The Mental Health Thread

[mahagonny]

There hasn't been any activity on this thread for awhile.

Does that mean most people are doing relatively ok?

I've transitioned from a partial hospital program to an intensive outpatient program (about 10 hours a week). I've also been trying to transition back into labwork, but it hasn't been a smooth process. I was doing better for a time, but had a pretty big setback when trying to get back to the rest of my life.

This is probably the best behavioral health program I've ever experienced. But I still struggle with the lack of energy and focus, intense low moods, and sense of detachment from everything. I still have frequent bouts of intense suicidal urges. My doc is thinking of either ketamine or ECT to try next.

I'm wondering if it's possible to be broken beyond repair.

I feel intense guilt every time I have to report that I'm not doing much better. It's like I'm not doing my part. It was like this during the TMS treatments as well.

But I swear I've been trying.

It might be possible to be broken beyond repair, but it's almost never truly the case. Hopelessness is what depression with anxiety is.
Time is your friend!

Just heard about this. Interesting....https://www.fisherwallace.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI2uTLyLmX7AIVAY3ICh3OqAG8EAAYASAAEgKunfD_BwE

[Vkw10]

I feel intense guilt every time I have to report that I'm not doing much better. It's like I'm not doing my part. It was like this during the TMS treatments as well.

But I swear I've been trying.

You are doing your part. You are working with doctor. You are being persistent, sticking with programs that you and your doctor have agreed to try. Finding things that help is hard, especially since most programs and medications don't  work immediately. Continuing to try is doing your part.

Every day you try is a small victory when dealing with a mental issue, smallcleanrat. Glad to hear you're still achieving those daily victories.

[Volhiker78]

Over 10 years ago, I had a severe case of depression lasting nearly 2 months. When I didn't get better by either increasing dose or augmenting my anti-depressant,  my doctor and I decided to try ECT.  It was successful for me so I would encourage you to discuss this option with your doctor.  It did require about 6 rounds going approximately every other day.  Except feeling some fatigue after some sessions, I had no side effects. It is not painful. I had no memory loss. Two weeks after I started, I felt dramatically better.  I have not experienced any relapse since then although I remain on an antidepressant.  Don't give up. I wish you the best.

[apl68]

There hasn't been any activity on this thread for awhile.

Does that mean most people are doing relatively ok?

I've transitioned from a partial hospital program to an intensive outpatient program (about 10 hours a week). I've also been trying to transition back into labwork, but it hasn't been a smooth process. I was doing better for a time, but had a pretty big setback when trying to get back to the rest of my life.

This is probably the best behavioral health program I've ever experienced. But I still struggle with the lack of energy and focus, intense low moods, and sense of detachment from everything. I still have frequent bouts of intense suicidal urges. My doc is thinking of either ketamine or ECT to try next.

I'm wondering if it's possible to be broken beyond repair.

I feel intense guilt every time I have to report that I'm not doing much better. It's like I'm not doing my part. It was like this during the TMS treatments as well.

But I swear I've been trying.

Well...these things don't get fixed overnight.  I reported here sometime back that I was reducing dosages of antidepressants in hopes of getting away from them entirely.  I did quite well on low dosages.  But when I ceased them entirely a couple of weeks ago I had a sudden relapse.  Now I'm taking low dosages again, trying to find the best balance.  This has been deeply disappointing to me, because I don't want to have to take any kind of medication indefinitely.  I could also do better without the side effect of having to sleep several additional hours a week.  I've got better things to do with that time!

Some of us just have something broken in our heads.  Our part is to keep working on it.  Or working around it, if that's what it takes.

[mahagonny]

I tried going down from 100 mg of sertraline daily to 75 mg. I thought, this is not a big reduction. I can deal with it. Didn't work out. Now I'm back to 100.

[smallcleanrat]

No, it's true these things aren't fixed overnight.

But I never expected to be on this road for 15+ years.

I'm tired.

[polly_mer]

I hear you, smallcleanrat, I hear you.

[OneMoreYear]

No, it's true these things aren't fixed overnight.

But I never expected to be on this road for 15+ years.

I'm tired.

smallcleanrat, I don't think any of us expect to be on the road this long. For some people, it can be a fairly brief episode that remits with appropriate treatment (or sometimes even without) and does not return. But for some of us, that is just not true. The fact that, for some of us, our mental health problems require chronic care (e.g., long term therapy, continued medication, several different options at different times in our lives) does not mean we are not trying or it is some moral failing on our part.
It does sound like you have not gotten very good care in the past, and you wrote that you have just finished the best behavioral health program you've ever attended, and you have a doctor who is exploring other options with you. These sound like good things.
I hope that you can be gentle with yourself.  Please keep checking-in.

[smallcleanrat]

Anyone here have an opinion on using the possibility of suffering after death as a deterrant to suicide?

