Anyone Else Hit a Wall?

[mamselle]

Ah, sorry, I saw the words, "American transcript service" and thought you meant you were sending docs from overseas!

Keep paddling' and enjoy the birdsong along the way...

M.

[apl68]

Does anybody else ever literally hit walls due to stress?  Years ago I used to so that.  One of the walls still bears marks from that.  As does a car.  Mostly I just hurt myself in the process.

[AvidReader]

Ah, sorry, I saw the words, "American transcript service" and thought you meant you were sending docs from overseas!

Keep paddling' and enjoy the birdsong along the way...

M.

Oh, I am--my highest degree is from a very posh European university, which is why they don't use an American transcript service. Sorry for the confusion.

I love birdsong. Meant to get out for a walk today, and must do so tomorrow.

apl68, I have shattered plates and frying pans in my day, but never walls. We have always been renters, so I have always been careful.

AR.

[smallcleanrat]

Does anybody else ever literally hit walls due to stress?  Years ago I used to so that.  One of the walls still bears marks from that.  As does a car.  Mostly I just hurt myself in the process.

Definitely.

Had a friend in college describe his thoughts during one such experience. [uh-oh...wall straight ahead...I should turn...or maybe stop...why do my feet keep going forward?...nooooo...*thunk*]. Combination of mental burnout and sleep deprivation can make your body run on autopilot.

[downer]

I don't expect to hit a wall at all. It's the wrong metaphor for what I'm going through.

I feel like I'm fading away.

I can generally counter that with doing exercise but it's been wet for the last few days and so I've just been doing yoga.

There's also the low level anxiety and the mourning for what I'm losing, and what everyone else is going through.

With more lockdowns looming and winter approaching, I feel like I'm going look in a mirror one of these days and I won't be there.

[Langue_doc]

I don't expect to hit a wall at all. It's the wrong metaphor for what I'm going through.

I feel like I'm fading away.

I can generally counter that with doing exercise but it's been wet for the last few days and so I've just been doing yoga.

There's also the low level anxiety and the mourning for what I'm losing, and what everyone else is going through.

With more lockdowns looming and winter approaching, I feel like I'm going look in a mirror one of these days and I won't be there.

Hitting a wall does seem to be the wrong metaphor. My brain has shut down to such an extent that writing directions for minor assignments or even writing a sentence or two on these fora takes forever. Going to the grocery store is now fraught with so much tension that I have to take time to decompress after I get home.

[Chris J]

Yes, I have hit a wall this entire semester. Doing the bare minimum is a Herculean task.

[Larimar]

Splat!

That's me hitting a wall as online articles and talk with relatives have been turning to celebrating the holidays.

Also +1 to the feeling of fading away.

Holidays? What holidays? There's been no such thing for us this year. Mr. Larimar and I both have permanent chronic health conditions that put us at high risk from Covid, so we've more or less been on lockdown since March. Couldn't even go outside to see the blue moon on what the calendar said should have been Halloween because it was heavily overcast enough that night to hide it. I can't even be very optimistic that 2021 will be much better from what I've seen in the news lately. I feel like a 17-year cicada endlessly waiting underground. Yes, cicadas eventually emerge, but will there be anything left of the world or of me if and when that at long last happens?


Larimar

[cathwen]

Has anyone else been having trouble reading? 

I don't mean recognizing words—I mean sustained reading, whether a novel, something in one's academic field, even a longer newspaper article.

I am having difficulty reading anything of any length.  I just can't concentrate.  And I used to be a voracious reader! I don't know whether it's depression, hitting "the wall," or a decline in mental ability generally.  I can concentrate enough to read short pieces—such as student discussion postings—but longer ones are a challenge.  I'm a little worried.

[mamselle]

Screen reading of short news articles, etc. stands near to spoiling me for keeping my longer reading muscles in shape.

I'm going into 18th c. mode on Saturdays to work on my book chapters--no internet, no phone--and that seems to help some.

