How to Deal with Zealots Who Tell You that Your Way of Thinking is Wrong.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

Whenever one of my family members laments the liberal brain-washing that goes on in colleges, I say, "Brain-washing? I can't even get them to bring the book to class!" Then change the subject.

Thanks RatGuy. This made me laugh. :)

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

[. . .]

This person is a family member, so it's difficult for me. I have tried cutting off in the past.

In the interest of sharing ideas (your situation is not unique, unfortunately), what strategies have not worked previously and why?

Thanks spork. Honestly, I have succumbed to lying.

This person asks questions such as, 'How many of (insert minority group here) are on your campus? Do you feel safe? ' So, I just lower the number.

Changing the subject sometimes works. This person is very bull-headed, tenacious, petulant, stubborn, obstinate- actually delusional also works.

I have hung up several times, but I've been trying to keep things more peaceful, so I haven't done it lately.

Walking away from the phone works very well, but I'm still unsettled to come back and hear ranting.

Actually arguing with the person, in a calm manner, while presenting the facts does NOT work at all. See above description involving delusional thoughts.

[Volhiker78]

One good thing about getting older is you can fall asleep at any time/place. When my mother-in-law goes on her religion/politics rant, I sit down in a comfortable chair,  tune her out in my mind, close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep.  Drooping head is also effective.  Usually, she stops talking to me. I can eventually open my eyes and resume what I was doing.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

One good thing about getting older is you can fall asleep at any time/place. When my mother-in-law goes on her religion/politics rant, I sit down in a comfortable chair,  tune her out in my mind, close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep.  Drooping head is also effective.  Usually, she stops talking to me. I can eventually open my eyes and resume what I was doing.

Too funny! I'll have to try this at the next gathering.

[spork]

[. . .]

This person is a family member, so it's difficult for me. I have tried cutting off in the past.

In the interest of sharing ideas (your situation is not unique, unfortunately), what strategies have not worked previously and why?

Thanks spork. Honestly, I have succumbed to lying.

This person asks questions such as, 'How many of (insert minority group here) are on your campus? Do you feel safe? ' So, I just lower the number.

Changing the subject sometimes works. This person is very bull-headed, tenacious, petulant, stubborn, obstinate- actually delusional also works.

I have hung up several times, but I've been trying to keep things more peaceful, so I haven't done it lately.

Walking away from the phone works very well, but I'm still unsettled to come back and hear ranting.

Actually arguing with the person, in a calm manner, while presenting the facts does NOT work at all. See above description involving delusional thoughts.

Looks to me that this relative derives satisfaction from speaking to you. Why take his calls?

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

[. . .]

This person is a family member, so it's difficult for me. I have tried cutting off in the past.

In the interest of sharing ideas (your situation is not unique, unfortunately), what strategies have not worked previously and why?

Thanks spork. Honestly, I have succumbed to lying.

This person asks questions such as, 'How many of (insert minority group here) are on your campus? Do you feel safe? ' So, I just lower the number.

Changing the subject sometimes works. This person is very bull-headed, tenacious, petulant, stubborn, obstinate- actually delusional also works.

I have hung up several times, but I've been trying to keep things more peaceful, so I haven't done it lately.

Walking away from the phone works very well, but I'm still unsettled to come back and hear ranting.

Actually arguing with the person, in a calm manner, while presenting the facts does NOT work at all. See above description involving delusional thoughts.

Looks to me that this relative derives satisfaction from speaking to you. Why take his calls?

Good question. Answer: Immediate family member. Probably not the best answer. Just a difficult situation. Over the years, I have managed to disengage a bit (no longer dealing with fits from this person when I don't immediately answer the phone every day or so).

[spork]

[. . . ]

Good question. Answer: Immediate family member. Probably not the best answer. Just a difficult situation. Over the years, I have managed to disengage a bit (no longer dealing with fits from this person when I don't immediately answer the phone every day or so).

I'll go out on a limb here and say that this person sounds mentally ill. You should not be sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of maintaining a relationship with someone who is trying to drag you into their own crazy pit.

[downer]

[. . . ]

Good question. Answer: Immediate family member. Probably not the best answer. Just a difficult situation. Over the years, I have managed to disengage a bit (no longer dealing with fits from this person when I don't immediately answer the phone every day or so).

I'll go out on a limb here and say that this person sounds mentally ill. You should not be sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of maintaining a relationship with someone who is trying to drag you into their own crazy pit.

What makes you suggest the relative is mentally ill? Is their life going worse as a result of their behavior?

The main person who seems to be suffering as a result of their own behavior is the OP.

[Wahoo Redux]

[. . . ]

Good question. Answer: Immediate family member. Probably not the best answer. Just a difficult situation. Over the years, I have managed to disengage a bit (no longer dealing with fits from this person when I don't immediately answer the phone every day or so).

