Anyone Else Hit a Wall?

[larryc]

So last week I hit a wall and dropped the ball on my classes. The virus and the shitshow at my university and general terror at the state of the nation beat me down. For about five days I did not answer emails, did not clarify some very unclear assignments for my grad students, could not answer emails. I shut down and left them hanging.

And then I came out of it. Yesterday and today I had Zoom meetings and began with apologies and moved forward. In one class I noticed that a lot of students were also behind and announced Amnesty Week where there would be no assignments only opportunities to make things up without penalty. It all went well, and the positive response of the students lifted me out of despair. Mostly. For now.

Anyway, I don't even know if this is a real question or just an offer to commiserate. Who else has hit a wall and how are you doing?

[Vkw10]

Hi, larryc. I'm sorry the stress overwhelmed you last week and glad to hear you are less despairing this week. I haven't shut down, but I made a deliberate decision to do D- work on some tasks recently. My goal is to make it to Thanksgiving week, when I'll shut down for five days. Fortunately, the dean's response to my shoddy work was, "not up to your usual standards, but at least you submitted something." My class is a bright spot these days, a relief from being a chair when everyone is in crisis mode.

[mythbuster]

I broke down into tears the day my University cancelled Spring Break. The simple idea of working nonstop through Spring semester was just too much. I've also come to the conclusion that the research article that I keep meaning to finish likely won't be done this calendar year.

For my classes, all I have left to "generate" is a series of mini-lectures on COVID-19 for my microbiology for pre-health students. Somehow I keep avoiding it, which is clear sign of how burned out I am.

[kiana]

I'm real close to telling everyone and everything to fuck off. I have a full load of purely online developmental classes and they do. not. read. instructions.

Oh do we have a test? Well yes that's why I set the course homepage to "TEST DEADLINE IS TUESDAY" two days ago and linked the test there.

I didn't realize we were supposed to upload work, I was under the impression it was optional. Yes of course that's why I embedded the link for work in the homepage, put in giant letters UPLOAD WORK WHEN YOU FINISH, and renamed the exam to say "REMEMBER TO UPLOAD WORK IN THE LMS" in the fucking title, because it was optional. You donkey!

I overloaded with a precalc class (because I'm stupid and got begged) and they're so. much. better. they help remind me that it's really NOT unreasonable to expect people to notice that there's a test and you upload work when you've sent out multiple emails, posted an announcement, linked the assignment in the LMS calendar and set the homepage to say "TAKE YOUR TEST AND UPLOAD WORK".

[downer]

I'm real close to telling everyone and everything to fuck off. I have a full load of purely online developmental classes and they do. not. read. instructions.

Oh do we have a test? Well yes that's why I set the course homepage to "TEST DEADLINE IS TUESDAY" two days ago and linked the test there.

I didn't realize we were supposed to upload work, I was under the impression it was optional. Yes of course that's why I embedded the link for work in the homepage, put in giant letters UPLOAD WORK WHEN YOU FINISH, and renamed the exam to say "REMEMBER TO UPLOAD WORK IN THE LMS" in the fucking title, because it was optional. You donkey!

I overloaded with a precalc class (because I'm stupid and got begged) and they're so. much. better. they help remind me that it's really NOT unreasonable to expect people to notice that there's a test and you upload work when you've sent out multiple emails, posted an announcement, linked the assignment in the LMS calendar and set the homepage to say "TAKE YOUR TEST AND UPLOAD WORK".

Yeah, I have 3 classes at a community college. One is with nursing students who are already working in nursing jobs, and they nearly all get it all done early with thoughtful work. If the nursing students can get it together with all they have to deal with, then my other students who have trouble tying their own shoelaces don't get so much sympathy from me. It's their problem.

Right now I've got a total of 7 classes all going -- it is like spinning plates in the air. It's only going to take a little problem for everything to come crashing down.

[jimbogumbo]

I'm finding some relief in thinking of my work effort since last March in terms of waves. Not exponential like the virus itself, but more like a sine wave.

[fishbrains]

Oddly enough, my developmental students have been the hard workers, and my "advanced" students have been the headaches. If I receive one more student email saying, "I didn't have time to work on that [essay worth 20% of the grade] this week, so I'll have to get it to you next week," I gonna lose my $hit.   

I have found myself saying "No" to people when maybe I shouldn't, which is my version of shutting down:

Dean: "Would you like to work on this project for the College?"
Me: "No, thank you. We've tried this before, and it didn't work because it's a bad idea."

Accessibility Person: "Have you been able to make your courses fully accessible, so we can use one of your courses as an example?"
Me: "No. I don't have time to fix the closed-captioning on my YouTube videos and convert my documents while teaching an overload in a condensed semester. I can work on the documents over the winter break. I may just pull the videos down."

Student Life Person: "We'd like your club to help in a virtual club fair."
Me: "The club is inactive until students can come back to campus."

In short, I've circled the proverbial wagons around what little time I have.

I like LarryC's Amnesty Week idea. Out of the darkness comes some light!  :)

[mamselle]

I've caught myself hitting a moment of what I called "courage failure" on the thread I started on this in the last spring/early summer.

It seems to come in 10-week spirals for me. I, also, gave all my private music students and two theory/history/appreciation classes a week off that time, and we had a "natural break" around Labor Day in the next interval, which seems to make a big difference.

I'd just feel myself getting more incrementally angry at having to get up and get dressed (well, change my blouse, scarf, and put on beads and some makeup...ahem) and set up Power Points or pull out method books and scales (when I otherwise enjoyed those things) about a week before the "shutdown" moments hit.

