I Hate My School

[Wahoo Redux]

I got two emails from students this semester thanking me and telling me how much they liked my classes.  I emailed them back and said, "These emails are what make teaching worthwhile"----which is partly true at least.

And I usually get very good evals, ranging in the 70% to 80% "Strongly Agree" categories and then the rest in the "Agree" category----which for the most part I did this semester----along with some very nice comments.  If I get a "suggestion for improvement" it is usually in the "get better organized" or "should be clearer about due dates" category.  Okay, I can work on those.

And at least I have a FT job for now. 

And the campus has a very pleasant quad.

But I am just dreading the thought of going back there next semester.

Our students range from borderline illiterate to "meh," with a handful of super-talented students thrown helter-skelter in the mix.  Teaching in-person is like standing in front of the Walking Dead.  Teaching synchronous online is staring at a bunch of black boxes.  Teaching asynchronous is, well, totally impersonal unless there is a problem, and then it is personal.

Most of our students work long hours at crappy jobs, which makes me very sympathetic to them, but then they allow their dual commitments to seriously undermine their schoolwork, and I find myself constantly trying to balance my sympathies and realistic expectations with the necessities of holding standards.  And the work is virtually always terrible to middling at best.  Grading is an exercise is tedium and pain.  Think of grammar and sentence level grading, never mind ideas and research.

The area we live in is impoverished (think one of the place Donald Trump promised to save) and it is dangerous in parts and has one of the worst school systems in the state, which means it is probably one of the worst in the country----and their students want to come to our open-enrollment campus.

We are hemorrhaging majors and employees as admin flails to find a way to reduce the budget to balance the multi-million dollar shortfall.  And it seems clearer and clearer that admin has no good idea so just keeps pumping the "we have a sustainably bright future" and "preparing for the future" lines, even during contentious all-college meetings in which we discuss which programs to cut.  My job is very likely to be over next spring.

Parts of the campus are literally falling apart and look like something out of a Siberian city.

And then, after all 70% "strongly agree" evals, I get two rather nasty snarkbombs, almost certainly from the same person (who I suspect I know) accusing me of favoring the male students (even though the single best student in the class was female and who I sang praises for numerous times in class); and of not teaching techniques of neon basket-weaving (even through the first two weeks of class were dedicated to exactly that).  I doubt my chair will take either of these seriously, but still...

Things have turned sour on campus in all quarters, partly because of COVID, I think, and maybe because things are falling apart...

Anyway, done complaining. Who wants to listen to all this bellyaching, right?  I was just practicing my music tonight and this started rolling through my head.

I think part of the despair is that I see no escape.  I am well suited to academia and teaching, but I just don't love it, and it appears we are trapped and/or are about to be ejected without any guarantee of a parachute.

Merry post-Xmas all.

[mamselle]

That's a lot of pain to be in for a long time.

It sounds as if you have faced it gracefully, and with courage, all along the way.

I hope you can sustain those qualities as you 'round the bend,' by which time, perhaps, you can at least finish out your work there with continuing dignity.

I suspect students in such limited straits may have also learned those qualities from you,  as well as whatever subject content you've been able to impart.

If indeed, you'll be finishing soon, I will just hope for you to maintain your humor, dignity, and steadiness of purpose through to the finish line.

Faithful tortoises make a difference, as much or more than flashy hares do....

M.

[mahagonny]

I guess a glass of warm milk always helps.
Here I go with a couple of ideas.

Our students range from borderline illiterate to "meh," with a handful of super-talented students thrown helter-skelter in the mix.  Teaching in-person is like standing in front of the Walking Dead.

Same here.

And the work is virtually always terrible to middling at best.  Grading is an exercise is tedium and pain.

Same here.

Parts of the campus are literally falling apart and look like something out of a Siberian city.

Same here.

And then, after all 70% "strongly agree" evals, I get two rather nasty snarkbombs, almost certainly from the same person (who I suspect I know) accusing me of favoring the male students (even though the single best student in the class was female and who I sang praises for numerous times in class); and of not teaching techniques of neon basket-weaving (even through the first two weeks of class were dedicated to exactly that).  I doubt my chair will take either of these seriously, but still...