Also, if you're a perimenopausal female, a shortened attention span can show up as a side effect. There are workarounds, but tbey didn't used to tell you this stuff, and it was really frightening when I started noticing it and didn't know why.

M.

[smallcleanrat]

Has anyone else been having trouble reading? 

I don't mean recognizing words—I mean sustained reading, whether a novel, something in one's academic field, even a longer newspaper article.

I am having difficulty reading anything of any length.  I just can't concentrate.  And I used to be a voracious reader! I don't know whether it's depression, hitting "the wall," or a decline in mental ability generally.  I can concentrate enough to read short pieces—such as student discussion postings—but longer ones are a challenge.  I'm a little worried.

I definitely run into this sometimes. It always gets me down because reading is so central to my professional and personal life; it's like losing a precious part of my identity.

It could be something as simple as mental fatigue and needing some quality downtime to recharge.

But if it's worrying you, maybe it would help to run things by a doctor, just in case.

[cathwen]

Thanks, smallcleanrat--it might just be mental fatigue. I'm also taking your suggestion of speaking to a doctor to heart. 

Mamselle--since I've had to spend more time online because of the pandemic, it might very well be the case that I need a break from electronics.  As for perimenopause, it's definitely not that, but I know that were I of that age, it certainly could be.

[traductio]

I've definitely found reading harder. Actually, it's the retention that's harder, and the act of linking ideas and thinking through arguments.

I've been finding that my general capacity to function has diminished, to be honest. A few days ago I was driving and I watched the light turn red. Huh, I said to myself as I drove through the intersection, that light is red. I mean, I didn't even slow down. Only after I was through the intersection did I realize what I had done. (Fortunately, I didn't hit anyone and there were no cops around. But geez.)

[smallcleanrat]

Thanks, smallcleanrat--it might just be mental fatigue. I'm also taking your suggestion of speaking to a doctor to heart. 

Mamselle--since I've had to spend more time online because of the pandemic, it might very well be the case that I need a break from electronics.  As for perimenopause, it's definitely not that, but I know that were I of that age, it certainly could be.

Sometimes when the reading gets to be an issue for me, it can help a bit to use text-to-speech software and alternate processing text with my eyes and my ears. Giving one sensory modality a break by using another seems to help increase the amount of info I can process before feeling exhausted.

I've also been toying with the idea of training myself to use my electronics without sight (using the accessibility features designed for people with visual impairments). I'm hoping that if I get the hang of it, I can be more productive during times I get migraines (which is more and more often lately). The bad ones can take days to dissipate, and light in general (but screens in particular) can make it feel like my brain is being pierced with sharp objects; lowering brightness can help somewhat but even focusing and moving my gaze to read can still make me feel pretty sick.

But acquiring the skills for using the appropriate systems efficiently seems daunting, and I'm imagining a steep learning curve.

Has anyone here had experience with this type of thing?

[mahagonny]

So last week I hit a wall and dropped the ball on my classes. The virus and the shitshow at my university and general terror at the state of the nation beat me down. For about five days I did not answer emails, did not clarify some very unclear assignments for my grad students, could not answer emails. I shut down and left them hanging.

And then I came out of it. Yesterday and today I had Zoom meetings and began with apologies and moved forward. In one class I noticed that a lot of students were also behind and announced Amnesty Week where there would be no assignments only opportunities to make things up without penalty. It all went well, and the positive response of the students lifted me out of despair. Mostly. For now.

Anyway, I don't even know if this is a real question or just an offer to commiserate. Who else has hit a wall and how are you doing?

Years ago I would have stood on my head to try and get it right. Over time, I've had my fill, my share of losing. And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing (thank you Frank).
As I've gotten better at teaching, more relaxed around students without any decrease in my dedication to my field and how to convey it I've simultaneously become more jaded and the limit on what the college deserves from me gets reached pretty quickly. Quite an odyssey I guess. The needs of the students, as usual, are the emotional blackmail that keeps me looking for the next hip idea to make it all work out great. As far as the department, I keep everything on the up and up with them. The assholes.