The Mental Health Thread

[smallcleanrat]

Of course having panic attacks doesn't mean you're "weak", but if you are "weak" sometimes so what? It doesn't make you a bad person, just a human. To quote Leonard Cohen, there's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.

I struggle with thoughts like this as well. I do see my mental health issues as weaknesses, but I try to remind myself that having weaknesses doesn't necessarily make you a weak person. It is not the totality of who you are.

Anyway, is there any human being alive who has no weaknesses?

Epw, I don't know if my experiences are at all reminiscent of yours, but I can sympathize with the frustration of not being able to turn to family for support with this kind of thing. I've made about a dozen almost-posts with thoughts about family stuff I'm trying to make sense of, but it's difficult to hone in on individual issues when the relationships are complicated by so many factors.

I understand this in a logical, rational way, but when it comes to emotional response (most likely due to familial messages that have been passed down) everything goes out the window.

Yup.

It's frustrating trying to counteract those ingrained responses. The self-destructive/self-loathing thoughts and feelings are deeply rooted; the self-compassionate/self-accepting thoughts and feelings are relatively new and are easily overwhelmed by the old thought patterns.

I've been told this can change through consistent practice, but it hasn't happened for me yet...

This is a resource that's been recommended to me: https://self-compassion.org/

Maybe you'd find it useful.

It made very little sense to me at first, but I'm finally starting to understand (intellectually) the basic premises. Still trying to figure out how to put it into practice.

Best wishes, e_p_w!

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Of course having panic attacks doesn't mean you're "weak", but if you are "weak" sometimes so what? It doesn't make you a bad person, just a human. To quote Leonard Cohen, there's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.

I struggle with thoughts like this as well. I do see my mental health issues as weaknesses, but I try to remind myself that having weaknesses doesn't necessarily make you a weak person. It is not the totality of who you are.

Anyway, is there any human being alive who has no weaknesses?

Epw, I don't know if my experiences are at all reminiscent of yours, but I can sympathize with the frustration of not being able to turn to family for support with this kind of thing. I've made about a dozen almost-posts with thoughts about family stuff I'm trying to make sense of, but it's difficult to hone in on individual issues when the relationships are complicated by so many factors.

I understand this in a logical, rational way, but when it comes to emotional response (most likely due to familial messages that have been passed down) everything goes out the window.

Yup.

It's frustrating trying to counteract those ingrained responses. The self-destructive/self-loathing thoughts and feelings are deeply rooted; the self-compassionate/self-accepting thoughts and feelings are relatively new and are easily overwhelmed by the old thought patterns.

I've been told this can change through consistent practice, but it hasn't happened for me yet...

This is a resource that's been recommended to me: https://self-compassion.org/

Maybe you'd find it useful.

It made very little sense to me at first, but I'm finally starting to understand (intellectually) the basic premises. Still trying to figure out how to put it into practice.

Best wishes, e_p_w!

Yup is right! :)

Over the years I have learned to tone down the frequency and duration of the attacks (not necessarily the intensity), so I'm more able to function in society. If I could write down a formula and tell you how to deal with it to lessen the effects even an iota, I would.

I do know that I usually have music 'playing in my head' sometimes the same song on loop for days, which might drive other people crazy, but it can be soothing to me. Concentrating on counting is also something that can help. Sometimes repetition helps me calm down. Does it help you? 

I will check out the link. Thanks.

[apl68]

I do know that I usually have music 'playing in my head' sometimes the same song on loop for days, which might drive other people crazy, but it can be soothing to me. Concentrating on counting is also something that can help. Sometimes repetition helps me calm down. 

I've found that that helps me too.  In fact, I'm cultivating a nice tune in my head right now as I type this (Hoping it will come in useful in a minute when I take a look at one of the acrimonious debate threads here!).  There are a lot of ways of self-calming.

