The best predatorial journal come-ons

[Wahoo Redux]

An editor "noticed your paper [Title] when I was searching for the keywords from a database, and can tell from your work that you are an expert in this field."

I apparently wrote a damn good title.

Was it so clear that the importance was apparent even to a random googler, or was it so full of jargon that it's impenetrability signaled expertise?

Don't know what the random googler would have through, actually.  There was one word in the title that is found in common parlance but means something specific in literary criticism, otherwise the title was not particularly jargony.  Probably no one would think I'd reinvented the wheel or even discovered a really interesting flavor of Jello, metaphorically speaking. 

[archaeo42]

One recently ended up in my SPAM box that offered double blind review with the last date to submit by April 25 and a publication date of April 30.

[secundem_artem]

One recently ended up in my SPAM box that offered double blind review with the last date to submit by April 25 and a publication date of April 30.

In this case, that means the "editor" will "review" your paper with both eyes closed.  Doesn't take long.

[Hegemony]

"Respected Scholar

We the Editorial Team of   East African Scholars Journal of Humanities the core of our heart love and like to invite you for contribute you great research work in our Journals."

They certainly love me more than Reviewer No. 2 did when I submitted that last article!  How can I turn down someone who offers me the core of their heart love?

[traductio]

Here's the message I received (for the third time, having blocked previous iterations of the email address):

Hope you are doing well.

Well, we would like to publish your article in the AprilEdition. In order to initiate this edition we need your article, so can I have your support?

In fact, your trust in my efforts is the highest form of our motivation, I believe in you that you are eminent manuscript brings out the best citation to our Journal.

Acknowledge this email within 24hrs.

Ellen Moore
Techniques in Neurosurgery & Neurology
ISSN: 2637-7748
Impact Factor: 0.692 (2017-2018)

Here's the acknowledgement I am not sending within 24hrs:

I'm sure I'm going to regret replying to you, but somehow you keep getting messages through my email filter. I'll try to block you yet again.

For the love of God, take me off your email list. The scam you try to pass off as a journal is actively harmful. Whatever your greed gains you, other people pay for. I realize that shame is passé, so I'll put this blunt terms: fuck off.

Now I will try to block the address again.

ETA: My field is in the humanities. I doubt very much that I could address neurosurgery in a responsible way.

[traductio]

Here's the message I received (for the third time, having blocked previous iterations of the email address):

Hope you are doing well.

Well, we would like to publish your article in the AprilEdition. In order to initiate this edition we need your article, so can I have your support?

In fact, your trust in my efforts is the highest form of our motivation, I believe in you that you are eminent manuscript brings out the best citation to our Journal.

Acknowledge this email within 24hrs.

Ellen Moore
Techniques in Neurosurgery & Neurology
ISSN: 2637-7748
Impact Factor: 0.692 (2017-2018)

Here's the acknowledgement I am not sending within 24hrs:

I'm sure I'm going to regret replying to you, but somehow you keep getting messages through my email filter. I'll try to block you yet again.

For the love of God, take me off your email list. The scam you try to pass off as a journal is actively harmful. Whatever your greed gains you, other people pay for. I realize that shame is passé, so I'll put this blunt terms: fuck off.

Now I will try to block the address again.

ETA: My field is in the humanities. I doubt very much that I could address neurosurgery in a responsible way.

Good grief. I got this email again.

So I submitted an abstract:

Neurosurgical Tools: Spoons Versus Ice Cream Scoops

Abstract: The relative merits of spoons versus ice cream scoops for brain surgery were tested by a communication professor with no qualifications in neurosurgery in response to a spam/scam email soliciting articles. Ice cream was substituted for brains, and surgery (or "surgery") was performed by the communication professor's children/lab assistants, ages 5 and 9. It was found that ice cream scoops were most effective for serving large portions of "brains" (or ice cream) into bowls, while spoons were most effective for transferring "brains" (or ice cream) from the bowl to the lab assistants. Results were inconclusive with respect to the relative merits of chocolate syrup, marshmallows, and sprinkles in the surgical process, and will require further research.

Am I going to regret hitting "send"? Yeah, but I'm in a grumpy mood and it made me happy.

[secundem_artem]

Here's the message I received (for the third time, having blocked previous iterations of the email address):

Hope you are doing well.

Well, we would like to publish your article in the AprilEdition. In order to initiate this edition we need your article, so can I have your support?

In fact, your trust in my efforts is the highest form of our motivation, I believe in you that you are eminent manuscript brings out the best citation to our Journal.