I may be noticing something here. You do have a favorite student, yes? Maybe it's not a good idea to make that apparent. Even when it's a female. From there is a short hop to saying 'he has favorites and I'm not one of them like Ms. Smartypants, so I'm going to find a surefire way to shell him on the evaluations.'

It might work to shield you from accusations of male bias to announce on the first day that you are gender non-binary. Of course, like most things, you'd probably have to repeat it three times before expecting it was heard. Gender is a continuum, not categories, so if you do a few minutes of self-reflection you should be able to notice several feminine qualities in your countenance and personality. You're now getting in touch with your feminine side. This is what I did back in September. This term I am thinking of asking for they/them/their pronouns just to help it sink in.
When people accuse you of bias, your identity can be as much, if not not more, of a factor in the perception than your behavior.

[ciao_yall]

I got two emails from students this semester thanking me and telling me how much they liked my classes.  I emailed them back and said, "These emails are what make teaching worthwhile"----which is partly true at least.

And I usually get very good evals, ranging in the 70% to 80% "Strongly Agree" categories and then the rest in the "Agree" category----which for the most part I did this semester----along with some very nice comments.  If I get a "suggestion for improvement" it is usually in the "get better organized" or "should be clearer about due dates" category.  Okay, I can work on those.

And at least I have a FT job for now. 

And the campus has a very pleasant quad.

But I am just dreading the thought of going back there next semester.

Our students range from borderline illiterate to "meh," with a handful of super-talented students thrown helter-skelter in the mix.  Teaching in-person is like standing in front of the Walking Dead.  Teaching synchronous online is staring at a bunch of black boxes.  Teaching asynchronous is, well, totally impersonal unless there is a problem, and then it is personal.

Most of our students work long hours at crappy jobs, which makes me very sympathetic to them, but then they allow their dual commitments to seriously undermine their schoolwork, and I find myself constantly trying to balance my sympathies and realistic expectations with the necessities of holding standards.  And the work is virtually always terrible to middling at best.  Grading is an exercise is tedium and pain.  Think of grammar and sentence level grading, never mind ideas and research.

The area we live in is impoverished (think one of the place Donald Trump promised to save) and it is dangerous in parts and has one of the worst school systems in the state, which means it is probably one of the worst in the country----and their students want to come to our open-enrollment campus.

We are hemorrhaging majors and employees as admin flails to find a way to reduce the budget to balance the multi-million dollar shortfall.  And it seems clearer and clearer that admin has no good idea so just keeps pumping the "we have a sustainably bright future" and "preparing for the future" lines, even during contentious all-college meetings in which we discuss which programs to cut.  My job is very likely to be over next spring.

Parts of the campus are literally falling apart and look like something out of a Siberian city.

And then, after all 70% "strongly agree" evals, I get two rather nasty snarkbombs, almost certainly from the same person (who I suspect I know) accusing me of favoring the male students (even though the single best student in the class was female and who I sang praises for numerous times in class); and of not teaching techniques of neon basket-weaving (even through the first two weeks of class were dedicated to exactly that).  I doubt my chair will take either of these seriously, but still...

Things have turned sour on campus in all quarters, partly because of COVID, I think, and maybe because things are falling apart...

Anyway, done complaining. Who wants to listen to all this bellyaching, right?  I was just practicing my music tonight and this started rolling through my head.

I think part of the despair is that I see no escape.  I am well suited to academia and teaching, but I just don't love it, and it appears we are trapped and/or are about to be ejected without any guarantee of a parachute.

Merry post-Xmas all.

And that's why I took a new job in administration. Needed a fresh challenge.

[Parasaurolophus]

My experiences here are very similar to yours, Wahoo. With the admin throwing me to the wolves on my parental leave, I've shaded into serious discontent. I will leave at the first decent opportunity, if ever there are any.

But in the meantime, I've found some ways to alleviate my discontent. I volunteer to teach our logic courses, which others don't want to do. And it's true, it's not my idea of the greatest time ever. But it's easy. When I'm loaded with all or mostly logic classes, it seriously helps with other issues. Marking, for example: I can just have Moodle mark almost everything. That frees me up significantly. And because it's formal stuff, it's easier for the students to do well (they have serious problems with reading and writing in English--not their fault, incidentally; they're absolutely being exploited by the school and by our recruiters), and it saves me from having to read, comment on, and mark largely incomprehensible essays. And since they have a hope of understanding (it's content that looks relatively familiar to them), they mostly do the work and aren't as shy about admitting that they don't understand, or asking for help. So there's a lot less of the black screen of death going on.

