Caring for Elderly Parents

[mamselle]

Oldest daughter visits MIL every Monday (they watch Jeopardy! together).  MIL is 89 and in great health and lives in an apartment in a nice senior housing for low-income folks; she's just across town from ALHS and me, and ALHS is over there or calls her several times a week.

A week ago, daughter called me in a panic, standing in Grandma's front yard:  "Mom, this apartment reeks of natural gas!  Who should I call?"  I had ALHS go over immediately; it was a toss-up whether our small-town cops/fire department would get their faster than the maintenance manager, so he called the latter. Grandma was having fits with both daughter and ALHS:  "There's nothing wrong!  Don't go calling somebody and bothering them to come out! I don't smell anything!"

The maintenance guy spent over an hour checking everything, pulling out the appliances and checking the connections, used a sniffer, etc. and couldn't find any leaks.   The three of us suspect MIL made something for lunch, turned the burner down far enough that it didn't stay lit but open enough that gas was still coming out.

While daughter was hustling Grandma around, trying to herd her out of the apartment and into the yard, she lost track for a second.  When she found Grandma, granny was in the kitchen with a box of matches in her hand, ready to "prove" that there was no gas in the air by striking a match to "have a look."

YE GODS. (After all my years of drama with my mom--who died ten years ago, by the way--I've told ALHS I'll be supportive of him but I simply cannot do that same kind of hands-on management again.)  At least he had the presence of mind to bring home all the matches when he left her that evening.

I'm very glad none of the potential tragedies occurred.

And kudos to your daughter for initiating the proper warnings immediately.

Second the motion for going to electric (although it can still become dangerous if a pan of grease is left on too long, or a curtain blows too close, but it's definitely safer...)

I also hope everyone's heart rate and Bp are back to normal....

M.

[irhack]

Yeah, mom's building only has electric stoves, which is a relief.

For the eating, I would be really surprised is MIL wasn't sneaking food for herself. What a weird situation.

[mythbuster]

Induction is even better than just the old electric coil. Since induction only interacts with the metal in the pans, you can put your hand on the induction burner turned all the way up and not feel a thing. It's a very common technology in Europe and many professional chef's swear by it, even over gas.

[wellfleet]

irhack, I hope you've had a successful moving weekend with your mom. Let us know how things are going, once you've had a chance to breathe and regroup.

[irhack]

Thank you, Wellfleet! The journey went as well as it possibly could have. So now the rest begins, trying to figure out what help she needs and will accept, budgeting everything out, getting insurance and doctors (probably should have done already, oh well), figuring out whether she actually cancelled and or transferred everything from home state, I'm suspecting not. And trying to figure out how to balance her needs with my need to work, see my kids and spouse, and take care of my own self. But, I feel so relieved to have her here and she seems very happy to be here, which is great.

[AmLitHist]

I agree that electric/induction would be better.  But MIL is in section 8/low income govt. subsidized housing, so we don't have the option of changing (we asked years ago when she moved in).  If you see a news story about a senior HUD apartment building going **boom**, it might well be us.  (The thing is, at 89, she's actually mentally and physically sharper than about 80% of the other people in the complex.)

[irhack]

Beginning the process of untangling mom's finances while trying to keep her from ordering more stupid crap on Amazon (this week, among other things, a $150 water filter pitcher - with lifetime supply of water filters - from some brand clearly substandard to Brita).

Things I've discovered - she's been paying for a cell phone she hasn't had for over a year. She switched from AT&T to Verizon but never cancelled AT&T.

She's subscribed to every shady service on the internet eg "Just Answers."

After I hit "post" I'm contacting a lawyer for POA.

[mamselle]

My grandmother drove my mom crazy over stuff like that, including giving about $500.00 to the doorman at the hotel next to the old upscale cafeteria in the downtown area that she frequented. My mom finally found out and made her stop (don't know how...).

He'd hit her up for 50.00 at a time (when that was a fairly good sized check, mid-1960s, say) and it showed up in her savings and checking account books, which we found when we cleared her house 20 years later.

I'm very sorry you're having to handle all these issues at once, along with all the rest of your work...

M.

[bibliothecula]

My dad died late last night, peacefully and in his sleep. He was 83. He had been ill for a while and was in hospice care, so it wasn't a surprise. I do find myself surprised to be quoting Oscar Wilde: "lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." Both of my parents have died within 11 months, but both were ready to go and their choices were honored, and for that I am grateful.

[fleabite]

I am very sorry for your (double) loss. Take care of yourself. All best wishes.

[Hegemony]

Bibliotheca, I am sorry to hear this news.  I read once that when your parents die, the roof comes off your world, and that was how it felt to me.  Wishing you a smooth time with all the logistics, and peace ahead.

[mamselle]

Pax in terra, et requiescat in pace.

M.

[backatit]

I'm so sorry. My stepmother moved in with my sister for hospice care, and we've lost both of our other parents, so I can sympathize.

[AmLitHist]

Adding my sympathies, Bibliothecula.

[irhack]

So sorry for your losses, Bibliothecula.