Caring for Elderly Parents

[apl68]

My parents have been without electricity since the storms on Sunday evening.  They live out in the country and have a generator, so they've been okay.  It has mainly been an inconvenience.

Mom had a recent bout with cancer.  They caught it early and removed the cancer.  She now faces a series of radiation treatments that are due to start this coming week.  Dad will have to drive her a two hour-plus round trip to attend those, and presumably won't be allowed inside the building with her.  He had heart surgery last year and doesn't really need that, but he's up for it.

Although I've been completely asymptomatic and have had little face-to-face contact in recent weeks, I did get tested for Covid-19 earlier this week.  I expect a negative result back today.  Assuming that is the case, I'm considering heading to their house sometime next week, working around my work schedule.  I really feel like they could use some kind of help.

[the_geneticist]

Looking for recommendations on a crossword puzzle collection I can send to my mom, who is in a retirement home that has prohibited visitors for the duration of the pandemic. Difficulty level should range from medium to Sunday New York Times level. Something that isn't in tiny print would be a plus.

Maybe try the magazine section of your grocery store?  That's where I get the Sudoku puzzle books to send my grandfather.  He likes the easy to hard, but not "diabolical" puzzles.

[Cheerful]

Looking for recommendations on a crossword puzzle collection I can send to my mom, who is in a retirement home that has prohibited visitors for the duration of the pandemic. Difficulty level should range from medium to Sunday New York Times level. Something that isn't in tiny print would be a plus.

If she might have any interest in Jumble puzzles, there are many books and many have large print.

https://www.amazon.com/Jumbo-Jumble%C2%AE-Book-Fans-Jumbles%C2%AE/dp/1572433140

[paultuttle]

My parents have been without electricity since the storms on Sunday evening.  They live out in the country and have a generator, so they've been okay.  It has mainly been an inconvenience.

Mom had a recent bout with cancer.  They caught it early and removed the cancer.  She now faces a series of radiation treatments that are due to start this coming week.  Dad will have to drive her a two hour-plus round trip to attend those, and presumably won't be allowed inside the building with her.  He had heart surgery last year and doesn't really need that, but he's up for it.

Although I've been completely asymptomatic and have had little face-to-face contact in recent weeks, I did get tested for Covid-19 earlier this week.  I expect a negative result back today.  Assuming that is the case, I'm considering heading to their house sometime next week, working around my work schedule.  I really feel like they could use some kind of help.

I hope it works out for you all!

[apl68]

My parents have been without electricity since the storms on Sunday evening.  They live out in the country and have a generator, so they've been okay.  It has mainly been an inconvenience.

Mom had a recent bout with cancer.  They caught it early and removed the cancer.  She now faces a series of radiation treatments that are due to start this coming week.  Dad will have to drive her a two hour-plus round trip to attend those, and presumably won't be allowed inside the building with her.  He had heart surgery last year and doesn't really need that, but he's up for it.

Although I've been completely asymptomatic and have had little face-to-face contact in recent weeks, I did get tested for Covid-19 earlier this week.  I expect a negative result back today.  Assuming that is the case, I'm considering heading to their house sometime next week, working around my work schedule.  I really feel like they could use some kind of help.

I hope it works out for you all!

Thank you!  I got the test results back a little earlier, and I am indeed Covid-19 free.

[Cheerful]

My parents have been without electricity since the storms on Sunday evening.  They live out in the country and have a generator, so they've been okay.  It has mainly been an inconvenience.

Mom had a recent bout with cancer.  They caught it early and removed the cancer.  She now faces a series of radiation treatments that are due to start this coming week.  Dad will have to drive her a two hour-plus round trip to attend those, and presumably won't be allowed inside the building with her.  He had heart surgery last year and doesn't really need that, but he's up for it.

Although I've been completely asymptomatic and have had little face-to-face contact in recent weeks, I did get tested for Covid-19 earlier this week.  I expect a negative result back today.  Assuming that is the case, I'm considering heading to their house sometime next week, working around my work schedule.  I really feel like they could use some kind of help.

I hope it works out for you all!

Thank you!  I got the test results back a little earlier, and I am indeed Covid-19 free.