As in, 'death may not end your pain because you can't know you won't continue to suffer (or suffer worse) after you die.'

[the_geneticist]

No, it's true these things aren't fixed overnight.

But I never expected to be on this road for 15+ years.

I'm tired.

I hear you.  Depression sucks and it's exhausting.
But you are doing so much better than you were a few months ago.
If your doctor is suggesting ketamine or ECT, I'd really encourage you to investigate those options and pick one.

Anecdotally, there is a growing number of folks that report dramatic improvement after surgical anesthesia.  Ketamine is a really common medication used in surgeries.  You don't by chance need any sort of elective surgery (appendix? hernia? tonsils? etc.)?

[clean]

As in, 'death may not end your pain because you can't know you won't continue to suffer (or suffer worse) after you die.

I m not religious, so I m not an expert on the topic of Hell.  BUT many religions DO discuss an after life, and some not favorably!. 
Suicide is not well received in many religions, so to the extent that there IS a Hell, Suicide is NOT the preferred method of entry, especially  if someone is looking to escape suffering through eternity! 


An old economics sort of statement:
"Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular."

 

[mahagonny]

Anyone here have an opinion on using the possibility of suffering after death as a deterrant to suicide?

As in, 'death may not end your pain because you can't know you won't continue to suffer (or suffer worse) after you die.'

'I'm tired of living but scared of dying.' - Oscar Hammerstein speaking for the black man. We all suffer of course. I don't know why these videos comfort me, but they do. I guess it's just that we're not alone. Catharsis maybe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh9WayN7R-s
https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=81Z-X6tfzZ79Bv2zt_gN&iflsig=AINFCbYAAAAAX35lA-NmKI3ULNy8qL2eSHn5k3pljVV3&q=old+man+river+judy+garland&oq=old+man+river+judy+garland&gs_lcp=CgZwc3ktYWIQAzIICC4QyQMQkwIyAggAMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjoOCC4QsQMQxwEQowIQkwI6CAguEMcBEKMCOggIABCxAxCDAToLCC4QsQMQxwEQowI6BQgAELEDOggILhCxAxCDAToCCC46BQguELEDOggILhDHARCvAToLCC4QsQMQxwEQrwE6CgguEMcBEKMCEAo6CwguELEDEMkDEJMCOgUIABDJA1DeGViuXWCCbGgAcAB4AIABvwGIAc8TkgEEMjAuNpgBAKABAaoBB2d3cy13aXo&sclient=psy-ab&ved=0ahUKEwjrpPbR2KPsAhVNT98KHf3ZDd8Q4dUDCAs&uact=5

And then there was Karen Carpenter, "Nothing really seems to fit. Feeling like I'd like to quit." Every generation tells it again.

[Puget]

No, it's true these things aren't fixed overnight.

But I never expected to be on this road for 15+ years.

I'm tired.

I hear you.  Depression sucks and it's exhausting.
But you are doing so much better than you were a few months ago.
If your doctor is suggesting ketamine or ECT, I'd really encourage you to investigate those options and pick one.

Anecdotally, there is a growing number of folks that report dramatic improvement after surgical anesthesia.  Ketamine is a really common medication used in surgeries.  You don't by chance need any sort of elective surgery (appendix? hernia? tonsils? etc.)?

I know you're joking geneticist, but just in case it's not clear-- the dosing and course of ketamine for depression is really different than for surgery (and I don't think it is used that much for anesthesia in adults actually, because there is a small but non-trivial risk of causing a psychotic break. It is used more in children and for animals). The doses used for depression are much lower and safer, and multiple doses are given over a period of weeks.

That said, I've kept up on this research a bit from a professional perspective, and ketamine (properly administered in a psychiatric clinic) is showing pretty good efficacy for treatment-resistant depression, and some evidence of immediate improvement in acutely suicidal patients. I definitely think it is something worth exploring with your psychiatrist SCR.

Here's a brand new review article if you're interested:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165032720327026?casa_token=QJIGi0RVe7oAAAAA:ETXlyn5MpnjTdGqwCv9FsV---QuMNSDoACaNn9PzcQp2JoWHeq67lLaaeDrHqkqeSDEeZz_KDP-Q

[alto_stratus]

I had several surgeries, and I felt fantastic after them. Refreshed in a way I haven't felt in decades, and cheerier than anyone waking up from disfiguring surgery should feel.

[clean]

I had several surgeries, and I felt fantastic after them. Refreshed in a way I haven't felt in decades, and cheerier than anyone waking up from disfiguring surgery should feel

My grandmother had bypass surgery and for a while all was great.  But about six months after, she was in a lot of pain from it.  (Im not sure if the pain meds kept her in line earlier, or the added oxygen in her system, or if the surgery itself took that long to really recover).

I will say that later, she would say that she regretted having the surgery at all!  (which angered my grandfather, because the surgery clearly extended her life)