I'll go out on a limb here and say that this person sounds mentally ill. You should not be sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of maintaining a relationship with someone who is trying to drag you into their own crazy pit.

What makes you suggest the relative is mentally ill? Is their life going worse as a result of their behavior?

The main person who seems to be suffering as a result of their own behavior is the OP.

It's painful, but I am estranged from a mentally ill family member.  It is one of the saddest things in my life, but my life overall is much, much better without hu's rage and irrationality darkening my days.

Do what is in your best interest, OP.

[evil_physics_witchcraft]

[. . . ]

Good question. Answer: Immediate family member. Probably not the best answer. Just a difficult situation. Over the years, I have managed to disengage a bit (no longer dealing with fits from this person when I don't immediately answer the phone every day or so).

I'll go out on a limb here and say that this person sounds mentally ill. You should not be sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of maintaining a relationship with someone who is trying to drag you into their own crazy pit.

What makes you suggest the relative is mentally ill? Is their life going worse as a result of their behavior?

The main person who seems to be suffering as a result of their own behavior is the OP.

It's painful, but I am estranged from a mentally ill family member.  It is one of the saddest things in my life, but my life overall is much, much better without hu's rage and irrationality darkening my days.

Do what is in your best interest, OP.

Thanks Wahoo. I go back and forth about cutting off contact. It depends on the day I guess, or the conversation. It's a loss when you cut off from a person. I'm glad you're in a better place.

[lightning]

Provided they really are wrong and it's not just me, I explain why I think they're wrong. I also try to let it go after a few rounds, and try again the next time it comes up. I think that the key is knowing when to stop.

I have tried those tactics. This person doesn't want to listen and it's not really a good idea to cut this person out of my life. Today's latest Kool-aid-related conversation: 'Students are learning Marxism in colleges now.' I suppose I just need a place to vent (besides the venting thread) and who knows?- maybe there's a piece of advice that may help me save my sanity.

Screw with their heads and have fun with it. Responding with something like, "You're right. And that's why the people that voted for Trump love his socialist Universal Basic Income checks. Please don't tell anyone, I want to keep the socialism going."

[notmycircus]

"I never discuss politics or religion and that's why I have so many friends".

[Economizer]

I tried to post about the crass and selfish behavior of the CBSN anchorperson and staff during the Holding Up the Bible incident at St. Andrew's Church. I was possibly subverted twice.
A "Photo OP" for our President or for Y'all?
He was trying to lead and teach during a time of  crisis in which the very seat of our government was imperiled. Did anyone ask Mr. Trump about his intent. I thought he was calling for calm and a reliance on Christian ethics to moderate events. You people know that and knew that at the time. Shame on CBSN. SHAME!

[lightning]

I tried to post about the crass and selfish behavior of the CBSN anchorperson and staff during the Holding Up the Bible incident at St. Andrew's Church. I was possibly subverted twice.
A "Photo OP" for our President or for Y'all?
He was trying to lead and teach during a time of  crisis in which the very seat of our government was imperiled. Did anyone ask Mr. Trump about his intent. I thought he was calling for calm and a reliance on Christian ethics to moderate events. You people know that and knew that at the time. Shame on CBSN. SHAME!

You missed the part about teargassing an Episcopal priest in front of her own church, so she could be cleared away for the photo-op. There's nothing Christian about the act.

You also missed the part of condemnation of the photo-op, from the leader of the Episcopal, Roman Catholic, and Evangelical Lutherans. I stopped keeping track of the condemnations from church leaders, after the Evangelical Lutherans chimed in. Take up your retail version of Christianity, with the church leaders themselves.

[fishbrains]

It seems to me that mature people learn to agree not to talk about subjects they won't compromise on. My MAGA-hat-wearing in-laws and I get along fine, but we've learned what we can't discuss at the table. We don't have particularly deep discussions, mind you, but we get along. Last semester, I had a student who wanted to do an essay on why same-sex couples shouldn't be allowed take-in foster kids; I told her that I wouldn't be able to grade her essay fairly, and that it's an issue I simply don't budge on. She chose something else (and wrote a perfectly good essay).

My suggestion to the OP is to cut off contact, write down what issues you don't want to talk about, and maybe find an intermediary within the family (I understand why it's hard to do this yourself within a family context) who could explain to the "offender" what the problem is and what talking points are taboo within the relationship--as in "EPW doesn't want to talk to you about Trump, border walls, race, muscle cars, and/or tennis with you ever again; she's happy to talk to you about other things and missed the contact." Put the ball in the "offender's" court in the sense that you should let them decide if they want to continue the relationship within these new parameters. But be prepared if they decide you're a "snowflake libtard" and don't want to talk to you for quite a while.

Probably more bad advice from the sidelines, but good luck with this.