Glad to hear it, apl68.  Please continue the usual precautions, especially since you may help your parents soon.  Wishing your family all the best.

[Vkw10]

Idea for relieving boredom:

Two weeks ago, I sent an elderly friend a roll of stamps, several boxes of cards, and colored gel pens. When I called today, she told me her friends and family are calling and writing back, because they're bored, too.

To my surprise, she's playing with the colored pens, doing things like changing colors mid-sentence and doing illuminated manuscript style capital letters and dotting her i's with starbursts. I loved receiving a card with all the names circled with tiny flowers.

My own mother passed away in 2018, but I keep thinking how much being restricted to her own home bothered her even with daily visitors. I wish all of you much success in helping your parents and grandparents cope with the isolation needed to stay healthy.

[Morden]

I am just feeling helpless although I know everything that can be done is being done.

[nebo113]

I am just feeling helpless although I know everything that can be done is being done.

Sending a virtual hug...

[Morden]

Thank you nebo113.

[Penna]

Hi folks, new here.  Having a lot of stress trying to look out for my mom, who lives by herself several hundred miles away.  She's 77 and has Type II diabetes (which she doesn't really manage all that well) and also a diagnosis of MCI ("mild cognitive impairment"). She also recently lost her boyfriend of many years (he died about 3 weeks before all the lockdowns began).  They didn't live together, but she depended on him greatly in many ways.

She is mostly taking the social distancing seriously, but mainly because she didn't have many social contacts other than the boyfriend anyway.  So the isolation she's experiencing on top of the grief is very hard on her. 

Another complicating factor is that she has never used a computer or any internet device (she only has a "Jitterbug" "seniors" cell phone, but it's not a smartphone).  I've been calling her at least once a day (in March and early April, we were talking multiple times a day), and I set up online accounts for her which I manage so that I was able to move all her Rx to mail delivery and all her grocery and other shopping to Walmart curbside pickup (she still drives).

I am looking into getting her a tablet that she can use for video calls and to receive emails and photos.  I found one that's geared toward seniors (the "Grand Pad" https://www.grandpad.net/ )  Hopefully that turns out to be a good option to get her more connected. If anyone has any suggestions about a good tablet for seniors with absolutely no tech experience, I would welcome any advice!

She has one friend who lives nearby and sees her once every week or two.  They go get takeout and then eat together, though she says they always maintain a six foot distance (though obviously not when my mom is riding in the back seat of the friend's car...).  I know it's not safe but I can't stop her from doing it. 

[Morden]

I'm sorry Pensive; it's really tough dealing with all of that at a distance. I also send all good thoughts to your mother, having to deal with grief and social distancing and, and, and.

[Hegemony]

Pensive, that's a rough situation. Stressful for you even if nothing goes wrong, because there's always the chance of something going wrong. Even though your mom is not always socially distanced from her friend, at least she does have someone local who will look out for her and notice if something is awry. Do you have the friend's phone number? That might be a very useful thing to have. And maybe even the phone number of the friend's adult children.

[nebo113]

Pensive....My 91 year old mother has a Jitterbug smart phone.  You might look into that rather than a tablet.  I don't know whether it does video calls, but it does photos and email and texting and is pretty straightforward.   

[Penna]

Thank you so much for those replies, Morden, Hegemony, and nebo!  As a new member here, it's especially nice to get  replies :-)  I appreciate the support.

I do have contact info (phone and email) for my mom's friend (who is actually about 10 years younger than my mom, which is nice) and have known her for years.  I know she would contact me with any concerns, but she only sees my mom at most once a week (sometimes not even that), and doesn't seem to call her much in between those visits. The friend also has her own mother (who is 90 and has dementia) to look out for, so I know she's limited in terms of how much she does for my mom.

Nebo, yes, I am also considering just upgrading her Jitterbug to a smart phone.  But she doesn't have a lot of dexterity in her fingers anymore, and I was thinking the larger touch screen of a tablet might be easier for her to use.  Still need to look into both options more, plus weigh the cost issues (just convincing my mom to spend the extra money might be a bit of an uphill climb...)

How are other folks here doing with managing the "extra" elder care issues that have been created by the pandemic?