I had anxiety attacks fairly often years ago.  I just kind of bore it for some years, until a change in my life circumstances (long story) relieved me of the worst of the structural anxiety.  More recently I was beginning to have the attacks again as part of renewed depression.  I know the things that triggered the depression, but can't figure out why they brought about a response so overwhelming.  I ended up taking antidepressant medication, which I am currently still taking at a low dosage.  It did a lot to relieve the obsessive thought patterns.  Through it all, I've also relied a lot on prayer, alone and with others.

All of which is to say, there are several ways to deal with it.  I'd recommend the self-calming and prayer and, if it's really necessary, looking at medication from a trained professional.  And wishing you well as you deal with this.

[Charlotte]

I hope it's okay to post this but I thought I'd share because the Balance meditation app has been so helpful for me. They've just announced that they are offering a free year to anyone who wants it. I believe all you have to do is download the app but if you search on social media for their pages then it should show up with the details. They are the ones who offer the ten day courses I mentioned in my previous post.

[teach_write_research]

I am at my wits' end with my spouse who can't keep straight that I work from 8:30am-5pm. My remote teaching space is clearly marked and has been in near constant use since March. My work calendar is synced to our shared calendar. We've been together since grad school so spouse is well familiar with what academic work is.

Spouse agreed to supervise remote learning child during my work hours and then works part time out of the home evenings and weekends. We're both certainly stretched thin.

The extra lights are on, the meeting is running, my headphones are on, the teaching stage is in full operational mode. No, I don't need to know that you are going to take a shower now and in fact, you probably should remember that -everything- will get picked up by my microphone given the "energy efficient" layout of our apartment. No you probably shouldn't run out to do errands 20 minutes before my class starts and the child hasn't had lunch. Maybe give your full attention to the child rather than gaming or reading the news online since their solution is then to wander down to me to solve their problem, again.

<banging head on wall> I know remote work from home and family life is hard and others are in the same boat but there's some layer of forgetting or adhd or something that is just driving me insane. Has anyone found a way through this?

[smallcleanrat]

I am at my wits' end with my spouse who can't keep straight that I work from 8:30am-5pm. My remote teaching space is clearly marked and has been in near constant use since March. My work calendar is synced to our shared calendar. We've been together since grad school so spouse is well familiar with what academic work is.

Spouse agreed to supervise remote learning child during my work hours and then works part time out of the home evenings and weekends. We're both certainly stretched thin.

The extra lights are on, the meeting is running, my headphones are on, the teaching stage is in full operational mode. No, I don't need to know that you are going to take a shower now and in fact, you probably should remember that -everything- will get picked up by my microphone given the "energy efficient" layout of our apartment. No you probably shouldn't run out to do errands 20 minutes before my class starts and the child hasn't had lunch. Maybe give your full attention to the child rather than gaming or reading the news online since their solution is then to wander down to me to solve their problem, again.

<banging head on wall> I know remote work from home and family life is hard and others are in the same boat but there's some layer of forgetting or adhd or something that is just driving me insane. Has anyone found a way through this?

That does sound very frustrating. Is spouse aware of how much this is irritating you? IMO, being clueless is one issue, but continuing to do things you've been specifically asked not to do is a different issue. Clueless is probably easier to deal with.

Does your work set up include a door that can serve as a barrier? I worked out a system with my SO that an open door means it's ok to just pop in, a closed door means "please knock", and a closed door with a magnet on it means "do not disturb."

If he wants to say something to me when I'm in do not disturb mode, he sends me a text (just as he would if I were away from home). This way he does not inadvertently crash Zoom meetings or break my concentration when I'm working. We have a system for marking his "do not disturb" hours as well.

Do you think a system like this might help?

[teach_write_research]

yep we have a similar system though my workspace is in a family shared space - I have a barrier up so my family doesn't have to show up as background when they come through. The situation is as you said - continuing to do things after several conversations circling back to quiet hours, concentration, door closed = do not disturb, etc.

thanks for understanding. I'm tired of constantly re-asserting my needs and that gives me a little bit of fresh energy to think about the situation more clearly.

