how sexist that is, and how no women will vote for him now. He just put a woman on the Supreme Court. He knows women work full time. 839 words to say one silly thing. This is how much feminists don't get America.

Starting with.....hmm....Anne Dudley Hutchinson? Philis Wheatly?

Mercy Warren Oliver? Deborah Sampson? ...Abigail Smith Adams?

Their voices and actions contributed as much to the strength and survival of this land as those of their male contemporaries.

Maybe your concept of nation is too small....

M.

[OneMoreYear]

No, clueless upper-level administrator, the reason that our department requires an administrative assistant is not because the faculty don't want to make their copies.  I just can't even . . .