They seemed to appreciate it as well, and I agree with the ideas upthread that people are coping with a lot of stress, and yet some continue to do excellent work (a couple of my students in particular come to mind).

We just had a really wild incident in this morning's final Board meeting, too, for the non-profit whose director I support as a part-time remote assistant.

One of the members had several perceived slights, and went off on everyone about them; I was astounded at how pastoral they all were in their responses (well, they're all clergy or lay ministers, so that's their go-to response, but it was truly remarkable) and someone said afterwards that we all needed to remember that in addition to all the other stresses people are dealing with, they can't get a random hug or handshake that communicates friendliness, and many of the smaller, shorter exchanges we might otherwise have that would take the pressure off or clarify misunderstandings are harder, so they build up in ways we're not used to.

I think it's called "capacitance," in some kind of electronic switching array, where the resistances build up until they have to be discharged, and we're all dealing with more resistances than we're either used to, or our systems are made to handle.

Being gentle with each other is both harder, and more necessary, than it's been before....and being gentle with ourselves is taking on new dimensions as well.

M. 

[spork]

[. . .]

I didn't realize we were supposed to upload work

[. . .]

To help maintain my sanity:

A few years ago I re-instituted my practice of assigning a syllabus quiz due in the first week of the semester. I was getting students who supposedly did not know how to click the "submit" button when using the LMS. Anyone who skips or performs badly on this quiz (which is "open book" with three attempts) will invariably perform at the D or F level. I warn these students that they need to withdraw, with cc's to their advisors and academic support staff, with a boilerplate email a few times during the semester to cover my butt. And then I find that saying "no" to every one of the requests/excuses from these students takes almost zero energy. 

More direct response to larryc's question:

Haven't hit a wall, but have mentally checked out in terms of caring a lot about how my undergraduate teaching is going. This usually happens the week before Thanksgiving, not at mid-semester. I find myself focusing on one or two non-work related tasks per day, like going food shopping, cleaning a room, or putting a few garden plants in pots and moving them indoors. I feel satisfied if that's all I accomplish. The highlight of my semester so far has been repairing our washing machine.

I don't think pandemic-induced stress or anxiety is the direct cause of my detachment from work. I think it's more the way undergraduate students behave in the medium of Zoom. When 1/3 of a class isn't connecting, and 1/2 of the students who do connect mute their video (some of whom are sleeping or otherwise not paying attention), I don't think my time is being well spent. I'd prefer that the course be asynchronous like my graduate courses are. But that's not possible because my university's business model is based in part on infantilizing 18-22 year olds.

[Caracal]

So last week I hit a wall and dropped the ball on my classes. The virus and the shitshow at my university and general terror at the state of the nation beat me down. For about five days I did not answer emails, did not clarify some very unclear assignments for my grad students, could not answer emails. I shut down and left them hanging.

And then I came out of it. Yesterday and today I had Zoom meetings and began with apologies and moved forward. In one class I noticed that a lot of students were also behind and announced Amnesty Week where there would be no assignments only opportunities to make things up without penalty. It all went well, and the positive response of the students lifted me out of despair. Mostly. For now.

Anyway, I don't even know if this is a real question or just an offer to commiserate. Who else has hit a wall and how are you doing?

It is helpful to hear that others are having this happen too. I just am struggling to actually do my work. I'm behind on grading, behind on getting assignments up and not doing a good job of keeping things organized. Maybe I should consider something like amnesty week as well.

[teach_write_research]

So thoroughly hit a wall.

I sit down on the couch to do an evening shift of work and fall asleep sitting up. I scheduled some mental health days for classes, moved some deadlines, and rolled my eyes at one student who still expects everything to be prompt and perfectly planned.

I have stressful family dynamics and I'm in a hot spot of COVID cases. My writing and research swings between nonexistent and minuscule and this makes me sad. I would love to have some deep coherent insightful thoughts.

Thanks for opening the conversation larryc

[teach_write_research]

[. . .]

I didn't realize we were supposed to upload work

[. . .]

"Dear Student, I am pretty incredible but mind-reading is not one of my superpowers."

That's a rare one for our campus, but I've had that occasionally. I'm waiting on one student this term to try that strategy. Hasn't turned in any of the assignments.

[kiana]

To help maintain my sanity:

A few years ago I re-instituted my practice of assigning a syllabus quiz due in the first week of the semester. I was getting students who supposedly did not know how to click the "submit" button when using the LMS. Anyone who skips or performs badly on this quiz (which is "open book" with three attempts) will invariably perform at the D or F level. I warn these students that they need to withdraw, with cc's to their advisors and academic support staff, with a boilerplate email a few times during the semester to cover my butt. And then I find that saying "no" to every one of the requests/excuses from these students takes almost zero energy.

They took a quiz shortly (as in, two days) before the test and access to the test was disabled until they passed it. They answered the questions "Where is the work submitted?" and "How long do you have to upload the work?" among others. It was hand-graded so they had to type it out.

About 10% "didn't realize" that they had to submit work even with that.

[kiana]

[. . .]

I didn't realize we were supposed to upload work

[. . .]

"Dear Student, I am pretty incredible but mind-reading is not one of my superpowers."

That's a rare one for our campus, but I've had that occasionally. I'm waiting on one student this term to try that strategy. Hasn't turned in any of the assignments.

Context here is that they take their exams in mylab math and then upload their handwritten work into the LMS, so it's not QUITE as ridiculous as "I didn't realize I had to turn in assignments"

[EdnaMode]

I have definitely hit a wall. I'm tired, grumpy, and things that I normally can deal with and only get vaguely annoyed by are royally p*ssing me off. I'm not even on one day at a time mode, I'm on, just let me make it through this one class, this one meeting, etc. mode.