the "things you wish you could say" thread

[Vkw10]

Pushy telemarketer, I've had a hectic afternoon dealing with assorted things, some of which have come up unexpectedly.  I've been unable to take care of everything I had planned to do as it is.  I don't have the time to deal with you.  No means no!

I usually just say, "No, thank you. Goodbye." They rarely call back during the same week.

[ergative]

STOP USING HYPHENS AS EM-DASHES. They aren't the same thing. Just stoppit.

[FishProf]

No, I didn't have any symptoms from the 2nd Pfizer shot either.


Oh how I wish I could say that

[ergative]

No, I didn't have any symptoms from the 2nd Pfizer shot either.


Oh how I wish I could say that

I'm so sorry you're uncomfortable. There are lots of mitigating things I could add (e.g., 'that's how you know it's working!') but I'm sure you know them already, and the present discomfort must still suck. My following aspirational statement in no way is intended to minimize what you're feeling right now.

I wish I could say any of these things:

I had lots of symptoms for my 2nd Pfizer shot!
I had no symptoms for my 2nd Pfizer shot!
I had lots of symptoms after my 1st Pfizer shot!
I had no symptoms after my 1st Pfizer shot!
.
.
.
I had lots of symptoms after ANY FREAKING SHOT AT ALL
I had no symptoms after ANY FREAKING SHOT AT ALL
I'm so thrilled that my demographic group is now eligible for shots!

[FishProf]

Thanks for the good will.

It just sucks.  But less than Covid.

This too will pass. 

I was so happy to get access to the J&J vaccine that when it got paused and I was offered Pfizer instead, I didn't even consider when the 2nd shot would be.  Finals and Grading week.  Of course.

[EdnaMode]

Dear Stu,

Do not email the dept chair with one story and your advisor with another. It's like trying to play Mom vs. Dad. It won't work. We talk to each other.

Good luck, you're going to need it,

Dr. Mode

[AmLitHist]

[Am I the only one who gets irrationally pissed off at things like this?]

What was the irrational part?

Thanks for the laugh (and the reality check!), FishProf!  Sometimes I get so deep into the layers of The Crazy that I wonder if it really IS just me.

Thankfully, there hasn't been a follow-up email yet today from the Dean, which I was expecting.  Maybe the opportunity was taken up by a faculty colleague more willing to suck up than I.

[FishProf]

Dear VAP,
Do not email the President with one story and the Provost with another that amounts to begging for your job. It's like trying to play Mom vs. Dad. It won't work. We talk to each other.
Good luck, you're going to need it, (and now the Dean really doesn't like you)
FishPof

Fixed that for you me

[AvidReader]

Dear students,

When there are 5 readings for the exam and you are required to use 2 on the exam, reading only the first 2 on the list and then trying to figure out how to make them work with your chosen question is a lot more work--in a tight time frame--than reading even 3 or 4 of the readings and then picking 2 that are actually related to the question you chose. I promise.

AR.

[Harlow2]

Dear first-year doctoral student:  I haven't been by a student if an outline for a paper is "what I'm looking for" since I taught in a middle school, and what you sent is a short list of what you called headlines (I think you meant headers), not an outline. I fear you will not make it if you don't mature quickly.  How the heck did you earn a masters degree? And earn admission to our program?

[EdnaMode]

Dear VAP,
Do not email the President with one story and the Provost with another that amounts to begging for your job. It's like trying to play Mom vs. Dad. It won't work. We talk to each other.
Good luck, you're going to need it, (and now the Dean really doesn't like you)
FishPof

Fixed that for you me

It's frustrating and perhaps a wee bit funny when it's from students, especially freshpeeps. But from a theoretical adult? That's just pathetic.

[AvidReader]

Since the date for Spring graduation was on the calendar last fall, and still on the Spring calendar at the start of the Spring semester, perhaps it would have been useful to send out some kind of update when the graduation date was changed, rather than just quietly updating the calendar page sometime in the middle of the semester? In future, would it perhaps be advisable to label it "tentative" if it is likely to change? Just some ideas.
AR.

[ciao_yall]

Trying to hide your screwups is making things worse than just owning it and moving on.

[Economizer]

Well, I need to hide a non-screwup that folks possibly think was a selfish and inconsiderate act.

You see, I was in a fuel pump line which contained vehicles that could most effectively go to either side of the "pump island". Now, as most drivers realize, quickly, some makes of vehicles have their fueling access on the right side of their vehicle and others have that on the left. So, I left my place in the queue to go to the pump, going around a large pickup truck of a make which called for a "gas up" on the other side of the fuel island.

At first, the pick up driver appeared to be upset. However, I quickly explained my logic to "hu", and even offered to go back to the "end of the line" if that what was hu felt was right. Hu conceded to my move. But, by-drivers onlooking seemed "not to get it" and recorded visuals of the incident on their phones, and expressed dismay and  anger in their faces. Though I was less than mortified, still, I yearned for a way to explain to the "witnesses"! Even worse, the incident, captured electronically, was sent to local and national media outlets. Yep, I was the guy in the white SUV. I am almost sure of it. By writing this, perhaps I am somewhat VINdicated, huh?

[Economizer]

I have just received a financial communique from my colleague Professor Maywell B. True, THE BROADCAST SEMANTICIST. TRUE is directing current research into cyberfraud/disruptions in terms of felons serving or that have been serving prison sentences for such, by decade, since the beginning of modern recordkeeping [1980?] and sums "filched" (in 2020 US$) in those time periods. He reports, " ..tough going, ongoing. Looks like rogue tabulators have been up on the clouds monkeying with the stat bait". He goes on to say, "SHEESH!