I've also given up on upholding "standards" for writing-intensive courses. I don't think I could do so ethically, given how the university treats these students. Instead, I pass anyone who makes a good-faith effort, regardless of the actual quality of the work. Getting a good mark is subject to the usual standards, so it's relatively rare, but doing OK is easy. If I did otherwise, my classes would have a 75%+ failure rate, which is apparently the faculty-wide rate. And that's just unconscionable.

In the end, I can't and shouldn't be any more serious than the university is. But if they insist on basically defrauding unprepared international students, then I'm not going to facilitate it by failing them. Besides which, failure rates that high lead to under-enrollment in one's classes, which leads to cancellations, which leads to losing work since we're paid per section. So: screw standards. If they want standards, they need to offer more secure employment and either tailor the standards to the students, or tailor their recruitment practices to the standard.


I have a friend at a nearby university who's refused to compromise on standards despite some departmental pressure to do so (in his case, the university is not defrauding the international students in its care, and his employment is secure and not paid per section). He actively pursues the rampant cheating, and isn't afraid to fail dozens or even hundreds of students when he catches them. And good on him. But he's miserable.

[Wahoo Redux]

Thanks for the replies, folks.  I'm better now.  Just had to vent for a bit.  And I am housesitting with a very sick relative so that does not help a person's mood any.

I hear ya', Para.  The grades I give are not the grades they deserve.  Realistically, I cannot flunk half my classes and then give the rest "C"s.  I simply have to adjust for the expectations of the school. In some ways I feel like it is incumbent upon me to be forgiving because my students' education, environment, and family situations haven't always prepared them terribly well for higher ed----the middleclass kids from the surrounding wealthier communities don't really have an excuse, however.  And yeah, we also need students; enrollment has been dipping for the last 5 years.  The school's "consulting firm" actually rates individual instructors and departments on "success" based on how many students pass the class with a high letter grade.  Those are some great suggestions for dealing with the crunch.

I don't really have favorite student, mahagonny, although that is a good observation.  But I do present good student work to the classes as an example of peer achievement.  Usually students like that.

And mamselle what a peach you are.  I bet your students just love you.  I wish you had been my music professor back in the day.  All my favorite profs were my music teachers.  There is just a bond between a master musician and an enthusiastic amateur musician. 

Cheers.

[mahagonny]

I don't really have favorite student, mahagonny, although that is a good observation.  But I do present good student work to the classes as an example of peer achievement.  Usually students like that.

Yes I do that too. As well, I try to give credit, in that manner, to several in the room who have good work.

All of this, that is, what you posted and what we agree on about it, suggests that the student who accuses you of bias against women either believes this erroneously for some reason or doesn't believe it and is simply going after your reputation out of spite.
My natural curiosity wonders how often a professor is required to read an accusation of bias against men?

[AmLitHist]

If it helps (in a misery loves company sort of way), I'm right there with you on virtually all counts.  Then again, I've complained long and loudly about it here for awhile.

I will say, what's helped me a bit has been the pandemic--i.e., being physically removed from the location, and also the fact that it's made most of my not-well-prepared students seem to be more earnest in their work. There are still butt-head students and those who don't turn in a blessed thing, but they're far fewer, and more of the others are willing to talk with me, ask for help, etc.

As with you, some days are easier than others, but overall, it's a bad deal all around, and there are increasing numbers of us sharing these experiences.  I'm going to hang in as long as I can, because I know I'm doing some good for at least a few students, and that keeps me going. Once I'm eligible for medicare (four more years), all bets are off.  Unless my campus shuts down before then, which is a distinct possibility.

Sometimes it just helps to know that it's "not just me."

[Wahoo Redux]

Thanks AmLit.

[larryc]

I was in a similar position for a dozen years. I was OK with it because I am a ridiculous Polyanna and convinced myself it was all great but the reality was breaking through near the end.

