Tips for overcoming lack of confidence in research?

[Hibush]

Having a professional network of people with whom you regularly exchange ideas is really crucial to success in academe. That is true despite the fact that a lot of people in academe find building such networks to be frightening, and maintaining them exhausting.

My message is, that this dilemma is common in academe.

I did a professional development workshop once with about 50 other faculty from related departments. One piece was a personality assessment. It turned out that roughly 3/4 of these faculty members fell into a group that is only 3% of the general population. We had a majority of outliers! You may also. Common characteristics of this group is that building relationship is difficult and interacting with groups depletes energy. Some social awkwardness as well. 

So if doing this social stuff is not attractive, at least you know that a lot of the peers you need to connect with have the same inclinations.

[mamselle]

I don't think I could stand such an affirmation. Perhaps i just don't love myself enough, or my kid, who I would never suggest do such a thing.

Other types of affirmation also exist.

A friend had a few small, colored sticky notes with hand-written messages she's realized were helpful to her in a funk: they gave her the cross-talk, in her own voice (handwriting) to answer her more self-deprecating messages (most generated by a toxic, pathologically lying mother who could re-frame truth to suit her often-unkind, or wildly dissociated, purposes at the drop if a hat.)

I was visiting once the year after high school, to pick her up so we could ride out bikes up to the nearby campus for exercise and ice cream.

My friend was ironing a blouse, asking about the setting for the iron.

Out of nowhere, her mom started discussing the shade of blue in a copy of a painting on the wall, as if she'd never heard the question, then started scolding my friend for not listening to her.

So, that pathological.

The grounding, positive affirmations around the mirror in my friend's bedroom, suggested by her therapist, made a lot more sense to me after that.

M.

[apl68]

I have a general issue with low self-esteem and lack of confidence (hence my username). I am working on this. By some miracle I managed to graduate and find a TT job, all while feeling like I was not particularly contributing to my field (humanities). I've published articles and book chapters here and there but none of them have received much notice.

Anyway, I have felt stagnated in recent years, partly due to the demands of my job, but also partly because my field seems to be attracting a lot of newcomers with interesting things to say, all who seem to be publishing more quickly than me.

I want to work on putting out a monograph, but I'm at the point where reading others' work really demotivates me because I feel like they're saying the things I want to say, and saying it better. I know this is a silly feeling, and if I were advising a student I'd tell them that publishing in the humanities is not about being first to some "scoop" but about having a conversation with scholars in your field. But when it comes to my own work, I feel stuck. In the past couple of years, I've even avoided reading work that's been published in my field, and avoided conversations at conferences, which I know is self-sabotaging. I want to change my behavior and wade into the fray. Any advice? Has anyone struggled with something like this in the past? How did you deal with it?

Well, I struggled with feeling like an imposter in grad school.  And it turns out I was, as I washed out ABD after six years.

You, by contrast, have earned your degree and a TT job, so it's evident that you've passed well beyond the imposter stage in your profession.  Go ahead and have those conversations with colleagues.  They may not all go as you'd like.  However, I'm guessing that overall they will help you to think of yourself as a colleague who has something worthwhile to say.  This sort of interaction with colleagues is what helped me to start feeling less like an imposter in my Plan B career.  In the process I found kind colleagues who made me start to realize that I was turning into an actual professional myself. 

So search for those supportive colleagues, and after you've found them, pay it forward by becoming that sort of colleague to others.

[permanent imposter]

YMMV, but I really prefer small conferences. Even in my subfield, the major conferences regularly have over 1000 attendees. I attended some small ones in 2019 with 20-40 attendees (and the added bonus of being cheaper) and was able to connect with people much more easily. One in particular led to multiple new friendships, two invited lectures, a productive professional collaboration, and a journal article. I was impressed by the participants' treatment of graduate students and recent grads, and I look forward to seeing those people again.

AR.

I agree, some of the better conferences I've been were the smaller ones. I don't think I've ever been to one that small though! That sounds like a dream scenario for me, an introvert.

[permanent imposter]

Well, I struggled with feeling like an imposter in grad school.  And it turns out I was, as I washed out ABD after six years.

You, by contrast, have earned your degree and a TT job, so it's evident that you've passed well beyond the imposter stage in your profession.  Go ahead and have those conversations with colleagues.  They may not all go as you'd like.  However, I'm guessing that overall they will help you to think of yourself as a colleague who has something worthwhile to say.  This sort of interaction with colleagues is what helped me to start feeling less like an imposter in my Plan B career.  In the process I found kind colleagues who made me start to realize that I was turning into an actual professional myself. 