[Charlotte]

yep we have a similar system though my workspace is in a family shared space - I have a barrier up so my family doesn't have to show up as background when they come through. The situation is as you said - continuing to do things after several conversations circling back to quiet hours, concentration, door closed = do not disturb, etc.

thanks for understanding. I'm tired of constantly re-asserting my needs and that gives me a little bit of fresh energy to think about the situation more clearly.

Have you had a chance to discuss each person's responsibility and agree on how the workload is shared? My first thought was that your spouse might be trying to hint that they are not happy with the way the load is distributed but of course I may be totally off the target here!

[sprout]

yep we have a similar system though my workspace is in a family shared space - I have a barrier up so my family doesn't have to show up as background when they come through. The situation is as you said - continuing to do things after several conversations circling back to quiet hours, concentration, door closed = do not disturb, etc.

thanks for understanding. I'm tired of constantly re-asserting my needs and that gives me a little bit of fresh energy to think about the situation more clearly.

Have you had a chance to discuss each person's responsibility and agree on how the workload is shared? My first thought was that your spouse might be trying to hint that they are not happy with the way the load is distributed but of course I may be totally off the target here!

This was my thought.  It seems like there's something about the situation that's not working for your spouse and you two need to have a frank conversation about how to balance time.  For example, maybe make your 'on-camera' times absolute do-not-disturbs (or text only) but have more flexibility around other times.  And if you're literally on Zoom with student 8:30-5pm, I'm sorry, that seriously sucks.

For what it's worth, if you're expecting to be completely undisturbed 8:30-5pm every workday and your spouse to be 100% focused on your child during that time, that's an unreasonable expectation.

[teach_write_research]

This was my thought.  It seems like there's something about the situation that's not working for your spouse and you two need to have a frank conversation about how to balance time.  For example, maybe make your 'on-camera' times absolute do-not-disturbs (or text only) but have more flexibility around other times.  And if you're literally on Zoom with student 8:30-5pm, I'm sorry, that seriously sucks.

For what it's worth, if you're expecting to be completely undisturbed 8:30-5pm every workday and your spouse to be 100% focused on your child during that time, that's an unreasonable expectation.

For clarity, obviously no I'm not expecting to be completely undisturbed 8:30-5pm. I mean that would be lovely, no lie. I *would* like to be consistently supported by my spouse in those being work hours. Some days are 6 hours of meeting with classes, appointments, and committees so yeah, there are some long days.

The shower conversation interruption happened during a class meeting - two days in a row. Thus prompting my exasperation. We've had conversations. We made a plan. We checked the plan. Spouse commented today that maybe they should take their shower in the morning before work/school time starts. Well, yeah. That's what *was* happening!

I'm 100% evenings and all weekend when spouse is working. It's a pandemic with disrupted work, school, and child care. It's unreasonable expectations all around. Within that system, I still need to get work done. Gone are the days when I could pull all-nighters to make up the difference...

[smallcleanrat]

Wasn't sure which would be the best thread for posting this.

Feeling pretty down at moment.

Twice this week I collapsed into convulsions while in lab. Memory is kinda fuzzy about what happened so I have to rely on accounts from my PI and labmates as to what happened. Apparently it was different from my previous bouts of tics and spasms in that my eyes rolled back and I was unresponsive or only semi-responsive for a while. Second time it happened scared people enough to call paramedics, but I didn't want to go to the hospital. Since I was coherent enough by the time they arrived to know my name, the year, and my location, they couldn't make me go.

Em...I don't really know what to make of this. Just feeling tired and sad.

Trying to focus on prepping for imminent quals.

[mamselle]

All good thoughts to you.

M.

[Harlow2]

Thinking of you, Small Clean Rat.

[dr_codex]

Be brave, SCR.

Stay resilient.

[Morden]

I'm sorry this happened to you SCR. I understand not wanting to go to the hospital with the paramedics, but I hope you have booked in to see your regular doctors (specialist and GP). Wishing you all the best.