What jumps out at me is your description of a classroom with no interaction. That is something you can change. Post a thread here asking how to get students engaged and talking in class. You will get a lot of ideas. Students do not want to sit sullenly in classrooms. You can make your classroom something more engaging.

[Wahoo Redux]

Well, I exaggerated somewhat.  I've actually gotten pretty good at getting students to respond, and I now design my classes with a number of homework exercises which illicit classroom responses or can be projected to the class in-person. I do a lot of group-work exercises.  So actually I'm an interactive, active-learning focused instructor.

It is more the enthusiasm that is missing.  Generally speaking, our students are nice, humble people, but they are not vivacious or really, truly, honestly interested in coursework.  They want the employment passport----and who can blame them?

What is missing is that spark.

But thanks for the idea. 

[apl68]

Well, I exaggerated somewhat.  I've actually gotten pretty good at getting students to respond, and I now design my classes with a number of homework exercises which illicit classroom responses or can be projected to the class in-person. I do a lot of group-work exercises.  So actually I'm an interactive, active-learning focused instructor.

It is more the enthusiasm that is missing.  Generally speaking, our students are nice, humble people, but they are not vivacious or really, truly, honestly interested in coursework.  They want the employment passport----and who can blame them?

What is missing is that spark.

But thanks for the idea.

It can be much the same having to deal with employees who lack that enthusiasm about their work.  You're trying to provide a public service that can make a difference in the community, but all some of your staff are interested in is drawing a paycheck.  You have to push and push constantly to get results.  It gets exhausting.

It's sad to see you feeling this way, Wahoo.  A couple of years ago you were a spirited defender of the value of academics and the liberal arts.  Now you seem very dispirited.  I don't know what to say or suggest to make you feel better about your work.  If you find this world a disappointing place to live in, well, so do I.  That's why I'm looking for the next one--while in the meantime attempting to accomplish all that remains possible to do in this one.  We're not yet at the point where it's impossible to make a meaningful difference.

[ciao_yall]

Well, I exaggerated somewhat.  I've actually gotten pretty good at getting students to respond, and I now design my classes with a number of homework exercises which illicit classroom responses or can be projected to the class in-person. I do a lot of group-work exercises.  So actually I'm an interactive, active-learning focused instructor.

It is more the enthusiasm that is missing.  Generally speaking, our students are nice, humble people, but they are not vivacious or really, truly, honestly interested in coursework.  They want the employment passport----and who can blame them?

What is missing is that spark.

But thanks for the idea.

Where is your spark and interest for your subject? Students often pick up on when you are excited about something, and it gets them excited or at least intrigued about what the fuss is about.

If you are bored, they get bored.

[Wahoo Redux]

Well, I exaggerated somewhat.  I've actually gotten pretty good at getting students to respond, and I now design my classes with a number of homework exercises which illicit classroom responses or can be projected to the class in-person. I do a lot of group-work exercises.  So actually I'm an interactive, active-learning focused instructor.

It is more the enthusiasm that is missing.  Generally speaking, our students are nice, humble people, but they are not vivacious or really, truly, honestly interested in coursework.  They want the employment passport----and who can blame them?

What is missing is that spark.

But thanks for the idea.

Where is your spark and interest for your subject? Students often pick up on when you are excited about something, and it gets them excited or at least intrigued about what the fuss is about.

If you are bored, they get bored.

I am plenty enthusiastic.

[ciao_yall]

Well, I exaggerated somewhat.  I've actually gotten pretty good at getting students to respond, and I now design my classes with a number of homework exercises which illicit classroom responses or can be projected to the class in-person. I do a lot of group-work exercises.  So actually I'm an interactive, active-learning focused instructor.

It is more the enthusiasm that is missing.  Generally speaking, our students are nice, humble people, but they are not vivacious or really, truly, honestly interested in coursework.  They want the employment passport----and who can blame them?

What is missing is that spark.

But thanks for the idea.

Where is your spark and interest for your subject? Students often pick up on when you are excited about something, and it gets them excited or at least intrigued about what the fuss is about.

If you are bored, they get bored.

I am plenty enthusiastic.

Then, enjoy your subject for the sake of your enjoyment. Somewhere along the way my students have to figure out that they are there for my entertainment. And I hope they learn something.