Humor and Wisdom in a time of Plague...(w/apologies to D. Defoe)

[Cheerful]

Boss:  You're the worst conductor in the railroad business.  How many trains did you derail last year?

Conductor:  Not sure.  It's so hard to keep track.


(Source:  2020 Page-A-Day Calendar.  Author not listed.)

[Economizer]

Do I have a YADA DADA DAH DA [2X] YADA DADA DAH DAH DA?
A 2nd?

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

:)

[Economizer]

From Elvis on SERIUSXM:

GET OUTTA THE BARN GRAN'MA, YOU' TOO OLD TO BE HORS'N AROUND!

[Economizer]

From comedian "Loansome" George Goebel, circa 1970 (a man ahead of his time):

"..and she.was wearing a gownless evening strap."

And, upon finding himself sitting on a dais between legendary entertainer Bob  Hope and talkshow impressario Johnny Carson:

" I feel like a pair of brown shoes with a tuxedo."

[Economizer]

 In this trying time many find themselves, even after the several months since the onset of Conavirus 19, having to work from home. It is important to establish a structured day. I, myself, have made a routine that accomplishes that. I get iup around 7a.m., think through the tasks I must take on each day and make a note of the a proper order I should address them, as tidy up my living quarters. Then, I prepare a nutritious and, most days, a tasty breakfast while thinking of healthy exercises that I can work into this workday. I have read that it is important to reward oneself for doing these things, so I go back to bed! VOILA.

[Economizer]

Question & Answer

Q. What other are "donkeys" called?
A.  Don't ask me, I'm an Independent.

[Economizer]

Coved 19 onomatopoeiaish pun

One worried harlot overheard talking to another: "You know, I'm getting an uneasy feeling about it not being easy to be easy."

[Cheerful]

😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

Q:  What can't your nose be 12 inches long?


     A:  Because then it would be a foot.
_______________________________________________
Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning?


      It was a vicious cycle.
______________________________________________
Never buy anything with Velcro.


     It's a total rip-off.
________________________________________________
Q:  When is a door not a door?


     A:  When it's ajar.

😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
(Source: Reader's Digest, Canada.)

[Economizer]

Knowing he's well off, a beautiful young woman came up to comedian Buddy Hackett and said, "I'll do anything you want me to do for $600." His reply, "Okay, paint my house!"

I especially liked that of his as it comedically demonstrates maturity. I have heard that there are comedians doing acts and jokes of the middle 20th to late 20th Century comedians on cruise ships. And,, I've heard.nothing bad about that.

[Economizer]

Is dark humor allowed, here?

[Economizer]

So, hearing no objections: 3 syllables > two words, SOYLENT GREEN.

[Economizer]

Knowing he's well off, a beautiful young woman came up to comedian Buddy Hackett and said, "I'll do anything you want me to do for $600." His reply, "Okay, paint my house!"

I especially liked that of his as it comedically demonstrates maturity. I have heard that there are comedians doing acts and jokes of the middle 20th to late 20th Century comedians on cruise ships. And,, I've heard.nothing bad about that.

And, those comedians, because of the abrupt stoppage and rescheduling of cruises, might be stranded
who knows where? Maybe Variety or some other entertainers organization needs to check into that. It has been reported recentlly, that due to Coved 19, some 40,000 seafarers were stranded worldwide.

[Vkw10]

You said things would be back to normal next month. Julyed.

(Source: Facebook)

[fishbrains]

My youngest daughter--boy crazed at fifteen--wanted to show a potential beau that she is the outdoors type. For some reason, she wanted to know the most humane way to kill a fish when fishing. I told her, in my best dead-pan, that I had learned in Boy Scouts that the most humane way to kill a fish was to drown it--that it just takes a little longer than other methods.

Apparently, she missed the joke and made the suggestion to the potential beau. She hasn't spoken to me for a week.

And now I'm the bad guy.