the "things you wish you could say" thread

[the_geneticist]

Dear Organizers of Big International Conference,
I agree that it's safer that you have moved the conference to online.  But you did this the DAY BEFORE it started!  Folks are already there, already paid your stupidly expensive registration fees, and the conference will no longer have all of the previously scheduled speakers, no poster sessions & no vendors.
Pretty sure most folks will want their money back & not your "promise to apply the funds to next years registration". I pity all the admin assistants who have to figure out how to reimburse someone for a conference that is technically happening, but no longer includes food. 

[mamselle]

Wow.

How can you even do that?

I mean, the online setups for the two conferences I attended virtually last spring must have taken months to arrange.

People are really dumb, sometimes...

M.

[apl68]

No, patron, we can't do that.  Yes, we will print official documents for you, but we can't and won't help you to forge one by photomanipulating your name onto it.  Go and get the document through proper channels, even if it does cost you some time and money.

I had half a mind to let you go ahead and do it and let you find out for yourself that you couldn't get away with it....

[mamselle]

Ummm...

If they're just adding their own electronic signature, using a .jpg or other visual file, that's actually kosher. (I just did it for a cover letter today, and have done so for probably, 20 years now. There's even a function in Adobe that lets you download it and just call it up to insert in a .pdf form.)

It's adding other peoples' signatures that's less cool....unless they're your boss and they've approved it (which I've also done, only ever with approval).

But you're not their secretary, would be my objection.

If they're inserting visuals into a file, they should know how to do it themselves, or else pay someone to help them.

M.

[apl68]

Ummm...

If they're just adding their own electronic signature, using a .jpg or other visual file, that's actually kosher. (I just did it for a cover letter today, and have done so for probably, 20 years now. There's even a function in Adobe that lets you download it and just call it up to insert in a .pdf form.)

It's adding other peoples' signatures that's less cool....unless they're your boss and they've approved it (which I've also done, only ever with approval).

But you're not their secretary, would be my objection.

If they're inserting visuals into a file, they should know how to do it themselves, or else pay someone to help them.

M.

Without getting into too much detail, that's not what was being attempted here.  This was an attempt at what amounted to forgery.  Think something along the lines of a person who hasn't taken an actual driving test trying to put his name and photo on a driver's license pattern to create a "license" to show when he tries to drive.  This patron was trying to produce a document saying that he had done something he was legally required to do when by his own admission he hadn't.  He'd never have gotten away with it, but we had no business even helping him to try.

[mamselle]

Oh, my, my....

Got it.

Wow.

M.

[apl68]

Okay, cataloger, I've sanitary-wiped everything in your work station that I touched, sprayed the whole area with Lysol (It's a wonder you haven't developed breathing problems, you use so much of the stuff!), and wiped down your can of Lysol after I handled it.  This after washing my hands before using your workstation, and wearing a mask the whole time I was there.

The funny thing about all this hygiene theater you're making me go through is that you're the one who's already had COVID (much earlier in the pandemic), not me!

[ciao_yall]

What are they putting in your Kool-Aid?

[Istiblennius]

Pedantry moment coming at you -
Flavor Aid, not Kool Aid.
https://www.vox.com/2015/5/23/8647095/kool-aid-jonestown-flavor-aid

[the_geneticist]

Dear Colleagues,
It's not my job to teach you how to [write online exams, upload files to LMS, check that the settings for your class/exam/video are what you want, etc, etc.].  If you are clever enough to run a grant-funded research lab, you are clever enough to learn how to do this.  We have folks on campus where it IS their job to train you how to do these things, but you would have to plan ahead to attend a workshop/seminar/email them nicely in advance.  You waiting to the last minute & panicking is not my problem. 
The_Geneticist

[sinenomine]

Dear Colleagues,
It's not my job to teach you how to [write online exams, upload files to LMS, check that the settings for your class/exam/video are what you want, etc, etc.].  If you are clever enough to run a grant-funded research lab, you are clever enough to learn how to do this.  We have folks on campus where it IS their job to train you how to do these things, but you would have to plan ahead to attend a workshop/seminar/email them nicely in advance.  You waiting to the last minute & panicking is not my problem. 
The_Geneticist

Hear, hear!

[Istiblennius]

Dear Colleagues,
It's not my job to teach you how to [write online exams, upload files to LMS, check that the settings for your class/exam/video are what you want, etc, etc.].  If you are clever enough to run a grant-funded research lab, you are clever enough to learn how to do this.  We have folks on campus where it IS their job to train you how to do these things, but you would have to plan ahead to attend a workshop/seminar/email them nicely in advance.  You waiting to the last minute & panicking is not my problem. 
The_Geneticist

Unfortunately, around here, that list also includes "teach you to use the printer and copier and your email account"

[OneMoreYear]

When my 1st year students engage in that type of reductionist thinking, I understand that it is part of their early adulthood development. But I would certainly hope that anyone who has achieved a advanced degree would be capable of more nuanced consideration. It's not black and white, people. Embrace the dialectical thinking and let's move forward.

[arcturus]

We just took a vote. It was unanimous. Please stop your long winded discussion about how you do not trust unanimous votes. You started the meeting by stating that you prefer to have votes because you don't trust "consensus" determinations. First of all, we are voting to *continue doing what we are already doing*. To vote against would require significant reasons. Unanimous approval is the expected outcome. Please, please stop talking and wasting our time. We are going to vote to approve everything on the docket today.

[mamselle]

We just took a vote. It was unanimous. Please stop your long winded discussion about how you do not trust unanimous votes. You started the meeting by stating that you prefer to have votes because you don't trust "consensus" determinations. First of all, we are voting to *continue doing what we are already doing*. To vote against would require significant reasons. Unanimous approval is the expected outcome. Please, please stop talking and wasting our time. We are going to vote to approve everything on the docket today.

Sort of the corollary to "If I didn't win there must have been something wrong with the electoral process" theory.

Some people just don't know how to lose, or how "lose" works.

M.