Acknowledge this email within 24hrs.

Ellen Moore
Techniques in Neurosurgery & Neurology
ISSN: 2637-7748
Impact Factor: 0.692 (2017-2018)

Here's the acknowledgement I am not sending within 24hrs:

I'm sure I'm going to regret replying to you, but somehow you keep getting messages through my email filter. I'll try to block you yet again.

For the love of God, take me off your email list. The scam you try to pass off as a journal is actively harmful. Whatever your greed gains you, other people pay for. I realize that shame is passé, so I'll put this blunt terms: fuck off.

Now I will try to block the address again.

ETA: My field is in the humanities. I doubt very much that I could address neurosurgery in a responsible way.

Good grief. I got this email again.

So I submitted an abstract:

Neurosurgical Tools: Spoons Versus Ice Cream Scoops

Abstract: The relative merits of spoons versus ice cream scoops for brain surgery were tested by a communication professor with no qualifications in neurosurgery in response to a spam/scam email soliciting articles. Ice cream was substituted for brains, and surgery (or "surgery") was performed by the communication professor's children/lab assistants, ages 5 and 9. It was found that ice cream scoops were most effective for serving large portions of "brains" (or ice cream) into bowls, while spoons were most effective for transferring "brains" (or ice cream) from the bowl to the lab assistants. Results were inconclusive with respect to the relative merits of chocolate syrup, marshmallows, and sprinkles in the surgical process, and will require further research.

Am I going to regret hitting "send"? Yeah, but I'm in a grumpy mood and it made me happy.

I hope you did not accidentally contract to pay the "journal" 500 quatloos when your "article" is accepted.  As annoying as these stupid things are, I just ignore the 2-3 I get every day.

[traductio]

I've ignored them every time until today. This one in particular I keep reporting as spam, but to no avail.

My friends were willing to crowdsource the funds to pay for the publication, but I think that'd be taking things a bit too far.

[science.expat]

I've ignored them every time until today. This one in particular I keep reporting as spam, but to no avail.

My friends were willing to crowdsource the funds to pay for the publication, but I think that'd be taking things a bit too far.

Oh go for it! I'm sure the fora could help crowdwrite it 😉

[Parasaurolophus]

I've ignored them every time until today. This one in particular I keep reporting as spam, but to no avail.

My friends were willing to crowdsource the funds to pay for the publication, but I think that'd be taking things a bit too far.

Oh go for it! I'm sure the fora could help crowdwrite it 😉

Oh yes! Please! Pleasepleaseplease! It's beautiful!

[traductio]

I've ignored them every time until today. This one in particular I keep reporting as spam, but to no avail.

My friends were willing to crowdsource the funds to pay for the publication, but I think that'd be taking things a bit too far.

Oh go for it! I'm sure the fora could help crowdwrite it 😉

Oh yes! Please! Pleasepleaseplease! It's beautiful!

Maybe I'll start a thread when I'm done answering emails. I'd love to read it! Plus, it only has to be two pages. We can manage that, right?

(It pained me to write the abstract using the passive voice. I'm a humanities guy who believes in clear, strong sentences!)

[traductio]

(Each time I try to post the system tells me the message field is empty, despite the words it contains. This is just a test to see if this message posts.)

Edited to add: it does. That's strange.

[mamselle]

I replied first to the new thread!

Does that mean my name goes first in the string of authors? (Or is this one of those fields where last is better?)

We should definitely decide on author order early on.

(THAT listing will look strange to any peer reviewer who knows anything....)

M.

[dr_codex]

I replied first to the new thread!

Does that mean my name goes first in the string of authors? (Or is this one of those fields where last is better?)

We should definitely decide on author order early on.

(THAT listing will look strange to any peer reviewer who knows anything....)

M.

"peer reviewer" -- snort!

[the_geneticist]

I got one today! 

Dear [the_geneticist],

Greetings from Journal of Oceanography and Marine Research!

We are in shortfall of one article for successful release of Volume 8, Issue 2. Is it possible for you to support us with your transcript for this issue before 05 June, 2020? If this is a short notice please do send 5-6 pages Opinion, Short Commentary or Mini Review, and hope that a 5 pages article will not take much time for an eminent like you.

We are confident that you will always be there to support us.

Looking forward for your positive response.

With kind regards,

William George
Editorial Manager
Journal of Oceanography and Marine Research

I went to bed as an early career molecular geneticist, but woke up as an eminent marine researcher!
Apparently that grilled salmon I had for dinner was transformative.  I'm so thrilled!