RIP: To remember those lost to us, whether close or at large

[bioteacher]

Nescafe, I am so very sorry to hear of your devastating loss. Please seek out some sort of counseling when you are ready. You are a survivor of so much, and the scabs and scars that helped you function have been ripped open with this terrible loss. Getting the right support to help you process this all might make the road forward a bit less awful. Hugs and love to you. 

[mamselle]

I've been absent from these fora for a few weeks, but just logged in to do some PMs. My little brother (in his thirties) died in a motor vehicle accident very recently. I'm totally devastated and feeling like my life has lost its rudder. I haven't been sleeping effectively. And for a lot of reasons linked to the circumstances within which we grew up together (mostly familial abuse), I'm really angry with the world for the unfairness that his life ended well before it got to the good part.

I just needed to share that. Thanks.

Thinking of you. And him.

M.

[ab_grp]

Sending my condolences to you, Nescafe.   What a terrible loss to suffer.  Take care.

[aside]

I am so sorry for your tragic loss, Nescafe.

[paultuttle]

My deepest condolences to you, nescafe.

[AmLitHist]

I'm so sorry, nescafe.

Literary critic Harold Bloom has died.

[ab_grp]

I don't have the background to comment on Harold Bloom's work and the criticism of or praise for it, but I did have the opportunity to have dinner with him and his family once.  Definitely an interesting character and very learned, and we had quite the discussion.  He was larger than life, and it is strange to think about him being gone. 

[secundem_artem]

My fieldwork & clinical practice site is in Central America where I work with a small NGO.  The staff there were led by Mr. Rudy who was the main driver for mobiles out to the villages and as I called him, "our roving ambassador of goodwill." He was well known in the community and everybody knew and liked him.  i last saw him in September and was greeted by his usual "Hi Doc!" and we chatted a bit.  I just found out Mr Rudy had a heart attack and died.  I can't tell you how sad that makes me.  Bumping along in a Toyota Land Cruiser over a lousy road on the way to Barranco will never be the same.  Peace friend - we are all going to miss you.

[larryc]

My mom died in September. She was 93.

When mom graduated from high school in 1946 she bought a car and she and three of her girlfriends drove around the county. They stayed in cheap motels and saw the national parks and the Rocky Mountains and the Pacific Ocean. They had crackers and cheese and sometimes tuna fish for three meals a day. She talked about it her whole life.

Mom worked hard to provide us with as good a childhood as she could. Dad drank and was intermittently employed. I remember so many Saturday trips growing up, mom would pack sandwiches and we'd get in the Falcon station wagon and go to some state park or museum or historic site. One time when I was maybe 9 or 10 I saw a newspaper article about some Chinese bronzes being exhibited at a university on the other side of the state and mom drove me out there to look at them. She waited in the car, I realize now because she did not have enough money to pay a second admission charge. I am just realizing that now.

She worked mostly as a bookkeeper after my parents divorced. When she was in her fifties her boss asked her what she had for retirement. It was not much, just a small nest egg from the sale of our family house. He convinced her to let him invest it. I know what you are thinking, but it turns out he was some kind of genius in this regard, and against all odds, she retired comfortably.

Mom used her retirement to do all of the travel she had been unable to do. She found a tour company she liked and made a circle of friends and they went on adventures together. The Castles of Ireland and Scotland was one tour. The Great Rivers of Europe Cruise. The Great Wall of China. Canadian Maritimes Cruise. Highlights of Eastern Europe. One summer she met up with one of my distant great aunts who had an RV and they drove most of the West Coast. She visited me in different National Parks where I worked, in grad school in Washington State and Virginia, and at our home in Washington numerous times. She took Amtrak across the country to visit two years ago, getting a sleeper berth.

I say retirement, but she never quite retired. She'd work for a tax accountant every February-March to help with the rush. She got a part-time job at a small retirement community and ended up running the place for a number of years. She returned to the part-time job and did that until last year. Sometimes I'd call her and ask what she had going on. "Oh I am going to see the old people this weekend," she'd say.

I saw mom in August, a month before she died. She was fading, she had difficulty walking and her hearing was terrible. We were able to go on a lighthouse tour of Long Island Sound, which she really enjoyed. She had hearing aids but refused to wear them. "You really mumble!" she told me. "You've always mumbled but it has gotten a lot worse!"

My older sister is going through mom's things. Yesterday I got an envelope from her, stuffed with newspaper clippings about me and report cards of mine that mom had saved. I teared up for the first time since she died.

[namazu]

Larry, what a lovely tribute to MomC. May her memory be a source of comfort to you.

Secundem Artem, I'm sorry for your loss and that of all who knew Mr. Rudy.

[aside]

Beautiful post, LarryC.  Your mother sounds like the salt of the earth.  I am sorry for your loss.

Secundem_artem, my condolences for the loss of Mr. Rudy.  I hope we have all been fortunate enough to have encountered someone like him in our endeavors.

[mamselle]

Agree.

Larryc, your mom sounds like a wise captain of the ship that was her life, and yours.

Mr. Rudy reminds me of the jocular camp caretaker where I had my first job as a counselor...lived blessings, both of them.

M.

[ciao_yall]

larryc may her memory be a blessing and a source of comfort to you.

[bioteacher]

I'm very sorry for your loss, Larry. Thank you for sharing those memories with us.

Grief is not linear and it isn't scripted. There is no Right Way to grieve, only the right way for you. Some find the tears don't stop, others discover they cry infrequently but have other outlets. Please don't feel guilty for crying/not crying. She loved you and was proud of you. Your grief journey is as unique as the woman she was. Hugs.

Secundem_artem, Mr. Rudy clearly made an impression on many who had the pleasure of crossing his path. Thank you for letting us get to know him a little bit. We are so blessed by so many people we only meet in passing. Your post is a reminder to be thankful for them when and where we find them.

[Anselm]

Neil Peart, drummer for Rush, age 67.