So search for those supportive colleagues, and after you've found them, pay it forward by becoming that sort of colleague to others.

Thank you -- my colleagues are very supportive, but as usual I find it tough to drown out my inner critic. I like the idea (suggested in the blog posted upthread) of assigning it a special voice.

[mamselle]

Apl68, I have to say that what you've described as your grad school experience doesn't seem to me to make you an imposter in academic terms.

Or at least, if having a program's political insanity bring your work to a crashing halt defines one as insufficiently scholastic, you have some very good, very qualified company in several settings I know of (thinking of co-presenters in conferences, colleagues who've published respectable work, etc.) and no-one I know would call them imposters.

Having a degree or not is not the only measure of a diligent scholar.

Your path seems to have worked out well for you, and that's to the good, but I wouldn't conflate the scenario you've described with impostership, per se.

Or else I am, too, and much as I may at times feel like one, I reject the label whole-heartedly, taken on its merits.

Just mes deux centimes....

M.

[Hegemony]

I am definitely an imposter, but that's okay by me. By "imposter," I mean that I don't know half of what I imagine a sterling academic in my field probably knows., and I'm also not as interested in half of it. However, my experience is that faking it is good enough! I do the work for each publication I send out, and if I have big gaps in other matters, oh well, it doesn't seem to impact anything.

When I went for job interviews, they said, "Can you teach Obscure Subjects X, Y, and Z?" "Sure!" I said. "Love to!" Well, by the time it came to teach them, I had indeed boned up on them, so then I taught them. So being an imposter worked out fine. Now I actually know quite a bit about them. So I used to think that you knew the stuff, and then you did it. Now I think that if you do it, you will know it.

[Vid]

mamselle= Using mirror work helps with the law of attraction so well because it engages our subconscious mind. When we tap into our subconscious mind while bathing ourselves in positive thoughts and statements, the results are much more powerful. With strong self-love and self acceptance, we send positive messages out to the Universe and receive positive feedback. it works very well for improving self-esteem and confidence and attracting love and positive energy/outcomes. See Abraham Hicks Law of Attraction video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0I1CBo1hbs

Also, in general attending high q conferences (as others mentioned) is a good step to start doing research. Reviewing recent NSF funded projects (access thru NSF website) in your field is also an awesome approach to improve your research.

Best,

I don't think I could stand such an affirmation. Perhaps i just don't love myself enough, or my kid, who I would never suggest do such a thing.

Other types of affirmation also exist.

A friend had a few small, colored sticky notes with hand-written messages she's realized were helpful to her in a funk: they gave her the cross-talk, in her own voice (handwriting) to answer her more self-deprecating messages (most generated by a toxic, pathologically lying mother who could re-frame truth to suit her often-unkind, or wildly dissociated, purposes at the drop if a hat.)

I was visiting once the year after high school, to pick her up so we could ride out bikes up to the nearby campus for exercise and ice cream.

My friend was ironing a blouse, asking about the setting for the iron.

Out of nowhere, her mom started discussing the shade of blue in a copy of a painting on the wall, as if she'd never heard the question, then started scolding my friend for not listening to her.

So, that pathological.

The grounding, positive affirmations around the mirror in my friend's bedroom, suggested by her therapist, made a lot more sense to me after that.

M.

[mamselle]

Thanks, that explanation makes sense, hadn't heard it spelled out so specifically before.

Question, though, or rather, "humanities translation request," whst's a "high q conference"?

M.

[Parasaurolophus]

I am definitely an imposter, but that's okay by me. By "imposter," I mean that I don't know half of what I imagine a sterling academic in my field probably knows., and I'm also not as interested in half of it. However, my experience is that faking it is good enough! I do the work for each publication I send out, and if I have big gaps in other matters, oh well, it doesn't seem to impact anything.

When I went for job interviews, they said, "Can you teach Obscure Subjects X, Y, and Z?" "Sure!" I said. "Love to!" Well, by the time it came to teach them, I had indeed boned up on them, so then I taught them. So being an imposter worked out fine. Now I actually know quite a bit about them. So I used to think that you knew the stuff, and then you did it. Now I think that if you do it, you will know it.

Chime! This rings very true for me, too.

On citation, it's a mixed bag. Most of my articles are in the 80-150 downloads zone, which is pretty good for my field (but not stellar). And a few have garnered some citations by people other than me. On the other hand, an article I published earlier this year just got its first citation, and the authors who cited me got my article dead wrong. (They probably skimmed it, and got is bass ackwards as a result.)

So, you know. Don't pin your hopes on the download or citation numbers. Take heart that someone somewhere is reading you, but don't expect much!