industrial espionage

[Ruralguy]

What about Brego's post telegraphs difficulty other than her saying that some others have claimed she can be seen as difficult?
To be sure, I always wonder when someone claims this as well, but that doesn't mean she isn't being truthful.

[mamselle]

I'm missing something...where is there a problem with tone?

I see a factual description of differential dealing with a problematic situation, where an effort to curtail it has been turned around and the person trying to keep some sanity in the situation is blamed for the issue itself.

That does really happen, I've dealt with it, and it's very insidious and very hard to confront, or reverse.

One can, indeed, feel mismatched in the students one gets and the ones one prepared to teach, but it sounds as if Brego has been trying to be supportive without giving away the store--which many here should be able to commiserate with, since that seems to be the plight of most posters at some time or another.

I'm just not sure where the issues with 'tone' are to be found in the OP.

M.

ETA: And what Ruralguy just said.

[mleok]

I'm still trying to figure out if the title is just clickbait.

[mamselle]

Well, I agree the title is sort of a mis-match to the issue in the OP, but in a broader sense, I get it.

My editor never let us title our own pieces when I wrote criticism for a weekly newspaper, because the author is usually not the best person to see the central issue in their piece, they've worked so hard to get all the bits and bobs to line up that they can't always accurately describe the quilt they've made.

M.

[Mobius]

A long post trying to refute the notion they are difficult.

What about Brego's post telegraphs difficulty other than her saying that some others have claimed she can be seen as difficult?
To be sure, I always wonder when someone claims this as well, but that doesn't mean she isn't being truthful.

[mamselle]

Well, have you never been accused of something falsely and built up a head of steam trying to refute it, which continually goes unheard?

Maybe it's related to some of the leveraged privileges Brego is noting in the people that have to be dealt with.

I didn't read it so much as a "methinks she protesteth too greatly" but more as, "maybe these folks will listen, but I need to explain things carefully."

M.

[Ruralguy]

I also was reading more like Mamselle had, but I admit, as before, that I often wonder if things aren't quite as the OP puts them. In any case, unless an OP is obviously lying or trolling, its better just to start where they are at and go from there.

[Mobius]

The following can both be true:

The OP is in a bad situation with colleagues and students who undermine her.

The OP's reactions to events lead her to being perceived as being difficult.

The second one is tough. During my own graduate school experience, there were a couple of professors who were labeled as harsh and difficult to work with. The reputation wasn't necessarily unfair as they weren't subtle in their feedback regarding mediocre work. I received some licks from them during my time. They don't have many advisees (I wasn't one of them) due to their reputations. However, their advisees were the most successful in the program in terms of placement.

I don't know how the OP can resolve the issue besides either just accepting it or moving on. The more strident the OP is on defending herself, the more likely that difficult label sticks.

[mamselle]

Ummm....strong females pushing back are often mis-labeled as "strident," when fellows doing exactly the same thing, in the same tone, using the same words, are simply described as "strong," "standing up for themselves" and "taking no guff from anyone."

That's actually consistent with what Brego's noticing, that the stereotypes are being used against her.

She says she's tried doing the soft, fuzzy, comfortable thing and it's still not working.

So--if we take the issues at face value, what are the realistic options?

M.

[Mobius]

Realistic options are to apply out or transfer to a new department. I've seen those in similar situations do both. Or hope for tenure and wait then out, while being miserable.

[Caracal]

I am sorry that this is happening to you. Just some random thoughts.


(Graduate students always talk amongst themselves. In fact, they should talk amongst themselves. If this person was as much as a deadweight and dead-end student as you indicate, my guess is that other students know this and take their opinion with a grain of salt. Since you indicate that your other students like you, presumably they also talk and let others know that you are a good advisor.

Grad students do talk endlessly about their professors. A lot of it can be useful and is often fairly accurate, balanced and nuanced. However, when I think about some of the discussions, there were some screwed up things with gender going on. It wasn't that people were making up lies about female faculty members, but they were judged more on particular traits. Brutally honest, but fair female professors were seen as tougher and scarier than male professors with the same style. Mercurial and somewhat disorganized female faculty members were viewed as crazy and unpredictable, while male professors with very similar traits could just be seen as passionate and eccentric.

You can't really create some different personality for yourself for teaching. Most of us edit around the edges to make ourselves a bit less alarming to students and then lean into certain aspects of our personality. There's just a much greater range of what can be considered acceptable for white men, however. I'm never going to be seen as organized, but I've figured out ways to compensate and convince students that my disorganization is just a quirky personality trait, not something that is going to be a problem for them. I am pretty sure this wouldn't work nearly as well if I was a woman and I'd be perceived as crazy, and messy as opposed to charmingly rumpled and slightly eccentric.

[mamselle]

Agree.

M.

[fuwafuwa]

Bribe people with food

[mamselle]

Hunh?

M.